Have yourself a very naughty Christmas # 1

BAD SANTA # 1

Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
And he think that the naughty list
Is really more like his to-do list

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKS?

Are you wearing Christmas knicks?
Proper novelty underwear
All festively decked down below
In a suitably seasonal pair
It doesn’t matter the decor
It will make an old man stare
Just you in your Christmas knickers
What wonderful Christmas fare

MRS CLAUS WAS COURTED

Mrs Claus was courted
By Santa and a man called Ray
Ray was a flash Harry
Who drove a red Chevrolet
Well it was no contest
At the end of the day
Because although he had a fast car
Santa had a faster sleigh

WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 1

When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
And more often than not
They’d go and do it in the sleigh

SNOWMAN

What a lovely snowman
Big and round and tall
There isn’t anything I like better
Really nothing at all
It’s the first thing I look for
As soon as the snow falls
It’s definitely a snowman
See it has “Snow balls”

THE BIG FELLA’S R & R

After circumnavigating the globe
Staring at the back end of Prancer
Santa Claus really looks forward
To watching a north pole dancer

SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE

Santa Claus is in trouble
He’s been up to his old tricks again
When the Christmas fairy was found
Licking his candy cane

I EAT EVERYTHING

I love Christmas
The naughty and nice
I eat absolutely everything
Until I pay the price
And I make a Yule log
That I have to flush twice

SANTA’S HELPER

Santa has helpers at Christmas
To get him through the season
Then he rests pretty much until Easter
He claims fatigue is the reason
And he is unable to fulfil his duties
Satisfying his cute little yelper
So he bought Mrs Claus a new toy
To make his neglected wife purr
It came with plenty of batteries
It’s known as Santa Big helper

THE BIG FELLA’S R & R AGAIN

After circumnavigating the globe
The reins of his sleigh in his hand
The only thought on his mind
Is his wife’s winter wonderland

WANTED: SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER

It wasn’t efficiency
Santa wanted from his helper
He preferred them to be
A barker and a yelper
But then the vacancy was for
Santa’s slutty little helper

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 3

I've always loved my Santa
But you might find this shocking
I’ve never loved him more
Than when his hand is on my stocking

I SAW SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT

I saw Santa Claus last night
Messing with a ho ho ho
When he was kissing her
Underneath the camel toe

RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO

Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had a very strawberry nose
And if you ever saw her
You would even say it glows

All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.

Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let me grab your tits tonight

Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
You can now go down on me!

ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL?

Are you wearing tinsel?
Draped about your figure
Like a festive feather boa
Just covering your treasure
How seductive you appear
A little package of pleasure
You dance and prance
So full of vim and vigour
Now let me pull the tinsel
Then you can pull my trigger