Christmas Poem Selection # 8

ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA SUIT?

Are you wearing a Santa Suit?
I have to say you do look cute
I wonder if there might just be
A little room in there for me

UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 1

You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
There are no Christmas messages
It just says Fuck off
Behind every door

NEW BABY AT CHRISTMAS

Oh how our hearts melted
When you were born
A gift to us from God
Given on Christmas morn

STALKS AND STEMS

On a bed of haulm
In a stable bare
The son off God
Is laying there

MARY CHRISTMAS

Before Mary Christmas
Married Santa Claus
She had some concerns
And decided to take pause
To discuss a pre-nup
Within the current laws
She was not concerned
With any character flaws
She just wanted the security
Of a get out Claus

THEY ARE THE THREE KINGS

There are three things
That Christmas brings
They are the three kings

Trimming and dec-king
Gratefully than-king,
And memory ma-king,

EVER SO HUMBLE

When toward my bed I stumble
My wife greets me with a grumble
“Hello my little apple crumble”
I say as in her nightgown I fumble
My advances are met with a mumble
“Dearest, my desire is quite humble
A little bit of rough and tumble”
Her reply is yet another mumble
But we did have a Christmas fumble

I DON’T WANT TO WISH YOU

I don’t want to wish you
A happy holiday
No that I will not say

I’m not going to wish you
A happy yuletide
No that I will not abide

I’m not going to wish you
A happy festive period,
No and the reasons are myriad

I’m not going to wish you
A happy winter festival
No, that isn’t suitable

I’m going to wish to you
A very happy Christmas
So have a very Happy Christmas

MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU

My Christmas gift to you
Is not wrapped up in coloured paper,
Tied with ribbon and bows
And hidden beneath the tree
It’s visible for all to see
It is written on my face
Like ink on parchment
It spills out from my heart
Like boiling milk from a pan
It emanates from my every pore
And surrounds us all
My Christmas gift to you
Is my never ending love

PS – there are gifts under the tree as well

A CHRISTMAS DREAM

It was just another dream
That I awoke from that morn
It was a very familiar dream
A regular one rather well worn

The theme was the same as usual
The dream was all about you
Just another stupid dream
That will never come true

But it wasn’t exactly the same
It was a variation on a theme
This time it had changed
It was a Christmas dream

But this time it felt so real
Will it ever come true?
This Christmas dream of mine
About spending Christmas with you

CHRISTMAS IS THE PERFECT TIME

Christmas is the perfect time
For the perfect Christmas rhyme
So when the bells of Christmas chime
Have the happiest Christmas time

ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS JUMPER?

Are you wearing a Christmas Jumper?
Well its contents look rather bumper
The flashing lights I should mention
Are not needed to attract my attention

WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 4

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Well contrary to the fable
It was to avoid ending up
On the Christmas table

DO NOT EAT CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

Do not eat Christmas decorations
They are not nutritious in the slightest
And apart from that very simple fact
You will end up with bad tinsilitis

I ALWAYS COME OUT IN A RASH

I always come out in a rash
It happens every Xmas
I’ve been to see a doctor
And he thinks its Eczemas