IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU THINK

 

It doesn’t matter if you think

You have under achieved last year

But its ok if your only achievement

Was to get through the year

THE TRADITION ON NEW YEARS EVE

 

The tradition is, on New Years Eve, to open

The door at midnight to let the old year out

This year however I’m opening the door

And every window to let every bit of it out

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (078) Christmas Carole

 

The village of Kettlewell sits in the rolling Pepperstock Hills that form the northwest border of the Finchbottom Vale and it is half a mile from the hamlet of Kettlewell-on-the-Hill, the two of which made up the parish of St Augustine’s Church, and Kettlewell is 1.5 miles from its largest neighbour, Highfinch where Carole Bond was born and raised.

On Christmas Eve she was driving through the village she had lived in her whole life and could never imagine living anywhere else.

Carole had come close to losing the house after her husband left and had to work hard to keep a roof over her children's heads after the divorce.

She had had to make sacrifices over the years and one of those was romantic attachments which was why she hadn’t found a significant other in her life.

However, her sons, were now both engaged to fine young women, so time was running out for her to find love again before the grandchildren came along.

 

When she arrived at the Downshire Arms she parked the car and went in, once inside the pub she removed her coat, she was wearing a Christmas outfit bought specially for the occasion.

Black leather ankle boots, green Christmas tights with holly motif on her shapely legs, and a red velvet dress, mid-thigh with gold trim.

Her first stop was the ladies so she could check her make up.

She looked in the mirror and considering her age she was very happy with what she was seeing, her skin was glowing, she had her fair share of lines but then she did have a smiling open face, her hazel eyes were still stunning, her hair was honey coloured and was her one vanity as it came from a bottle.

She smiled at her reflection because her children had been talking about wanting to find someone for her, but they didn’t know that she already had her sights set on the new Doctor at the surgery where she worked as a receptionist.

So, when he invited her out for a pub lunch, she treated it as an early Christmas Present.

After a final look in the mirror, Carole smiled at her reflection and said.

“Happy Christmas Carole”

Then she went into the restaurant and when she saw her lunch date, who was sitting waiting for her, turn and smile at her, she felt sure she would have a Happy New Year as well.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (077) Christmas Goose

 

In the early morning mists of late September Robert Armstrong was involved in a fifteen-car pileup on the Finchbottom Expressway which almost took his life.

He suffered multiple fractures, a lacerated liver and a punctured lung and was in an induced coma for three weeks.

When he was allowed to go home, his girlfriend Lillian Baggott

and his sister Beth looked after him, it was an uphill struggle but as Christmas approached a corner was turned.

 

It was a bright winter morning two days before Christmas, Lillian was pottering around the bedroom in her nightie and chatting ten to the dozen as Robert lay in bed.

When he first came home, she slept in an armchair beside the bed for the first week, after that she moved into the spare room at night, she missed sleeping beside him, she had hoped that would have changed by Christmas.

Lillian sighed to herself and then after drawing the curtains went over to the bed.

“Time to get you sat up” she said with a smile and reached across him.    

“Morning girls” he said as he gazed down the top of her nightie as she leant forward, at her beautiful braless breasts.

“Behave, you’ll strain something” she retorted with a chuckle, but she made no effort to block his view.

“I won’t strain anything by doing this” he said and pulled her towards him so he could kiss her passionately.

Lillian closed her eyes as Robert kissed her then afterwards, she said wistfully. 

“I’ve missed you kissing me and holding me”.

“Have you missed anything else?” he asked, and her eyes widened.

“So much” she replied dreamily.

“Then you’d better come and join me then” he said.

 

Lillian emerged from the bedroom flush faced and smiling and walked across the landing.

“You’re looking very pleased with yourself” Beth said as she reached the top of the stairs.

“Robert is feeling better” Lillian retorted smugly and added before going into the bathroom “I just got a Christmas goose”.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (076) Stolen Christmas Kiss

 

Harriet Fisher was fast approaching her 18th birthday and although she wasn’t aware of it, was considered to be an absolute beauty, elegant, daintily petite, intelligent, funny, sexy and with a perfectly beautiful angelic voice, pure Carrington Chase educated perfection and it was a voice that made Charlotte Green sound common.

Harriet of course didn’t see herself that way and found it difficult to express her true nature because she was painfully shy.

It was appropriate that she sounded the part as she was a day boarder at Carrington Chase, which was Downshire’s version of Roedean, although those in Downshire thought it was the other way around.

 

Although Harriet was almost an adult, she still had to wear full school uniform every day, which she found very annoying, but it was a quirk  of the school, and it was the best.

During term time she lived at her Godmother Mary Davenport’s house in Carrington as her family home was in Abbottsford.

She did of course go home during the holidays and most weekends, but not all, but Harriet seldom went out and when she did, it was with the Davenports, who did their best to make her feel part of the family, but it was not the same as being at home.  

 

Johnny Davenport was the eldest child at 23 and was the only one of the family who hadn’t really had any dealings with Harriet.

He had been at university for three years and when he was home for holidays she was back in Abbottsford.

However now he was doing his master’s he was studying a lot of the time at home, but due to her shyness their interactions were very limited.

He really liked what he’d seen and figured she would probably warm up a little one she got used to him being around, but it was taking a while, so he decided he should be more proactive as they approached Christmas, he needed to make his move before she went back to Abbottsford for the holidays.

 

He had been putting Christmas decorations up with his mum all day but when she left to do the school run, he made sure that he was downstairs when Harriet returned home from college so he could intercept her as soon as she arrived through the front door so she couldn’t rush straight upstairs to her room, as was her normal routine.

 

When he heard the key in the lock he walked towards the door and as soon as he could see her distinctive uniformed figure through the glass, and he knew firstly that it was her and secondly that she was in the porch he prepared to strike.

Johnny didn’t have to wait for long for the porch to open and as Harriet wasn’t expecting to be confronted and her arms were full, she was easy prey.

So, the moment she became aware of his presence he held the mistletoe above her head and said.

“Merry Christmas!” and planted a kiss on her surprised lips.

The duration of the kiss was only a second or so and when he had finished, and Harriet made no protest he took it to be a good sign, so he turned away and said over his shoulder.

“I have more mistletoe in the lounge if you’re interested”.

Once he was in the lounge he stood by the Christmas Tree and waited and hoped he hadn’t miscalculated.

Johnny only had to wait for a minute before she appeared in the doorway still wearing her complete school uniform, minus her coat and shoes.

Harriet gave a quick glance to confirm where Johnny was and then she walked slowly towards him in short shuffling steps with her head down as she stared down at her stocking feet, until she came to a shuffling halt when she was standing in front of him.

Harriet then took a deep breath before she raised her head and looked up at him expectantly.

Johnny’s heart melted as he looked down on the diminutive figure gazing up at him and he realised for the first time that he loved her.   

So, when he stooped down to kiss her expectant lips it held much more significance than the one, he stole in the hall, and that was reflected in the duration.

The long sensual kiss was followed by another and another and would have led to another had she not heard her godmother and Johnnys siblings emerging from the car outside.

They had to wait another full day before they could pick up where they left off for the first of many more times and it turned out that she had a very good reason not to go home to Abbottsford every weekend, and that reason was she had fallen in love with Johnny Davenport. 

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (075) Christmas Entertainment

 

Tina and Lizzie McDermott were day boarders at Carrington Chase School for the Winter term while their parents were at a weather research centre in the Antarctic.

They were staying in Carrington with the McGee family, which comprised of their Aunty and Uncle and their sons Liam and Stuart in Carrington.

The two girls were instantly attracted to their cousins, but the boys were both painfully shy, the girls were not, but were struggling to snare them.

Tina and Lizzie shared a bedroom and Lizzie noticed that her sister was a bit short tempered and irritable, she knew it wasn’t her period because that had been the week before.

“What’s the matter with you today?” she asked.

“Frustrated” Tina snapped.

“What about?” Lizzie asked.

“Liam” she replied, “Its nearly Christmas and I still haven’t got his attention”.

“I know I’ve been flirting like mad with Stuart for weeks and I get nothing back”.

After discovering that it was her frustration at not snaring Liam, Lizzie helped to execute the plan which kept them in her bedroom until lunchtime, now it was Lizzies turn to get her man.

Unfortunately, the day after Tina got together with Liam, Stuart broke his ankle playing football, although with him laid up in bed she finally had an advantage over him.

Apart from being a shy boy Stuart was the sporty type and as she was a diminutive figure, if he saw her coming when she was in full flirt mode, he always managed to give her the slip.

 

He was woken early on Christmas Eve by the front door slamming, which he discovered later was his Mum and Dad leaving for the Supermarket, then he drifted off to sleep again.

The next time he woke his cousins Tina and Lizzie where standing either side of his bed wearing Christmas costumes.

“What are you doing here?” he asked suspiciously.

“We came to entertain you” Tina replied, and the girls turned to each other and smiled.

“And why are you dressed as Elves?”

“Because we are here to spread Christmas joy of course” Lizzie replied and the two of them giggled then Tina said.

“Firstly, we bring tinsel and garlands”.

“Ok” he replied hesitantly, as he watched her waving the tinsel. 

“And then we bring mistletoe” Lizzie said and kissed him and knowing he was beaten he surrendered to the kiss, and by the time she came up for air Tina had made a discreet exit.

“I think that was very nice” she said.

“I agree”

“Good because I have nothing to compare it to, but I thought it was very nice” she rambled, and she would have continued rambling had he not interrupted her.

“That was your first kiss?”

“Yes” she replied and blushed

“Mine too” he said, “But I thought you were….”

“Were what?”

“Well, you’ve always acted a bit ….tarty around me” he explained.

“Tarty! Tarty!” she snapped “I was being flirty, not tarty”.

“Shut up and give me another kiss” he said and she duly obliged.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (074) The Christmas Problem

 

Tina and Lizzie McDermott were day boarders at Carrington Chase School for the Winter term while their parents were at a weather research centre in the Antarctic.

They were staying in Carrington with the McGee family, which comprised of their Aunty and Uncle and their sons Liam and Stuart in Carrington.

The two girls were instantly attracted to their cousins, but the boys were both painfully shy, the girls were not, but were struggling to snare them.

Tina and Lizzie shared a bedroom and Lizzie noticed that her sister was a bit short tempered and irritable, she knew it wasn’t her period because that had been the week before.

“What’s the matter with you today?” she asked.

“Frustrated” Tina snapped.

“What about?” Lizzie asked.

“Liam” she replied, “Its nearly Christmas and I still haven’t got his attention”.

“I know I’ve been flirting like mad with Stuart for weeks and I get nothing back”.

Tina was the same age as Liam and Lizzie was 18 months younger, the same age as Stuart.

Although Tina had been on a few dates, neither of them were  experienced sexually, and Lizzie hadn’t even been kissed.

“What you need to do is shock him into action” Lizzie said.

 

Lizzie smiled as she went down the stairs because she spotted Cousin Liam sitting in the kitchen with his nose in a book.

This was not an unusual occurrence as he was very studious, which was the exact trait she was going to use against him.

“Hello Liam” she said seductively.

 “Oh Hhhhello” he stammered.

“Tina was looking for you” she said.

“Rrrrreally” he retorted.

“Yes, she’s stuck on a maths problem, she’s really struggling, she’s upstairs in our bedroom” she said, and Liam gulped. 

“Can you go and help her?” she suggested “Please”.

“Ohhh kkkay” he stammered and walked past Lizzie, who then followed on behind

“Go on in” she urged when he reached the door “She won’t bite”.

So, he turned the knob and slowly opened the door and once inside he discovered Tina wearing her best matching lingerie and was wrapped in tinsel garlands and grasping a large sprig of mistletoe.

“I thought yyyou had a maths problem” he stammered.

“Well, I have a problem, and it’s you” she said and pushed him against the door and kissed him.

Lizzie didn’t see either of them until lunchtime.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (073) The Christmas Double

 

Stuart Kulig had always had good luck with women but a week before Christmas on the evening of the Winter Ball he was doubly lucky because he was in the company of a pair of regular sexual companions Maria Manzinni and Pandora Josephs, who were his booty buddies and dirty lusty bedfellows.

When they arrived at his house, they let themselves in, and found him recumbent on the sofa, so after the hello’s they slipped off their coats and they were both wearing silk and lace lingerie, the redheaded Pandy wore green, while the dusky Maria was contained in pale yellow.

 

After the girls had completely satisfied themselves, they released their captive who then pulled them onto the sofa for a cuddle.

“We haven’t got time for snuggles” Pandy said, “We’ll be late for the party”.

“Do we have to go?” he asked pathetically.  

“Yes, we do” insisted Maria “So hurry up and get dressed”.

“I don’t think I’ll bother” Seb said disinterestedly.

“Oh please” they begged.

“Ok, on one condition”

“Anything” they chorused.

“Anything?”

“Anything” they agreed.

“Ok then, you have to wear each other’s pants” he said.

“But our knickers match our bras” Pandy said.

“And we can’t swap bra’s as we have different shaped boobs” Maria pointed out.

“Thats easily solved, don’t wear the bras” he said.

“So, you want me to go out to the party without a bra and wearing her  knickers?” Pandora stated.

“Yes”

“You dirty, dirty boy” she replied and snatched the yellow lingerie out of Maria’s hand, who then bent down and picked up the green pair and examined them and giggled as she pulled them up.

“I feel really dirty” Pandy said as she pulled the yellow panties up, and she had a filthy leer on her face.

“You’ll feel even dirtier on the way back” Stuart said.

“Why?” they asked simultaneously.

“Because you won’t be wearing any at all” he said.

“Lovely” they both said and laughed dirtily.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (072) The Christmas Promise

 

Martin McLaughlin was a second-year student at Abbottsford University and he shared a house with three others, his friend Johnny, his girlfriend Martha and her friend Christine Hack, who Martin had fancied from the moment he saw her, but although he got a vibe from her that he would be wasting his time, so he wasn’t confident enough to take a chance so he didn’t even try, but it didn’t stop him wanting her for the six months they shared a house together.

However, everything changed after they had an alcohol fuelled snog following a pre-Christmas drinking session at the house and as they do, one snog led to another, and they ended up in his room.

They were laying on his bed where the snogging led to heavy petting but when he tried to make ingress into her pants, but she said.

“Oh no you don’t”

“Why not? Why don’t you want to further?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to” she said, “I just have a visitor at the moment”.

“Oh”

“But when its gone, I’m all yours” she said.

“Really?”

“Yes, really”

“Wow I can’t wait” he said.

“Nor me, but until then it’s just kissing and cuddling” Christine said.

“Until when?”

“I want it to be special, so let’s say after the Christmas party” she said.

 

Naturally the time between the night he spent with Christine and the Christmas party hung heavy for him even though it was only five days and he saw her every day.

The Christmas party was being held in the Student Union Bar and function rooms, Martin had been playing football in the afternoon so went home first and got cleaned up and changed, he had hoped to find Christine back at the house so they could be together without all the effort of going to a party first but there was no sign of her, apart from a note on his pillow, which read.

“I’m Spending the afternoon with my sister, I’ll see you later at the party, xxxx”.

 

The Christmas party was a big deal on campus, so it attracted a lot of people, most of them already pissed, and there were hundreds of students in attendance, so it took him an hour to track Christine down in the crowd and when he did, he found her on the dance floor.

Christine Hack was wearing a baggy woollen Christmas sweater which disguised her shape well, but he knew where all the lumps and bumps were, and the jeggings showed her lower curves deliciously well.

“There you are” she said, “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming”.

“I’ve been looking for you for an hour” he said.

“I’m glad you’re here” she said and kissed his cheek “I have a promise to keep”.

“I’m glad you remembered” he said, “I’ve thought of little else”.

“Oh, I remember, and it’s all I’ve thought about as well” she said and kissed his mouth “We’ll go back to my room after the party, and you  can unwrap your present”.

Christine smiled and kissed him, and he immediately responded to it by slipping his tongue between her slightly parted lips, and Chris warmed to this action and responded in kind for a full minute before stopping abruptly.

“That’s quite enough of that” she said sharply.

“But you were enjoying it too” he pointed out.

“That’s not the point” she said, “We said later, we’ve waited a week  so another couple of hours won’t hurt”.

“We could do it sooner rather than later” he said nibbling her ear while taking advantage of the dimly lit and crowded dancefloor and exploring beneath her sweater and she held onto him tightly.

His hands proceeded unhindered up her naked back where he deftly unfastened her bra one handed, until his eager hand, made full contact with Christines un-cupped breast.  

“Ok you win” she said urgently and kissed him hotly and wetly.

“Get me back to the house right now”.

 

So, Martin got to unwrap his Christmas present that had been on his wish list for so long, and Christine got her long-awaited gift as well.

But it wasn’t just a night of sweaty sex in her bedroom it was the beginning of a lifetime together.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (071) Christmas Kiss

 

Andy Mitchell was a second-year student at Abbottsford University and he shared a house with three others, his friend Liam, his girlfriend Katie and her friend Vikki, who Andy had fancied from the moment he saw her, but he thought the vibe he got from her meant that he would be wasting his time, so he didn’t even try, but it didn’t stop him wanting her for the six months they shared a house together.

One day shortly before they broke up for the Christmas break, he returned home from a lecture to hear the tell-tale sound of Katie and Liam going at it in the bathroom, so he smiled, took his coat off and walked into the kitchen, and no sooner had he stepped inside and flicked the kettle on, than he spotted Vikki, eyes closed and smiling broadly, while hovering over the sink, tights and knickers around her knees, skirt hoisted up around her middle, as she relieved herself voluminously against the stainless steel.

Andy was mesmerised by what he was seeing, he knew he shouldn’t watch but he couldn’t help himself until the flow slowed and she squeezed out the last few drops with a sigh and opened her eyes and looked straight at him with alarm.

“Sorry” he said without averting his gaze “I didn’t know you were here”.

“Oh my god” she gasped “Oh god I’m so embarrassed”.

She manoeuvred herself off the sink and quickly hoisted up her tights and knickers and began to sob.

“I was desperate, and that horny pair got to the bathroom first”.

“Yes, I heard them in action as I came in” he said and walked towards her making sympathetic noises and put his arms around her.

“I know you’ve never fancied me, and now you never will”.

“Whatever made you think I didn’t fancy you?”  he asked.

“Well, we’ve been here for six months, and you haven’t once tried anything” she said.

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to” he said, “I can’t tell you how many times I wanted steal a kiss”.

“I wish you had” she said with her head on his chest.

“I could steal one now” he suggested, and she looked up at him through tear filled eyes.

“You mean you don’t think I’m disgusting?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t want to steal a kiss if I did” he replied.

“A proper, not just for Christmas kiss, do you mean?” Vikki asked.

“A proper, first of many, kiss” he replied.

Vikki smiled a beaming smile and stood on tiptoes and let him kiss her.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (070) Impromptu Companions

 

It was a cold and snowy night in Mornington and Mark Stanborough was forced to stay the night at the Old Mill Inn and it was a few minutes after seven when he was handed the key for room 4 by a rather gruff pub landlady just as a small snow-covered figure entered through the street door and stopped dead when she caught sight of him.

“Mark Stanborough” Rosie Marx said coldly, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m staying here” he replied.

“Oh great” she snapped.

 

Neither of them were happy to be there, they both wanted to get home in time for Christmas and the only reason they were there was because the main road was closed due to the snow, which had also closed the railway, but more than that they were unhappy because they didn’t like each other.

 

They took consolation in their impromptu meeting and incarceration by overindulging at the bar and with each subsequent drink they found that their companions began to look more attractive and their companionship less onerous, so it was perhaps not surprising that they ended up in her room.

 

The next day, although he was physically a spent force, his mind was awash with erotic images of his time with Rosie, or perhaps that should have been the times with Miss Marx.

So, on the way to the carpark he called into the newsagents and picked up an energy drink to sustain him on the journey home.

Although they left the Inn together, he and Rosie were heading in different directions and once they had reached their cars, they both went their separate ways with just a cheerio, as they had said a proper goodbye back at the hotel, but they would be seeing each other again, and soon. 

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (069) The Christmas Wedding

 

Paul Chisholm and Leilanie Sampang were engaged for three years when they broke up, but the moment it happened he for one knew he had made a terrible mistake, but he didn’t know what to do about it, or he was too proud to admit his error until his sisters Karen’s wedding.

Karen and Leilanie had been friends for several years before Paul and Leilanie became an item, so it was a given that she would be a bridesmaid even if there might be some possible awkwardness.

 

The wedding and the reception were taking place at the Clerembeax Palace Hotel and Spa and on the day before the wedding all the ladies of the wedding party had a full day’s beauty treatments, facials, manicures, pedicures, waxing etc, the whole nine yards and afterwards they got their hair done.

So, when the giggling overexcited and slightly tipsy wedding party arrived at the restaurant that evening, they had been coiffured, waxed, buffed, threaded, tweezed, perfumed, painted, powdered, and preened.  

 

Karen was convinced that her brother and her best friend had made a terrible error when they broke up, so she decided an intervention was necessary so for the wedding party dinner he sat them together.

During the dinner more alcohol was partaken and Paul and Leilanie

began to flirt as the old flame was rekindled and by the end of the evening, they were holding hands under the table.

 

After the meal they walked back to their floor together hand in hand and on the way, they paused beneath the mistletoe and kissed, but not a normal Christmas kiss, something much more passionate.

“So, what does this mean?” he asked when their lips parted.

“It means I want you back” She replied, “I want you to take me back,”

“I want that too” he said, and they kissed again.

After the reuniting kiss they walked hand in hand to the door of his room where they kissed again, before unlocking the door and pushing it open.

“Before we go any further, are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes” she replied, “I made a terrible mistake letting you go”. 

“We both made a terrible mistake” he said and took hold of her hand and walked her into his room.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (068) Holiday Highlight

 

The Walters and the Pickford’s had lived in Springwater for many generations and every year they had a family holiday together in Greece.

Colin and Kate Walters and their sons Harry and Sam, Kate’s sister Christine Pickford and husband David and their daughters Charlotte and Ellie, all stayed in the Villa that was jointly owned by the two families every year in Batsi on the island of Andros.

Sam Walters was a twenty-nine-year-old solicitor who still lived in the old family home in Springwater although his parents had retired to their Greek Villa and his brother Harry was working for a magazine in New York.

 

At Christmas the family had a cabin booked in the depths of the Dancingdean Forest and Sam was really looking forward to it, partly because he planned to get into the depths of his cousin Charlotte. 

On one family holiday in Greece Sam, who was a few weeks short of his nineteenth birthday at the time, was seduced by his Aunt Christine’s oldest daughter Charlotte, who was just sixteen, for the first of many enjoyable occasions.

Subsequently Sam and Charlotte were what is known as “friends with benefits” which was a mutually satisfactory arrangement, and her youngest daughter, Ellie, seduced him in his own bedroom when she was 22.

So, he was so looking forward to the weekend as he headed up to the cabin straight from work on Friday evening but even, so it was dark when he arrived, and it turned out he was not the first to arrive as there was already a car parked outside.

Sam parked beside it as he tried to ascertain who it belonged to, but   he didn’t recognize it at all.

He took his case from the boot and took it inside and found an empty room and unpacked.

But as he walked down the corridor, he again wondered why there was a strange car on the drive especially if there wasn’t another houseguest.

He went into the kitchen and boiled the kettle and then sat down to drink it, and after he finished his drink, he then started checking the other rooms to find out who the mystery guest was.

He opened the first door and the light from the hall flooded into the room and it was empty, then he repeated the process on the next 5 doors and then on door six he did a double take.

In the corner of the room there was a double bed but that was not what surprised him, what had got his attention, was what was directly in front of him perfectly illuminated, it was the most perfect round peach of a bottom, and it was an arse he was very familiar with, for laying with her back to him on the double bed in the foetal position, partially covered by a tartan blanket was his Cousin Ellie’s naked body.

He walked over to the bed and put his hand on one of her firm young buttocks and said.

“I see you’ve already unwrapped my present.”

“Then you had better enjoy it quickly before the others get here” she replied and crawled under the blanket and onto her knees.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (067) I’m Not a Nun!

 

It was dark and very cold as I sat on a bench in the hospital garden, and furthermore it was snowing again.

I was sitting there alone as I had just heard the news that my mother was dying, and I was still somewhat in shock.

I was on my way home; Mum had been sedated so there was no point in my staying and the end was a little while off yet.

I should have gone straight home, but I had no one to go home to and I needed time to think.

I had been sitting there for maybe half an hour and was used to the silence and was totally lost in my own thoughts so much so that I had failed to hear the crunch of approaching footsteps in the snow.

Due to the darkness, I was all but invisible and I suddenly saw something moving in my peripheral vision which made me jump and to my perpetual shame caused me to let out an involuntary yelp.

This in turn made the figure in the dark scream.

The source of the scream was a nurse at the convent hospital and who worked on the wing my mother was in, I couldn’t bring her name to mind at the time.

“Oh Shit” she said in very un-convent like language.

“What the fuck are you doing hiding out here in the dark?”

“I’m sorry” I said, “I didn’t mean to scare you”.

“Oh its Mr. McAteer isn’t it?” she asked “So what brings you out here? Are you ok?”

“Yes” I replied, “I just needed some quiet time”.

“I heard about your mother, I’m sorry it wasn’t better news” she said.

She sat down on the bench beside me and took out a pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket, she took one out and put it to her lips and then offered the pack to me.

I had given up smoking two years earlier, but I didn’t hesitate in accepting one.

“Thanks Nurse…” I began.

“Fedeli” she replied as she gave me a light “But call me Elena”.

“Thanks Elena” I said and inhaled deeply and closed my eyes as I exhaled the smoke and felt the welcoming light headedness as my body greeted the nicotine with open arms.

“It looks like you’re enjoying that Mr. McAteer” she said.

“Call me Dave” I said and took another drag “this is the first fag I’ve had for two years”.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know” Elena said.

“Don’t be sorry, I really missed it” I said honestly.

She dragged on her cigarette. The tip glowing brightly, briefly illuminated her face and then faded to a glow.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” I said taking a final drag on my cigarette before dropping it on the ground and grinding it under the heel of my shoe.
“That’s ok” she replied and paused briefly before adding.

“By the sound of that yelp you made, perhaps I should be apologizing to you”.

“Quite” I said sheepishly.

“You look like you could use a drink” Elena said.

And she reached into her pocket again and this time pulled out a silver hip flask.

She unscrewed the cap and took a slug and then handed it to me.

“Thanks” I said taking it from her and putting it to my lips.

The whisky tasted so good, and I felt it warming me to the very core.

I handed her back the flask and watched her take a good slug before putting the cap back on.
 “What kind of a nun are you?” I asked with a laugh “Swearing, smoking and drinking”.

And actually, thinking what a really naughty girl she was.

“I’m not a nun!” She shouted, “Why does everyone think I’m a nun?”

“Sorry but you work in a convent hospital, and you dress like a nun” I said in my defence.

“I’m a nurse in a hospital, and this is my uniform” she said, “No wonder, nobody ever asks me out, I can assure you that I’m not a nun!”

“I’m sorry Elena” I said, “If it helps, I thought you were a very attractive nun”.

She looked at me and laughed.

The snow continued to fall and was settling on her headgear.

As I looked at her, I couldn’t understand why she would ever have been short of a date.

She had a beautiful face, and her eyes were dazzling.

It was also a kind face with a delicate smile and her colouring clearly betrayed her Mediterranean ancestry.

Being a good catholic boy and having thought until a few minutes earlier that she was a nun, I wasn’t sure if thinking she was sexy was a sin or not, but I thought she was, even if it was sinful.

I was also grateful for the distraction from thinking about my mum.

“How are you feeling now?” she asked me of the blue.
“Much better,” I replied
“Was it a shock?” she asked,

“Yes.” I replied and then corrected myself “No, not really”.

She didn’t speak but looked at me and silently invited me to continue.

“I was expecting it, but I didn’t want to believe it” I said, “I lied to myself”.

“That’s quite natural” she said sympathetically “Loved ones have often confided that to me”.

“That’s because they think you’re a nun” I said, and we both laughed.

The snow was falling harder now, and it was getting colder.

“Are you off duty?” I asked although I’d already made the assumption that she was.

“Yes” she replied, “I’m done for the day”.

“Well, I’m chilled to the bone” I said, “do you fancy getting something to eat?”

“Yes, that would be nice” she replied, and a broad smile crossed her face “As long as you don’t mind being seen out with a nun”.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (066) If You Are Wondering About the Whereabouts

 

If anyone is wondering where all the traffic cones, personnel barriers and sundry mobile street signage have gone I can now reveal their whereabouts.

They are currently to be found on every Road, Street, Lane, and Close in Woking.

Some barriers stand sentinel around abandoned holes in the ground, while cones are to be found either in ones or twos making potholes or broken drains or in uniform rows blocking off perfectly serviceable lanes for weeks on end for no apparent reason.

We also appear to have all the temporary traffic lights in the land and so numerous are they that they rival, in number, the towns Christmas lights.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (065) A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the …….

 

It was a terrifying moment when the world seemed to revert to slow motion, and I thank God for that because had it not I would have killed him.

I was on my way home in the early evening gloom of a December day, it was slow progress as it had been for months due to major road works, and I had sat through two light change sequences before my journey finally got underway.

Well, when I say “I was on my way home” I was actually on my way to pick up my wife Tina first which is why I was driving down Maybury Road.

It was a single-track, one-way street running parallel with the railway line from Sheerwater into Woking Town Centre which is heavily tree lined along the railway side and predominantly terraced housing on the other.

It’s quite a long stretch of road and runs as straight as an arrow and under normal circumstances such a stretch of road might tempt you into excessive speed.

However, running on the left-hand side of Maybury Road is a cycle lane and, on the right, intermittently  parked cars which narrowed the road dramatically and this combined with very poor lighting and a significant number of side roads a cautious 20 to 25 mph was the order of the day.

So, it was under the afore mentioned conditions that I proceeded along Maybury Road towards Woking Town centre.

I had just about reached halfway when I saw a well-equipped cyclist ahead of me in the cycle lane, I slowed to 20 mph as I passed it, leaving as much room as was possible given the parked cars on the offside.

I safely passed the cyclist and was just beginning to think about increasing my speed, but instead I took my foot off the gas as I neared the rear end of a parked Ford Transit van and just as I did so another cyclist appeared from the darkness heading straight for me.

He had been riding along the pavement when a number of pedestrians inconveniently blocked his path, so he swerved out into the road and straight into my path.

He was dressed in dark clothing and the bike had no lights, so he was almost invisible, and I only spotted him at the very last second as the van had turned on his lights.

I slammed on the brakes and slewed the car sideways so my front-end way blocking the cycle lane, fortunately the bike I had passed had not caught me up.

The whole incident took little more than a second yet seemed to run in slow motion, I think if it hadn’t, I would have him.

Of course, time didn’t really slow down it was just the way my brain processed it.

I missed hitting the hapless bike rider by the width of a bike wheel and we finished up with him sandwiched between me and the van.

But quite unperturbed he picked up his bike and wriggled between me and the van and was quickly on his way.

I on the other hand just sat where I had come to a stop with my heart pounding in my chest.

My hands gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles were white, and there I sat until I heard a tapping on my passenger door window.

“Are you alright?” A muffled voice asked.

I wound down the window.

“Are you alright?” The voice asked again.

It was the girl on the bike I had overtaken a minute or so earlier.

“Yes” I replied, “it just took my breath away”.

“Bloody idiot” she said.

That’s a bit harsh I thought to myself I didn’t do anything wrong.

“Its idiots like that that give us cyclists a bad name” she said indignantly, and she gave me a smile and was on her way.

Just at that moment the driver behind me sounded his horn which brought me out of my torpor, and I drove off.

When I met Tina outside her building, I got in the passenger side and let her drive.

I recounted the story of what had happened and then reflected on what might have been.

Had I not backed off the gas when I did, or had the van not turned on his lights when it did it may have been a tragedy rather than an anecdote.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (064) – The Pagan Ritual

 

The beautiful Downshire village of Clerembeax St Giles was situated to the west of Abbeyvale located between Grace Hill and Bushy Down and on the outskirts was the Clerembeax Palace Hotel and Spa and one of the rooms was occupied by Carl Arkley, a regular guest whenever he was in the area, and permanent resident Fiza Alwi was always excited to see him and there was a very good reason for that.

 

When Carl first stayed there, he met Fiza, and they exchanged pleasantries, and it was obvious that she was taken with him.

because she fussed with her thick black hair and got very flustered and when he shook her hand she blushed, which he thought made her look even lovelier.

He liked her, she was a tall skinny young woman of Somali descent with a huge black eyes and toothy smile which lit up her face so when they ran into each other around the Hotel, he would always flirt outrageously with her, and Fiza would always flirt back.

Occasionally when they had a coffee together or share a table at breakfast, he would innocently caress her hand with his thumb or brush his fingertips against skin and she would blush.

But it wasn’t until Christmas that things progressed when they were sat in the breakfast room alone with no prying eyes and he blatantly held her hand and caressed her cheek with the other and he would have kissed her too if the waitress hadn’t re-entered the restaurant and the moment was past.

As he was leaving later that day, he thought his chance had gone until the New Year but as he walked into reception Fiza leapt on him and trapped him against the wall armed with a bunch of mistletoe and only when she had satisfied herself and the pagan ritual, did she let him go she gave him a toothy grin and said.

“You could always stay another night”. 

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (063) Just one Present

 

The Dulcets are a collection of villages and hamlets comprising of Dulcet-on-Willow, Dulcet St Mary, Dulcet Green, and Dulcet-on-Brooke, to name but a few, and of course Dulcet Meadow which was where Liam Harris was making preparations for Christmas.

It was Christmas Eve and apart from the delivery of Christmas gifts and cards to friends and family, he spent most of it alone listening to Christmas music, watching schmaltzy movies on TV, and thinking about Ava and their future.

 

While he was enjoying his own company Ava spent the day helping her mum with the preparations for the big day, but she spent the evening with him, arriving about seven o’clock.

It was their first Christmas together and because Liam had put the presents underneath the tree that afternoon, almost the moment she arrived she was like an annoying child.

“Can I open a present?” she asked all evening what seemed like every ten minutes.

“Just one, please, please, please”

Ava was getting on his nerves to tell the truth, she kept picking up the presents, shaking them, squeezing them, and even listening to them.

Eventually she managed to wear him down and he relented and as he headed upstairs to the loo Liam said.

“We can open one present”“

“Goody” she squealed.

“Just one each before we leave for midnight mass” he called and when he returned downstairs, he was expecting to find her waiting impatiently to open a present.

But instead, he found her lying beside the tree with wrapping paper loosely draped about her clearly naked body and she said.

“You go first”.

Once Liam had un-wrapped his present and thoroughly enjoyed the contents, they were very nearly late for midnight mass.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (062) Yuletide Felicitations

 

Mornington-By-Mere is a small country village lying in the Finchbottom Vale nestled between the Ancient Dancingdean Forest and the rolling Pepperstock Hills.

It is a quaint picturesque village, a proper chocolate box picturesque idyll, with a Manor House, 12th Century Church, a Coaching Inn, Windmills, a Schoolhouse, a River, a Mere and an Old Forge, and Rob Hunter lived in the Old Forge with his wife Dorcas.

Rob arose very early on Sunday morning despite entertaining a very voracious and energetic Solicitor the day before, she slipped away well before first light having satisfied her insatiable appetite and left him sleeping.

The first thing he did was to breakfast in order to refuel after the previous evening’s excesses.

Next on the agenda was to strip the bed and launder the lust-stained bedding, and as he loaded the machine and set the program to wash his sins from the bed sheets, he harboured the futile wish that it could be that easy to wash his sins away.

I went upstairs and remade the bed with fresh linen in preparation of sullying them anew this time with his gorgeous wife Dorcas who he was picking up from Shallowfield Station after lunch.

His exceptionally early start to the day enabled him to complete all his chores with ease and after a long leisurely shower he left for church.

He would often lunch at the pub after church unfortunately he had to give it a miss as he was driving to pick up Dorcas that afternoon which he thought was a great shame.

Not the picking up his wife part, he meant it was a shame he was going to miss lunch with friends.

When he reached his front door, he found what was clearly a bottle of something in one of those decorative bottle bags, standing on the doorstep.

He picked it up and read the tag.

“Have a Merry Christmas, with love from a grateful patient”.

He smiled to himself because she wasn’t thanking him for his medical skills or bedside manner.

He went inside and made himself a rather boring sandwich and was just drying his hands after washing up his lunch plate when there was a knock at the door.

When he opened the door, he found Daisie Lewis on the other side of it, holding a Christmas parcel.

“Happy Christmas” she said with a beaming smile.

“Hey! Happy Christmas” he responded, “come in”.

“Ok” she said still smiling broadly “but no funny business”.

“No funny business” he agreed, and Daisie stepped inside

“You didn’t have to get me a gift,” he said to her as he took her coat, and she sat down on the sofa.

“Last Christmas my mum was drunk for ten days in a row, we had no decorations, no Christmas dinner, no electricity and no joy in my world”.

She said as tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

“This year, I have three jobs; I have a proper home, I have someone to mother me, I have money in the bank and a boyfriend and it’s all thanks to you”.

He tried to interrupt but Daisie continued

“If you hadn’t helped me, looked out for me, set me on the right path I wouldn’t be here now having the best Christmas I’ve ever had, I will always be grateful for that, and the other things of course” and she blushed.

The “other things” she was referring to would have been several sexual interludes that occurred between them, although that was not the reason, he helped her and he did not intend it to happen, but it happened, nonetheless.

Daisy stood up and gave him a big hug and an hour later she left his house considerably moister than when she had entered it.

“So much for no funny business,” he thought.

 

While he was showering for the second time that day, he thought how nice it was to get an early Christmas present and to give a gift to her as well.

If he got a present from every recipient of his lust, he would do very nicely and would need a considerably larger tree to put them under.

 

As a result of Daisie’s Yuletide felicitations, he was twenty minutes late leaving for the drive to Shallowfield.

He phoned to let Dorcas know he was running late, though not the reason, but she said that was ok as the train was running behind time anyway.