Snow
spattered, unseen, against the steamy glass
As
the train rattled out of the station
It
was a fairly crowded train, but not full
With
weary shoppers, shopping bags bursting
And
commuting workers the weeks work done
Journeying
homeward at the dark days end
A
cheerful crowd though
Pleased
with themselves bright faced and hearty
Full
of seasonal cheer anticipating the holiday
Seemingly
oblivious to the drafty carriage
I
sat alone and felt lifted by the quiet jolliness
Contemplating
the collective countenance
Of
the self satisfied passengers
Then
she appeared and I was lifted higher
There
she was larger than life vivacious and self assured
Covered
with snowflakes and laughing to herself
My
snow angel, with snow covering her like sugar on a doughnut
Wrapped
up against the cold in a woolen hat and coat
And
the long knitted scarf draped about her neck
She
shook her head and her light brown hair danced about her shoulders
And
the snowflakes melted away from her soft curls
There
was a rosy redness on her cheeks
Almost
matching the hue of her coat
Either
from the cold winter evening or a liberal taste of Christmas spirit
A
little of both probably
She
made her way down the train between the seats
Leaving
wet snowflakes in her wake
Full
length coat swishing side to side
She
moved almost gracelessly, which suited her well
As
she tottered a little in her high boots
Perhaps
due to the lurching motion of the train
Or
the Christmas punch and eggnog
She
was still laughing softly to herself which also suited so well
And
then she saw me, and her eyes lit up like beacons
She
stopped and stood momentarily open mouthed
Then
her smile illuminated the carriage
My
heart soared at the sight of her
I
returned her smile and she flushed a little deeper red
It
had been almost a year since I last saw her
My
lovely lost love, Linda
I
had locked all my feelings away but now they were back
Like
a door had opened in my heart and they all rushed out
And
I missed her so much I didn’t know just how much till that moment
We
were never lovers, only ever friends
But
very special friends very close friends though no more
We
laughed a lot together, shared confidences
Best
friends but no more than that,
Though
I wanted more, so much more
But
I didn’t want to lose what we had so I said nothing
I
loved her so much, but she was not free for me to love
And
Linda was not free to love me even if she wanted
So
I contented myself with our special friendship
My
unrequited love remained so
If
that was all then better that than nothing
I
was happy to love her unconditionally
Then
circumstances changed, my father died
I
had to move away and I didn’t see her again, until now
Now
she was in front of me, my angel, larger than life
Smiling,
blushing, laughing and so lovely
I
stood up and smiled at her again
She
threw herself at me and she hugged me so tight
I
smelled her hair as I held her and was intoxicated by her scent
All
the old feelings flooded back over whelming me
Yet
could it be my love was not unrequited
We
sat down on the lumpy seats in the rattly carriage
And
were completely alone
We
sat looking at each other not wanting to lose sight of one another
In
case the spell were broken
She
removed a glove and put her hand on mine
As
if testing it was not a dream then she slipped her hand into mine
Her
delicate fingers so small in my grasp
For
the remainder of the journey we reveled in each other’s company
We
caught up with the lost months filled in the gaps
Still
oblivious to our companions
It
was as if we had never been apart
Then
the train shook to a halt as all too soon we had arrived
Our
fellow travelers rushed off to their Christmases
Reluctantly
we left our seats and disembarked arm in arm
Then
hand in hand we walked slowly along the platform
Still
talking and laughing and then out onto the street
Where
the shops were now closing and the town was relatively quiet
From
one pub Noddy Holder screamed “it’s Christmas” to the world
Only
the pubs and restaurants seemed to hold any attraction to most
But
we joined a small group gathered round the Salvation Army band
And
joined in with the carol singing in the town square
Before
strolling towards the taxi stand
As
the snow again fell onto Linda’s soft curls
We
took our place in the queue of travelers eager to be home
I
wanted to be nowhere else but with her
Smiling
she turned to face me and kissed me gently on the lips
Such
a warm sensitive and tender kiss
When
our lips parted she smiled at me coyly
And
flushed a deep shade of pink
Then
I kissed a snowflake off her nose
And
cupped her flushed cheek in my palm
Then
I slid my fingers beneath her hair
Caressing
the soft downy hair on her nape
And
pulled her sweet lips to mine and returned her kiss
Her
arms enveloped me holding me so close, so tightly
Not
wanting to let go, not wanting to lose what we had found
Not
wanting to lose me again
We
stood locked in our embrace as the snow fell softly on the scene
She
pulled away for a moment then buried her face in my neck
And
spoke “I’ve missed you so much, I’ve missed your love for me”
I
had waited so long for this moment waited so long to here those words
To
hear my love returned then we kissed again
Cabs
arrived and departed through the slush
The
queue around us just kept moving as if unaware of our love
After
a while we moved from the queue sat on a bench and talked
My
love was not unrequited she felt the same for me
She
had always done so yet still she was not free
She
was torn between the two of us
Torn
between the comfortable familiarity for a good man
A
loyal and dependable man, safety
And
the passion she felt for a soul mate
It
wasn’t fair on him he hadn’t done anything wrong
So
our love had to be a forbidden one
Best
friends no more, I wanted more, so much more
And
could not content myself with a special friendship
Now
I knew my love was not unrequited
There
was no going back, now Pandora’s Box had been opened
But
at least now I knew she loved me
With
the same depth as I loved her
We
walked back to the taxi rank and kissed again in the snow
All
too soon she got into a taxi
And
through the winter wonderland departed taking my love with her
With
her palm pressed against the glass she craned her neck to keep sight of me
Through
the snow spattered window until the very last moment
Till
the cab had gone out of sight
She
was gone from my arms, gone from my view, gone from my life
But
a Christmas happening had changed my life forever
A
brief encounter, fleeting, here and then gone
Her
scent still in my nostrils, the taste of joy on my lips
My
soul mate gone forever, yet forever in my memory, forever in my heart
I
would never see her again and moved away in the New Year
Making
a life elsewhere but I never forgot her
And
when on a winter’s night I hear the “Sally army” play
Or
when the snow falls during Christmas time
Or
I feel a snowflake on my skin
I
feel her small hand in mine and then she is once again in my arms
And
I smell her soft brown hair and the taste of her is on my lips
I
hear her say “I love you” and she is mine forever
