CHRISTMAS ACROSS THE SEA

 

I am of occidental origin

And I should make it clear

That I have lived all my life

In the northern hemisphere

 

And every year, except this one

I’ve spent Christmas in blighty

This year, I was invited to my daughters

I tried to decline, politely

 

She doesn’t live in Britain

But in the land of the kangaroo

Christmas day in high summer

Oh what an awful to-do

 

The hot sun was like the Grinch

Not a cloud in the sky since dawn

It ruined the day for me

And it made the eggnog warm

 

Flies buzzed round the turkey

My hat was stuck to my head

No queen’s speech on the telly

I wish I’d stayed home instead

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ONCE UPON A HOLIDAY (2015)

 

Katherine (Briana Evigan) is a Royal Princess and is in New York just before Christmas for a series of official engagements.

But she just wants an hour to herself out of her busy schedule to visit an art exhibition.

But when her Aunt Margaret (Jacqueline Samuda), who runs her life, tells her it was not possible and to stop being selfish she escapes her entourage to explore New York anyway and as she is tired of her diamond-studded and privileged life and the royal responsibilities that went along with being a royal princess she decided to take longer than an hour.

But when a pair of street hustlers steal her purse and prised camera, a good Samaritan, a young man called Jack (Paul Campbell) comes to her aid and ends up sweeping her off of her feet when he shows her his side of the city.

And when her true identity is finally revealed it is Jack who arranges for her to view the exhibition unheeded after calling in a favour.

It’s a lovely film in which, Harry (Jay Brazeau) steals the show as Jack’s friend, in this gentle heart-warming Christmas tale.

MY CHRISTMAS WISH

 

Dear Santa Claus its that time once again

And not for the first time I have to complain

Last Christmas you once again failed miserably

In securing that one simple gift for me

Every Christmas I write and beg and plead

And I’ve been good, not perfect though I’ll concede

This is not the first complaint you’ve had from me

I’ve written since I was four and now I’m forty three

So once again I’m sending you my Christmas list

And ask you to fulfill my one and only wish

Please send me my own special red hot lover

Or at the very least my own significant other

THREE WISE ONES

 

The three wise men

Travelled for days before reaching Bethlehem

And arrived after the birth

They stood and viewed the scene in awe

And knelt reverently in the lords presence

Then gave their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

 

The three wise women

Would have stopped to ask directions

And arrived before the birth

They would have delivered the baby

Then they would have cleaned the stable and cooked a meal

Before giving the baby really useful gifts

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS IN WONDERLAND

 

It's turning out to be a really bad Christmas for the Saunders family, because they’ve just moved from Los Angeles to Edmonton, father Wayne (Patrick Swayze) has just lost his job, his wife Judy (Rachel Hayward) is stranded at LA airport, the kids have no friends, the family have no money and, with the exception of the bright-eyed Mary, they have no Christmas spirit.

With Judy stuck in LA the Christmas shopping duties fall on Wayne and the kids, Brian, (Matthew Knight) Danny (Cameron Bright) and Mary (Amy and Zoe Schlagel) have to tag along.

But its not long before things start looking a bit more like Christmas, when 12-year old Brian and 6-year old Mary find a satchel full of money at the local mall and they launch into a Yuletide shopping spree, but the crooks, Leo and Sheldon Cardoza (Chris Kattan, Preston Lacy) and their boss Ginger Peachum (Carmen Electra), who counterfeited the money, chase them through the mall packed with holiday shoppers.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SURVIVING XMAS (2018)

Miranda (Gemma Whelan) and Dan (Julian Ovenden) and their children live in the run down, rambling country house inherited from her recently deceased parents which they run as a small holding.

Despite its dilapidated, work in progress, state with a team of polish builders’ resident on site, they have invited a house full for Christmas.

Mirandas fading Hollywood actress sister Lyla (Joely Richardson), her alcoholic/drug addict husband Trent (Michael Landes) and their children, Dans oversexed half-sister Vicky (Ronni Ancona), his ex-wife Miriam (Sally Phillips) and addict son Harry (Jonas Moore),

Aunt Peggy (Patricia Hodge) and Uncle John (James Fox), to name but a few.

So, a chaotic Christmas ensues with old sibling rivalry, family squabbles, drunkenness, drug abuse, and infidelities all of which threaten to sabotage the season of goodwill.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS TREE (1966)

“The Christmas Tree” is A Children's Film Foundation Christmas-themed short film, in which a trio of kids Gary (William Burleigh), Jane (Kate Nicholls) and Sam (Anthony Honour) decide to embark on an epic odyssey to transport a large Christmas tree some 30 miles to a children's hospital in London and get into a variety of scrapes along the way.

It is filmed in black and white which adds to the atmosphere and is well photographed, there is plenty of humour to keep things moving along and the cast includes Brian Blessed and Geoffrey Whitehead as policemen.

All in all a very enjoyable little film.