IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 8
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Well there’s no evidence yet
But ask yourself if a man
Would choose to wear red velvet
I DON’T LIKE THE SHORTENED FORM
I don’t like the shortened form
Of Christmas, it’s not quaint
I dislike it because Xmas sounds
Like some kind of skin complaint
FROSTY, WINDY, CLOUDY AND SQUALLY
Frosty, Windy, Cloudy and Squally,
Misty, Rainbow and Precipitous Hail
Are the met office seven dwarfs
And let’s not forget Princess Gale
EVERYONE KEPT SAYING I SHOULD DECK THE HALLS
Everyone kept saying I should Deck the Halls
There is even a Christmas song about it
So I acted when the opportunity came along
And you know Mr and Mrs Hall didn’t like it a bit
SANTA CLAUS LOVES CHRISTMAS
Santa Claus loves Christmas
It’s his favourite time by far
And that’s because he knows
Where all the naughty girls are
SANTA ASKED ABIGAIL
Santa asked as a little girl climbed onto his lap,
"And what would you like for Christmas Abigail?"
The child stared at him open mouthed with horror
And then she snapped "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
I LOVE CHRISTMAS PUDDING
I love Christmas pudding
But it doesn’t return the favour
I wish you could get Gaviscon
In brandy butter flavour
GROPIUS THE EIGHTH DWARF
Gropius the eighth dwarf
Is no longer a performer
Since all the allegations
He’s on the offenders register
IT’S ONE OF LIFE’S INEVITABILITIES
It’s one of life’s inevitabilities that there will
Definitely come a time in every family residence
A moment when the children notice that Santa
Uses the same wrapping paper as their parents
MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST LIKE SANTA CLAUS
My boyfriend is just like Santa Claus
Though he doesn’t fulfil a single wish
And he doesn’t give me presents
But he’s like Santa because he’s a myth
WHEN MY LITTLE KITTENS SETTLE DOWN
When my little kittens settle down
On Christmas Eve amidst the snores
The little kitties dream like a child
And they dream about Santa Claws
SCROOGE HATES CHRISTMAS
Scrooge hates Christmas
But loves all of the reindeer
And the simple reason for that is
To him every buck is dear
THIS YEAR’S NEW YEAR’S EVE FORECAST;
This year’s New Year’s Eve forecast;
A row with the girlfriend, acute loneliness
Followed by being mostly drunk with
A very slight chance of unconsciousness
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