ON CHRISTMAS DAY 1901

 

The Boers launched a surprise attack against the British forces in the Orange-Free state at the Battle at Tweefontein.

RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO

Ruby the red nosed bimbo

Had a very strawberry nose

And if you ever saw her

You would even say it glows

 

All of the other bimbos 

Used to laugh and call her names. 

They never let poor Ruby 

Join in any bimbo games. 

Then one lonely Christmas Eve 

Someone came to play: 

Ruby with your nose so bright

Let me grab your tits tonight

 

Then all the fellas loved her

As they shouted out with glee, 

Ruby the red-nosed bimbo

You can now go down on me!

CHRISTINGLE MINGLE

 

It is the season that makes my senses tingle

The time of year when the sleigh bells jingle

And we come together for the Christingle mingle

When the Clauses and the Grinches intermingle

And happy clappy’s and traditionalists comingle

As we celebrate the service of Christingle

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY (2006)

 

Kevin (Jay Mohr) tries desperately to be involved with his son Ben (Logan Grove) and ex-wife Jill (Daphne Zuniga), even if it means spending Christmas with her parents, Trudi and Arthur (Adrienne Barbeau and Tim Thomerson), who loathe him, and Granny Conlon (Ruta Lee) who likes him a little too much.

But what he hadn’t bargained on was the double whammy of sharing the day with Jill’s new boyfriend Todd (David Millbern) or the fact that the only road out of Town was blocked by a boulder.

But he could have coped with all of that for one day, but during dinner his son Ben suddenly wished that it was Christmas every day, and from then on in true Groundhog Day tradition Kevin was forced to relive Christmas Day over and over again until he gets it right.

ON CHRISTMAS DAY 1896

 

John Philip Sousa wrote “Stars & Stripes Forever”.

AN ARDENNES CHRISTMAS

 

The next time you’re whining on about what a crap Christmas you had because your mother-in-law over did it on the sherry and told everyone what she really thinks about you or when your wife’s uncle Stan spent Christmas afternoon asleep on the sofa breaking wind with monotonous regularity.

Or your brother’s new girlfriend who kept hitting on your wife or your Gran who said “just a small dinner for me I don’t have much of an appetite” then spent the afternoon eating all the chocolate Brazils.

If this strikes a chord think again and Spare a thought for the half a million or so men of the allied forces and six hundred thousand Germans who spent Christmas 1944 outside in the snow in the Ardennes forest during the battle of the bulge.

Men like My father sheltering in foxholes scratched out of the frozen earth with no hot food or drink.

Unable to light fires for fear of giving their position away and regularly coming under enemy fire or being shelled

Then once you’ve hewn out a decent sized foxhole and settled down into it out of the icy wind an order comes down the line to move out and you move a hundred yards or less and dig another hole.

Go and tell your petty gripes to them and see if you get any sympathy.

SANTA SHOWS THE WAY

 

Several years ago, in a small town in Pennsylvania a paramedic responded to help a motorist who had suffered a heart attack.

When he arrived on scene, he noticed a man in a Santa suit directing traffic around the area of the incident.

He later discovered it was a firefighter who had been playing Santa at a children's party and came upon the accident on his way home.