Monday 27 February 2017

Christmas 2016 # 1

WHERE IS YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?

Where is your Christmas Spirit?
Tell me are you feeling it yet?
Why are you looking over there?
It’s not in your liquor cabinet

I REMEMBER THE TIME

I remember the time
I stopped believing in Santa Claus
And getting pants and socks
In my stocking was the cause

FAMILIES ARE AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE

Families are an absolute nightmare
I wouldn’t visit mine on a dare
Santa Claus has the right idea
Visiting people only once a year

I ALWAYS ENJOY THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTIES

I always enjoy the office Christmas parties
It’s my favourite part of the holiday
What I don’t like about the Christmas parties
Is looking for a new job the next day

CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN CANCELLED!

Christmas has been cancelled!
Let me make it perfectly clear
Santa died laughing when I told him
I’d been a good boy this year!

REMEMBER, CHRISTMAS ISN'T ABOUT

Remember, Christmas isn't about
How big the tree is, or what's under it
Or the Christmas lights and decorations
It's about the people who are around it

IN THE RUN UP TO CHRISTMAS BE ESPECIALLY

In the run up to Christmas be especially
Kind and caring to those around you
Because in the office Secret Santa
You don’t know who will be buying for you

CHRISTMAS PARADOX

One of the paradoxes of family life
Is that kids will never admit to parents
That they don’t believe in Santa Claus
While every Christmas they get presents

FOR WOMEN THE HOLIDAY SHOPPING SEASON

For women the holiday shopping season
Starts on all hallows Eve
For men the holiday shopping season
Starts on Christmas Eve

A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA CLAUSE

A little boy wrote to Santa Clause
“Please send me a brother”
Santa Clause wrote him back,
“Ok, send me your mother”

THAT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS THAT IS # 1

That's political correctness that is
In one of its insidious ways
That’s stops us saying merry Christmas
And makes us say happy holidays

WHEN YOU OPEN THE WINDOWS

When you open the windows
Throughout the festive season
On Microsoft’s advent calendar
They suddenly close for no reason

I GOT AN INAPPROPRIATE PRESENT

I got an inappropriate present
From my grandparents you know
Ordinarily a Slinky is a great gift
But not if you live in a bungalow

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