ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS TIGHTS?

 

Are you wearing Christmas tights?

Adorned with a festive motif

Well, if those long festive limbs

Decorated with Christmas motif

Were to entwine about me

Then my resistant would be brief

ARE YOU WEARING XMAS TIGHTS?

 

Are you wearing Xmas tights?

Oh, how they are exciting me

Adorned with a festive motif

What a Christmas this will be

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS HOSIERY?

 

Are you wearing Christmas hosiery?

Phwor are you going to let me see

Oh, how they cling to the shape of you

I would like to cling to them too

Oh yes, I like them very much

Perhaps I might have a touch

Oh, you are a proper tease

Would you let me if I said please?

ARE YOU WEARING COLOGNE?

 

Are you wearing cologne?

You’re wearing “Black Knight”

What is going on?

Something’s not right

Your wearing you’re cologne

And it’s a school night

It’s not your birthday

So, you’re not due a delight

It’s definitely not Christmas

I know I have that right

It’s a snow day tomorrow?

Ok turn out the light

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKERS?

 

Are you wearing Christmas Knickers?

Is that appropriate for vicars?

Just kneel upon this hassock

While I rummage in your cassock

The bishop wouldn’t think it funny

My naughty little Christmas honey

ARE YOU WEARING REINDEER ANTLERS?

 

Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?

Well not the most original twist

You’ve been making rather merry

More Christmas spirit than you could resist

What exactly am I suggesting?

A little too much wine would be the gist

What makes me think that?

Well, I’ll tell you if you insist

Apart from the slurred speech

You are walking with a starboard list

And your antlers sit in disarray

So that’s how I know you’re pissed

ARE YOU WEARING A SPRIG OF MISTLETOE?

 

Are you wearing a sprig of mistletoe?

Are you hoping to meet a beau?

And kiss him passionately in the snow

An embrace to leave you all aglow

Is that why you wear the mistletoe?