Snow blankets the ground
Lights twinkle and flash and chase
Reds, blues, white
From
Chimney pot
To garden
gate
Lights of
every hue
And a five
foot plastic Winnie the Pooh
Santa’s,
elves and reindeer
Stand guard
on front lawns
Neon signs
point the way for Santa
A typical
scene now you might think
Could be
anywhere in the world
The only
thing to give away the location
Is the fact
it’s still November
So welcome
to
Christmas
in Chav land
Laid naked on the kitchen table
White flesh
from leg to breast
A Christmas
bird to be enjoyed
My table
was truly blessed
I set about
the job in hand
Getting the
bird prepared
And by
using all my expertise
No effort
at all was spared
Having
greased the old bird well
The meaty
legs spread wide
And I began
to stuff the bird
I was
really in my stride
When the
bird had been well stuffed
It lay
resting on the cooker
Smelling of
sage and onion
The bird really
was a looker
Then I
looked up at the kitchen clock
Panic
filled me and I began to fret
I shouted
to my wife “quick put you pants on”
I haven’t
prepared the turkey yet
Michael Thompson (Patrick Muldoon) is an uptight city accountant who
is struggling to raise his teenage daughter Chloe (Mandalynn Carlson) all on
his own after his wife’s tragic death.
Being a single parent and having to work long hours Chloe doesn’t see
as much of him as she would like which leads to her attention seeking behaviour,
so when he gets a call from Cliff Harrison (Rick Herod) to help save their family
stables before ruthless bankers shut them down, he wonders if the country life
is just what he and Chloe need to start over.
However when
Michael arrives to sort out a farm’s financial problems he finds that Cliff's
daughter Samantha (Charisma Carpenter) is not as appreciative of his help as
rest of the family (Sydney (Dominique
Swain), Jackson (Jaren
Lewison), and Ben (Billy Tilk)) are for his help.
But as they search for ways to save the family's legacy, Romance develops
between the accountant and Samantha while the baddies in the story seem hell
bent on acquiring the farms best horse called Holly which is prised by the
family as it was Cliff’s deceased wife’s favourite.
I could be your Christmas tree,
Strung with
tinsel and lit, brightly
You can
trim me with ribbons and bows
Baubles and
bells anything goes
I shall be
greeted with gasps and wows
And you can
hide gifts beneath my boughs
You won’t
regret it if you buy me
So let me be your Christmas tree
Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat
Pick me out
the fattest one and we’ll have that
It needs to
be a big one for our Christmas feast
In fact just give us the one that’s clinically obese
I am of occidental origin
And I
should make it clear
That I have
lived all my life
In the
northern hemisphere
And every
year, except this one
I’ve spent
Christmas in blighty
This year, I
was invited to my daughters
I tried to
decline, politely
She doesn’t
live in Britain
But in the
land of the kangaroo
Christmas
day in high summer
Oh what an
awful to-do
The hot sun
was like the Grinch
Not a cloud
in the sky since dawn
It ruined
the day for me
And it made
the eggnog warm
Flies
buzzed round the turkey
My hat was
stuck to my head
No queen’s speech
on the telly
I wish I’d
stayed home instead
Katherine (Briana Evigan) is a Royal Princess and is in New York just
before Christmas for a series of official engagements.
But she just wants an hour to herself out of her busy schedule to
visit an art exhibition.
But when her Aunt Margaret (Jacqueline Samuda), who runs her life,
tells her it was not possible and to stop being selfish she escapes her
entourage to explore New York anyway and as she is tired of her diamond-studded
and privileged life and the royal responsibilities that went along with being a
royal princess she decided to take longer than an hour.
But when a pair of street hustlers steal her purse and prised camera,
a good Samaritan, a young man called Jack (Paul Campbell) comes to her aid and
ends up sweeping her off of her feet when he shows her his side of the city.
And when her true identity is finally revealed it is Jack who arranges
for her to view the exhibition unheeded after calling in a favour.
It’s a lovely film in which, Harry (Jay Brazeau) steals the show as
Jack’s friend, in this gentle heart-warming Christmas tale.
