Christmas Poem Selection # 22

CHRISTMAS PUDDING

Christmas pudding
Boiling in the pot
Rich steamed pudding
Hissing in the pot
Christmas pudding
Singing in the pot
Turn the pudding out
Its steaming hot

OH MY DEAR MRS. CHRISTMAS

Oh my dear Mrs. Christmas
You fill me with cheer
When I see you dressed
In all your Christmas gear

You look so tinsellicious
In the red velvet dress
With stockings to match
And I would like to stress

That I am looking forward
To seeing the silk underwear
And let’s not forget about
The little bit of white fur

I BUILT THE PERFECT SNOWMAN

I built the perfect snowman
Well a snow-woman actually
She was a little disproportionate
But she was perfect to me
She was a little cold
But we could’ve been happy

I wrapped her in a blanked
And took her to my bed
In the morning I was hoping,
Though nothing was said
That we would make love
But I woke alone instead
And to make matters worst
One of us had wet the bed

MY WIFE HAS MADE IT CLEAR TO ME

I mustn’t leave my shopping,
My wife has made it clear to me,
Until late on Christmas Eve
For my Christmas won’t be merry
If all she gets is cheap perfume
And more slutty lingerie

MITHRAS

Mithras was a pagan faith
Older than we can remember
And the festival was held
Towards the end of December

Thank God it’s been replaced
By the festival of Christmas
Otherwise we’d have to wish
Everyone a merry Mithras

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS DRAWERS?

Are you wearing Christmas drawers?
I would like a look at yours
I bet a pound to a penny
You’re not wearing any
There we have it at last
You are as I thought bare arsed
Of course it makes you look loose
Even if you have an excuse
Well that really is shocking
You’re supposed to hang a stocking

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 5

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
How ridiculous, no way
They can’t parallel park a car
How would they cope with a sleigh?

THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS

The magic of Christmas
Is the Christmas cheer
What a shame it can’t last
Throughout the year

BREAKFAST TIME COMES, AGAIN

Breakfast time comes
Just after day breaks
When Santa’s little helpers
Eat their Frosted Flakes!

CHRISTMAS BELLS

Christmas bells
Of Genus Blandfordia
Orange or crimson
Whose large flowers
Brighten the season

A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 1

For those born on Christmas day
Parents have a great responsibility
So don’t wish them a happy birthmas
Or Merry Chrisday it provokes hostility