IF FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS LUNCH

 

If for your Christmas lunch

You have Roast Duck on a platter

You are in for an absolute treat

As it will be a Christmas Quacker

CHRISTMAS SEW

 

It’s a simple fact that

Christmas Tree’s cannot knit or sew

And that’s because they

Always drop their needles you know

THE TURKEY WAS THE PERCUSSIONIST

 

The Turkey was the percussionist.

At the Avian Christmas shindig

He had to be the bands drummer

As he was the one with the drumsticks

SANTA CLAUS GAVE UP SMOKING

 

Santa Claus gave up smoking

Tho his pipe still sits on the shelf

Just as a reminder of the habit

He quit, coz it was bad for his Elf

FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR MANY YEARS

For the first time for many years

Santa Claus had to get the train

So, he chose appropriate footwear

And wore his platforms shoes again 

WHEN I HEARD, HO HO WHOOSH

 

When I heard, Ho Ho Whoosh,

I knew I’d heard the sound before

It happened when Santa Claus

Went through a revolving door

STUCK IN A CHIMNEY

 

If Santa got stuck in a chimney

When delivering on Christmas Eve

He would inevitably suffer

From Claus-trophobia I believe

WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING

 

When Santa isn’t working

With a happy ho ho ho

He sometimes walks backwards

So, he can go oh oh oh

SANTA TENDS HIS THREE GARDENS

 

Santa tends his three gardens

With a happy ho ho ho

And he has three gardens

So that he can Hoe Hoe Hoe

SANTA FOUND A LITTLE KITTEN

 

Santa found a little kitten

On a beach in the Azores

Then took it home with him

And called it Sandy Claws

SANTA ALWAYS BRINGS HIS DOG

 

Santa always brings his dog

Whenever he goes carolling

And the dogs favourite Carol

Is Bark the Herald Angels Sing

RUSSIAN ADVENT CALENDAR

 

You can now buy a Russian

Advent calendar

It’s different without a doubt

Because during advent

Whenever you open a window

An oligarch falls out

ITS NOT KISSING UNDER THE MISTLETOE

 

Its not kissing under the mistletoe,

To be perfectly unambiguous

That will lead you to mischief

Its kissing under the influence

SANTA CLAUS IS NOW ON INSTA

 

Santa Claus is now on Insta

And he’s quite active on there

His posts are a bit dull tho

They’re mainly elfies to be fair

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – NATIVITY 3: DUDE, WHERE'S MY DONKEY?!

 

Mrs. Keen (Celia Imrie) is the new Headmistress of St Bernadette's Primary in Coventry and is in a state of agitation due to an imminent inspection.

So, when Mr. Shepherd (Martin Clunes) arrives at the school with his daughter Lauren (Lauren Hobbs) she assumes him to be the new Super Teacher she is expecting to help prepare for the inspection.

He first meets classroom assistant Desmond Poppy (Marc Wootton) who wants the school to enter a flash mob competition.

When Mr Shepherd loses his memory after being kicked in the head by Archie the Donkey, he forgets he is a teacher, a father, and his impending wedding in New York to Sophie O'Donnell (Catherine Tate).

So, Mr Poppy tells him that he is the headmaster, and Mr Shepherd works for him and he and the class set out on a madcap adventure to restore his memory with fantastic flash mobs a plenty.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – NATIVITY! 3

 

Mrs. Keen (Celia Imrie) is the new Headmistress of St Bernadette's Primary in Coventry and is in a state of agitation due to an imminent inspection.

So, when Mr. Shepherd (Martin Clunes) arrives at the school with his daughter Lauren (Lauren Hobbs) she assumes him to be the new Super Teacher she is expecting to help prepare for the inspection.

He first meets classroom assistant Desmond Poppy (Marc Wootton) who wants the school to enter a flash mob competition.

When Mr Shepherd loses his memory after being kicked in the head by Archie the Donkey, he forgets he is a teacher, a father, and his impending wedding in New York to Sophie O'Donnell (Catherine Tate).

So, Mr Poppy tells him that he is the headmaster, and Mr Shepherd works for him and he and the class set out on a madcap adventure to restore his memory with fantastic flash mobs a plenty.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS WITH YOU (2022)

 

Angelina (Aimee Garcia) is a successful pop star who’s star is waning and is struggling to be relevant with a younger demographic so travels to a small town with her friend  Monique (Zenzi Williams) to connect with a young fan Cristina (Deja Monique Cruz) to hopefully find inspiration for a Christmas song she has to write and perform at a Christmas Gala.

But after heavy snow fall, Angelina and Monique end up staying over at Cristina’s house and the pop star writes a song with her father Miguel (Freddie Prinze Jr) and finds ample inspiration and an abundance of love.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE FOR DAISY (2021)

 

Interior designer Whitney Alder (Jill Wagner) owns Marietta Designs in the small town of the same name, which she runs with her friend Andi Buchanan (Tegan Moss).

Word of a prestigious job opportunity comes their way while they are designing Santa's float for the town's annual Christmas parade.

After getting the job of fully designing a landmark house by Christmas Eve and then discover the new owner of the house is Whitney's ex-boyfriend Connor Sheenan (Nick Bateman), who moved to Marietta from Los Angeles with his adopted daughter Daisy (Rubi Tupper).

Daisy is very happy with her dad and to be in a new town but has one overwhelming wish to make her life perfect, a new mum, and after meeting Whitney and finding out she and her dad had dated she thinks that she would be a good prospect.

However after a frosty first meeting that seems like a tall order, but as they work together furnishing the house they reconnect and after all Christmas is a time for miracles.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANGEL FALLS CHRISTMAS (2021)

 

Devoted surgeon Ally (Jessica Lowndes) having just received a promotion still commits to doing extra shifts over Christmas, so when she has dinner with her marketing boyfriend, Josh (David Reale), he breaks up with her instead of proposing as he planned.

He expresses a wish that she would understand that there is more to life than just work and she wishes he could understand why work was so important to her, and two angels Gabe and Maureen (Chad Michael Murray and Jane Luk) hear the wishes.

Maureen gets a job working for Josh and Gabriel help Ally as she half-heartedly sets out to celebrate Christmas, which she hasn’t  done for a long time and helps her keep on the right track as she tries to win Josh back, but Gabe finds himself falling for her himself.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A KINDHEARTED CHRISTMAS (2021)

 

Cooperville Tour and Sightseeing owner Jamie Monroe (Jennie Garth), is very proud of Cooperville, New York.

But she finds Christmastime difficult to navigate since the death of her husband, Matt, five years earlier, and her celebrations had gotten stale.

So, after a conversation with friend and colleague Colleen (Bronwen Smith) and her Niece Kylie (Emily Tennant), she looks for a spark and finds it when she sees an item on the morning talk show "Wake Up - Upstate" co-hosted by her television crush Scott Morris  about a fundraiser at a high school.

Newscaster Scott Morris (Cameron Mathison) attends, and she gets inspired to give a large anonymous donation.

Jamie gets a reel buzz and decides to do more anonymous good Samaritan acts of Christmas cheer, this then attracts the attention of Scott Morris who arrives in Coopersville to uncover the identity of the secret Santa.

His first port of call is Jamie’s Store to get a sightseeing tour, which turns out to be the first of many excursions, in the process, Jamie and Scott start to fall for each other, but how will he react if he finds she is the Secret Santa he is searching for?

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS AGAIN (2021)

12-year-old Rowena Clybourne (Scarlett Estevez) has an absolute nightmare Christmas day, when everything goes wrong that can possibly go wrong.

So, at the end of the day, she sits on the front step bemoaning her life to a passing guy in a Santa suit (Gary Anthony Williams) and wishes for another Christmas Day, which is unexpectedly granted and as a result he has to relive Christmas Day over and over again.

She must suffer her insufferable prankster half-brother Louie (James McCracken) who also steals all the attention.

Then there is her perfect sister Gabby (Ashlyn Jade Lopez), her soon to be stepmother Diane (Beth Lacke), her grandfather (Tony Amendola) and flatulent grandmother (Priscilla Lopez).

Rowena also has to repeatedly incur the wrath of her parents (Alexis Carra and Daniel Sunjata) as she tries to figure out what she has to do to bring Christmas Day to an end. 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS...AGAIN?! (2021)

 

12-year-old Rowena Clybourne (Scarlett Estevez) has an absolute nightmare Christmas day, when everything goes wrong that can possibly go wrong.

So, at the end of the day, she sits on the front step bemoaning her life to a passing guy in a Santa suit (Gary Anthony Williams) and wishes for another Christmas Day, which is unexpectedly granted and as a result he has to relive Christmas Day over and over again.

She must suffer her insufferable prankster half-brother Louie (James McCracken) who also steals all the attention.

Then there is her perfect sister Gabby (Ashlyn Jade Lopez), her soon to be stepmother Diane (Beth Lacke), her grandfather (Tony Amendola) and flatulent grandmother (Priscilla Lopez).

Rowena also has to repeatedly incur the wrath of her parents (Alexis Carra and Daniel Sunjata) as she tries to figure out what she has to do to bring Christmas Day to an end.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GOOD LUCK CHARLIE, IT'S CHRISTMAS! (2011)

 

The Bob and Amy Duncan (Eric Allan Kramer and Leigh-Allyn Baker) and the children Teddy, PJ, Gabe and Charlie (Bridgit Mendler, Jason Dolley, Bradley Steven and Mia Talerico) are heading to Miami to spend Christmas with her parents Petunia and Hank (Debra Monk and Michael Kagan) when Amy and eldest child Teddy are removed from the flight and have to make their own calamitous way via bus, train, rental car and tandem ending up penniless in Las Vegas.

Bob on the other hand is left looking after the children and dealing with his mother-in-law alone until he gets a call from Vegas and he, PJ and Gabe have to survive their own adventures as they drive to the rescue, leaving the opinionated Petunia to deal with Charlie.

So, will they all reunite in time to celebrate Christmas together? 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GOOD LUCK CHARLIE: THE ROAD TRIP MOVIE

 

The Bob and Amy Duncan (Eric Allan Kramer and Leigh-Allyn Baker) and the children Teddy, PJ, Gabe and Charlie (Bridgit Mendler, Jason Dolley, Bradley Steven and Mia Talerico) are heading to Miami to spend Christmas with her parents Petunia and Hank (Debra Monk and Michael Kagan) when Amy and eldest child Teddy are removed from the flight and have to make their own calamitous way via bus, train, rental car and tandem ending up penniless in Las Vegas.

Bob on the other hand is left looking after the children and dealing with his mother-in-law alone until he gets a call from Vegas and he, PJ and Gabe have to survive their own adventures as they drive to the rescue, leaving the opinionated Petunia to deal with Charlie.

So, will they all reunite in time to celebrate Christmas together? 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GOOD LUCK CHARLIE: THE MOVIE

 

The Bob and Amy Duncan (Eric Allan Kramer and Leigh-Allyn Baker) and the children Teddy, PJ, Gabe and Charlie (Bridgit Mendler, Jason Dolley, Bradley Steven and Mia Talerico) are heading to Miami to spend Christmas with her parents Petunia and Hank (Debra Monk and Michael Kagan) when Amy and eldest child Teddy are removed from the flight and have to make their own calamitous way via bus, train, rental car and tandem ending up penniless in Las Vegas.

Bob on the other hand is left looking after the children and dealing with his mother-in-law alone until he gets a call from Vegas and he, PJ and Gabe have to survive their own adventures as they drive to the rescue, leaving the opinionated Petunia to deal with Charlie.

So, will they all reunite in time to celebrate Christmas together? 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE NOEL DIARY (2022)

 

A lawyer calls successful writer Jacob Turner (Justin Hartley) shortly before Christmas informing him that his estranged mother has passed away and he is the sole beneficiary.

She had suffered with severe mental illness and the last time he’d seen her was twenty years earlier when she threw the 17 year old out.

He’s shocked when he returns to the house to settle the estate, he finds that on top of everything else she had been a hoarder.

The prospect of clearing the house is quite daunting but more productive than spending the holidays alone, watching re-runs of Christmas classics.

While he’s there clearing the clutter, he is please to find his old neighbour Ellie Foster (Bonnie Bedelia) is still alive and kicking and also has a visit from a beautiful young woman Rachel Campbell (Barrett Doss) searching for her birthmother who had worked for the family as a nanny when he was a small boy.

Then they discover a diary written by her mum, Noel, that leads them on a journey across the country which leads him to reconcile with his father Scott (James Remar) and her to reassess her life as they follow the same path.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – TOO CLOSE FOR CHRISTMAS (2020)

 

While waiting for news of a promotion, Hayley Parker (Jessica Lowndes) accepts an invitation from her friend Amy Parker-Barnett (Vanessa Sears) to spend Christmas in the country with the Barnett’s.     

Unfortunately, one of them is Paul (Chad Michael Murray) who she holds responsible for ending her last relationship.

On the plus side he was due to leave on a trip for Christmas itself, so she figured she could manage to avoid them in the most part, but then she finds out that every day of the holiday has been mapped out by matriarch Judy (Seana McKenna) and everyone has to participate.

But as they drop out one by one through illness or in one case pregnancy, Hayley is forced to complete all the Christmas activities with her nemesis Paul, and as they tick them off one by one her feelings start to change.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – TYLER PERRY'S A MADEA CHRISTMAS (2013)

 

Madea (Tyler Perry) is paid by her good friend Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford) to drive her out of the city to pay a surprise visit in the country to see her daughter Lacey (Tika Sumpter) after the daughter informed the mom she isn't coming home for Christmas.

When they arrive, they are surprised to find the small, rural town preparing for its annual Christmas Jubilee.

And there are other surprises to follow, including a secret marriage.