Monday, 4 December 2023

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (067) I’m Not a Nun!

 

It was dark and very cold as I sat on a bench in the hospital garden, and furthermore it was snowing again.

I was sitting there alone as I had just heard the news that my mother was dying, and I was still somewhat in shock.

I was on my way home; Mum had been sedated so there was no point in my staying and the end was a little while off yet.

I should have gone straight home, but I had no one to go home to and I needed time to think.

I had been sitting there for maybe half an hour and was used to the silence and was totally lost in my own thoughts so much so that I had failed to hear the crunch of approaching footsteps in the snow.

Due to the darkness, I was all but invisible and I suddenly saw something moving in my peripheral vision which made me jump and to my perpetual shame caused me to let out an involuntary yelp.

This in turn made the figure in the dark scream.

The source of the scream was a nurse at the convent hospital and who worked on the wing my mother was in, I couldn’t bring her name to mind at the time.

“Oh Shit” she said in very un-convent like language.

“What the fuck are you doing hiding out here in the dark?”

“I’m sorry” I said, “I didn’t mean to scare you”.

“Oh its Mr. McAteer isn’t it?” she asked “So what brings you out here? Are you ok?”

“Yes” I replied, “I just needed some quiet time”.

“I heard about your mother, I’m sorry it wasn’t better news” she said.

She sat down on the bench beside me and took out a pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket, she took one out and put it to her lips and then offered the pack to me.

I had given up smoking two years earlier, but I didn’t hesitate in accepting one.

“Thanks Nurse…” I began.

“Fedeli” she replied as she gave me a light “But call me Elena”.

“Thanks Elena” I said and inhaled deeply and closed my eyes as I exhaled the smoke and felt the welcoming light headedness as my body greeted the nicotine with open arms.

“It looks like you’re enjoying that Mr. McAteer” she said.

“Call me Dave” I said and took another drag “this is the first fag I’ve had for two years”.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know” Elena said.

“Don’t be sorry, I really missed it” I said honestly.

She dragged on her cigarette. The tip glowing brightly, briefly illuminated her face and then faded to a glow.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” I said taking a final drag on my cigarette before dropping it on the ground and grinding it under the heel of my shoe.
“That’s ok” she replied and paused briefly before adding.

“By the sound of that yelp you made, perhaps I should be apologizing to you”.

“Quite” I said sheepishly.

“You look like you could use a drink” Elena said.

And she reached into her pocket again and this time pulled out a silver hip flask.

She unscrewed the cap and took a slug and then handed it to me.

“Thanks” I said taking it from her and putting it to my lips.

The whisky tasted so good, and I felt it warming me to the very core.

I handed her back the flask and watched her take a good slug before putting the cap back on.
 “What kind of a nun are you?” I asked with a laugh “Swearing, smoking and drinking”.

And actually, thinking what a really naughty girl she was.

“I’m not a nun!” She shouted, “Why does everyone think I’m a nun?”

“Sorry but you work in a convent hospital, and you dress like a nun” I said in my defence.

“I’m a nurse in a hospital, and this is my uniform” she said, “No wonder, nobody ever asks me out, I can assure you that I’m not a nun!”

“I’m sorry Elena” I said, “If it helps, I thought you were a very attractive nun”.

She looked at me and laughed.

The snow continued to fall and was settling on her headgear.

As I looked at her, I couldn’t understand why she would ever have been short of a date.

She had a beautiful face, and her eyes were dazzling.

It was also a kind face with a delicate smile and her colouring clearly betrayed her Mediterranean ancestry.

Being a good catholic boy and having thought until a few minutes earlier that she was a nun, I wasn’t sure if thinking she was sexy was a sin or not, but I thought she was, even if it was sinful.

I was also grateful for the distraction from thinking about my mum.

“How are you feeling now?” she asked me of the blue.
“Much better,” I replied
“Was it a shock?” she asked,

“Yes.” I replied and then corrected myself “No, not really”.

She didn’t speak but looked at me and silently invited me to continue.

“I was expecting it, but I didn’t want to believe it” I said, “I lied to myself”.

“That’s quite natural” she said sympathetically “Loved ones have often confided that to me”.

“That’s because they think you’re a nun” I said, and we both laughed.

The snow was falling harder now, and it was getting colder.

“Are you off duty?” I asked although I’d already made the assumption that she was.

“Yes” she replied, “I’m done for the day”.

“Well, I’m chilled to the bone” I said, “do you fancy getting something to eat?”

“Yes, that would be nice” she replied, and a broad smile crossed her face “As long as you don’t mind being seen out with a nun”.

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