FOR MY POOR DELUDED FATHER

 

For my poor deluded father

The men in white coats beaconed

He thought he was a chocolate orange

So now he’s been sectioned

I GOT AN INAPPROPRIATE PRESENT

 

I got an inappropriate present

From my grandparents you know

Ordinarily a Slinky is a great gift

But not if you live in a bungalow

WHEN YOU OPEN THE WINDOWS

 

When you open the windows

Throughout the festive season

On Microsoft’s advent calendar

They suddenly close for no reason

FOR WOMEN THE HOLIDAY SHOPPING SEASON

 

For women the holiday shopping season

Starts on all hallows Eve

For men the holiday shopping season

Starts on Christmas Eve

A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA CLAUSE

 

A little boy wrote to Santa Clause

“Please send me a brother”

Santa Clause wrote him back,

“Ok, send me your mother”

IF THE NEVERLAND GOVERNMENT

 

If the Neverland government

Hadn’t cut his disability   

Captain Hook would never

Have turned to piracy?

THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE

 

There is a special place

In hell for people that play

Any Christmas music

Before Thanksgiving Day