MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

My New Year’s resolution

And my reasoning is sound

And that is to get in shape,

In the end, I chose round

Snippets of Downshire Life – Old Year’s Night

Downshire is a relatively small English county but that didn’t bother its inhabitants, they may not have been the biggest but they were in no doubt that it was the best.

And that belief was no more truer than in the southern town off Abbottsford which was Downshire’s administrative capital and the seat of the Downshire government.

It was also a place of learning thanks to the Downshire University, it could also boast that it was a Cathedral City, was home to Abbottsford Town football club and benefitted from the renowned Winston Churchill Hospital, and twin sisters Ariadne and Scarlet Shakespeare were both nurses at the Churchill.

They were identical twins, Ariadne was the older of the two by an hour and was five foot eight with bobbed brunette hair and an olive complexion and hazel eyes.

Scarlet was two inches taller than her sister and had more hair.

The girls were both foot lose and fancy free and liked to party and had no intrest in tying themselves down, but on the occasion of their 27^th birthday, on New Year’s Eve, that all changed, when they met best friends Marcus Birkin and Gareth Clare.

 

Marcus and Gareth both worked for Bramstock, Goodman, Crossfield and Bushe solicitors in Abbottsford, although they hailed from Turnoak-Under-Hawthorne, a large rambling village, originally settled in the 12^th century on the sparsely wooded slopes on the Northern fringe of the Finchbottom Vale about 5 miles from Purplemere, and it was everything you would expect from a Downshire Village.

The Birkin and Clare families had lived in the village for many years and were of the landed gentry and the boys were public school and Cambidge educated.

 

Abbottsford was a world away from Turnoak-Under-Hawthorne and socially the Shakespeare girls were a world away from Marcus and Gareth and their meeting on New Year’s Eve was purely by chance.

The twins were travelling from home after getting ready to party into the New Year, and the solicitors were in Marcus’s car travelling in the opposite direction from work when the two vehicles collided.

It wasn’t serious just a bit of minor damage, but Marcus had only had the car for a month so an angry exchange between him and the cab driver ensued, which Gareth tried to cool, to no avail, but when the two leggy drop dead gorgeous brunette girls emerged from the Taxi, the two adversaries and the peacemaker all went quiet.  

They were both stunningly beautiful and wearing low cut party outfits and when Marcus first saw the one with the bobbed hair, he was smitten and the fender bender was no longer of any importance to him, whereas Gareth felt the same about the tall one.

The taxi driver, who had been at fault for the accident, took full advantage of the distraction and got in his cab and sped away.

“Hey come back!” Ariadne shouted

“What are we going to do now?” Scarlet asked as the Cab disappeared around a corner

“Don’t worry” Marcus said “We’ll get you to your destination”

“You don’t know where we’re going” Ariadne pointed out

“You could tell us and then we would” Gareth said

“Problem solved then” Scarlet added and gave her sister a look that said “just get in the car”

Ariadne complied because it was obvious her sister fancied the drivers friend, and she thought the driver was ok, and he was posh, and she liked posh.

 

They were on the way to a New Year’s Eve Party at the Hospital, and by the time they got there the twins had persuaded the guys to join them at the party rather than just drop them off and go their separate ways, not that it took much persuading.

During the relatively short drive across town the four passengers had come to the conclusion that they weren’t going to accept any other outcome than to see the old year out together.

 

The Shakespeare’s were determined not to let their chosen solicitor out of their sight and they in turn had resolved not to let the girls out of view.

So they spend most of the night on the dance floor and the time that they were not dancing they were at the bar, with the exception of spending a penny.

 

At midnight, Scarlet was dancing with Gareth to a slow number by James Blunt when the music was suddenly replaced by the sound of Big Ben through the sound system.

“Happy New Year” Scarlet said and kissed him before he could respond, and then he didn’t want to speak.

Ariadne looked across at her sister kissing Gareth and then she looked at Marcus and thought “why aren’t we doing that?”

She smiled at him as Big Ben continued to sound, and he smiled back, but no kiss, “plenty of time, six bongs to go”.

Bong,

Bong,

Bong, and nothing happened so she said

“Have you seen what Scarlet and Gareth are doing?”

He turned to look at the kissing couple

“Oh yes”

Bong,

“Can I ask you a question Gareth?”

“Of course”

Bong,

“Why aren’t we doing that?” she asked and before the final bong he was kissing her.

As things turned out that night didn’t just mark the end of the old year for the two couples it marked the end of their old lives.

 

 

 

Snippets of Downshire Life – The New Year’s Resolution

The fortunes of Shallowfield on the edge of Dancingdean Forest, had always relied largely upon forestry and agriculture for its survival and in the post war years with rationing and a shortage of work a lot of people moved away, to Abbottsford, Abbeyvale and beyond and it barely survived, but by the 70s things were beginning to change, thanks mainly to tourism and an increase in leisure time, and the fortunes of the Sciberras family improved along with it.

Adam also benefitted and everything in his life seemed to be perfect, a privileged upbringing, public school and Oxbridge education, a place in the family business, a luxurious house and a glamorous wife, but he blew it.

Apparently having everything in life served to him on a silver platter wasn’t enough for him as he decided he needed to have numerous meaningless relationships or more precisely, one night stands, until he was finally caught.

So now he was separated from his wife, estranged from his family, and reduced to stacking shelves at the Shallowfield Village store for Anuruddha Gunasekara and living in a bed sitter above the Bengal Curry House, and he’d never been happier, he had no responsibility, no pressures, and no expectations.

He had been cut off from his wealthy life style by his father in order to teach him a lesson and he was expected to last a few days before he crawled back to the family and begged for forgiveness, but he had been living his simple life for three months and the thought of returning to his old life had never once crossed his mind.

And that was before “she” started coming into the shop a few weeks before Christmas, she was small and fine featured with short brunette hair and a radiant smile, which he tried desperately to ignore.  

Since his spectacular fall from grace he had chosen not to have any more dalliances, despite several offers which he had rebuffed and he had not actively pursued anyone, or wanted to for that matter.

She made it difficult for him as she came into the shop every day, sometimes twice, and they always exchanged polite conversation and a smile, but Adam tried to keep their interaction to a minimum. 

He did find out from other members of staff that her name was Anona Rouet who lived “in” at the Shallowfield Lodge Hotel, on the edge of Teardrop Lake, where she worked long hours as maid, receptionist, waitress, chief cook and bottle washer, and Adam tried hard to be disinterested.

As Adam was persona non grata with his family he chose to work maximum hours at the shop throughout Christmas to allow for those who did belong to functional families could feel the benefit.

So he successfully managed to maintain a healthy, yet polite distance between himself and Anona all through December.   

 

After closing the shop on New Year’s Eve he thought he should reward himself with a beer before turning in.

There were a glut of pubs in Shallowfield and he had tried them all, there were three pubs at the Teardrop Lake end of the village within five minutes’ walk of the shop, The Woodman’s Axe, The Woodcutters Arms and The Foresters, and the names clearly reflected Shallowfield’s dependence on forestry over the centuries, the pubs at the other end of town had more of an agricultural flavour in their naming, The Wheatsheaf, The Plough and the Farmers Tavern.

His favourite hostelry was The Plough, but that was too far to walk and the end of a long day and another one in prospect the next morning, so he decided very definitely to restrict his choice to the forest end and plumped for The Woodcutters Arms and was there with ten minutes to spare before the chimes and stood at the bar and ordered a pint, and he was halfway down his pint when she appeared and as soon as their eyes met they smiled.

“Hello” Anona said “This is a nice surprise”

“Yes it is” he agreed and was resigned to the fact that further resistance was futile.

“Can I get you a drink?”

“I’m still working I’m afraid” she replied “I get off at half 12, you can buy me one then”

 

She sat on the stool next to his and he ordered her a drink.

“Large white wine please” he said to the waiting barman.

“I’m glad you picked this pub” she said “I suspect you would you have gone elsewhere if you’d known I worked here”

“What makes you think that?” he asked

“Because in the shop you’ve always been…. Distant” she replied “or perhaps reluctant, would be more accurate”

“Well my life has tended to be a bit complicated” Adam said

“And you think I might make it more so?” Anona asked

“Possibly”

“Well I can be very uncomplicated” she said and leant in and kissed him.

 

In the early hours of New Year’s Day Adam and Anona were at his bedsit and laying entwined in the afterglow when she asked

“So what complications are you concerned about?”

“The main one is that I’m separated from my wife” he said

“Separated?”

“While in the process of getting a divorce” he clarified

“I’m sorry, any particular reason?” she asked and he laughed

“My infidelity”

“I see, singular or multiple?”

“The latter” he confessed

“So are you a lost cause or is there some hope for a self-confessed adulterer?” she asked

“I don’t know how to answer that” he said

“Well prior to us meeting tonight did you make a New Year’s resolution?”

“I did” he replied

“What was it?” she asked with interest

“I think I should keep it to myself” he said

“Go on tell me” she insisted and after a moments silence he replied

“Not to get involved with women” He replied

As she climbed onto him she asked

“How did that work out for you?” Anona asked as she nibbled his ear

“And what if you were to make one now, what would it be?” she asked

“Never to have another one night stand” Adam replied

“This isn’t a very auspicious start then” she pointed out

“Really? I thought this was just our first date” he said and she kissed him

 

 

 

Snippets of Downshire Life – New Year’s Eve

 

Downshire is a relatively small English county but like a pocket battleship it packs a lot in, a short but beautiful coastline, a channel port, the Ancient forests of Dancingdean and Pepperstock, the craggy ridges and manmade lakes of the Pepperstock Hills National Park, the rolling hills of the Downshire Downs, the beautiful Finchbottom Vale and farm land as far as the eye can see from the Trotwood’s and the Grace’s in the south, to the home of the Downshire Light infantry, Nettlefield, and their affluent neighbour’s, Roespring and Tipton in the North and it’s in leafy Roespring where our story takes place on New Year’s Eve.

 

Quiet and thoughtful Fifty year old widow Matthew Simpson was spending New Year’s Eve alone in his Victorian Cottage, for a number of reasons, the first of which being that he wasn’t big on the whole New Year’s concept and it wasn’t a time that held any deep significance for him.

Secondly he was normally feeling more than a little jaded by the time it arrived and this year, after overindulging quite spectacularly over Christmas, he was even more so.

But the final and most significant reason was because he had lost his heart to someone who was, he was sure, unlikely to return his love, as she had a younger much more attractive man dancing attendance on her, and although he was due to attend the New Year’s Eve Ball, where she would also be present, he declined the invitation as being so close to her, especially in all her party splendour, would have been too hard for him to bear.

The object of his affection was Penelope Van Der Velden, also widowed, but she was three years younger than he and she was bubbly and vivacious, so Matthew was resigned to the fact that it was not to be, so he settled down to a quite evening on his own.

He had his laptop to hand and spent about an hour writing emails to friends and family, which he left as drafts to send after Big Ben struck twelve.

The rest of the time he watched TV and picked at any and all of the nibbles within reach of his comfy chair.

By ten o’clock he was a little bored with the New Year’s Eve offerings on TV and about an hour later he decided to put on a DVD and was just returning to his chair when the doorbell rang.

Matthew had no idea who it might be, he certainly wasn’t expecting anyone.

 

When he opened the door he was surprised to see the diminutive figure of Penelope Van Der Velden standing on the doorstep in full evening wear and over her shoulder he could see a taxi pulling away.

“Hello” he said with genuine surprise

“Hello Darling” Penny said, “Can I come in? It’s bloody freezing”

“Of course, of course” he said fussily “come in, come in”

Once inside she slipped off her stole and walked through to the lounge and he thought she looked absolutely gorgeous in a full-length magenta evening dress.

“Lead me to the wine” Penny said “I’m gasping”

He led the way to the kitchen and opened the fridge and took out an open bottle of wine.

Then he took two large wine glasses from the cupboard and filled them both generously then handed one of them to her.

“Thank you darling” she said and took a large slurp and then they proceeded to the lounge.

Matt followed her along the hall and had another chance to admire her form encapsulated in her evening dress.

As usual she was perfectly accessorized with long elbow length gloves, and clutch purse etcetera, and knowing what a classy lady she was he imagined her to be fully accessorized under the dress as well.

“You’re a bit overdressed for my humble abode” he observed.

“I know” Penny said as she sat down “I was going to the New Year Ball but…”

“But?” he asked

“I couldn’t face everyone quizzing me about Owen”

“About what?” he quizzed, fearing the worst.

“He told everyone that we were a couple, and very much in love” she replied, “and that we were moving in together”

“And you’re not?” he asked hopefully

“No we’re bloody not” Penny said definitely “But people believed him, how could they think that, why on earth would I do such a thing?”

“Well he’s a good looking man, a very athletic man” Matt said

“Yes he is both of those” she agreed “but he’s also a boy”

“He doesn’t look much like a boy to me” he said

“None the less, he is” she corrected him “It’s flattering of course, to have a young stud pay me some attention, but a physical relationship with someone like that, on tap 24-7 would probably kill me”

Penny laughed at the thought and then continued

“It would probably be like Zumba and Pilates combined, and would send me to an early grave”

She was laughing again while Matthew digested the information that there had been no physicality between them.

“He did however open my eyes and show me that I’m still an attractive woman, still a sexy woman”

“I could have told you that” Matthew said a little to definitely, which didn’t go unnoticed by Penny as she continued

“My husband didn’t appreciate that, and I need to be with someone who sees me the way that you do”

Matt raised his eyebrows and she laughed and then said

“I’m not just here because I couldn’t face the Ball” 

“Oh” he said and Penny was giggling and blushing as she slipped out of her seat and knelt on the floor in front of him, and when she had slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him to the accompaniment of Big Ben chiming and Penny kissed him from one year to the next.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snippets of Downshire Life - New Year’s Day

 

Mornington-By-Mere is a small country village lying in the Finchbottom Vale nestled between the Ancient Dancingdean Forest and the rolling Pepperstock Hills.

It is a quaint picturesque village, a proper chocolate box picturesque idyll, with a Manor House, 12^th Century Church, a Coaching Inn, Windmills, an Old Forge, a Schoolhouse, a River and a Mere.

In addition there were a number of cottages and small houses on the Purplemere road and Dulcets Lane which form the part of Mornington Village known as Manorside where Martin Carnell lived with his wife Julie in a small two bedroom cottage on the banks of the River Brooke.

 

On New Year’s Day he woke up annoyingly early, having had a disturbed night, as he was unable to sleep, and the reason for that was a guilty conscience.

So he got up and left Julie sleeping and went downstairs where he sat in the kitchen drinking coffee and thinking about the source of his anxiety.

What was bothering him was the simple fact that he had lied to his wife.  

They had only been married for a few months and up until that Christmas he had never done it before, and in the space of a few days he had done it twice, and his deceit hung heavy on his mind.

The first time was on Boxing Day when he feigned a migraine to avoid driving to Childean to spend the day with his parents and the second was on New Year’s Eve when he told her that the car battery was flat so they couldn’t get to Shallowfield for a party at her sister’s house.

Two totally different lies but both motivated by the same thing and that was the desire two spend every minute of their first Christmas and New Year on their own.

He quickly made a New Year’s resolution to never lie to Julie again.

 

They were due to eat New Year’s Day lunch at her parent’s house in Forestdean, which he didn’t want to go to because he wanted to keep Julie all to himself, but he had no choice he couldn’t lie again so at nine o’clock he stopped his ruminations and made Julie a cup of tea.

 

Five minutes later, tea mug in hand, he was on his way upstairs to wake his lovely wife when the phone rang, so he stopped and did a U-turn and picked up the phone.

“Hello”

“Martin?” the voice said “it’s Gordon”

Gordon was Julie’s Dad.

“Hi Gordon, Happy New Year” he said

“Yes Happy New Year” he responded vaguely

“Is everything ok?” Martin asked

“No” he replied, “not at all, it’s Maggie”

Maggie was his wife,

“She’s been throwing up most of the night, so we thought it best to cancel lunch as a precaution” he continued “I’m sorry to let you down”

“Nonsense” Martin said, as he punched the air, “These things happen”

“I suspect it’s been brought on by two much rich food” Gordon elaborated “but just in case it is a bug we have decided to quarantine ourselves”

Martin suspected it was more likely brought on by too much Pinot but he didn’t say that, instead he just said

“Very sensible”

 

After he had put down the phone he continue his journey up the stairs to his sleeping wife.

After tiptoeing into the room he put her tea on the bedside cabinet and slipped into bed beside her.

Once he was under the covers he leant over and kissed her neck and as she stirred he cuddled up behind her and began kissing her ear.

“We don’t have time for that” she purred

“Oh I think we do” he retorted and nibbled her lobe.

“No we don’t” she reiterated “You’re forgetting about lunch at my parents”

“No I’m not, it’s been cancelled” he told her and she rolled onto her back and gave him a suspicious look

“Why?”

“Your mum’s throwing up” Martin said “Your Dad thinks it might be a bug”

“It’s more likely too much Pinot” Julie said and laughed, until her demeanour changed suddenly.

“So we don’t have to get up and go out” she mused

“Correct” he agreed

“Oh goody” Julie said and wrapped herself around him “We get to spend the whole day together just the two of us”

“We do” he said and kissed her

“And without pretending to have a migraine or a flat battery” Julie added

“What?”

“You know perfectly well what” she said

“You mean you knew all along?” he asked

“Of course”

“So why didn’t you say something?” Martyn asked

“Because I didn’t want to go either” she admitted and kissed him passionately which lead to them having a very late lunch at home.

 

 

 

I REMEMBER THE TIME IN MY YOUTH

 

I remember the time in my youth

When I was allowed to stay up late

On New Year’s Eve and I was thrilled

But now on that ominous date

As I have reached middle age

Being forced to participate is my fate

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 3

 

I was divorced from my wife

Due to my serial infidelity

And found myself in bed

With a girl called Felicity

It was on New Year’s Day

When she asked me

“Did you make a resolution?

What was it? Go on tell me”

I replied “Not to be unfaithful

Ever again to my chosen mate”

“How’s that going?” she asked 

“Ask me after our second date”

TRANSYLVANIA NEW YEAR

 

On New Year's Eve

At the appropriate time

The vampires sing

Auld Fang Syne

NEW YEARS IS JUST AN EXCUSE

 

New Years is just an excuse

For girls to dress inappropriately

And that’s why New Years

Is the best holiday for me

NEW YEAR’S EVE FANCY DRESS

My friend asked me

What I was going to be

For New Year’s Eve

I said “Drunk will do me”

RATHER THAN MAKE A POINTLESS RESOLUTIONS

 

Rather than make a pointless resolutions

I will make a wish for those I hold dear

May you always have all that you need

And want all you have, Happy New Year!

IF YOU WERE BORN IN LATE SEPTEMBER

 

If you were born in late September,

The bells should definitely start to clang

As its pretty safe to assume that your folks

Started out the New Year with a Bang

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION THIS YEAR

My New Year's resolution this year

Is hopefully an antidote to future resolutions

And to rid myself of the annual angst

I have come up with a simple solution

Which is to stop hanging out with people

Who ask me for my New Year's resolutions

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS ONE OF THE FEW

 

New Year’s Eve is one of the few

Acceptable times to wear body glitter

When you have a reasonable expectation

Of not being mistaken for a stripper

MY ONLY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

My only New Year's resolution

Is to be more optimistic next year

By keeping my cup half-full

With either vodka, whiskey or beer 

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE SOMETHING

 

New Year's resolutions are something

That go over the head of my brother

He just doesn’t seem to grasp their import

So they go in one year and out the other

A LITTLE GIRL’S WARNING

A little girl watched her dad dress for a party.

And then she gave her dad a warning

“Daddy, you shouldn't wear that dinner suit”

He asked, “why not?” his curiosity dawning

“Because you know that it always gives

You a bad headache the next morning”

THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO STAY UP

 

This year I’m going to stay up

On New Year’s Eve

Not to see in 2021

But to make sure 2020 leaves

TIME FOR CHRISTMAS

 

At last I have some time to spare

No more work until the New Year

Its nearly Christmas so beware

The weather's bitter so have a care

Peace and goodwill and never fear

A wish for one and all for the coming year