Saturday 31 December 2016

Christmas Poem Selection # 23

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 6

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Well would that be so shocking
I mean if it were left to a man
And I don’t mean to be mocking
But are really more interested
In a very different stocking

ARE YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES?

Are you wearing any clothes?
My little Christmas elf
You’re supposed to dress the tree!
Not undress yourself

A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 2

For those born on Christmas day
They miss out, which is a caper
But to rub salt into the wound
Wrap their gift in Xmas paper

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
When into the roadway she strayed
It was an accident waiting to happen
Because Santa Claus was totally slayed

CHRISTMAS BOX

A common native of Asia
And the Himalayas
The Greeks called
It Sarcococca
“The fleshy berry”

We call it Christmas Box
With its large fragrant flowers
Blooming in winter
Making the stark
Christmas garden, merry

SNIP! SNAP! CHRISTMAS

Snip! Snap! Dragon!
Here comes the flaming bowl
So let mischief take its toll
Just as festive Christmas comes
Snatch at the feast of plums
In amongst the Brandy’s flame
It’s our favourite Christmas game
Snip! Snap! Dragon!

MINCE PIES FULL

Mince pies full
Of spice and season
I don’t eat them
Heartburn’s the Reason

MERRY BELLS

Merry Bells of Christmas
Of genus Uvularia
Whose yellow drooping
Bell-shaped flowers
Brighten the season

REINDEER TURN

Rudolph is doing stand up
At this year’s Christmas do
But between each gag he says
“This one will sleigh you”

IT WAS THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

It was the office Christmas party
Where I met my girl Lottie
I felt really out of place
Every girl there was totty
I was out of my comfort zone
They were all pouty and hottie
I was just about to go home
When she said “Are you Scottie?”
I said “yes how did you know?”
“I asked” she said “I’m Lottie,
So you could ask me to dance”
I looked at her like she was Potty
She just smiled at me patiently
I smiled back and said “What me?”
She nodded and smiled again
And was swept off my feet by Lottie

ARCTIC EDUCATION

At the North Pole
If an education is sought
You won’t get any training
Everyone is Elf taught

CHRISTINGLE (ACROSTIC)

Candles
Holly
Red ribbon
Incense
Sweets
Tinsel
Inspiration
Noel
Gold
Light
Eternal

BREAKFAST TIME COMES

Breakfast time comes
Just after day breaks
When Frosty the snowman
Eats his Snowflakes

IF THE STORK WAS TO VISIT

If the stork was to visit
Santa and Mrs. Claus
The child would naturally be called
The subordinate Claus

LUCY WANTED TO BUY HER GRANNY

Lucy wanted to buy her Granny
A ladies handkerchief set
But in the end changed her mind
She didn’t know what size to get

Christmas Poem Selection # 22

CHRISTMAS PUDDING

Christmas pudding
Boiling in the pot
Rich steamed pudding
Hissing in the pot
Christmas pudding
Singing in the pot
Turn the pudding out
Its steaming hot

OH MY DEAR MRS. CHRISTMAS

Oh my dear Mrs. Christmas
You fill me with cheer
When I see you dressed
In all your Christmas gear

You look so tinsellicious
In the red velvet dress
With stockings to match
And I would like to stress

That I am looking forward
To seeing the silk underwear
And let’s not forget about
The little bit of white fur

I BUILT THE PERFECT SNOWMAN

I built the perfect snowman
Well a snow-woman actually
She was a little disproportionate
But she was perfect to me
She was a little cold
But we could’ve been happy

I wrapped her in a blanked
And took her to my bed
In the morning I was hoping,
Though nothing was said
That we would make love
But I woke alone instead
And to make matters worst
One of us had wet the bed

MY WIFE HAS MADE IT CLEAR TO ME

I mustn’t leave my shopping,
My wife has made it clear to me,
Until late on Christmas Eve
For my Christmas won’t be merry
If all she gets is cheap perfume
And more slutty lingerie

MITHRAS

Mithras was a pagan faith
Older than we can remember
And the festival was held
Towards the end of December

Thank God it’s been replaced
By the festival of Christmas
Otherwise we’d have to wish
Everyone a merry Mithras

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS DRAWERS?

Are you wearing Christmas drawers?
I would like a look at yours
I bet a pound to a penny
You’re not wearing any
There we have it at last
You are as I thought bare arsed
Of course it makes you look loose
Even if you have an excuse
Well that really is shocking
You’re supposed to hang a stocking

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 5

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
How ridiculous, no way
They can’t parallel park a car
How would they cope with a sleigh?

THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS

The magic of Christmas
Is the Christmas cheer
What a shame it can’t last
Throughout the year

BREAKFAST TIME COMES, AGAIN

Breakfast time comes
Just after day breaks
When Santa’s little helpers
Eat their Frosted Flakes!

CHRISTMAS BELLS

Christmas bells
Of Genus Blandfordia
Orange or crimson
Whose large flowers
Brighten the season

A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 1

For those born on Christmas day
Parents have a great responsibility
So don’t wish them a happy birthmas
Or Merry Chrisday it provokes hostility

Christmas Poem Selection # 21

THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS TIME

The magic of Christmas time
Is all the good will it brings
But sadly it gets packed away
With the other Christmas things

CHRISTMAS TIP

If you want next Christmas
To be happy and merry
Then insure the Christmas card
You send to your sister Kerry
Has sufficient postage
And arrives before January

REMEMBER DECEMBER

The chilly month of December
Is the time for us to remember
In the run up to Christmas
Those who went before us
Loved ones and dear friends
Whose influence still wends
Shaping the form and style
Their memories making us smile
We remember the traditions
As they shared our celebrations

PUT A COIN IN THE BUCKET

Put a coin in the bucket
It doesn’t have to be big
Just a small token
That you won’t even miss

Put a coin in the bucket
Just drop it in
Or maybe a few
It’s good for your heart

Put a coin in the bucket
And shine a light
Into the darkest corner
Of a strangers life

Put a coin in the bucket
It’s nothing to you
But a bucket full of nothings
Will do a lot of good

I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK

I wish you Good luck
I wish you Good cheer
I wish you Good health
For the coming year

I wish you Good times,
I wish you great days
But I will never ever
Wish you happy holidays

AS WE APPROACH ANOTHER YULE

As we approach another Yule
Its time I went off on the pull
Looking for a Christmas honey
Someone attractive and funny
And if I manage to attract her
I will pull a Christmas cracker

WE COULD HAVE

We could have raised a glass
With all the usual crowd
We could have gone to mums
And spent Christmas in Stroud

We could have jetted off
For sand and sea and sun
We could’ve gone to my bro’s
Were they have “lots of fun”

We could have stayed at home
And just had “a quiet one”
Laughing at the annual
Morecambe and Wise rerun

But we decided to avoid this year
The usual helter skelter
And help cook Christmas dinner
At the homeless shelter

THE CHURCH BELLS RING OUT

The church bells ring out
The Christmas chimes
The congregation sings out
The Christmas rhymes
So lift up your hearts
And join the joyous throng
And sing heartily to the lord
A joyous Christmas song

MAY THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON

May this Christmas season
Be overflowing with Christmas spirit
Enough to banish all the Grinch’s
And the Ebenezer Scrooges
And make it a very merry Christmas

WINTER WARMER

The Snow lies on the Earth
Icicles hang from the gate
Frost sits on the window panes
A fire burns in the grate

The sun sets beyond the wood
Abandoning the sky
Let’s draw the curtains in
And bank the fire high

Now turn the lamplight up
And forget about the weather
Warm moment we’ll share
As we cosy up together

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 4

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why are we having this debate?
If Santa was a woman
How would she navigate?
My wife got lost last week
In a car park in Ramsgate

PRAYERS WERE SUNG

Prayers were sung
To the Heavens high
Then the angel told
The messiah was nigh
And a light of peace
Entered men’s hearts
Love filled the world
To herald a new start

A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 3

For those born on Christmas day
They miss out, which is a shame
But to rub salt into the wound
Give them a Christmas name

EBENEZER SCROOGE WENT TO COURT

Ebenezer Scrooge went to court,
Accused of shagging a cat
The judge dismissed the case in a jiffy
And said in all his years as a judge,
That he'd never known Scrooge
To put anything into a kitty

CHRISTMAS ISN’T JUST ABOUT PRESENTS

Christmas isn’t just about presents
I have a far deeper meaning in mind
Christmas marks the birth
Of the saviour of all mankind

Friday 30 December 2016

Christmas Poem Selection # 20

CHRISTMAS STAR

The Christmas star
Festively untypical
Having poisonous milk
And being tropical
But scarlet petal-like leaves
Make them appear more topical
And star shaped flowers
Are more decoratively typical

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 4

I've always loved my Santa
Since first we kissed
And he loves me because
I’m on the naughty list
THE THING THAT I ENJOY THE MOST

The thing that I enjoy the most
When Christmas descends
Isn’t giving and receiving gifts
It’s seeing my family and friends
Because when it comes down to it
That’s what counts in the end

LONELY CHRISTMAS

The room is full
Of good friends
And loving family
But I’m still lonely

There is laughter
Happiness and jollity
Kindness in abundance
But I’m still sad

There is warmth
In the familiar smiles
And in the tender hugs
But I’m still cold

I continue to be lonely
I continue to be sad
I continue to be cold
Because you’re not here

SPARE A THOUGHT

We live in a selfish world
We all think of “me and mine”
It’s perfectly natural, after all
Putting family first is fine
But just take a moment
As you sit down to dine
To think of the hungry
And when the meal is done
Think of the homeless
And as you enjoy the family fun
With people who truly care
Think of those who have no one

IN TRUE DICKENSIAN TRADITION

In true Dickensian tradition
Amidst the Christmas mayhem
Even in the thronging malls
There are unforced smiles
And pleasantries exchanged
Between people with
Christmas in their hearts
Warm and heartfelt wishes
Given gladly without hesitation
One stranger to another

GLASS DECORATIONS ON THE TREE

Glass Decorations on the tree
Candy canes of red and white
Tinsel sparkles delightfully
And reflects the coloured light

A garland graces the mantel
With boughs of fresh cut holly
Mistletoe is hopefully hung
To steal a kiss from Molly

OUTSIDE IT’S SNOWING HARD

Outside it’s snowing hard
Falling fast and lying deep
But you are warm and safe
As in your bed you sleep

But I must brave the elements
As the wind stings my face
So I can spend Christmas
In your sweet loving embrace

THE DOORBELL RINGS

The doorbell rings to announce
Arrivals from across the miles
And the spirit of the season
Is visible in the Christmas smiles

CHRISTMAS BLESSINGS

Throughout this seasonal time
Blessings come to us each day
The trick is to recognise them
So as not to turn them away

WHEN THE CAROLLERS SING

When the carollers sing
Their Christmas verses
Open up your hearts
And open up your purses

CELEBRATING CRIMBO

Some drunken bimbo
With legs akimbo
Showing off her bits
From ankle to pits
Lay in the gutter
And was heard to utter
To a fellow bimbo
Hacky crambo

THE BEST FORM OF EXERCISE

The best form of exercise
Is sex! Well that’s what they say
But five minutes at Christmas
Won’t take my beer gut away

THE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS OVER

The Christmas party is over
And so I guess
It’s now the time to wish you
A Happy Christmess

Christmas Movie Reviews # 11

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HOLIDAY MIRACLE

On the eve of Christmas, Rockford County Sheriff Rick Langston (Dean Cain) has lost his holiday spirit.
That isn’t helped when he catches a local man who had stolen the baby Jesus from a Nativity scene in order end up in a warm jail cell.
Later he finds a man at his home and Rick naturally assumes he has broken in even though he looks and acts a lot like Santa Claus.
But he arrests the jolly old man in the red suit anyway and places him in jail with the Nativity thief and then both he and Santa open the sheriff’s eyes to a few things.
Unexpectedly Sheriff Langston then meets a woman who has just moved to Rockford named Lucy Hart (Christine Lakin) and after meeting her and her daughter Alana (Sophie Bolen) he comes to realise that even when you feel that all is lost, love is all around you and that his life promises more than he could have hoped for and he had a renewed belief in the possibility of miracles.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS MIRACLE 2007

This film is based on a true story about an estranged couple who find themselves lost in the Idaho wilderness after in impromptu snowmobile outing.
It was just before Christmas and when the weather turns they are trapped in a blizzard and the snowfall is so great all the trails are hidden.
Lost and alone Suzanne and Jim Shemwell (Jami Gertz and Dylan Walsh) are forced to confront the reasons why they separated.
Meanwhile their family, when they are not looking for Suzanne and Jim, are looking inward at themselves and re-evaluate their lives and their relationships.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HELP FOR CHRISTMAS

Although she loves Christmas, Christine (Summer Glau), who is an elf from Santa's village, wonders if there could be more to life than making toys at the North Pole.
So when Santa receives an emergency wish from a little boy in Los Angeles, he puts Christine on a special assignment in the real world and sends her to L.A. to help the VanCamp family.
Sara Vancamp (Eva LaRue) is a busy mom with absolutely no Christmas spirit and her husband Scott (Dan Gauthier), is little better.
So Christine is to look after the two Vancamp kids, Ally (Izabela Vidovic) and Will (Mason Cook) and give the whole family a Christmas wake-up call.
It is not altogether plain sailing and the question of whether Christine will fail her assignment and be sent back to the North Pole for good, or the VanCamps will come to their senses about the meaning of Christmas is unclear, but it’s fun watching the tale unfold.
The romantic interest is provided by Sara’s brother Dave Gabriel (John Brotherton) and Steve Larkin puts in a wonderful portrayal of Santa.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS AT CARTWRIGHT’S

A single mom, Nicky Talbot (Alicia Witt) is going from door to door to find a job and boost her finances but without success.
Then a friend tells her that a big store is hiring so she goes along and gets a holiday job at Cartwright’s department store but not as floor staff, she gets the job as Santa Claus in the grotto.
This was achieved when an angel, Harry Osbourne (Wallace Shawn) entered her life and brought about some positive changes, including the spark of a new romance.
She of course was unaware that he was an angel and she thought he was from corporate.
Her head elf in the grotto was Peg (Linda Kash) and she thought Nicky was wonderful in fact everyone loved Santa Nick, except the evil Fiona Aldrich (Gabrielle Miller) who was her boss.
Nicky’s daughter Becky (T.J. McGibbon) is cute without being precocious and the love interest is supplied very ably by department head Bill (Gabriel Hogan) and her landlady Mrs. Rositani is played by the excellent Jayne Eastwood.
This is a great film, believable yet magical and any Christmas film with an Angel in it gets my vote.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS ANGEL 2009

Ashley Matthews (Kari Hawker-Diaz) has been on her own all her life but she feels even more alone when it gets close to Christmas as she searches fruitlessly for a job and the endless Christmas cheer around her only rubs salt in the wounds as she scrimps and scrapes by to support herself and her dog, Dash.
However help is at hand from her neighbour, Nick Anderson (Bruce Davison), who knows exactly what to do to help and he offers her a job.
He asks her to be his assistant in what turns out to be a philanthropic endeavour, however there’s one catch she can't tell anyone that her new boss is a kind of Secret Santa, and she must help people anonymously.
Through her new job, Ashley meets Will (K.C. Clyde), a writer for a business magazine who uncovers what Ashley is doing, and more importantly, Nick's involvement in the acts of kindness.
As Ashley and Nick help people in need, she tries to protect Nick's secret, and her own heart, while Will must weigh the consequences of what might happen if he exposes them.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SWITCHMAS

Ira J. Finkelstein (Elijah Nelson) is a Christmas obsessed Jewish boy.
He's seen every Christmas movie ever made and his dreams are filled with reindeer, sleigh rides and of course, snow.
The problem is, apart from the fact that Ira is Jewish is that at 11 years of age he feels that Christmas is passing him by and When Ira's hopes for a holiday vacation in Aspen are dashed, he hatches a plan to finally get the Christmas of his dreams.
When flying unaccompanied to visit his grandparents in sunny Florida, he swaps tickets with Mikey Amato (Justin Thomas Howell), another 11-year-old also flying unaccompanied on his way to Christmastown, WA.
But they not only trade airline tickets but places as well and Ira gets more than he bargained for when he experiences his first "White Christmas".
Elliott Gould and David DeLuise also star in this pleasant Christmas caper.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - A HORSE TAIL

Michael Thompson (Patrick Muldoon) is an uptight city accountant who is struggling to raise his teenage daughter Chloe (Mandalynn Carlson) all on his own after his wife’s tragic death.
Being a single parent and having to work long hours Chloe doesn’t see as much of him as she would like which leads to her attention seeking behaviour, so when he gets a call from Cliff Harrison (Rick Herod) to help save their family stables before ruthless bankers shut them down, he wonders if the country life is just what he and Chloe need to start over.
However when Michael arrives to sort out a farm’s financial problems he finds that Cliff's daughter Samantha (Charisma Carpenter) is not as appreciative of his help as rest of the family (Sydney (Dominique Swain), Jackson (Jaren Lewison), and Ben (Billy Tilk)) are for his help.
But as they search for ways to save the family's legacy, Romance develops between the accountant and Samantha while the baddies in the story seem hell bent on acquiring the farms best horse called Holly which is prised by the family as it was Cliff’s deceased wife’s favourite.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS PUPPY

A cynical youth, Riley (Aaron Jaeger), whose mother Sarah (Maureen McCormick) is about to lose her job right before the holidays, is visited by a magical Christmas spirit called Hope (Vanessa Angel).
She gives him a task to help another family regain their Christmas spirit and by so doing get it back for himself.
Alexandra Paul, Jason Brooks and Mariah Buzolin star as the family in crisis but Janet Carroll steals the show as Grandmother Betty.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE GOOD WITCH'S GIFT

Almost as soon as Sheriff Jake Russell (Chris Potter) and Cassie Nightingale (Catherine Bell) decide to get married on Christmas Eve, complications arise in this Christmas serving of the Good Witch.
The first problem is the arrival in town of ex-con Leon Deeks (James McGowan) and Jake is instructed by the mayor to make him his top priority.
Jakes second complication is securing the wedding license as he can't find the documents proving Cassie’s existence in the world and then there is the difficulty of finding a wedding cake at the last minute.
However last but not least, Jake's kids are upset: Brandon (Matthew Knight) wants to spend time with his new girlfriend Jodi (Jordan Todosey), who is also the ex-cons daughter, and his sister Lori (Hannah Endicott-Douglas) manages to lose Cassie's heirloom wedding ring into the bargain.
Other than that its plain sailing.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – FINDING MRS CLAUS

Mrs. Claus (Mira Sorvino) is feeling neglected by her less than attentive husband (Will Sasso) and while she is consoling herself going through the latest mail delivery of Santa letters she finds one addressed to her.
The letter is from a girl called Hope (Aislyn Watson) so she goes to Las Vegas to help Hope with her Christmas wish which is to find love for her mother Noelle (Laura Vandervoort).
But Santa finds out she has gone and follows her to Sin City to make amends and puts Christmas at risk as a result when things don't go quite as he planned.
Andrew W. Walker provides the love interest as Barman Myles and Geoff Gustafson provides the laughs as Santa’s Elf companion, Calvin, who is more interested in gambling than finding Mrs Claus.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANYTHING BUT CHRISTMAS

In this romantic comedy John (Sergio Di Zio) loves Grace (Elaine Hendrix) and her 10-year-old son, Zachary (Sean Michael Kyer) and he wants to propose to her at Christmas however he hates Christmas or rather he has a phobia of Christmas due to his childhood experiences, in fact it’s so bad he can’t even say the word.
Grace on the other hand loves celebrating the Christmas season and so does Zachary, they also both love John, but do they love him enough.
As the tale unfolds, chaos with exes, misunderstandings, mad parents and in-laws all imperil John and Grace's relationship and the big question is, can they get it all sorted out in time for the holidays?

Christmas Poem Selection # 19

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 2

I've always loved my Santa
In his red Santa hat
With his cheerful demeanour
All hearty and fat
With his belly that wobbles
Like a bowl full of jelly
And he loves his naughty
Little Miss Nelly

CRIMBLE LOVE

It has taken the festive season
To give me the perfect reason
To hold this sprig of mistletoe
And kiss you softly in the snow

WARM MEMORIES OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON

Warm memories
Of the holiday season
Moments of joy‚
To be forever treasured
Prayers of peace
One day to be answered
These are the gifts
I wish for us all

GRANMA JOY

I have happy memories to cherish
At my Grans when I was a boy
Her heart was so full of love
She filled the house with joy

Garlands, Balloons and bells
Hung from every beam and rafter
She made it joyful for us all
The house rang with her laughter

It was such a joyous time
I wish I could cross the years
To once more see her smile
Just thinking about her cheers

CRIMBLE LOVING

I’ve waited all year to bestow
A kiss beneath the mistletoe
A kiss to leave you all agog
Not just a cheap drunken snog
A kiss to leave you all aglow
A passionate kiss to let you know
That I hold a flaming torch for you
I hope you feel the same way too

ARE YOU WEARING A NEW YEARS OUTFIT?

Are you wearing a New Year’s outfit?
Well you really do look good in it
And it doesn’t look risqué, not a bit
It’s a really cracking little outfit
Though all the emphasis is on the fit

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU BOTH

Happy Christmas to you both
See, we did remember
Because you are so dear
Just like every year

We will never forget
We just wish and wish
You were still here
Just like every year

We will remember
And take a pause
Amidst the cheer
Just like every year

So we wish you
A happy Christmas
And wipe away a tear
Just like every year

Mary Evelyn Curtis 20/1/1921 – 29/3/1993
Harold Curtis 19/6/1922 – 8/5/1978

ON CHRISTMAS EVE, A NUTCRACKER

On Christmas Eve, a nutcracker
Is turned into a handsome Prince,
Clara saves him from the Mouse King
And go to the land of sweets and mints
There they dance around for a bit
Before the Prince takes Clara as his belle
And they marry and that’s The End
And that is the nutcracker in a nutshell

CRIMBLE LUST

I have a large bunch of mistletoe
And you are on my Christmas list
But I will carefully pick my moment
I don’t want to do it when you’re pissed
Because with my bunch of mistletoe
I want you to know that you’ve been kissed

CHRISTMASTIDE LOVE

Now that it’s Christmas
There’s something I must do
Or there’s something I must say
My heart is so full of love for you
I must tell you how I feel
Say how much I love you
And how much you mean to me
Then hope that you love me too
And if you don’t then I will know
But I will still love you

ITS NOT JUST PRESENTS

It’s not just presents
That must be opened
As another Christmas starts

As well as all the gifts
We must try to open
Closed minds and hearts

THE GIFT I MOST WANTED

The gift I most wanted
Was the sweetest girl
With a generous heart
A smile to banish darkness
And a warm and tender soul
To make all of my
Christmas dreams come true
But it wasn’t to be
Because I ended up with you

THE GIFT I WANTED THE MOST

The gift I wanted the most
Was the sweetest girl
With a generous heart
A smile to banish darkness
And a warm and tender soul
To make all of my
Christmas dreams come true
I thought it wasn’t to be
But then I found you

THE LATE CHRISTMAS CARD

The etiquette for Christmas cards
Is simple, you just have to remember
If you can’t get it there for the day
Make sure it still arrives in December

ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL IN YOUR HAIR?

Are you wearing tinsel in your hair?
Sitting atop your golden curls
You look so very angelic to me
A jewel more precious than pearls
But looks can be deceiving
Angel with the golden curls
And later on I might well discover
You’re one of the naughty girls

CHRISTMAS SPOILERS

The Christmas spoilers
Will soon be with us again
And that as you well know
Means the bloody children

THE QUEEN’S SPEECH

The Queen it would appear
Gets a TV special every year
But one of my many queries
Is why does she never get a series?

IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY

If you listen carefully
Late on Christmas Eve
You might hear a sound
You might not believe

For behind the skirting
In the quiet of the house
The little creatures say
Happy Christmouse

Thursday 29 December 2016

Christmas Movie Reviews # 10

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANGEL OF CHRISTMAS

Susan Nicholas (Jennifer Finnigan) is a copy editor for a New York Newspaper but she really wants to be a writer, but is continually being knocked back.
But she is given an assignment just before Christmas to write a seasonal piece for the Christmas edition of the paper, the only problem is that she is a sceptic when it comes to Christmas.
But she is inspired to write an article about her family's much-storied heirloom, a Christmas angel, which was hand carved by her great Grandfather.
It has supposedly been instrumental in bring several generation of her forebears together but Susan is a cynic about that as well.
But despite her cynicism the angel leads her to an accidental meeting with Brady (Jonathan Scarfe), a cute, upbeat artist who with the help of the angel, whisks Susan the grinch into a holiday-time friendship and hopefully more, if the hand-carved angel, with the reputation to bring people together, work its magic on the sceptical Susan as it moves her closer to Brady.
This is a really lovely Christmas story and quite magical even if the hand carved angel is really rather ugly.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A BOYFRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS

Holly Grant (Kelli Williams) is not looking forward to Christmas at her parents’ house as her brother has a wife and children and she hasn't had a boyfriend since Ted Powell (Bruce Thomas) broke her heart when he chose to break up with her when he was transferred to an out of town newspaper owned by his family's publishing empire.
Plus on Christmas Eve a woman Holly was helping failed to regain custody of her kids when pro bono lawyer Ryan Hughes (Patrick Muldoon) never showed up at the hearing.

Knowing that she was never likely to meet Hughes, Holly has to settle for dictating a nasty letter to him. Holly's friend Diane (Maeve Quinlan) tries to perk her up by promising to send her a really great Xmas present.
So when a handsome man with a Christmas tree knocks at her door, she believes that Douglas Firwood is her present and she can take him home to her parents for the day as a boyfriend she is serious about.
In actual fact Douglas is really Ryan Hughes who is acting on the instructions of Santa Claus (Charles Durning) who is trying to deliver on a Christmas Wish made 20 years earlier which is made difficult when Ted appears back on the scene.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS WISHES

Jason Gedrick, Erica Cerra, Richard Harmon, Amitai Marmorstein and Emmalyn Estrada star in this festive tale that centre’s around the towns Wishing Tree, a special Christmas tree decorated with handwritten wishes.
The story revolves around the local private school, its teachers, its “orphaned” pupils and their lives over the Christmas vacation and their reasons for being there.
It has drama, humour and romance so this movie delivers just what you want in a Christmas tale.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS MIX

The Pepper and Spice radio show in Los Angeles was a popular and edgy phone in show but cynical Pepper Sterling (Tilky Jones) over steps the mark and upsets one of the stations major sponsors and is banished to a sister station in rural Colorado town.
He was assigned to co-host a show with a "love doctor" Sandra Love (Haylie Duff), who is a hopeless romantic.
Pepper was unhappy with being second banana on a hick show in the back of beyond and wasn’t backwards in coming forward about letter people know as a result they have a spat live on air which gets them off on the wrong foot and their antagonistic relationship gets the whole town talking.
At first the two mix like oil and water but their on-air bickering becomes popular and, inevitably, they start to like each other and like soon leads to love.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED FOR CHRISTMAS

This is the endearing tale of the postal service’s four musketeers of the undelivered mail department, the beloved quartet of post office detectives, with a duty to deliver every last letter before Christmas.
Oliver O'Toole (Eric Mabius) and his team, Shane McInerney (Kristin Booth), Rita Haywith (Crystal Lowe) and Norman Dorman (Geoff Gustafson), are working around the clock to redirect Santa’s mail and with the assistance and a little guidance from a mysterious post office volunteer, Jordan (Rob Estes) they clear all the back log by the end of December 23rd.
The whole group then all attend the Christmas formal before they head off on their separate ways to spend their Christmas’s alone where they receive an emotional last-minute plea addressed to God, so they must delay their own travel plans to make sure one little girl doesn’t lose her Christmas joy.
And as they work tirelessly to make the little girl’s wish come true Oliver runs into his former Sunday school teacher (Marion Ross) and the true identity of the mysterious Jordan is revealed and the quartet discover love right under their noses.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ROSEMONT

Twenty three year old Lisa (Ayla Kell) is pregnant and running away from the baby’s father Craig (Lochlyn Munro).
She is travelling on the bus to Denver when she hears that the road ahead is closed due to snow and is going back the way they came.
But at a diner she overhears Brad (Brendan Michael Coughlin), a professional snowboarder, talking to his girlfriend on the phone about his plan to drive over the mountain in his 4 x 4 so she asks for a ride.
They make good progress initially but a blizzard over takes them and Brad's car slams into a snow bank in the middle of the wilderness.
They are forced to seek shelter at the only sign of civilization that they had seen in the last ten miles, the Rosemont Lodge.
Which was once a vibrant year-round resort, but the Rosemont Lodge had been closed for nearly 20 years.
Most of the Lodge has been sealed up and only a corner of the main building shows any sign of habitation.
As they approached the building they are greeted by the lodge's owner, Josephine (Grace Zabriskie), who is brandishing a shotgun, and her retainer Abe (Brad Dourif) who persuades her to let them in out of the snow.
Josephine used to be the heart and soul of the resort, her personality, and her cooking, were as much of an attraction as were the hundreds of acres of pristine mountain wilderness but as a result of personal tragedy she closed the resort and became a recluse.
However having Brad and a heavily pregnant Lisa about the place it has a thawing effect on Josephine and after she and Abe deliver the baby a bond is formed that has a lasting effect.

This is a very enjoyable Christmas tale in which Grace Zabriskie is the absolute star of the show as Josephine but Brad Dourif runs a close second as Abe.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - A HORSE TALE

Michael Thompson (Patrick Muldoon) is an uptight city accountant who is struggling to raise his teenage daughter Chloe (Mandalynn Carlson) all on his own after his wife’s tragic death.
Being a single parent and having to work long hours Chloe doesn’t see as much of him as she would like which leads to her attention seeking behaviour, so when he gets a call from Cliff Harrison (Rick Herod) to help save their family stables before ruthless bankers shut them down, he wonders if the country life is just what he and Chloe need to start over.
However when Michael arrives to sort out a farm’s financial problems he finds that Cliff's daughter Samantha (Charisma Carpenter) is not as appreciative of his help as rest of the family (Sydney (Dominique Swain), Jackson (Jaren Lewison), and Ben (Billy Tilk)) are for his help.
But as they search for ways to save the family's legacy, Romance develops between the accountant and Samantha while the baddies in the story seem hell bent on acquiring the farms best horse called Holly which is prised by the family as it was Cliff’s deceased wife’s favourite.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ONCE UPON A CHRISTMAS

Katherine (Briana Evigan) is a Royal Princess and is in New York just before Christmas for a series of official engagements.
But she just wants an hour to herself out of her busy schedule to visit an art exhibition.
But when her Aunt Margaret (Jacqueline Samuda), who runs her life, tells her it was not possible and to stop being selfish she escapes her entourage to explore New York anyway and as she is tired of her diamond-studded and privileged life and the royal responsibilities that went along with being a royal princess she decided to take longer than an hour.
But when a pair of street hustlers steal her purse and prised camera, a good Samaritan, a young man called Jack (Paul Campbell) comes to her aid and ends up sweeping her off of her feet when he shows her his side of the city.
And when her true identity is finally revealed it is Jack who arranges for her to view the exhibition unheeded after calling in a favour.
It’s a lovely film in which, Harry (Jay Brazeau) steals the show as Jack’s friend, in this gentle heart-warming Christmas tale.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – I WISH IT COULD BE CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY

A cynical youth, Riley (Aaron Jaeger), whose mother Sarah (Maureen McCormick) is about to lose her job right before the holidays, is visited by a magical Christmas spirit called Hope (Vanessa Angel).
She gives him a task to help another family regain their Christmas spirit and by so doing get it back for himself.
Alexandra Paul, Jason Brooks and Mariah Buzolin star as the family in crisis but Janet Carroll steals the show as Grandmother Betty.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER –CHRISTMAS BELLE

Appraiser/real estate saleswoman Isabella Everhart (Haylie Duff) is in partnership with her father Rex Everhart (C. Thomas Howell) but he’s not pulling his weight and not for the first time he drops a bombshell in her lap at the last minute, a large estate sale.
So still angry at her father she leave her California hometown in the rear-view mirror, Belle heads north on business to facilitate the estate sale of a mansion and she also put some distance between herself and her old school friend and persistent suitor Tony (Mark Famiglietti).
Despite her displeasure at being let down by her father the job is a dream, the client, Hunter Lowell (Nicholas Gonzalez), however is not, but, as the two spend more time together, his icy demeanour begins to melt.
Although their relationship is budding, Belle's long-time suitor, Tony, arrives, sending mixed signals to Hunter while adding chaos to the holiday season in a Yuletide romantic triangle.

Christmas Poem Selection # 18

CRIMBO

Bunting and frolic
Candles and smells
Garlands and gaiety
Baubles and bells
The holly and the ivy
Sprigs of mistletoe
Cookies and eggnog
Have a happy Crimbo

WITH EXPECTANT FACES FULL OF SMILES

With expectant faces full of smiles
The children sit around the tree
Waiting to get amongst the gifts
And wondering “What’s Santa got for me”

Eagerly the children sit by the tree
Their expectant smiling faces all aglow
Waiting to get amongst the gifts
On the moment when Nan says “go”

DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
I’ll spend Christmas time with Molly
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
It should be the season to be jolly
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
But I’ve just realized my folly
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.

Stab me in the heart with holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Dad has run away with Molly
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Stuff the turkeys arse with holly
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
Theres no reason to be jolly,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.

I LOVE THE FESTIVE SEASON

I love the festive season
When it’s cold and freezing
Then my favourite thing to do
Is to cuddle up close to you

ARE YOU WEARING IT THE RIGHT WAY?

Are you wearing it the right way?
I heard the pretty girl say
Should it be tied like so?
For kissing under the mistletoe
Am I showing my naïveté?
In the most embarrassing way
It’s just that I kind of felt
It shouldn’t be tied on your belt

KEEP CHRISTMAS WELL

Keep Christmas well
Embrace its spirit
Feel its warmth and joy
Hold it in your heart
And keep its embers alight
Carry it with you
From one year to the next
So it will never end

FAMILY CHRISTMASES

When I think back to those Christmases
I and my brothers and sisters shared
And all the love that filled the house
When no other time quite compared

I realized just how lucky we all were
Lucky we had a family that truly cared
Who gave us love and now that I am older
I make sure that love is liberally shared

THE BLESSED SEASON

God richly blesses us
The Good Lord fulfils us
And bestows love upon us
This and every Christmas

DARLING I LOVE YOU

Each and every day
I say these words to you
Darling I love you

Then every Christmas
I say these words to you
Merry Christmas Darling I love you

And every New Year
I say these words to you
Happy New Year Darling I love you

And every time I say it
You look at me and say
Whatever

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 1

I've always loved my Santa
In his Red Velvet suit
With his long white beard
And cheeks all rosy and cute
His deep throated laughter
All happy and jolly
And he loves his naughty
Little Miss Molly

THIS WISH, I WISH

This wish I wish,
Is a wish for you,
The wish is for me
The wish is for you
The wish, I wish
Is a wish for you,
Don’t you see?
The wish is for you
That’s what I wish
I wish only for you

THE GREAT STAR OF LIGHT

The great star of light
Graced the nativity
Where the holy family,
Mary and her child
And the Noble Joseph
Dwelt in the humble stall

The beasts in the stable
The Kings of the east
And shepherds from the hill
Witnessed the gift of love
Given by a gracious God
To the sinful world

ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT

When my Dad was just a boy
He never saw a lemon or Lime
And oranges only ever appeared
In his house at Christmas time

IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE

It’s Christmas Eve
The mood is merry
Listen to the sleigh bells
Here comes Mr C

THE YEAR IS TURNING

The year is turning, the cycle
Has made another revolution
It’s time once more to make
The obligatory resolution
Which is broken within days
But this year I have a solution
In order to make it last
I will not make a resolution

Christmas Movie Reviews # 9

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SNOWED IN AT ROSEMONT

Twenty three year old Lisa (Ayla Kell) is pregnant and running away from the baby’s father Craig (Lochlyn Munro).
She is travelling on the bus to Denver when she hears that the road ahead is closed due to snow and is going back the way they came.
But at a diner she overhears Brad (Brendan Michael Coughlin), a professional snowboarder, talking to his girlfriend on the phone about his plan to drive over the mountain in his 4 x 4 so she asks for a ride.
They make good progress initially but a blizzard over takes them and Brad's car slams into a snow bank in the middle of the wilderness.
They are forced to seek shelter at the only sign of civilization that they had seen in the last ten miles, the Rosemont Lodge.
Which was once a vibrant year-round resort, but the Rosemont Lodge had been closed for nearly 20 years.
Most of the Lodge has been sealed up and only a corner of the main building shows any sign of habitation.
As they approached the building they are greeted by the lodge's owner, Josephine (Grace Zabriskie), who is brandishing a shotgun, and her retainer Abe (Brad Dourif) who persuades her to let them in out of the snow.
Josephine used to be the heart and soul of the resort, her personality, and her cooking, were as much of an attraction as were the hundreds of acres of pristine mountain wilderness but as a result of personal tragedy she closed the resort and became a recluse.
However having Brad and a heavily pregnant Lisa about the place it has a thawing effect on Josephine and after she and Abe deliver the baby a bond is formed that has a lasting effect.

This is a very enjoyable Christmas tale in which Grace Zabriskie is the absolute star of the show as Josephine but Brad Dourif runs a close second as Abe.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS IN CONWAY

To most of the inhabitants of Conway, South Carolina, Duncan Mayor (Andy Garcia) is a bad tempered grouch, but to his wife, Suzy Mayor (Mary-Louise Parker) he was a doting pussycat.
And he has more reason than normal to be cranky because Suzy is dying and has arrived home from the hospital to be cared for 24/7 by Nurse Natalie Springer (Mandy Moore), whom Duncan resents for being there and tries his best to ignore her.
He also singles out landscape gardener Tommy Harris (Riley Smith) for special treatment while he is working on the neighbour’s garden.
But Duncan begrudging employs Tommy to help him set up a Ferris Wheel in his own back yard as a special Christmas present for Suzy and the significance of the gift was that it was while riding one many years earlier that Duncan asked Suzy to marry him.
Neighbour Gayle Matthews (Cheri Oteri) is the only fly in the ointment who manages to the construction halted.
But the ex-carnival worker, Henry (Mark Jeffrey Miller), who Duncan bought the Ferris Wheel from comes to the rescue to finish the job with his crew.
This is a wonderful story full of tears and laughter in equal measure and Mary-Louise Parker puts in another trademark performance in a very memorable Christmas story of enduring love.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOST LETTER MYSTERIES FOR CHRISTMAS

This is the endearing tale of the postal service’s four musketeers of the Dead Letter Office, the beloved quartet of post office detectives, with a duty to deliver every last letter before Christmas.
Oliver O'Toole (Eric Mabius) and his team, Shane McInerney (Kristin Booth), Rita Haywith (Crystal Lowe) and Norman Dorman (Geoff Gustafson), are working around the clock to redirect Santa’s mail and with the assistance and a little guidance from a mysterious post office volunteer, Jordan (Rob Estes) they clear all the back log by the end of December 23rd.
The whole group then all attend the Christmas formal before they head off on their separate ways to spend their Christmas’s alone where they receive an emotional last-minute plea addressed to God, so they must delay their own travel plans to make sure one little girl doesn’t lose her Christmas joy.
And as they work tirelessly to make the little girl’s wish come true Oliver runs into his former Sunday school teacher (Marion Ross) and the true identity of the mysterious Jordan is revealed and the quartet discover love right under their noses.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – NAUGHTY AND NICE

The Pepper and Spice radio show in Los Angeles was a popular and edgy phone in show but cynical Pepper Sterling (Tilky Jones) over steps the mark and upsets one of the stations major sponsors and is banished to a sister station in rural Colorado town.
He was assigned to co-host a show with a "love doctor" Sandra Love (Haylie Duff), who is a hopeless romantic.
Pepper was unhappy with being second banana on a hick show in the back of beyond and wasn’t backwards in coming forward about letter people know as a result they have a spat live on air which gets them off on the wrong foot and their antagonistic relationship gets the whole town talking.
At first the two mix like oil and water but their on-air bickering becomes popular and, inevitably, they start to like each other and like soon leads to love.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

When temperamental Broadway director Vera Parks (Melissa Gilbert) is fired from yet another job, she has become unemployable in Manhattan so when she gets an offer to direct a Christmas pageant somewhere upstate, she has no alternative but to take the gig.
But she comes into conflict with all the cast, who are all traditionalists, when Vera wants to change everything.
She is also reacquainted with former beau Jack Harmon (Robert Mailhouse) which she was not expecting and the former love is slowly rekindled as the rehearsals continue and then she begins to form relationships with the cast and understanding of each other’s points of views and appreciation of their positions lead to compromises being made.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE HEART OF CHRISTMAS

Julie (Jeanne Neilson) and Austin Locke (Eric Jay Beck) are devastated when they learn their young son, Dax, has cancer.
Their story is told through the eyes of Megan Walsh (Candace Cameron Bure) a busy wife and mother who reads Julie’s blog about the time spent at St Jude’s hospital.
As she reads the blog she learns to put her own life into perspective while the Locke’s have to face the fact that their son is going to die and that he won’t live until Christmas, but with courage, determination and faith, they give Dax one last Christmas, even if it is in October.
You might think the death of a child an unusual component for a Christmas story but far from being morbid it is an uplifting story which makes you think.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - A SONG FOR THE SEASON

This is a lovely story set during the holiday season, when a stern school administrator Cal Peterson (Gerald McRaney) is sent to review Bethlehem School with a view to cutting costs by any means.
He is accompanied by his teenage niece Fern (Alison Pill) who is now in his care and who, unknown to Cal, is brought alive by the music program
Cal and Fern move in with Cal’s father Jake Peterson (Andy Griffith) which provides another sub plot.
Also Cal despite himself begins to fall for music teacher Lily Waite (Naomi Judd) and following a long review, Cal is forced to conclude that the only way to save the funds is to eliminate the music program.
It is only at the final concert, before Lily must leave her job, the music program is saved by generous donations, and Cal sees Fern perform.
Not a dry eye in the house, wonderful stuff.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A STAR FOR CHRISTMAS

Cassie (Briana Evigan) owns and runs her own Cupcakery which happens to be the only thing that is actually working in Cassie's world, her small town business in fact is a huge success, but her love life on the other hand is a total mess.
She can’t get over her ex-boyfriend Jared (Travis Van Winkle) because she sees him all the time as they have joint custody of the dog.
One day a stranger in the shop announces that she makes the best cupcakes he has ever tasted and the stranger turns out to be a big time Hollywood film director and he is making a movie in town and he wants Cassie to cater for the crew.
She also meets Alex (Corey Sevier) who she thinks is a handyman and employs him to work in the bakery and then her whole universe is turned upside down when she falls in love with him before he is revealed to be the famous and notoriously troubled actor Alex Gray.
Actress Skylar (Brooke Burns) rocks the boat as the femme fatal but Cassie’s best friend Tricia (Karissa Vacker) holds things together in the enjoyable holiday romcom.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANGEL DOLLS

Angel Dolls is by far the best Christmas movie of the last 30 years.
It is possessed with all the usual ingredients for a seasonal film, romance, humour, schmaltz, pathos and a strong Christian message but this one has something else, a surprise ending.
And that’s not something that’s easy to pull off in a Christmas movie.
Lynn Brandt (Josie Bissett) is an abused wife who leaves her alcoholic husband Darryl (Russell Porter) on Thanksgiving and moves with her children Thomas (Rustin Gresiuk) and Sara (Farryn Van Humbeck) to another town.
A year later and Lynn is working hard but getting nowhere financially and has to tell her son Thomas that they can’t afford a tree, decorations or presents.
Thomas is already having problems of his own as he’s still the new boy at high school and is being regularly bullied.
Their lives slowly become entwined with another family in trouble Kevin Morrell (Matthew Settle) has a failing business and his wife Jenny (Kendra Anderson) is heavily pregnant.
Thomas and Kevin become friends on the basketball court at a church youth club while Jenny’s pregnancy takes a turn for the worst.
Lynn finds a solution for the lack of Christmas presents and signs up the children for the Paper Angels which allows those on low incomes to write their child’s name and the desired gifts on the back of a Paper Angel hanging on the Christmas Tree at the Mall.
The school bullying soon turns to cyber bullying when another student puts up a Facebook appeal to help a poor kid namely Thomas.
But after he is befriended by popular girl Cassie Bale (Anja Savcic), Thomas uses the cyber bullying to his own advantage and turns the Facebook campaign into a charity collection for the Salvation Army.
Predictably perhaps Kevin gets Thomas’s angel from the tree, but the gifts he asks for are far from predictable.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE ROAD TO CHRISTMAS

After her flight is diverted due to bad weather high-powered fashion photographer Claire Jameson (Jennifer Grey) finds herself stranded in Middle America on the way to her dream Christmas Eve wedding in Aspen.
At the same time the rugged former artist turned teacher, Tom Pullman (Clark Gregg), and his 13-year old daughter Hilly (Megan Park) are on the road to spend Christmas with Grandma.
Claire is unable to get another flight or rent a car and is reduced to begging for a ride.
But Tom and Hilly are well into their road trip before they cross paths with Claire but when they do they kindly offer to take her to Aspen which isn’t far from their destination.
But as they got under way, none of them realized that as their journey was beginning it would lead them to a very different destination to the one they were expecting.

Christmas Poem Selection # 17

IT’S SUCH A MILD NEW YEAR

It’s such a mild New Year
All the birds are singing noisily
Noisy little bastards
Should be frozen to a tree

LET’S RAISE A GLASS TO MUM # 2

Let’s raise a glass to Mum
For yet another job well done
And the essence of my reasoning
Is, you are the festive seasoning
For by chasing the blandness away
It’s you who flavours the day

WHATEVER FUTURE GIFTS

Whatever future gifts
That might make me glad
Or any from the past
Including when I was a lad
There is nothing to compare
To the gift of being a Dad

THE BAUBLE AND THE BELL

The bauble and the bell
The tinsel star as well
The angel with its wings
The shepherds and the Kings
The tree’s coloured lights
The tinsel sparkling bright
The garlands hanging high
So pleasing to the eye
These are the things
That Christmas time brings

THE HERALDS OF THE LORD

The heralds of the lord
Sung in one accord
Speaking of a child
So meek and mild
A halo on its curls
A gift to the world
A beacon in the night
Exuding loving light

THE BEST PRESENTS CANNOT BE BOUGHT

The best presents cannot be bought
There is no mall where they can be sought
But if you have sufficiently striven
The best present can be easily given
It resides in you, channelled from above
That most wondrous gift of eternal love

THE BEST PRESENT YOU CAN EVER RECEIVE

The best present you can ever receive
Does not possess any monetary value
Yet is more precious than pure gold
It’s the gift of someone loving you

LEADING UP TO CHRISTMAS DAY

Leading up to Christmas day
Happy Christmas you should say
But so often it goes unsaid,
People say happy holidays instead

CHRISTMAS STAR

I wouldn’t need to look too far
To find the perfect Christmas star
I’d open my eyes and there you are
I don’t have to wish upon a star
To find the perfect Christmas star
Because you're the very best by far

CHRISTMAS IS SPECIAL

Christmas is special
And you are the reason
Your touch adds lustre
To the festive season

YOU LOOK UPON CHRISTMAS

You look upon Christmas
As just another of your duties
And over the years
You’ve given us some beauties

You don’t think that it’s Special
It’s just something that you do
But Christmas doesn’t just happen
It’s made piece by piece by you

Everything that is Christmas
When all said and done
Is completely down to you
So Happy Christmas Mum

DON’T THINK WE HAVEN’T NOTICED

Don’t think we haven’t noticed
Just because we haven’t said
But we know that compliments
Are something that you dread
You’ve made a perfect Christmas
With your own fair hands
You thought of every detail
In your carefully made plans
We’ve enjoyed every moment
All the festivities and fun
So although you’ll be embarrassed
Thanks for Christmas mum

THE NIGHT IS CLEAR

The night is clear
Here! Here!
Can’t you hear?
It’s the reindeer
Santa is near
Let us cheer,
Open a Beer
Christmas is here

I DON'T WANT MUCH FOR CHRISTMAS

I don't want much for Christmas
What I want is quite naïve
And an unrealistic expectation
I just want everybody to be happy
I know it’s a forlorn hope
But miracles do happen at Christmas

NEW YEARS PICKUP # 1

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
On New Year’s Eve
Before the bells begin to clang
Ask her if she wants to
Ring in the New Year with a bang?

Wednesday 28 December 2016

Christmas Movie Reviews # 8

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SMALL TOWN SANTA

On the eve of Christmas, Rockford County Sheriff Rick Langston (Dean Cain) has lost his holiday spirit.
That isn’t helped when he catches a local man who had stolen the baby Jesus from a Nativity scene in order end up in a warm jail cell.
Later he finds a man at his home and Rick naturally assumes he has broken in even though he looks and acts a lot like Santa Claus.
But he arrests the jolly old man in the red suit anyway and places him in jail with the Nativity thief and then both he and Santa open the sheriff’s eyes to a few things.
Unexpectedly Sheriff Langston then meets a woman who has just moved to Rockford named Lucy Hart (Christine Lakin) and after meeting her and her daughter Alana (Sophie Bolen) he comes to realise that even when you feel that all is lost, love is all around you and that his life promises more than he could have hoped for and he had a renewed belief in the possibility of miracles.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A FAIRYTALE CHRISTMAS

Appraiser/real estate saleswoman Isabella Everhart (Haylie Duff) is in partnership with her father Rex Everhart (C. Thomas Howell) but he’s not pulling his weight and not for the first time he drops a bombshell in her lap at the last minute, a large estate sale.
So still angry at her father she leave her California hometown in the rear-view mirror, Belle heads north on business to facilitate the estate sale of a mansion and she also put some distance between herself and her old school friend and persistent suitor Tony (Mark Famiglietti).
Despite her displeasure at being let down by her father the job is a dream, the client, Hunter Lowell (Nicholas Gonzalez), however is not, but, as the two spend more time together, his icy demeanour begins to melt.
Although their relationship is budding, Belle's long-time suitor, Tony, arrives, sending mixed signals to Hunter while adding chaos to the holiday season in a Yuletide romantic triangle.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE SANTA SUIT

Drake Hunter (Kevin Sorbo) is CEO of Hunter Toys, turned the company he inherited from his father, from a cosy quality manufacturer into a ruthless, uncaring, profit hungry business.
He employed all the production line staff on 39 hour weeks therefore avoiding the need to provide full benefits and he was no better during the holidays he showed his staff no festive generosity, no bonuses or time off.
However he gets the scrooge treatment when he meets who he presumes is one of the store Santa’s, Kris Krandall (Derry Robinson), who magically transforms Drake into a likeness of himself and as no one recognizes him as CEO he is forced to live in a shelter run by Nancy Baxter (Jodie Dowdall) and work as a Santa for Norm Dobson (Jason Blicker) in his toy store, with weird would be-actor Sebastian (Darrell Faria) as his Elf.
While working at the store he meets a quiet young girl called Gemma (Brianna Daguanno) and between his interaction with her and the kind and gentle influence of Nancy at the shelter he reassesses his values and priorities in life.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE SANTA INCIDENT

Santa (James Cosmo) has his sleigh shot down while flying through restricted military airspace and he is found unconscious on the railway tracks by two children Daniel (Scott Graham) and Sophia (Ali Lyons),
While lying in hospital in a coma one of the nurses looking after him is the children’s mother Joanna (Ione Skye), but the earthbound Santa is sought for questioning by a pair of overzealous Homeland Security agents.
As a result the fate of Christmas is in the hands of the disbelieving by-the-book duo of Agents, unless their faith in Santa can be restored by two children, their mother, the local sheriff (Jonathan Kerrigan) and a trio of elves who have arrived from the North to help out a friend in need.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DECK THE HALLS (2011)

Based on the novel by Mary and Cathy Higgins Clark this breezy Christmas mystery thriller in which a female Detective Regan Reilly (Scottie Thompson) hooks up with a lottery winner-cleaning woman-turned amateur sleuth Alvirah Meehan (Kathy Najimy) to investigate the kidnapping of Regan's father Luke Reilly (David Selby) and a young female driver Rosita Alvarado (Luciana Carro) by a man in a Santa suit just before the holidays.
So in this fast moving seasonal thriller, the race is on to rescue the unfortunate pair from the out of character “Santa” kidnapper and get them home in time for Christmas.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A SNOW GLOBE CHRISTMAS

Meg (Alicia Witt) is a cynical TV exec who thinks the shows she produces mislead people into thinking dreams really can come true.
She is also a terrible Scrooge like boss who uses and abuses her crew, but she meets her match when she encounters Sal (Christina Milian) but that was mainly because she was an Angel.
During a conversation between the two of them Meg tries to smash a snow globe which bounces up and hits her on the head and knocks her out.
When she wakes up she is in the perfect snow-covered town depicted in the snow globe and she has a husband, Ted (Donald Faison) and two children.
Unable to fit into the world that she finds herself in, despite the fact that everyone in town tries to accept her, her negative attitudes eventually impacts on the town folks.
But just as she starts to realize that she likes her snow globe life better than her real one, she returns to reality with another bonk on the head courtesy of Sal, but she is no longer the person she was.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE TWELVE TREES OF CHRISTMAS

The Twelve Trees of Christmas strongly echoes the rivalries of "You've Got Mail" or "Two Weeks’ Notice".
Cheri Jamison (Lindy Booth) works at the Shaughnessy Library in Manhattan and she finds out shortly before Christmas that the library is not to reopen after the holiday and is to be demolished to make way for luxury apartments.
She immediately rallies the residents of her beloved Manhattan neighbourhood to fight the closure but finds herself up against an ambitious developer Tony Shaughnessy (Robin Dunne).
Despite her efforts she is thwarted at every turn so decides to get all the patrons of the library to participate in a Christmas tree decorating contest to be judged on Christmas Eve by Rosaleen Shaughnessy (Dawn Greenhalgh).
The process of decorating the trees brings romance to some of the participants including despite their best efforts, Cheri and Tony.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT 2013

Charlotte Hart (Nicollette Sheridan), a distinguished journalist, has moved back to her home town and is living with her brother’s family.
However just before Christmas a real estate developer, Daniel Huntslar (Bart Johnson) approaches the small town with a very lucrative offer.
However Charlotte is sceptical and as she’s a journalist her nose tells her there’s a real scoop, so she drives to see the real estate company boss to question him, however while en route she has a terrible car accident and wakes up in the hospital only to realize that her body is in a coma, but her spirit is very much awake.
She then meets another spirit who just happens to be the greedy developer who was the driver of the other car involved in the crash and he too is in a coma.
In the five days before the big vote on the proposed development Charlotte must try to change the minds of the town’s people as well as her fellow spirit.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ONCE UPON A HOLIDAY

Katherine (Briana Evigan) is a Royal Princess and is in New York just before Christmas for a series of official engagements.
But she just wants an hour to herself out of her busy schedule to visit an art exhibition.
But when her Aunt Margaret (Jacqueline Samuda), who runs her life, tells her it was not possible and to stop being selfish she escapes her entourage to explore New York anyway and as she is tired of her diamond-studded and privileged life and the royal responsibilities that went along with being a royal princess she decided to take longer than an hour.
But when a pair of street hustlers steal her purse and prised camera, a good Samaritan, a young man called Jack (Paul Campbell) comes to her aid and ends up sweeping her off of her feet when he shows her his side of the city.
And when her true identity is finally revealed it is Jack who arranges for her to view the exhibition unheeded after calling in a favour.
It’s a lovely film in which, Harry (Jay Brazeau) steals the show as Jack’s friend, in this gentle heart-warming Christmas tale.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS PROMISE

Michael Thompson (Patrick Muldoon) is an uptight city accountant who is struggling to raise his teenage daughter Chloe (Mandalynn Carlson) all on his own after his wife’s tragic death.
Being a single parent and having to work long hours Chloe doesn’t see as much of him as she would like which leads to her attention seeking behaviour, so when he gets a call from Cliff Harrison (Rick Herod) to help save their family stables before ruthless bankers shut them down, he wonders if the country life is just what he and Chloe need to start over.
However when Michael arrives to sort out a farm’s financial problems he finds that Cliff's daughter Samantha (Charisma Carpenter) is not as appreciative of his help as rest of the family (Sydney (Dominique Swain), Jackson (Jaren Lewison), and Ben (Billy Tilk)) are for his help.
But as they search for ways to save the family's legacy, Romance develops between the accountant and Samantha while the baddies in the story seem hell bent on acquiring the farms best horse called Holly which is prised by the family as it was Cliff’s deceased wife’s favourite.

Christmas Poem Selection # 16

ARE YOU WEARING A PAPER HAT?

Are you wearing a paper hat?
It’s Christmas day and that’s that
We’ve pulled our Christmas crackers
So everyone must wears a paper hat

MY VERY WORST CHRISTMAS EVER

My very worst Christmas ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
For hours of innocent ex-box fun

CRIMBLETIDE

I really love Crimbletide
It makes me all warm inside
And the joy I cannot hide
For the season of Crimbletide

TO ALL OF YOU, FROM ALL OF US

I have to say
Without ado
It’s time to say
To all of you
From all of us
Merry Christmas

PERSISTENT AND DISRUPTIVE WINDS

Persistent and disruptive winds,
There seems to be no doubts,
Are predicted after Christmas
And it will probably be the Sprouts

A VEGETARIAN CHRISTMAS

Do you want to celebrate?
A vegetarian Christmas
Then here you are
Have a freshly strained
Vegetable every day
With the advent colander

THE COUNCIL CHRISTMAS TREE

The council Christmas tree is dressed
And the lights were switched on in June
But don’t get yourself unduly distressed
With energy saving lights it’s not too soon
Because you must switch them on remember
So they are warmed up by December

THE WEATHER MAY BE DREARY

The weather may be dreary
My bones maybe weary
I may walk with heavy step
I may be lacking in pep
But when Christmas arrives
My spirit soon revives

IT LIFTS THE HEART AND SOUL

It lifts the heart and soul
Even when doing chores
What the yearlong drains
The festive season restores

THROUGHOUT THE YULETIDE SEASON

Throughout the yuletide season
In the light of the fireside glow
Christmas garlands are strung
Of Holly, Ivy and Mistletoe

BALTHAZAR, MELCHIOR AND CASPAR

Balthazar, Melchior and Caspar
The wise men of the east
Search for the prince of peace
Gods dove against the beast
And with the holy birth
The light of love was released

CHRISTMAS IS A SPECIAL TIME

Christmas is a special time
When wishes can come true
But if you find they don’t
You can still make believe
That she is in love with you

SEASONS COME AND GO

Seasons come and go, but
For me the festive season
Is the most special of all
It refreshes and restores
Simply put, it invigorates
And sets me up once again
For the coming year ahead

MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 2

My worst Christmas present ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
Really tatty and really not fun

When I complained to my dad
And declared it worse than socks
He said I should be more grateful
To receive my very own ex-box

To make things so much worse
My dad thought it was quite nifty
If you then spun the box around
To make an ex-box 360

WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES

When the clock strikes
The midnight hour
One year ends
And another begins
With an explosion
Of pyrotechnic splendour
Lavishly ostentatious
Many thousands of pounds
Up in smoke
Is it really worth it?
Would it not be better spent?
On the homeless
And the lost
And so begin a new year
With new hope

Tuesday 27 December 2016

Christmas Poem Selection # 15

ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?

Are you wearing a Christmas outfit?
Well you really do look good in it
And it doesn’t look risqué, not a bit
It’s a really cracking little outfit
Though all the emphasis is on the fit

IT’S NOT EVERYONE’S IDEAL

It’s not everyone’s ideal
Not their cup of tea
Or glass of mulled wine
But it is for me
Christmas is special
A wonderful heartfelt time
When deep felt feelings
Of happiness and joy
Rise to the surface
Like bubbles in champagne

THE WARM GLOW

In the warm glow
Of the log fire blazing
The fresh trimmed tree
Just looks amazing

As we sit together
In the quiet glow
I yearn to say
How much I love you so

The depth of my love
Is truly amazing
And just one coy glance
Sets my passions blazing

So on Christmas Eve
In the quiet glow
I think it’s time
For you to know
Just how much
I love you so

ADIOS FRIEND

My Christmas wish for you,
My friend is a simple one
Have a happy time in the cold
I’m jetting off to the sun

THE QUEEN’S SPEECH

We listen at 3pm on Christmas day
To hear what the Queen has to say
While for those of a Republican bent
An alternative is just a click away

SOAP TRADITION

Christmas is all about traditions
But they evolve across the years
Some fall from favour all together
Then new ones seem to appear

This is certainly the case
Of one of the more recent traditions
To the familiar Christmas fare
The TV soaps festive additions

This is when the tired old plot line
That’s simmered away since June
Suddenly explodes in your face
And not a moment too soon

A QUIET MAGIC DESCENDS

Oh how a quiet magic descends
Upon the streets on Christmas day
As it’s the one day of the year
The shops are closed all day

CHRISTMAS DAY FOR THE POOR

Christmas day for the poor,
Hold very little surprise
For them it’s just another day
In a sparkling disguise

CHRISTMAS IS OUR FAVOURITE CELEBRATION

Christmas is our favourite celebration
In fact it is the most special occasion
A time to express what is in our hearts
The moment the festive season starts
For we have the most heartfelt wish
For those whose love we truly cherish.

IT’S SUCH A MILD CHRISTMAS

It’s such a mild Christmas
All the birds are singing noisily
Normally in December
They’re all frozen to a tree
MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 1

My worst Christmas present ever
I thought I would be lucky to receive
It was big and so full of possibilities
But it really flattered to deceive

Beneath the coloured paper
That hinted at hidden promise
It turned out to be a cardboard box
Containing only emptiness

My mum was watching me intently
And my disappointment hurt her
My cheapskate dad then told me
It was an Action Man deserter

ARE YOU SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER?

Are you Santa’s little helper?
Well you’re a proper little belter
I love the little pixie boots
And the red velvet dress really suits
The Santa hat looks very smart
The stripy stockings stir the heart
And I’d like to see your garters
But give me a kiss for starters

CANDY CANES, CINNAMON AND GINGER

Candy Canes,
Cinnamon and Ginger
Are some of my favourite
Christmas things
Especially when
They’re only wearing
Christmas Stockings
And Popcorn Strings

A SNOWMANS TALE

When I was very little
My dad and his brother
Built a huge snowman
Bigger than any other

He was as tall as Dad
And was round and fat
It had coal for eyes
And a big black hat

A scarf about its neck
For sartorial style
A large carrot nose
And a twig for a smile

Knobbly stick arms
With gloves at the end
A belt around its girth
Like a cummerbund

I loved that snowman
Standing so very tall
Until the eventual thaw
And I watched him fall

MY BROTHER WAS FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR

My brother was five years my senior
So he always led me astray
He took me on a hunt every December
Leading up to Christmas day
To find the presents that mum and dad
Had cunningly stashed away

Monday 26 December 2016

Have yourself a very naughty Christmas # 5

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKERS?

Are you wearing Christmas Knickers?
Is that appropriate for vicars?
Just kneel upon this hassock
While I rummage in your cassock
The bishop wouldn’t think it funny
My naughty little Christmas honey

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Because Daddy
Has just worked
A 14 hour day
And now has to drive
300 miles of Christmas traffic
To spend another bloody Christmas
At Grandma Browns
House of doom
So he is not in the mood
For any of your shit

CHRISTMAS TURKEY

Laid naked on the kitchen table
White flesh from leg to breast
A Christmas bird to be enjoyed
My table was truly blessed

I set about the job in hand
Getting the bird prepared
And by using all my expertise
No effort at all was spared

Having greased the old bird well
The meaty legs spread wide
And I began to stuff the bird
I was really in my stride

When the bird had been well stuffed
It lay resting on the cooker
Smelling of sage and onion
The bird really was a looker

Then I looked up at the kitchen clock
Panic filled me and I began to fret
I shouted to my wife “quick put you pants on”
Ii haven’t prepared the turkey yet

SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER

I’ve bought a special gift
For my Christmas honey
It’s a “Santa’s little helper” outfit
And it’s bloody horny
Its red velour with white fur trim
And matching lingerie
It’s figure hugging short and tight
And shows all you’d want to see
I’ve always liked sexy outfits
And this is the best I’ve seen
I’m sure that she will like it
Especially as it wipes clean

CHRISTMAS GOOSE

At Christmas time
I do like a goose
It is my one weakness
And I offer no excuse

Though it does depend
Of course on the bird
To say any different
Would be quite absurd

The quality of goose
That you are executing
Is directly related
To the bird you are goosing

EVERYONE IN THE GROTTO KNOWS

Everyone in the grotto knows
The reason for Santa’s ho ho ho’s
And why Santa’s little helper is all aglow
Because she is the latest of Santa’s ho’s
In her green woolly panty hoes
Pixie shoes with turned up toes
Her outfit held together with velcro
Everyone in the grotto knows
Santa gets inside her pixie clothes
And fills her stocking, ho ho ho

SANTA’S R & R

When Santa returns to the north pole
After his momentous Christmas eve
He is always looking forward
To his well deserved annual leave

His post Christmas R & R always begins
With a sight to make his passion burn
That of Mrs Claus festively clad
Hot and spicy to greet him on his return

In red stiletto shoes, red and white stockings
Standing seductively against the bedroom door
Then revealing her delights to her horny Santa
As her fur trimmed cloak falls to the floor

Red silk skimpies, a glimpse of her thighs
Santa is eager to quench his thirst
But Mrs Claus says heading towards the bed
“You had better warm your hands up first”

PARTY CLAUS

What does Santa do after Christmas?
Well if you want to know the truth
He parties hard with Mrs. Claus
Til they melt the snow off the roof

FATHER AND CHRISTMAS

What do a Christmas tree
And a priest have in comparison?
The answer is simple to see
Their balls are just for decoration

EMPTYING SANTA’S SACK

One Christmas Eve on a roof top up on high
A poor soul stands shouting up at the sky
He has lost his job and his wife has left him
And the size of his overdraft is quite grim
Finishing his rant to god he shuts his eyes
Then he leaves a note saying his good-byes
He walks up to the edge ready to jump off
He stops when behind him he hears a cough
Father Christmas asks him "are you ok?"
And the man tells him the details of his day
He again walks to the edge of the rooftop
Then Father Christmas shouts, "please stop!"
“It’s Christmas so I’ll give three gifts to you
And I will have a small task for you to do”
Santa Claus says, “let me help you please”
The poor man is in such despair so he agrees
"That would be wonderful thanks,” he said
Father Christmas told him what was ahead
Firstly go home to your wife who is there
Waiting dressed in her sexiest underwear
Longing for you and begging forgiveness
She wants only you and your fond caress
And as for the recent loss of her affection
She will have absolutely no recollection
Secondly go into work after the holiday
Sit at your desk and work the same way
Your salary will have been well increased
Nobody remembers your employment ceased
Thirdly when you check your bank account
And you will be in credit by a large amount
The man is thrilled "oh thank you, thank you!"
Then said, “what is it that you want me to do?"
“Drop your trousers and then bend down”
The man is unsure agrees but wears a frown
Santa Claus gave him a brutal buggering
Leaving the poor man with eyes watering
Afterwards Santa asked, “how old are you?”
The man replied “actually I’m forty two”
“Your too old to believe in me by quite a bit”
Said the fat gay bastard in the Santa outfit

A HAND FOR SANTA

On Christmas Eve
Don’t lay awake in bed
All you naughty girls
Blonde, brunette or red
For instead of presents
You may get a shock instead
You may catch Santa
Dressed in his suit of red
Emptying his sack
At the end of your bed

CHIMNEY NOOK

The next time you complain
At the lack of Christmas nookey
Spare a thought for old St Nick
And have a little sympathy
For he only comes but once a year
And then he’s up a chimney

A CHRISTMAS WISH

On a Christmas Eve at midnight
When I got into bed
I lay upon my pillow
And there beside my head
Was Santa with his trousers off
And this is what he said
Happy Christmas little girl
I’ve unwrapped this gift for you
So take this gift with pleasure
To make your wish come true
Because Santa comes but once a year
And tonight he comes with you

SNOW SHOW

A weather man predicted snow
But he didn’t get it right
So the female anchor on the show
Asked to our delight
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches!
You promised me last night?"

ARE YOU WEARING XMAS TIGHTS?

Are you wearing Xmas tights?
Oh how they are exciting me
Adorned with a festive motif
What a Christmas this will be

Christmas Poem Selection # 14

ARE YOU WEARING ELFIN EARS?

Are you wearing elfin ears?
They go with your elfin features
Let’s go and play in dingely dell
With all the woodland creatures
ELF PRINCESS

I will be your elf princess
And I will be forever yours
So put on the red suit
And be my Santa Claus

WHAT WOULD I WISH FOR?

If I had a Christmas wish
What would I wish for?
Well that’s a good question
I’m not really sure
I'd wish for peace in the world
Yes I think that would do
No I’m only kidding
I would wish for you

FLAWLESS

You are fat and round
And your trousers are tight
Your nose is quite red
And your beard is white
Now all of the above
Might be considered flaws
But they’re not to me
As you are my Santa Claus

PANTER CLAUS

We’ll have a quiet night in
So let the festivities begin
I think it really is a thriller
To have you as a stocking filler
Do you think it shocking?
To want you in my stocking
But I’ll fill you with joy
If you’ll be my sex toy
I can be your secret Santa
You can be my sultry panter
A bit of festive rough and tumble
Ok then just a quick fumble
I thought you’d be up for a goose
They all said you were loose
Then you’re not a sure thing?
And you don’t swing?
No please don’t go home yet
I’m the best offer you’ll get
Sod it another quiet night in
Let the celibacies begin

THE FESTIVE INTERVAL

When celebrating
The festive interval
Please refrain from calling it
The winterval

SCROOGE LIKE

They say the perfect Christmas
Is blessed with family and friends
I say the fewer the better
Otherwise the present buying never ends

A SIMPLE GIFT

I’m hoping that this Christmas
I will get what I desire
I’m not that easy to please
I don’t ridiculously aspire

I don’t want the moon and stars
Or diamonds or pearls
Some perfume or cosmetics will do
I’m not one of those greedy girls

I just want something for me
Just a small thing, for me this year
But as always it will be something
For the house from IKEA

SHOPS IN THE HIGH STREET

Shops in the high street
Are full to overflowing
With irate customers
Franticly to-ing and fro-ing

The shopkeeper delights
While prices are rocketing
Happy in the knowledge
Of the profits he’s pocketing

And in his smug contentment
He rubs his hands with glee
“Merry Christmas you mugs
And a prosperous new year, for me”

RUSH AND SCURRY

Hurry, hurry shopping in Surrey
Hurry, hurry, rush and scurry
Worry, worry, fresh snow flurry
Hurry Murray rush and scurry
Let’s get home and have a curry

CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE HOSTELRY

The local hostelries are full
As they approach the brink
And raise their glasses high
For yet another festive drink
The season roundly toasted
Measured by each glasses chink
The next morning’s celebration
Will be a silent one I think

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A REASON?

Are you wearing it for a reason?
Is it because of the festive season?
You won’t be kissed under the mistletoe
Because you’re wearing it too low

IF YOU PUT CANDY CANES ON THE TREE

If you put Candy canes on the tree
And Popcorn on strings
Then let me give the kind of advice
That experience brings
Don’t pack them away after the
Bell of New Year rings
Otherwise next year they will be
Seriously unsavory things

IN THE CHRISTMAS VILLAGE

In the Christmas village
At the North Pole
There is much excitement
Being kept under control
As there is to be an election
For every Elf and Troll
Votes can of course be cast
At the North Poll

WE ALL PLAYED CHARADES

We all played Charades
At the in laws on Boxing Day
My wife’s Uncle Jack
Really went for it I must say
We were really impressed
By his energetic display
It was ten minutes before we knew
His heart had given way

Sunday 25 December 2016

Have yourself a very naughty Christmas # 4

BAD SANTA # 4

Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
And his special seasonal wish
Is for you to jingle his bells
So you get a White Christmas

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SOCKS?

Are you wearing Christmas socks?
Beneath your skirt it’s hard to see
And gives me pause to think
How high they go above the knee

THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

All year long I fancied Lucy
But she turned out to be fickle
So I thought I’d drown my sorrows
And have a few festive tipples
But I ended up in a cupboard
With a girl with hairy nipples

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

Amidst the preparations
For the up coming festivities
There has been a lot of demand
On the Church amenities

For those of us involved
In pulling the Christmas peel
Found the time to practise
Was far less than ideal

I found it difficult to fit it in
Around work and family needs
And often practised alone
At a very late hour indeed

One night it all got too much
The final straw I can’t remember
But as a result I decided to tie
The bell rope around my member

I don’t know why it was
That I succumbed to the pressure
But I was discovered
And I was tolled off by the vicar

RUDOLPH THE RAMPANT

Rudolph has been grounded
And severely reprimanded
The cause is his nocturnal activity
During the season of the nativity
Donner has been knocked up
And Vixen is a favourite tup
There are many more names
Who’ve played his reindeer games
He is insatiable, even the boys
Have fallen victim of his joys
Now Santa has had enough
Since he mounted Billy Goat Gruff

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 9

Twas the night before Christmas and at the North Pole
Some of the elves will be signing on the dole
There was a bit of a cock up with the naughty and nice list
When the elves in dispatch all got totally pissed

RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say it glows

All of the other reindeer
Laugh and call him awful names
And they leave poor Rudolph
To play his little snorting games

So on every Christmas Eve
Santa’s heard to say:
If you give up the cocaine
You might pull may sleigh again

But all the reindeer knew him
And his love for nose candy
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Santa’s little coke junkie

MY EVERGREENS

Oh Holly and my Ivy
Of all the girls I’ve known
When they dress in the Santa gear
They really ring my bell

CHRISTMAS SPICE

Christmas time is very nice
But if I might offer some advice
You can add a spot of yuletide spice
If you indulge in a little festive vice

TIED UP WITH TINSEL

Have a little yuletide fun
Make it deliciously sinful
With your little Christmas hon
Tied up with tinsel

I SAW A FIGURE ON THE STAIR

I saw a figure
On the stair
Wearing red velvet
Trimmed with fur

It was Santa Claus
In my view
With long white beard
And hat askew

But not a Santa
Of familiar build
And no sack was apparent
Generously filled

I thought the figure
To my surprise
Was rather pleasing
To the eyes

And curiously aroused
At the view
Of Santa
In red stiletto shoes

At that moment
At the top of the stair
The coat fell open
And I do declare

This sight of Santa
Left me aghast
Wearing black stockings
And leather Basque

The white beard
Fell to the floor
And then I understood
What I saw

Santa hadn’t brought me
A gift in a sack
Santa was the present
For me to unwrap

FAIRY ON THE TREE

Fairy, fairy on the tree
Why do you look so glum?
Is it the Christmas Blues?
To which you have succumbed
Is that what makes you sad
Or the needles up your bum

HAVE A CRACKING CHRISTMAS

I must definitely make sure
Her Christmas sack is full
Then if your dear is happy
Your cracker might get a pull

SANTA AND ELFIE

Santa and Elfie
Were caught in the buff
At it in the grotto,
Santa and his bit of stuff
The store manager
Decided to get tough
And sacked them
Saying enough was enough
Now Santa’s not jolly
In fact he’s quite gruff
As Santa’s little helper
Is now up the duff

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS TIGHTS?

Are you wearing Christmas tights?
Adorned with a festive motif
Well if those long festive limbs
Decorated with Christmas motif
Were to entwine about me
Then my resistant would be brief

Christmas Movie Reviews # 7

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SECRET SANTA 2001

10-year-old, Jackson Mayhew (Rory Culkin) moves in with his Aunt (Sherilyn Fenn) after the death of his parents.
Aunt Patty works the bar at the Coconut Grotto hotel in Florida and it’s at the Hotel where Jackson befriends an elderly man Sam Clausner (Hume Cronyn) and he begins to suspect that the old man is actually Santa Claus,
The wonderful Hume Cronyn's is brilliant and plays his role with panache and it will be remembered as a holiday classic.
His flawless performance was given despite the fact he was almost 90 years old.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE 2009

Ashley Matthews (Kari Hawker-Diaz) has been on her own all her life but she feels even more alone when it gets close to Christmas as she searches fruitlessly for a job and the endless Christmas cheer around her only rubs salt in the wounds as she scrimps and scrapes by to support herself and her dog, Dash.
However help is at hand from her neighbour, Nick Anderson (Bruce Davison), who knows exactly what to do to help and he offers her a job.
He asks her to be his assistant in what turns out to be a philanthropic endeavour, however there’s one catch she can't tell anyone that her new boss is a kind of Secret Santa, and she must help people anonymously.
Through her new job, Ashley meets Will (K.C. Clyde), a writer for a business magazine who uncovers what Ashley is doing, and more importantly, Nick's involvement in the acts of kindness.
As Ashley and Nick help people in need, she tries to protect Nick's secret, and her own heart, while Will must weigh the consequences of what might happen if he exposes them.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE THREE GIFTS

Jack Green (Dean Cain) inherited a southern Californian horse ranch from his father complete with an all-natural toy factory in the barn. Along with his wife Cherie (Jean Louisa Kelly) he is bullied into taking in the three “holy terrors” from orphanage run by his bossy aunt Rita (Mimi Kennedy).
It's only for a few weeks while renovations are done which would be completed before the holidays.
Mike (Dylan Sprayberry) and his buddies, Henry (Alex Zubarev) and Ray (Spencer Bridges), prove to be a handful, but Jack proves that he has father-potential and he and Cherie like having them around.
The trio go on their best behaviour after overhearing the couple are considering adopting just one of them, but that means they have to become rivals in order to be the one that’s chosen, resulting in trouble for everyone and fun for the viewer.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOST AT CHRISTMAS

This film is based on a true story about an estranged couple who find themselves lost in the Idaho wilderness after in impromptu snowmobile outing.
It was just before Christmas and when the weather turns they are trapped in a blizzard and the snowfall is so great all the trails are hidden.
Lost and alone Suzanne and Jim Shemwell (Jami Gertz and Dylan Walsh) are forced to confront the reasons why they separated.
Meanwhile their family, when they are not looking for Suzanne and Jim, are looking inward at themselves and re-evaluate their lives and their relationships.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 2013

After being told by her boss that the company needs to attract more clients, Elizabeth (Melissa Sagemiller), a skilled executive, is also told she is to get unwanted help in the form of Robert (Brad Rowe), to grow the business.
Through the help of one of Santa’s helpers, Calvin the Elf (Martin Klebba), she is blessed with an extraordinary gift when she obtains a piece of jewellery that allows her to hear everyone’s unspoken thoughts.
It was intended to make her become more self-aware in order to find personal and professional fulfilment but she uses it as a tool to gain new clients and get one up on Robert.
However having first used her new-found power to get ahead at work, she soon learns to become a better person, and turns an office rivalry into romance while learning the true meaning of Christmas.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER –
COME DANCE WITH ME

Jack (Andrew McCarthy) is an executive in a financial brokerage firm and seems to have it all.
He is a rising star in line for a big promotion and has already impressed the boss, Drew Clayton (Chris Gillett), He is also dating the boss’s daughter’ the beautiful and elegant Demi Clayton (Stephanie Mills).
Jack plans to propose to Demi at her father's lavish annual Christmas Dance but in order to create the perfect impression on the night he signs up for ballroom dance lessons.
Which is when he meets dance instructor, Christine (Michelle Nolden), and the story really begins.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT IS CHRISTMAS

Ira J. Finkelstein (Elijah Nelson) is a Christmas obsessed Jewish boy.
He's seen every Christmas movie ever made and his dreams are filled with reindeer, sleigh rides and of course, snow.
The problem is, apart from the fact that Ira is Jewish is that at 11 years of age he feels that Christmas is passing him by and When Ira's hopes for a holiday vacation in Aspen are dashed, he hatches a plan to finally get the Christmas of his dreams.
When flying unaccompanied to visit his grandparents in sunny Florida, he swaps tickets with Mikey Amato (Justin Thomas Howell), another 11-year-old also flying unaccompanied on his way to Christmastown, WA.
But they not only trade airline tickets but places as well and Ira gets more than he bargained for when he experiences his first "White Christmas".
Elliott Gould and David DeLuise also star in this pleasant Christmas caper.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HELP FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Although she loves Christmas, Christine (Summer Glau), who is an elf from Santa's village, wonders if there could be more to life than making toys at the North Pole.
So when Santa receives an emergency wish from a little boy in Los Angeles, he puts Christine on a special assignment in the real world and sends her to L.A. to help the VanCamp family.
Sara Vancamp (Eva LaRue) is a busy mom with absolutely no Christmas spirit and her husband Scott (Dan Gauthier), is little better.
So Christine is to look after the two Vancamp kids, Ally (Izabela Vidovic) and Will (Mason Cook) and give the whole family a Christmas wake-up call.
It is not altogether plain sailing and the question of whether Christine will fail her assignment and be sent back to the North Pole for good, or the VanCamps will come to their senses about the meaning of Christmas is unclear, but it’s fun watching the tale unfold.
The romantic interest is provided by Sara’s brother Dave Gabriel (John Brotherton) and Steve Larkin puts in a wonderful portrayal of Santa.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 1991

Ethan (Ethan Embry), is the practical older brother, and adorable Hallie (Thora Birch) knows how to charm her way out any given situation, and they are both intent on spending Christmas with their parents, Catherine (Harley Jane Kozak) and Michael (Jamey Sheridan), and grandmother, Lillian (Lauren Bacall).
Despite the fact that their parents are divorced and Catherine is about to marry Tony Boer (Kevin Nealon)
So when Hallie goes to visit Santa Claus, she asks for the unusual gift of getting her parents back together.
Ethan and Hallie embark on their adventure and almost nothing goes exactly as planned partly because Ethan is preoccupied not only with his parents' romantic dilemma but also his first teenage crush, Stephanie (Amy Oberer).
This Christmas comedy is a hilarious caper to ensure everyone lives happily ever after scheme to get what they most want for Christmas.
So in the end does Catherine decide to reject Tony and remarry Michael or do the children fail.
Watch it and see.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THIS CHRISTMAS

This Christmas, is a holiday drama centred on the Whitfield family's first Christmas together in four years.
In Los Angeles, Shirley Ann Whitfield (Loretta Devine), affectionately known as Ma'Dere, is the matriarch of the Whitfield family.
Her six children are scattered far and wide, wife and mother Lisa (Regina King) lives in San Francisco and feels the need to take on the responsibility to manage her extended family's welfare.
Traveling jazz musician Quentin Jr (Idris Elba), who has been absent from the family for four years, and Claude (Columbus Short) is a marine.
In New York ad exec Kelli and (Sharon Leal) is the self-confessed selfish one, Mel (Lauren London) is a college student and Michael (Chris Brown) still lives at home while figuring out what he wants to do with his life.
Ma'Dere has lived in the family home for a few years now with Joe Black (Delroy Lindo), a church deacon, with Ma'Dere's husband/the children's father, Quentin Whitfield Sr., long having left the family to pursue a life as a jazz musician.
Each person present in Ma'Dere's house at Christmas is dealing with an issue in his/her life, some known by the family and some not but they all have an effect on the family dynamic associated with how “This Christmas” will turn out for them as a collective family.