There is a special place
In hell for people
that play
Any Christmas music
Before Thanksgiving
Day
There is a special place
In hell for people
that play
Any Christmas music
Before Thanksgiving
Day
Frosty, Windy, Cloudy and Squally,
Misty, Rainbow and
Precipitous Hail
Are the met office
seven dwarfs
And let’s not
forget Princess Gale
Are you wearing fairy dust?
If you’re a fairy, it
really is a must
But the one thing I
cannot tell
Are you the one called
Tinkerbelle?
Are you wearing white tinsel?
Tied amidst your
lustrous curls
It makes you look so
beautiful
And more like an angel
than a girl
Are you wearing blue tinsel?
Tied amidst your
lustrous curls
Not a festive hue and
yet
You have it amidst the
curls
So is it a statement
or was it
The only colour you
could get
Are you wearing green tinsel?
Tied around your
lustrous curls
Like a goddess of the
woods
Are you one of the
“nature” girls?
Are you wearing any clothes?
My little Christmas
elf
You’re supposed to
dress the tree!
Not undress yourself
Are you wearing tinsel?
Draped about your
figure
Like a festive feather
boa
Just covering your
treasure
How seductive you
appear
A little package of
pleasure
You dance and prance
So full of vim and
vigour
Now let me pull the
tinsel
Then you can pull my
trigger
A press release from Santa Claus stated
That the Poles
reputation had been blighted
So Mobile phones were
banned, the number
Of indecent Elfies was
the reason cited
Are you wearing Christmas drawers?
I would like a look at
yours
I bet a pound to a
penny
You’re not wearing any
There we have it at
last
You are as I thought
bare arsed
Of course, it makes
you look loose
Even if you have an
excuse
Well that really is
shocking
You’re supposed to
hang a stocking
Are you wearing Xmas stockings?
With a holly wreath
motif
Along those long
festive garlands
How I wish to trace
each leaf
Along each luscious
limber leg
An ascent exquisitely
brief
To reach the Christmas
gift
Beyond the holly
wreath motif
Are you wearing Christmas tights?
Adorned with a festive
motif
Well, if those long
festive limbs
Decorated with
Christmas motif
Were to entwine about
me
Then my resistant
would be brief
Are you wearing Xmas tights?
Oh, how they are
exciting me
Adorned with a festive
motif
What a Christmas this
will be
Are you wearing Christmas hosiery?
Phwor are you going to
let me see
Oh, how they cling to
the shape of you
I would like to cling
to them too
Oh yes, I like them
very much
Perhaps I might have a
touch
Oh, you are a proper
tease
Would you let me if I
said please?
Are you wearing cologne?
You’re wearing “Black
Knight”
What is going on?
Something’s not right
Your wearing you’re
cologne
And it’s a school
night
It’s not your birthday
So, you’re not due a
delight
It’s definitely not
Christmas
I know I have that
right
It’s a snow day
tomorrow?
Ok turn out the light
Are you wearing Christmas Knickers?
Is that appropriate
for vicars?
Just kneel upon this
hassock
While I rummage in
your cassock
The bishop wouldn’t
think it funny
My naughty little
Christmas honey
Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?
Well not the most
original twist
You’ve been making
rather merry
More Christmas spirit
than you could resist
What exactly am I
suggesting?
A little too much wine
would be the gist
What makes me think
that?
Well, I’ll tell you if
you insist
Apart from the slurred
speech
You are walking with a
starboard list
And your antlers sit
in disarray
So that’s how I know
you’re pissed
Are you wearing a sprig of mistletoe?
Are you hoping to meet
a beau?
And kiss him
passionately in the snow
An embrace to leave
you all aglow
Is that why you wear
the mistletoe?
Are you wearing a Santa hat?
A festive little “tit for tat”
Well, it really does suit
In fact, you look very cute
Are you wearing it for fun?
Or do you have it set at anyone?
I think it looks very twee
I wish you were wearing it for me
Are you wearing plaits?
Seriously though are
you
You’re going to wear
plaits
To the annual
Christmas do
And dressed as a milk
maid
Perhaps Scandinavian
born
You look like you’re
dressed
For 1970s porn
Are you wearing a Santa Suit?
I have to say you do
look cute
I wonder if there
might just be
A little room in there
for me
Are you wearing it for a reason?
That outfit for the
Christmas season
Yes, it does come
around very soon
But you do realise
that it’s only June
Are you wearing elfish ears?
It’s a very
interesting feature
Though more
appropriate
On a woodland creature
And not really
suitable
For one in your
position
You are let me remind
you
The leader of the
opposition
Are you wearing a bunch of mistletoe?
Well, you certainly
mean business
Isn’t that overkill?
“Less is more” after all
But you know what
you’re doing I guess
Are you aiming at a particular
beau?
Do you have a target
in mind?
Or are you more
indiscriminate
Scattergun like or
something of the kind
Oh, so there is an
object of your affections
Is it perhaps someone
that I know?
It’s someone I know
very well indeed?
I still don’t know the
identity of your beau
It’s me? I’m the one
you desire?
You want to kiss me beneath the mistletoe?
Are you wearing an elf outfit?
Does it come with all
the kit?
Pixie boots and a
floppy hat
The green tights and
all that
If you come to the
grotto with me
You can call me Santa
and sit on my knee
Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?
You look very
beautiful in it
In fact, you look very
cute
In your Santa’s little
helper suit
A Christmas hat sits
atop your curls
In a way only suited
to girls
A beautiful green velvet
dress
And white fur trim to
impress
Striped woollen legs
of green and white
Are they stocking or
tights?
Stockings would be in
reason
More in keeping with
the season
But I would not
disparage woolly tights
They too have their
own delights
Come and help me trim
the tree
And say you dressed
this way for me?
Are you wearing a Santa outfit?
Does it come with all
the kit?
The boots and beard
and hat
And padding to make
you look fat
I didn’t believe in
Santa anymore
Now I see you and I
think phwor
Are you wearing a red Christmas outfit?
You look very
beautiful in it
In fact you look very
cute
In your Santa’s little
helper suit
A Christmas hat sits
atop your curls
In a way only suited
to girls
A beautiful red velvet
dress
And white fur trim to
impress
Striped woollen legs
of red and white
Are they stocking or
tights?
Stockings would be in
reason
More in keeping with
the season
But I would not
disparage woolly tights
They too have their
own delights
Come and help me trim
the tree
And say you dressed
this way for me?
Are you wearing tinsel in your hair?
Sitting atop your
golden curls
You look so very
angelic to me
A jewel more precious
than pearls
But looks can be
deceiving
Angel with the golden
curls
And later on, I might
well discover
You’re one of the
naughty girls
Are you wearing it the right way?
I heard the pretty
girl say
Should it be tied like
so?
For kissing under the
mistletoe
Am I showing my
naïveté?
In the most
embarrassing way
It’s just that I kind
of felt
It shouldn’t be tied on your belt