New Years 2017

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE SOMETHING

New Year's resolutions are something
That go over the head of my brother
He just doesn’t seem to grasp their import
So they go in one year and out the other

MY ONLY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

My only New Year's resolution
Is to be more optimistic next year
By keeping my cup half-full
With either vodka, whiskey or beer

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS ONE OF THE FEW

New Year’s Eve is one of the few
Acceptable times to wear body glitter
When you have a reasonable expectation
Of not being mistaken for a stripper

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION THIS YEAR

My New Year's resolution this year
Is hopefully an antidote to future resolutions
And to rid myself of the annual angst
I have come up with a simple solution
Which is to stop hanging out with people
Who ask me for my New Year's resolutions

IF YOU WERE BORN IN LATE SEPTEMBER,

If you were born in late September,
The bells should definitely start to clang
As its pretty safe to assume that your folks
Started out the New Year with a Bang

RATHER THAN MAKE A POINTLESS RESOLUTIONS

Rather than make a pointless resolutions
I will make a wish for those I hold dear
May you always have all that you need
And want all you have, Happy New Year!

NEW YEAR’S EVE FANCY DRESS

My friend asked me
What I was going to be
For New Year’s Eve
I said “Drunk will do me”

NEW YEARS IS JUST AN EXCUSE

New Years is just an excuse
For girls to dress inappropriately
And that’s why New Years
Is the best holiday for me