You can now buy an Eaton College
Advent
calendar
I’ve
never seen one before
There
are no overt messages
But
there is someone there
To
open every door
Sunday 6 August 2023
EATON COLLEGE ADVENT CALENDAR
IF THE NEVERLAND GOVERNMENT
If the Neverland government
Hadn’t cut his
disability
Captain Hook would
never
Have turned to piracy?
PETER PAN’S FAVOURITE PLACE TO DINE
Peter Pans favourite place to dine
Is not somewhere hip
and trendy
His favourite place to
eat out
Has always been
Wendy’s
A GIFT YOU CAN’T REFUSE
Christmas lists are short
As nobody wants a fuss
Or make demands on
The Godfather
Christmas
SNOW GLOBE NIGHTMARE
Last night I dreamed I was trapped
In a snow globe, until
I could waken
And when I awoke from
that dream
I have to say I was
badly shaken
WHICH CAROLS DO YOU WANT TO DO?
“Which carols do you want to do?”
The music teacher
asked me
I misunderstood the
question and replied
“Needham, Crow and
Vitale”
I DECIDED TO SPICE UP CHRISTMAS
I decided to spice up Christmas
And along with some
scanties
I bought her some
special toys
That cost me a fortune
in batteries
FOR OUR CHRISTMAS DINNER
For our Christmas dinner
We had German sprouts
And they in no way
allayed
Any low emission
doubts
INSTEAD OF THE TRADITIONAL TURKEY
Instead of the traditional Turkey
We had Venison this
year
While up at the North
Pole
Santa was missing a
Reindeer
WE HAD TO CUT THE LEGS OFF
We had to cut the legs off
The turkey to get it
in the oven
But I think we should
have
Killed it first on
reflection
SHINY RED BAUBLES
Shiny red baubles
Can be a sign of the
Season
But for my brother
An STD was the reason
AT CHRISTMAS WHEN I WAS A CHILD
At Christmas when I was a child
I always used to resent
Getting items of clothing
As they weren’t a proper present
But that all changed later
And I would always make a fuss
When I was in my teens
If I didn’t get clothes for Christmas
AS KIDS EVERY CHRISTMAS TIME
As kids every Christmas time
We would really go berserk
But now I’m grown up I think
It’s just a lot of extra work
CHRISTMAS PARADOX
One of the paradoxes of family life
Is that kids will
never admit to parents
That they don’t
believe in Santa Claus
While every Christmas
they get presents
IN THE RUN UP TO CHRISTMAS BE ESPECIALLY
In the run up to Christmas be especially
Kind and caring to
those around you
Because in the office
Secret Santa
You don’t know who
will be buying for you
REMEMBER, CHRISTMAS ISN'T ABOUT
Remember, Christmas isn't about
How big the tree is,
or what's under it
Or the Christmas
lights and decorations
It's about the people who
are around it
CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN CANCELLED!
Christmas has been cancelled!
Let me make it
perfectly clear
Santa died laughing
when I told him
I’d been a good boy this
year!
I ALWAYS ENJOY THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTIES
I always enjoy the office Christmas parties
It’s my favourite part
of the holiday
What I don’t like
about the Christmas parties
Is looking for a new
job the next day
FAMILIES ARE AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE
Families are an absolute nightmare
I wouldn’t visit mine
on a dare
Santa Claus has the
right idea
Visiting people only
once a year
I REMEMBER THE TIME
I remember the time
I stopped believing in
Santa Claus
And getting pants and
socks
In my stocking was the
cause
WHERE IS YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?
Where is your Christmas Spirit?
Tell me are you
feeling it yet?
Why are you looking
over there?
It’s not in your
liquor cabinet
DEAR SANTA, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
“Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas
This year is a
brother”
Santa replied and said
“ok, can do, just
Send me your mother”
THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF NATIVITY
The Great British Bake-Off nativity
Is to be a real
festive feast
And baker Paul
Hollywood says its
Because the Star is in
the Yeast
JESUS WAS EXACTLY 7LB WHEN HE WAS BORN
Jesus was exactly 7lb when he was born
And they told every visiting stranger
And Mary and Joseph knew it was true
Because they had a weigh in the manger.WITH TWO DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
With two days till Christmas
Sales will definitely pick up a bit
As men start Christmas shopping
And start to buy ‘any old shit’
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