I was divorced from my wife
Due to my serial infidelity
And found myself in bed
With a girl called Felicity
It was on New Year’s Day
When she asked me
“Did you make a resolution?
What was it? Go on tell me”
I replied “Not to be unfaithful
Ever again to my chosen mate”
“How’s that going?” she asked
“Ask me after our second date”
New Years is just an excuse
For girls to dress inappropriately
And that’s why New Years
Is the best holiday for me
My friend asked me
What I was going to be
For New Year’s Eve
I said “Drunk will do me”
Rather than make a pointless resolutions
I will make a wish for those I hold
dear
May you always have all that you need
And want all you have, Happy New
Year!
If you were born in late September,
The bells should definitely start to
clang
As its pretty safe to assume that
your folks
Started out the New Year with a Bang
My New Year's resolution this year
Is hopefully an antidote to future
resolutions
And to rid myself of the annual angst
I have come up with a simple solution
Which is to stop hanging out with
people
