ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS DRESS?
Are you wearing a Christmas Dress?
The big red ribbon is particularly pleasant
I’m itching to pull at that bow
So when do I get to open my present
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA BRINGS
Do you know what Santa brings naughty
Boys and girls so they are not excluded?
It’s not coal anymore so don’t think that
It batteries, labelled "toy not included"
RUDOLF WAS SUCH AN OBNOXIOUS REINDEER
Rudolf was such an obnoxious reindeer
The song about him was just a farce
The other reindeer all hated him and said
He could stick his red nose up his arse
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS TOP?
Are you wearing a Christmas Top?
Well I very much like what I see
Because there isn’t very much of it
And the contents are bursting free
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SANTA CLAUS
The difference between Santa Claus
And a serial philanderer as it goes
Is in essence a total lack of self-control
Because Santa stopped at three ho’s
WHEN MY LITTLE DOG’S SETTLE DOWN
When my little dog’s settle down
On Christmas Eve amidst the snores
The little doggies dream like a child
And they dream about Santa Paws
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SLIPPERS?
Are you wearing Christmas slippers?
They look very cute it must be said
But I think they’d look much cuter
If I was to see them under my bed
IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN
If you’re a Take That fan
Then Christmas could be shocking
If you’re expecting to find
An Orange in your stocking
RUDOLPH WAS SO OBNOXIOUS
Rudolph was so obnoxious that the
Other reindeer threatened to strike
He was really very unpopular and they
Thought he was RUDE-olph more like
ARE YOU WEARING MISTLETOE?
Are you wearing Mistletoe?
I don’t mind kissing you below
Your little sprig of mistletoe
But you’re wearing it quite low