Christmas Poem Selection # 4

ARE YOU WEARING AN ELF OUTFIT?

Are you wearing an elf outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
Pixie boots and a floppy hat
The green tights and all that
If you come to the grotto with me
You can call me Santa and sit on my knee

CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 3

I kept Billie home from school
For Christmas shopping
Doing it during school time
When the malls are empty

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 17

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
But there is a reason and here’s the tell
It’s just been fumigated and stank like hell

JW ADVENT CALENDAR # 1

You can now buy a Jehovah’s Witness
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
There are no Christmas messages
It just says Fuck off
Behind every door

WHEN CHRISTMAS WEARS ITS TINSELLED GOWN

When Christmas wears its tinselled gown
Joy fills the streets around the town
We must banish those who wear a frown
As we celebrate the King with the holy crown

CHRISTMAS GATEAU

It is time for me to make
My most special Christmas cake
The only thing you need to start
Is the most joyous open heart
Then add by the pound
All the love that can be found
Humble ingredients like
Thankfulness and Gratitude
Lashings of positive attitude
Laced with Christmas cheer
And a cup of Christmas beer
An abundance of good wishes
With lots of hugs and kisses
Not forgetting laughter and fun
Enough to serve everyone
And to complete my Gateau
I garnish with sprigs of mistletoe

BRANDISHING YOUR MISTLETOE

It’s Christmas Eve so off you go
Start brandishing your mistletoe
March off purposely through the snow
To find yourself a Christmas ho

MISSING EVERYONE

I miss everyone so much, that I fear
I’ll dampen everyone’s Christmas cheer
Then your emailed movie clip appears
And when I’ve wiped away my misty tears
The long miles seem to disappear
And feel more like you are all near
So I put away my lonely fears
Have another glass that cheers
And I’ll see you all on New Years

FILL MY CUP WITH CHEER

Fill my cup with cheer
Dear Lord
But let me be merry
And not drunk
Let me be a companion
And not a burden
Let me be happy
But not foolish
Let me know
When its time to go
And deliver me
Safely to my door

ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS DRESS?

Are you wearing a Christmas Dress?
The big red ribbon is particularly pleasant
I’m itching to pull at that bow
So when do I get to open my present

MY SISTER WAS AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS

My sister was afraid of Santa Claus
The thought of him made her sick
The rest of us all loved him to bits
But she was clearly Claus-trophobic

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA BRINGS

Do you know what Santa brings naughty
Boys and girls so they are not excluded?
It’s not coal anymore so don’t think that
It batteries, labelled "toy not included"

WALNUTS IN WINTER

Walnuts in winter
Along with filberts, almonds
And fleshy Brazils

YOUNG LOVERS CUDDLE

Young lovers cuddle
Listening to carols sung
While the Yule log burns

SNOWDROPS IN WINTER

Snowdrops in winter
Mother Nature’s heralds
Of the coming spring