Uncanny Christmas Tales – (069) The Christmas Wedding

 

Paul Chisholm and Leilanie Sampang were engaged for three years when they broke up, but the moment it happened he for one knew he had made a terrible mistake, but he didn’t know what to do about it, or he was too proud to admit his error until his sisters Karen’s wedding.

Karen and Leilanie had been friends for several years before Paul and Leilanie became an item, so it was a given that she would be a bridesmaid even if there might be some possible awkwardness.

 

The wedding and the reception were taking place at the Clerembeax Palace Hotel and Spa and on the day before the wedding all the ladies of the wedding party had a full day’s beauty treatments, facials, manicures, pedicures, waxing etc, the whole nine yards and afterwards they got their hair done.

So, when the giggling overexcited and slightly tipsy wedding party arrived at the restaurant that evening, they had been coiffured, waxed, buffed, threaded, tweezed, perfumed, painted, powdered, and preened.  

 

Karen was convinced that her brother and her best friend had made a terrible error when they broke up, so she decided an intervention was necessary so for the wedding party dinner he sat them together.

During the dinner more alcohol was partaken and Paul and Leilanie

began to flirt as the old flame was rekindled and by the end of the evening, they were holding hands under the table.

 

After the meal they walked back to their floor together hand in hand and on the way, they paused beneath the mistletoe and kissed, but not a normal Christmas kiss, something much more passionate.

“So, what does this mean?” he asked when their lips parted.

“It means I want you back” She replied, “I want you to take me back,”

“I want that too” he said, and they kissed again.

After the reuniting kiss they walked hand in hand to the door of his room where they kissed again, before unlocking the door and pushing it open.

“Before we go any further, are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes” she replied, “I made a terrible mistake letting you go”. 

“We both made a terrible mistake” he said and took hold of her hand and walked her into his room.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (068) Holiday Highlight

 

The Walters and the Pickford’s had lived in Springwater for many generations and every year they had a family holiday together in Greece.

Colin and Kate Walters and their sons Harry and Sam, Kate’s sister Christine Pickford and husband David and their daughters Charlotte and Ellie, all stayed in the Villa that was jointly owned by the two families every year in Batsi on the island of Andros.

Sam Walters was a twenty-nine-year-old solicitor who still lived in the old family home in Springwater although his parents had retired to their Greek Villa and his brother Harry was working for a magazine in New York.

 

At Christmas the family had a cabin booked in the depths of the Dancingdean Forest and Sam was really looking forward to it, partly because he planned to get into the depths of his cousin Charlotte. 

On one family holiday in Greece Sam, who was a few weeks short of his nineteenth birthday at the time, was seduced by his Aunt Christine’s oldest daughter Charlotte, who was just sixteen, for the first of many enjoyable occasions.

Subsequently Sam and Charlotte were what is known as “friends with benefits” which was a mutually satisfactory arrangement, and her youngest daughter, Ellie, seduced him in his own bedroom when she was 22.

So, he was so looking forward to the weekend as he headed up to the cabin straight from work on Friday evening but even, so it was dark when he arrived, and it turned out he was not the first to arrive as there was already a car parked outside.

Sam parked beside it as he tried to ascertain who it belonged to, but   he didn’t recognize it at all.

He took his case from the boot and took it inside and found an empty room and unpacked.

But as he walked down the corridor, he again wondered why there was a strange car on the drive especially if there wasn’t another houseguest.

He went into the kitchen and boiled the kettle and then sat down to drink it, and after he finished his drink, he then started checking the other rooms to find out who the mystery guest was.

He opened the first door and the light from the hall flooded into the room and it was empty, then he repeated the process on the next 5 doors and then on door six he did a double take.

In the corner of the room there was a double bed but that was not what surprised him, what had got his attention, was what was directly in front of him perfectly illuminated, it was the most perfect round peach of a bottom, and it was an arse he was very familiar with, for laying with her back to him on the double bed in the foetal position, partially covered by a tartan blanket was his Cousin Ellie’s naked body.

He walked over to the bed and put his hand on one of her firm young buttocks and said.

“I see you’ve already unwrapped my present.”

“Then you had better enjoy it quickly before the others get here” she replied and crawled under the blanket and onto her knees.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (067) I’m Not a Nun!

 

It was dark and very cold as I sat on a bench in the hospital garden, and furthermore it was snowing again.

I was sitting there alone as I had just heard the news that my mother was dying, and I was still somewhat in shock.

I was on my way home; Mum had been sedated so there was no point in my staying and the end was a little while off yet.

I should have gone straight home, but I had no one to go home to and I needed time to think.

I had been sitting there for maybe half an hour and was used to the silence and was totally lost in my own thoughts so much so that I had failed to hear the crunch of approaching footsteps in the snow.

Due to the darkness, I was all but invisible and I suddenly saw something moving in my peripheral vision which made me jump and to my perpetual shame caused me to let out an involuntary yelp.

This in turn made the figure in the dark scream.

The source of the scream was a nurse at the convent hospital and who worked on the wing my mother was in, I couldn’t bring her name to mind at the time.

“Oh Shit” she said in very un-convent like language.

“What the fuck are you doing hiding out here in the dark?”

“I’m sorry” I said, “I didn’t mean to scare you”.

“Oh its Mr. McAteer isn’t it?” she asked “So what brings you out here? Are you ok?”

“Yes” I replied, “I just needed some quiet time”.

“I heard about your mother, I’m sorry it wasn’t better news” she said.

She sat down on the bench beside me and took out a pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket, she took one out and put it to her lips and then offered the pack to me.

I had given up smoking two years earlier, but I didn’t hesitate in accepting one.

“Thanks Nurse…” I began.

“Fedeli” she replied as she gave me a light “But call me Elena”.

“Thanks Elena” I said and inhaled deeply and closed my eyes as I exhaled the smoke and felt the welcoming light headedness as my body greeted the nicotine with open arms.

“It looks like you’re enjoying that Mr. McAteer” she said.

“Call me Dave” I said and took another drag “this is the first fag I’ve had for two years”.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know” Elena said.

“Don’t be sorry, I really missed it” I said honestly.

She dragged on her cigarette. The tip glowing brightly, briefly illuminated her face and then faded to a glow.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” I said taking a final drag on my cigarette before dropping it on the ground and grinding it under the heel of my shoe.
“That’s ok” she replied and paused briefly before adding.

“By the sound of that yelp you made, perhaps I should be apologizing to you”.

“Quite” I said sheepishly.

“You look like you could use a drink” Elena said.

And she reached into her pocket again and this time pulled out a silver hip flask.

She unscrewed the cap and took a slug and then handed it to me.

“Thanks” I said taking it from her and putting it to my lips.

The whisky tasted so good, and I felt it warming me to the very core.

I handed her back the flask and watched her take a good slug before putting the cap back on.
 “What kind of a nun are you?” I asked with a laugh “Swearing, smoking and drinking”.

And actually, thinking what a really naughty girl she was.

“I’m not a nun!” She shouted, “Why does everyone think I’m a nun?”

“Sorry but you work in a convent hospital, and you dress like a nun” I said in my defence.

“I’m a nurse in a hospital, and this is my uniform” she said, “No wonder, nobody ever asks me out, I can assure you that I’m not a nun!”

“I’m sorry Elena” I said, “If it helps, I thought you were a very attractive nun”.

She looked at me and laughed.

The snow continued to fall and was settling on her headgear.

As I looked at her, I couldn’t understand why she would ever have been short of a date.

She had a beautiful face, and her eyes were dazzling.

It was also a kind face with a delicate smile and her colouring clearly betrayed her Mediterranean ancestry.

Being a good catholic boy and having thought until a few minutes earlier that she was a nun, I wasn’t sure if thinking she was sexy was a sin or not, but I thought she was, even if it was sinful.

I was also grateful for the distraction from thinking about my mum.

“How are you feeling now?” she asked me of the blue.
“Much better,” I replied
“Was it a shock?” she asked,

“Yes.” I replied and then corrected myself “No, not really”.

She didn’t speak but looked at me and silently invited me to continue.

“I was expecting it, but I didn’t want to believe it” I said, “I lied to myself”.

“That’s quite natural” she said sympathetically “Loved ones have often confided that to me”.

“That’s because they think you’re a nun” I said, and we both laughed.

The snow was falling harder now, and it was getting colder.

“Are you off duty?” I asked although I’d already made the assumption that she was.

“Yes” she replied, “I’m done for the day”.

“Well, I’m chilled to the bone” I said, “do you fancy getting something to eat?”

“Yes, that would be nice” she replied, and a broad smile crossed her face “As long as you don’t mind being seen out with a nun”.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (066) If You Are Wondering About the Whereabouts

 

If anyone is wondering where all the traffic cones, personnel barriers and sundry mobile street signage have gone I can now reveal their whereabouts.

They are currently to be found on every Road, Street, Lane, and Close in Woking.

Some barriers stand sentinel around abandoned holes in the ground, while cones are to be found either in ones or twos making potholes or broken drains or in uniform rows blocking off perfectly serviceable lanes for weeks on end for no apparent reason.

We also appear to have all the temporary traffic lights in the land and so numerous are they that they rival, in number, the towns Christmas lights.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (065) A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the …….

 

It was a terrifying moment when the world seemed to revert to slow motion, and I thank God for that because had it not I would have killed him.

I was on my way home in the early evening gloom of a December day, it was slow progress as it had been for months due to major road works, and I had sat through two light change sequences before my journey finally got underway.

Well, when I say “I was on my way home” I was actually on my way to pick up my wife Tina first which is why I was driving down Maybury Road.

It was a single-track, one-way street running parallel with the railway line from Sheerwater into Woking Town Centre which is heavily tree lined along the railway side and predominantly terraced housing on the other.

It’s quite a long stretch of road and runs as straight as an arrow and under normal circumstances such a stretch of road might tempt you into excessive speed.

However, running on the left-hand side of Maybury Road is a cycle lane and, on the right, intermittently  parked cars which narrowed the road dramatically and this combined with very poor lighting and a significant number of side roads a cautious 20 to 25 mph was the order of the day.

So, it was under the afore mentioned conditions that I proceeded along Maybury Road towards Woking Town centre.

I had just about reached halfway when I saw a well-equipped cyclist ahead of me in the cycle lane, I slowed to 20 mph as I passed it, leaving as much room as was possible given the parked cars on the offside.

I safely passed the cyclist and was just beginning to think about increasing my speed, but instead I took my foot off the gas as I neared the rear end of a parked Ford Transit van and just as I did so another cyclist appeared from the darkness heading straight for me.

He had been riding along the pavement when a number of pedestrians inconveniently blocked his path, so he swerved out into the road and straight into my path.

He was dressed in dark clothing and the bike had no lights, so he was almost invisible, and I only spotted him at the very last second as the van had turned on his lights.

I slammed on the brakes and slewed the car sideways so my front-end way blocking the cycle lane, fortunately the bike I had passed had not caught me up.

The whole incident took little more than a second yet seemed to run in slow motion, I think if it hadn’t, I would have him.

Of course, time didn’t really slow down it was just the way my brain processed it.

I missed hitting the hapless bike rider by the width of a bike wheel and we finished up with him sandwiched between me and the van.

But quite unperturbed he picked up his bike and wriggled between me and the van and was quickly on his way.

I on the other hand just sat where I had come to a stop with my heart pounding in my chest.

My hands gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles were white, and there I sat until I heard a tapping on my passenger door window.

“Are you alright?” A muffled voice asked.

I wound down the window.

“Are you alright?” The voice asked again.

It was the girl on the bike I had overtaken a minute or so earlier.

“Yes” I replied, “it just took my breath away”.

“Bloody idiot” she said.

That’s a bit harsh I thought to myself I didn’t do anything wrong.

“Its idiots like that that give us cyclists a bad name” she said indignantly, and she gave me a smile and was on her way.

Just at that moment the driver behind me sounded his horn which brought me out of my torpor, and I drove off.

When I met Tina outside her building, I got in the passenger side and let her drive.

I recounted the story of what had happened and then reflected on what might have been.

Had I not backed off the gas when I did, or had the van not turned on his lights when it did it may have been a tragedy rather than an anecdote.

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (064) – The Pagan Ritual

 

The beautiful Downshire village of Clerembeax St Giles was situated to the west of Abbeyvale located between Grace Hill and Bushy Down and on the outskirts was the Clerembeax Palace Hotel and Spa and one of the rooms was occupied by Carl Arkley, a regular guest whenever he was in the area, and permanent resident Fiza Alwi was always excited to see him and there was a very good reason for that.

 

When Carl first stayed there, he met Fiza, and they exchanged pleasantries, and it was obvious that she was taken with him.

because she fussed with her thick black hair and got very flustered and when he shook her hand she blushed, which he thought made her look even lovelier.

He liked her, she was a tall skinny young woman of Somali descent with a huge black eyes and toothy smile which lit up her face so when they ran into each other around the Hotel, he would always flirt outrageously with her, and Fiza would always flirt back.

Occasionally when they had a coffee together or share a table at breakfast, he would innocently caress her hand with his thumb or brush his fingertips against skin and she would blush.

But it wasn’t until Christmas that things progressed when they were sat in the breakfast room alone with no prying eyes and he blatantly held her hand and caressed her cheek with the other and he would have kissed her too if the waitress hadn’t re-entered the restaurant and the moment was past.

As he was leaving later that day, he thought his chance had gone until the New Year but as he walked into reception Fiza leapt on him and trapped him against the wall armed with a bunch of mistletoe and only when she had satisfied herself and the pagan ritual, did she let him go she gave him a toothy grin and said.

“You could always stay another night”. 

Uncanny Christmas Tales – (063) Just one Present

 

The Dulcets are a collection of villages and hamlets comprising of Dulcet-on-Willow, Dulcet St Mary, Dulcet Green, and Dulcet-on-Brooke, to name but a few, and of course Dulcet Meadow which was where Liam Harris was making preparations for Christmas.

It was Christmas Eve and apart from the delivery of Christmas gifts and cards to friends and family, he spent most of it alone listening to Christmas music, watching schmaltzy movies on TV, and thinking about Ava and their future.

 

While he was enjoying his own company Ava spent the day helping her mum with the preparations for the big day, but she spent the evening with him, arriving about seven o’clock.

It was their first Christmas together and because Liam had put the presents underneath the tree that afternoon, almost the moment she arrived she was like an annoying child.

“Can I open a present?” she asked all evening what seemed like every ten minutes.

“Just one, please, please, please”

Ava was getting on his nerves to tell the truth, she kept picking up the presents, shaking them, squeezing them, and even listening to them.

Eventually she managed to wear him down and he relented and as he headed upstairs to the loo Liam said.

“We can open one present”“

“Goody” she squealed.

“Just one each before we leave for midnight mass” he called and when he returned downstairs, he was expecting to find her waiting impatiently to open a present.

But instead, he found her lying beside the tree with wrapping paper loosely draped about her clearly naked body and she said.

“You go first”.

Once Liam had un-wrapped his present and thoroughly enjoyed the contents, they were very nearly late for midnight mass.