PREPARING THE BIRD

 

The best way to prepare

Your turkey this Christmas

Is to keep it simple

To minimize the fuss

To my way of thinking

The best method to apply

Is just be straight

And say “Turkey, you’re going to die”

JUST LIKE JACOB MARLEY

 

Peter was taken on Christmas Eve

Just like Jacob Marley

But the similarity ends there

He was never grasping or stingy

He had not been well for a time

And happy to pass without fuss

But he would have been hopping mad

That he was missing Christmas

He would not have planned it that way

And picked a better time to leave

I think he would have been happier

If he had died on New Years Eve

 

For my Brother Peter who died on Christmas Eve 2008

IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN

 

If you’re a Take That fan

Then Christmas could be shocking

If you’re expecting to find

An Orange in your stocking

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HOME FOR CHRISTMAS: A GOLDEN CHRISTMAS 3 (2012)

 

Bobby Alden (Rob Mayes) returns home after leaving the Navy and is ready to settle down in Belmont Shores.

Meanwhile Belmont Shores resident and Bobby’s former childhood sweetheart Heather Hartly (Shantel VanSanten) dreams of directing on Broadway, but a community theatre production of Dickens' Christmas Carol is keeping her gainfully employed at the time to couple meet.

The meeting comes about courtesy of one of the trio of golden retrievers at the centre of the story.

But the combination of a call from a New York producer and Heather’s “can’t take a hint” ex in waiting Roger (Mark Famiglietti) seem likely to snuff out the embers of romance.

But it is after all Christmas and strange things can happen especially with the help of the three golden retrievers and a group of dedicated and very pushy friends.

This is an easy to watch Christmas treat which gives the viewer by way of a bonus, Alley Mills, who starred in the first two “Golden” movies, putting in a cameo appearance sitting in the front row in the audience during the performance of “A Christmas Carol”.

HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO

 

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

It's off to work we go

Well we don’t exactly work at night

We just Pimp out Snow White

THE NIGHT IS CLEAR

 

The night is clear

Here! Here!

Can’t you hear?

It’s the reindeer

Santa is near

Let us cheer,

Open a Beer

Christmas is here

UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 1

 

You can now buy a UKIP

Advent calendar

I’ve never seen one before

There are no Christmas messages

It just says Fuck off

Behind every door