PLASTIC CHRISTMAS
Now Dasher, Now, Dancer
Now Prancer and Vixen
On Comet, On Cupid
On Donner, On Blitzen
So the plastic Santa’s say
Down at the mall
But shoppers have a verse
That serves one and all
Now charge it, now defer it
No cash and No cheques
On store card, on visa
On MasterCard and A-mex
BAVARIA
In the Roman Catholic areas of southern Germany, such as in Bavaria, Sankt Nikolaus still appears with a flowing beard and a bishop's staff.
In preparation of his arrival Houses are given a thorough clean and children shine their shoes or boots.
The children put a letter to St Nicholas along with carrots for his white horse in their shoes and these are left either by the children's bed or on a window sill. During the night Sankt Nikolaus goes from house to house visiting the children and If they have been good, he fills, shoe or boot with delicious fruits, nuts and sweets
But if they have been bad they may only find potatoes, coal, or twigs.
TRIVIAL TITBIT # 07
Holly, mistletoe, the Yule log and the wassail bowl are all relics of pre-Christian times.
SEASONS GREETINGS
Tis the festive season
Of goodwill and reason
For the politically correct
The dithering and the direct
For the clubs and the cliques
And tedious control freaks
For the anal retentive's
And their many representatives
For council house yobs
And the inverted snobs
Those with professional jobs
And intellectual snobs
For the easily offended
And the over complicated
For the vile and the venomous
The overt and the anonymous
Snake in the grass vipers
And Back stabbing snipers
To the tarts and the vicars
And those in disposable knickers
For all poetry scrawlers
And the unpleasant name callers
For the narrowly minded
And those with axes grinded
For the loud minority
And the silent majority
For blondes and brunettes
And all lads and laddettes
Those pierced and tattooed
And the prim and the lewd
For the bright and the bland
And the humble and the grand
For those who are pretentious
And the liberal consensus
Every class hew and breed
Every persuasion and creed
Whether ungifted or artistic
And the mentally arthritic
For the first and the last
And sense of humour bypassed
For those with rhyme and reason
So in the spirit of the season
Now the year is nearly done
Merry Christmas everyone
DECEMBER REMEMBRANCES
Every year during the festivities
I remember friends and family
Those who are no longer with us
To celebrate another Christmas
And with each passing December
It seems there are more to remember
But I take time in equal measure
To enjoy each moment and to treasure
Those special ones who are still here
Whose number also grows year on year
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 3
O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL
Words and music attributed to John F. Wade
O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye, to Bethlehem.
Come and behold him, born the King of angels;
O come let us adore him, O come let us adore him,
O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord.
True God of true God, Light from Light Eternal,
lo, he shuns not the Virgin's womb;
Son of the Father, begotten not created;
O come let us adore him, O come let us adore him,
O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord.
Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation;
O sing, all ye citizens of heaven above!
Glory to God, all glory in the highest;
O come let us adore him, O come let us adore him,
O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord.
See how the shepherds, summoned to his cradle,
leaving their flocks, draw nigh to gaze;
we too will thither bend our joyful footsteps;
O come let us adore him, O come let us adore him,
O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord.
Child, for us sinners poor and in the manger,
we would embrace thee with love and awe.
Who would not love thee, loving us so dearly?
O come let us adore him, O come let us adore him,
O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord.
Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning,
Jesus, to thee be all glory given.
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing:
O come let us adore him, O come let us adore him,
O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord.
A MOTHERS CHRISTMAS TALE
I have worked for Ebenezer Scrooge all year
A man devoid of any sign of Christmas cheer
I’ve avoided being kissed by the office Romeo
By navigating the office avoiding mistletoe
As the time is ticking towards Christmas day
I could have done with a little help along the way
I’ve dealt with shoppers impatient and rude
But I tried to stay cheerful while I queued
I’ve bought all the presents the paper and bows
I’ve put up with all the countless ho ho ho’s
I’ve got all the groceries and gallons of booze
While you sat in front of the telly and snoozed
I’ve decked the halls I’ve trimmed the tree
I’ve wrapped all the presents from you and me
I’ve written all the Christmas cards to everyone
Which I hand delivered though I posted some
I’ve cleaned the whole house from bottom to top
I’ve washed and ironed till I’m ready to drop
I’ve prepared the veg, I’ve stuffed the bird
I’ve hung the stockings and you’ve not stirred
And the very second I take a minute for me
The first thing I hear is “Mum, what’s for tea”
So to Santa Claus I make my annual plea
For a very special present just for me
Just one year I would like to escape this stress
So that I too can have a merry Christmas
IT HAPPENED ON DECEMBER 21ST
1163 Hurricane hits villages in Holland and Friesland, causing devastating floods
1582 Flanders adopts Gregorian calendar
1620 The Mayflower pilgrims land at Plymouth Rock
1835 HMS Beagle with Charles Darwin aboard sails into the Bay of Islands New Zealand
1864 General Sherman conquers Savannah
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discover radium
1910 An Explosion in a coal mine in Hulton England kills 344 mine workers
1912 Denmark, Norway and Sweden declare neutrality in the Comende war
1913 The 1st 32 clue crossword puzzle was printed in New York World
1919 J Edgar Hoover deported anarchist and feminist Emma Goldman to Russia
1923 Nepal changes from British protectorate to an independent nation
1925 Eisenstein's movie the battleship Potemkin premieres in Moscow
1933 20th century Fox signs Shirley Temple aged 5 to a studio contract
1937 Snow White the 1st feature length color and sound cartoon premiered
1941 German submarine U-567 sinks
1946 Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life," premiered
1946 An Earthquake in Southern Japan, kills 1,086
1948 State of Eire formerly called the Irish Free State declared its independence
1951 Joe DiMaggio announces his retirement
1954 Dr Sam Sheppard's wife Marilyn is murdered and the Dr is accused of the crime
1958 Charles De Gaulle wins 7 year term as 1st President of 5th Rep of France
1959 10th largest snowfall in New York City’s history 13.7"
1966 U.S.S.R. launches Luna 13 for soft-landing in Oceanus Procellarum
1968 Apollo 8 (Borman, Lovell & Anders) the 1st manned Moon voyage launched
1971 UN Security Council chooses Kurt Waldheim as 4th secretary General
1975 Madagascar adopts constitution
1976 UN General Assembly passes a resolution declaring 1979 the Year of Child
1978 Police in Des Plaines Illinois arrest John Wayne Gacy, Jr. for murder
1979 Zimbabwe adopts constitution
1988 NY bound Pan Am jumbo jet explodes over Lockerbie Scotland all 258 aboard die
1989 Dan Quayle sends out 30,000 Xmas cards with the word beacon spelled beakon
1991 Soviet Union formally dissolves 11 of 12 republics sign treaty forming Commonwealth of Independent States
1991 95 ticket holders share in the Madrid Spain $1.3 billion lottery
1992 Dutch DC-10 caught fire on landing at Faro Airport Portugal, 56 die
1994 Bomb goes off on #4 train on Fulton Street station New York City
DER WEIHNACHTSMANN
In Germany Der Weihnachtsmann or Father Christmas brings presents in the late afternoon of Christmas Eve so after people return home from church they find the presents under the Christmas tree and one person in the family will ring a bell and call everyone to come to the room.
SEASONAL SNIPPET # 06
The early Puritan settlers of America declared Christmas celebration as a "relic of Popery," and they abolished it.
A GIFT FOR MARIA
A young man called Paul
Wanted to buy a present
For his new sweetheart Maria
As a Christmas present
As they’d not been dating
For a very long duration
He decided to purchase
After careful consideration
A nice pair of gloves
striking the right note
Not too romantic or personal
So the gloves got his vote
Accompanied by Maria’s sister
He went to Harrods and bought
A dainty pair of white gloves
“She will like these” he thought
Maria’s sister Susan bought
A pair of panties for herself
But during the wrapping
An error was made on the shelf
The assistant mixed up
The gloves and the panties
The sister got the gloves
And Maria got the scanties
Without checking Paul sealed
The package along with a note
And sent it to his sweetheart
And this is what he wrote
Dear Maria, I chose these
As I noticed my darling
That you don’t wear any
When we go out in the evening.
If not for your sister Susan
I would have got long ones
The type with the buttons,
But Susan wears short ones
That are easier to remove.
They are a delicate shade,
But the shop assistant
where the purchase was made
Showed me the pair she has
That she’d been wearing
and were hardly soiled
After three weeks wearing
I had her try yours on for me
And she looked really chic
Even though they were
Tight on her a little bit.
She told me that her pair
Helps to keep her ring
Clean and shiny, and in fact
And this is interesting
Since she’d begun wearing them.
It hadn’t needed washing
I really hope you like them
And wish I were there with you
To put them on you Maria
for the first time I really do
As no doubt many other hands
Will have touched them
Before I see you again
Remember when you remove them
To blow into them before
Putting them away and drying
As they will naturally be
A little damp from wearing
Just think how many times
My lips will kiss them
during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them
For me on Friday night
All my love Paul till then
P.S. The latest style
Which appears to be growing
Is to wear them folded down
With a little fur showing
PANTOMIME # 2
Pantomime is a traditional Christmas and New Year entertainment unique and peculiar to the British theatre.
Pantomime origins can be traced back to the 16th and 17th century Italian improvised comic drama called the Commedia Dell'arte.
Punch and Judy, Harlequinade and the French tradition of mime also have there origins in the commedia Dell'arte.
With its roots deep in the harlequin tradition of the 18th century combined with the music hall burlesque of the 19th forged what we know today as pantomime where an actress always plays the part of principal boy and an actor always plays the dame.
The Pantomimes used traditional fairy tales like Mother Goose Puss in Boots, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Red Riding Hood in which they wove into the story political satire, parodies of popular figures and slapstick thus providing something for everyone.
The great thing about Panto is that it is the one part of British culture which refuses to embrace Political Correctness, thank god.
By the end of every Panto virtue is rewarded, love conquers all, good defeats evil and everyone lives happily ever after.
I LOVE CHRISTMAS
I love Christmas when it comes around
The smells and tastes, the sights and sounds
I love the Christmassy Cinnamon smells
The Carol singers and chiming church bells
I love to see the advent candle burning
The excited faces all the children yearning
I love the gifts done up with ribbons and bows
And Red faced Santa’s calling ho ho ho
I love the merry songs about the season of Yule
And handmade decs brought home from school
I love trimming the tree with festive things
Like candy canes and popcorn strings
I love the twinkling of the Christmas lights
And the garlands hanging colourful and bright
But the thing that makes the season for me
Is kissing my love beside the Christmas tree
THE SPECIAL CHILDREN'S SAINT
In Austria St. Nicholas is the special children's saint and he is honored throughout Austria because It is said that God rewarded Nicholas for his generosity by allowing him to return to earth each year to bring gifts to all the good children.
YULETIDE GINGERBREAD
Ingredients:
3 cups Flour
1/2 cup Brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup Butter
3 Eggs
4 tbs Milk
1/2 cup Light molasses
2 tbs Dark molasses
2 tbs Ground ginger
2 tsp Ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp Salt
2 tsp Baking soda
Instructions:
Combine all the dry ingredients, except for the baking soda, in a large mixing bowl.
Put 3 tablespoons of milk into a large saucepan along with the butter and the light and dark molasses and Melt together over a low heat.
Beat the eggs and add them and the dry mixture to the melted ingredients and mix together.
Dissolve the baking soda in the remaining milk and then add to the other mixture.
Pour the mixture onto a greased 10-inch baking tin.
Bake for 45-50 minutes in a preheated oven (375F).
SEASONAL GREETINGS FROM THE FIRST NATIONS OF AMERICA
Choctaw, Muskhogean
Yukpa, Nitak Hollo Chito
Cree, Algonquian
Mitho Makosi Kesikansi
Inuit
Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo
Iroquois
Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson honungradon nagwutut. Ojenyunyat osrasay.
Navajo, Athapaskan
Merry Keshmish
LUCINA
Lucina is celebrated as the Sun goddess in Sweden but is in fact a combination of Norse goddess Freyr and the Christian martyr St Lucia. Young girls dress up to represent Lucina by wearing white gowns and on their heads evergreen wreaths with candles in them. The lighted candles, eight in all, supposedly represent the equinoxes, solstices and the points in between.
The young Lucina girls give out cookies on the streets at dawn to celebrate Lucina's
act of sharing food with the needy.
ON CHRISTMAS DAY 1492
Christopher Columbus' ship the Santa Maria docked in what was to become the Dominican Republic.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
It was Christmas Eve closing time, nearly
Where a last minute shopper, frustrated clearly
Was rummaging through the freezer cabinet
At her nearest out of town super market
Desperately searching for a frozen turkey
And couldn't find one big enough for her family
Then she saw a young shop assistant pass by
And decided that she would give him a try
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" she said
Puzzled he replied "No madam, they're dead."
CHRISTMAS ALE
Most brewers will produce a robust and full bodied winter ale in time for the Christmas festivities.
It will be called Winter Warmer, Christmas ale, Winter ale or any combination of all the above.
In the 21st century when all the bars are stocked with many and various insipid imported lagers and the infamous Alco pops I just hope the brewers continue producing the traditional Christmas tipple.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A partridge in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve Drummers Drumming
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
BUSINESS CARD
The first Christmas card was printed in England in 1843, for a busy man called Sir Henry Cole.
Because he was such a busy man he wanted to save some of the time he had to spend on his Christmas correspondence.
However his motive was not merely to ease the burden of his letter writing he was also a tremendous advocate of the slowly expanding postal system.
Sir Henry Cole's first commercial Christmas card sold 1000 copies at one shilling each.
But it was not until the 1860s that card production accelerated with the advent of cheaper printing methods.
Then in 1870 a half penny stamp for sending cards was introduced by the Post Office.
THE SANTA CLAUSE
When I was a child
I believed in Santa Claus
When I got older
I didn’t believe in Santa Claus
When I became a parent
I was Santa Claus
Now I have grandchildren
I look like Santa Claus
FESTIVE FACT # 08
The largest crèche in the world is an 1136 square-meter miniature of a Provencal village, located in the town of Grignan in the Drôme, 10 km west of Valréas.
BRUMALIA
In the Roman Empire on the great day of December 25th, came the Brumalia or festival of the shortest day.
It was a day of great religious significance for the sun-worshipers.
This day was also known as Natalis Solus Invicti or the "Birth of the Unconquerable Sun"
This was the time when the day began again to lengthen.
In the fifth century the Western Church ordered Christmas to be celebrated forever on the day of the old Roman feast of the birth of Sol.
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