THREE MEN DIED ON CHRISTMAS EVE

 

Three men died on Christmas Eve

And were stood before St Peter

“You must all pass a simple test

Before you are allowed to enter”

 

“So produce a symbol of the season

Either on or about your person”

 

The first man retrieved a bauble

From his overcoat pocket

And St Peter turned to the gate

And proceeded to unlock it

 

St Peter said “You are blessed

Because you have passed the test”

 

The next man took a red bow

From his overcoat pocket

And St Peter turned to the gate

And proceeded to unlock it

 

St Peter said “You are blessed

Because you have passed the test”

 

The last man took a pair of panties

From his overcoat pocket

St Peter stood fast before the gate

And made no effort to unlock it

 

St Peter said “You are not blessed

Because you have failed the test”

 

“In what way do a pair of knickers

Symbolized the Christmas season

I fail to see how they are appropriate

So enlighten me as to the reason”

 

So the man proceeded to explain

“A young woman’s intimate apparels

Are without a doubt appropriate

When they happen to be carols”

IT WAS ANOTHER SUV CHRISTMAS

 

It was another SUV Christmas

Thanks to my significant other

No not that kind of SUV, I got

Socks, Underwear and Viagra

MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 3

 

My worst Christmas present ever

Without a doubt, I have concluded

Was when I received a box of batteries

Labelled “toys not included”

 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS PIROUETTE (2020)

 

Former Olympic skating hopeful Courtney Bennett (Abigail Klein) runs the Worcester outdoor public skating oval in the Common behind City Hall and teaches skating classes, when Mayor Greenwood (Will Lyman) announces it will be closing after Christmas.

Then she meets former NHL hockey player Noah Tremblay (Ryan Cooper) who runs the new indoor skating centre and his daughter Grace (Meara Mahoney-Gross) after Grace joins Courtney's skating class.

But they come together to try to save the public rink and the Christmas Carnival at the Oval and fall in love along the way.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – NATIVITY ROCKS! THIS AIN'T NO SILENT NIGHT (2018)

 

Jerry Poppy (Simon Lipkin) journeys to St Bernadette’s primary in Coventry in search of the brother he didn’t know he had, Desmond, only to find out from the new headteacher, Mrs. Keen (Celia Imrie), that he and his Aunt were in Australia.

His arrival coincides with the announcement that the city is competing to be the city of Christmas by staging a rock opera, to be directed by Emmanuel Cavendish (Craig Revel Horwood).

So Jerry joins teacher Ben Johnson (Daniel Boy) to try and get the class an audition for the competition, while also helping social worker (Helen George) try to reunite unattached refugee Doru (Brian Alan Bartle) with his father (Ramin Karimloo) after Doru runs away from his friend Barnaby’s (Rupert Turnbull) house. 

So they must follow him to Much Wenlock where they meet Farmer Beatie (Ruth Jones) and then they must all get  back to Coventry in time for the concert.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964)

 

Martian children have become obsessed with television shows from Earth which are full of references, depictions, and stories about Santa Claus.

So, an expedition is sent to Earth to kidnap Santa from the North Pole, then the group of Martians take Santa Claus and two children back to Mars with them because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.

But Santa and the Earthling children soon overcome the Martians by bringing fun, happiness, and Christmas cheer to the children of Mars.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE NUTCRACKER AND THE FOUR REALMS (2018)

 

After receiving a gift from her godfather Drosselmeyer (Morgan Freeman) at his Christmas Party Clara (Mackenzie Foy) is magically transported to an enchanted world where she encounters a soldier named Phillip (Jayden Fowora-Knight), a gang of mice, and the regents who preside over three Realms.

Shiver (Richard E. Grant) regent of the Land of Snowflakes, Hawthorne (Eugenio Derbez) of the Land of Flowers, and Sugar Plum (Keira Knightley) Land of Sweets.

The Fourth Realm is ruled by the tyrant Mother Ginger (Helen Mirren) and Clara and Phillip are encouraged by Sugar Plum to brave the ominous Fourth Realm to retrieve a special key to return harmony to the unstable world.

But nothing is quite what it seems in the magical world of gingerbread soldiers and a mice army.