You have Roast Duck on a platter
You are in for an absolute treat
As it will be a Christmas Quacker
Monday 31 July 2023
IF FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS LUNCH
CHRISTMAS SEW
It’s a simple fact that
Christmas Tree’s cannot knit or sew
And that’s because they
Always drop their needles you know
THE TURKEY WAS THE PERCUSSIONIST
The Turkey was the percussionist.
At the Avian Christmas shindig
He had to be the bands drummer
As he was the one with the drumsticks
SANTA CLAUS GAVE UP SMOKING
Tho his pipe still sits on the shelf
Just as a reminder of the habit
He quit, coz it was bad for his Elf
FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR MANY YEARS
For the first time for many years
Santa Claus had to get the train
So, he chose appropriate footwear
And wore his platforms shoes again
WHEN I HEARD, HO HO WHOOSH
When I heard, Ho Ho Whoosh,
I knew I’d heard the sound before
It happened when Santa Claus
Went through a revolving door
STUCK IN A CHIMNEY
If Santa got stuck in a chimney
When delivering on Christmas Eve
He would inevitably suffer
From Claus-trophobia I believe
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He sometimes walks
backwards
So, he can go oh oh oh
SANTA TENDS HIS THREE GARDENS
Santa tends his three gardens
With a happy ho ho ho
And he has three
gardens
So that he can Hoe Hoe
Hoe
SANTA FOUND A LITTLE KITTEN
Santa found a little kitten
On a beach in the Azores
Then took it home with him
And called it Sandy Claws
SANTA ALWAYS BRINGS HIS DOG
Santa always brings his dog
Whenever he goes carolling
And the dogs favourite Carol
Is Bark the Herald Angels Sing
RUSSIAN ADVENT CALENDAR
You can now buy a Russian
Advent calendar
It’s different without
a doubt
Because during advent
Whenever you open a window
An oligarch falls out
ITS NOT KISSING UNDER THE MISTLETOE
Its not kissing under the mistletoe,
To be perfectly unambiguous
That will lead you to mischief
Its kissing under the influence
SANTA CLAUS IS NOW ON INSTA
Santa Claus is now on Insta
And he’s quite active on there
His posts are a bit dull tho
They’re mainly elfies to be fair
Sunday 2 July 2023
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – NATIVITY 3: DUDE, WHERE'S MY DONKEY?!
Mrs. Keen (Celia Imrie) is the new Headmistress of St Bernadette's Primary in Coventry and is in a state of agitation due to an imminent inspection.
So, when Mr. Shepherd (Martin
Clunes) arrives at the school with his daughter Lauren (Lauren
Hobbs) she assumes him to be the new Super Teacher she
is expecting to help prepare for the inspection.
He first meets classroom assistant Desmond
Poppy (Marc
Wootton) who wants the school to enter a flash mob
competition.
When Mr Shepherd loses his memory after
being kicked in the head by Archie the Donkey, he forgets he is a teacher, a
father, and his impending wedding in New York to Sophie O'Donnell (Catherine
Tate).
So, Mr Poppy tells him that he is the
headmaster, and Mr Shepherd works for him and he and the class set out on a
madcap adventure to restore his memory with fantastic flash mobs a plenty.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – NATIVITY! 3
Mrs. Keen (Celia Imrie) is the new Headmistress of St Bernadette's Primary in Coventry and is in a state of agitation due to an imminent inspection.
So, when Mr. Shepherd (Martin Clunes) arrives at the school with his
daughter Lauren (Lauren Hobbs) she assumes him to be the new Super Teacher she
is expecting to help prepare for the inspection.
He first meets classroom assistant Desmond Poppy (Marc Wootton) who
wants the school to enter a flash mob competition.
When Mr Shepherd loses his memory after being kicked in the head by
Archie the Donkey, he forgets he is a teacher, a father, and his impending
wedding in New York to Sophie O'Donnell (Catherine Tate).
So, Mr Poppy tells him that he is the headmaster, and Mr Shepherd
works for him and he and the class set out on a madcap adventure to restore his
memory with fantastic flash mobs a plenty.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS WITH YOU (2022)
Angelina (Aimee Garcia) is a successful pop star who’s star is waning and is struggling to be relevant with a younger demographic so travels to a small town with her friend Monique (Zenzi Williams) to connect with a young fan Cristina (Deja Monique Cruz) to hopefully find inspiration for a Christmas song she has to write and perform at a Christmas Gala.
But after heavy snow fall, Angelina and Monique end up staying over at
Cristina’s house and the pop star writes a song with her father Miguel (Freddie
Prinze Jr) and finds ample inspiration and an abundance of love.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE FOR DAISY (2021)
Word of a prestigious job opportunity comes their way while they are
designing Santa's float for the town's annual Christmas parade.
After getting the job of fully designing a landmark house by Christmas
Eve and then discover the new owner of the house is Whitney's ex-boyfriend
Connor Sheenan (Nick Bateman), who moved to Marietta from Los Angeles with his
adopted daughter Daisy (Rubi Tupper).
Daisy is very happy with her dad and to be in a new town but has one
overwhelming wish to make her life perfect, a new mum, and after meeting
Whitney and finding out she and her dad had dated she thinks that she would be
a good prospect.
However after a frosty first meeting that seems like a tall order, but
as they work together furnishing the house they reconnect and after all
Christmas is a time for miracles.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANGEL FALLS CHRISTMAS (2021)
Devoted surgeon Ally (Jessica Lowndes) having just received a promotion still commits to doing extra shifts over Christmas, so when she has dinner with her marketing boyfriend, Josh (David Reale), he breaks up with her instead of proposing as he planned.
He expresses a wish that she would understand that there is more to
life than just work and she wishes he could understand why work was so
important to her, and two angels Gabe and Maureen (Chad Michael Murray and Jane
Luk) hear the wishes.
Maureen gets a job working for Josh and Gabriel help Ally as she
half-heartedly sets out to celebrate Christmas, which she hasn’t done for a long time and helps her keep on
the right track as she tries to win Josh back, but Gabe finds himself falling
for her himself.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A KINDHEARTED CHRISTMAS (2021)
Cooperville Tour and Sightseeing owner Jamie Monroe (Jennie Garth), is very proud of Cooperville, New York.
But she finds Christmastime difficult to navigate since the death of
her husband, Matt, five years earlier, and her celebrations had gotten stale.
So, after a conversation with friend and colleague Colleen (Bronwen
Smith) and her Niece Kylie (Emily Tennant), she looks for a spark and finds it
when she sees an item on the morning talk show "Wake Up - Upstate"
co-hosted by her television crush Scott Morris
about a fundraiser at a high school.
Newscaster Scott Morris (Cameron Mathison) attends, and she gets
inspired to give a large anonymous donation.
Jamie gets a reel buzz and decides to do more anonymous good Samaritan
acts of Christmas cheer, this then attracts the attention of Scott Morris who
arrives in Coopersville to uncover the identity of the secret Santa.
His first port of call is Jamie’s Store to get a sightseeing tour,
which turns out to be the first of many excursions, in the process, Jamie and
Scott start to fall for each other, but how will he react if he finds she is
the Secret Santa he is searching for?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS AGAIN (2021)
12-year-old Rowena Clybourne (Scarlett Estevez) has an absolute nightmare Christmas day, when everything goes wrong that can possibly go wrong.
So, at the end of the day, she sits on the front step bemoaning her
life to a passing guy in a Santa suit (Gary Anthony Williams) and wishes for
another Christmas Day, which is unexpectedly granted and as a result he has to
relive Christmas Day over and over again.
She must suffer her insufferable prankster half-brother Louie (James
McCracken) who also steals all the attention.
Then there is her perfect sister Gabby (Ashlyn Jade Lopez), her soon
to be stepmother Diane (Beth Lacke), her grandfather (Tony Amendola) and
flatulent grandmother (Priscilla Lopez).
Rowena also has to repeatedly incur the wrath of her parents (Alexis Carra and Daniel Sunjata) as she tries to figure out what she has to do to bring Christmas Day to an end.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS...AGAIN?! (2021)
12-year-old Rowena Clybourne (Scarlett Estevez) has an absolute nightmare Christmas day, when everything goes wrong that can possibly go wrong.
So, at the end of the day, she sits on the front step bemoaning her
life to a passing guy in a Santa suit (Gary Anthony Williams) and wishes for
another Christmas Day, which is unexpectedly granted and as a result he has to
relive Christmas Day over and over again.
She must suffer her insufferable prankster half-brother Louie (James
McCracken) who also steals all the attention.
Then there is her perfect sister Gabby (Ashlyn Jade Lopez), her soon
to be stepmother Diane (Beth Lacke), her grandfather (Tony Amendola) and
flatulent grandmother (Priscilla Lopez).
Rowena also has to repeatedly incur the wrath of her parents (Alexis
Carra and Daniel Sunjata) as she tries to figure out what she has to do to
bring Christmas Day to an end.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GOOD LUCK CHARLIE, IT'S CHRISTMAS! (2011)
The Bob and Amy Duncan (Eric Allan Kramer and Leigh-Allyn Baker) and the children Teddy, PJ, Gabe and Charlie (Bridgit Mendler, Jason Dolley, Bradley Steven and Mia Talerico) are heading to Miami to spend Christmas with her parents Petunia and Hank (Debra Monk and Michael Kagan) when Amy and eldest child Teddy are removed from the flight and have to make their own calamitous way via bus, train, rental car and tandem ending up penniless in Las Vegas.
Bob on the other hand is left looking after the children and dealing
with his mother-in-law alone until he gets a call from Vegas and he, PJ and
Gabe have to survive their own adventures as they drive to the rescue, leaving
the opinionated Petunia to deal with Charlie.
So, will they all reunite in time to celebrate Christmas
together?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GOOD LUCK CHARLIE: THE ROAD TRIP MOVIE
The Bob and Amy Duncan (Eric Allan Kramer and Leigh-Allyn Baker) and the children Teddy, PJ, Gabe and Charlie (Bridgit Mendler, Jason Dolley, Bradley Steven and Mia Talerico) are heading to Miami to spend Christmas with her parents Petunia and Hank (Debra Monk and Michael Kagan) when Amy and eldest child Teddy are removed from the flight and have to make their own calamitous way via bus, train, rental car and tandem ending up penniless in Las Vegas.
Bob on the other hand is left looking after the children and dealing
with his mother-in-law alone until he gets a call from Vegas and he, PJ and
Gabe have to survive their own adventures as they drive to the rescue, leaving
the opinionated Petunia to deal with Charlie.
So, will they all reunite in time to celebrate Christmas
together?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GOOD LUCK CHARLIE: THE MOVIE
The Bob and Amy Duncan (Eric Allan Kramer and Leigh-Allyn Baker) and the children Teddy, PJ, Gabe and Charlie (Bridgit Mendler, Jason Dolley, Bradley Steven and Mia Talerico) are heading to Miami to spend Christmas with her parents Petunia and Hank (Debra Monk and Michael Kagan) when Amy and eldest child Teddy are removed from the flight and have to make their own calamitous way via bus, train, rental car and tandem ending up penniless in Las Vegas.
Bob on the other hand is left looking after
the children and dealing with his mother-in-law alone until he gets a call from
Vegas and he, PJ and Gabe have to survive their own adventures as they drive to
the rescue, leaving the opinionated Petunia to deal with Charlie.
So, will they all reunite in time to
celebrate Christmas together?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE NOEL DIARY (2022)
A lawyer calls successful writer Jacob Turner (Justin Hartley) shortly before Christmas informing him that his estranged mother has passed away and he is the sole beneficiary.
She had suffered with severe mental illness and the last time he’d
seen her was twenty years earlier when she threw the 17 year old out.
He’s shocked when he returns to the house to settle the estate, he
finds that on top of everything else she had been a hoarder.
The prospect of clearing the house is quite daunting but more
productive than spending the holidays alone, watching re-runs of Christmas
classics.
While he’s there clearing the clutter, he is please to find his old
neighbour Ellie Foster (Bonnie Bedelia) is still alive and kicking and also has
a visit from a beautiful young woman Rachel Campbell (Barrett Doss) searching
for her birthmother who had worked for the family as a nanny when he was a
small boy.
Then they discover a diary written by her mum, Noel, that leads them
on a journey across the country which leads him to reconcile with his father
Scott (James Remar) and her to reassess her life as they follow the same path.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – TOO CLOSE FOR CHRISTMAS (2020)
While waiting for news of a promotion, Hayley Parker (Jessica Lowndes) accepts an invitation from her friend Amy Parker-Barnett (Vanessa Sears) to spend Christmas in the country with the Barnett’s.
Unfortunately, one of them is Paul (Chad Michael Murray) who she holds
responsible for ending her last relationship.
On the plus side he was due to leave on a trip for Christmas itself,
so she figured she could manage to avoid them in the most part, but then she
finds out that every day of the holiday has been mapped out by matriarch Judy
(Seana McKenna) and everyone has to participate.
But as they drop out one by one through illness or in one case
pregnancy, Hayley is forced to complete all the Christmas activities with her
nemesis Paul, and as they tick them off one by one her feelings start to
change.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – TYLER PERRY'S A MADEA CHRISTMAS (2013)
Madea (Tyler Perry) is paid by her good friend Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford) to drive her out of the city to pay a surprise visit in the country to see her daughter Lacey (Tika Sumpter) after the daughter informed the mom she isn't coming home for Christmas.
When they arrive, they are surprised to find the small, rural town
preparing for its annual Christmas Jubilee.
And there are other surprises to follow, including a secret marriage.
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