ARE YOU WEARING A BUNCH OF MISTLETOE?
Are you wearing a bunch of mistletoe?
Well you certainly mean business
Isn’t that overkill? “Less is more” after all
But you know what you’re doing I guess
Are you aiming at a particular beau?
Do you have a target in mind?
Or are you more indiscriminate
Scattergun like or something of the kind
Oh so there is an object of your affections
Is it perhaps someone that I know?
It’s someone I know very well indeed?
I still don’t know the identity of your beau
It’s me? I’m the one you desire?
You want to kiss me beneath the mistletoe?
THE TREE OF EVERGREEN
A top the tree of evergreen
See the star of Christmas sit
While scattered on its boughs
The coloured lights are lit
On the branches baubles hang
Glorious globes of glass delight
Candy canes and little gifts
And silver tinsel twinkling bright
And below the tree of evergreen
Adorned in festive dress
Sits the pile of Christmas gifts
Awaited with eagerness
I WOULD GIVE TO YOU ON CHRISTMAS MORNING
I would give to you
On Christmas morning
The gift of love
Contained within my heart
So I could deliver it
And to show good faith
I would wrap it in my soul
Then you would have the best of me
For with no heart and soul
I am but an empty shell
So I would give you that as well
And then you would have all of me
CHRISTMAS IS A GIFT
Christmas is a gift
A gift to the world
Of infinite grace
A special gift
Of redemption for all
Don’t cast it aside
CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS
Celebrate Christmas
With Christ, in his house
With his love in your heart
You can’t celebrate him
In a pub, or in gluttony and avarice
At the shopping mall
LONELY THIS CHRISTMAS
I want you with me at Christmas
I want you to be at home
And I know it’s not possible
But I just don’t want to be alone
MISSING YOU
We want you home at Christmas
We want you to spend it with us
But we understand the reason why
And we promise to try not to cry
We will spend Christmas on our own
Until you come marching safely home
THE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS
When first you hear
A seasonal refrain
You know its time
To climb the ladder again
Up to the attic
Amongst the dust
To find the box
That is a must.
Where your heart will lift
At its very sight
And when in hand
You’ll grip it tight
Such is its precious nature
A box of magic
Of which its loss
Would be so tragic
For so special are
The boxes contents
Because this box
Contains the ornaments
That will grace the tree
And each trinket and angel
Every bell and bauble
Has a special tale to tell
For every ornament
That hangs upon the tree
Holds its own
Christmas memory
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 4
So we could go Christmas shopping
I kept the kids home from school today
Because if I’d gone on my own
I’d have gotten the wrong sizes, so hey
THE BEST CHRISTMAS ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 1
The best Christmas actor of all time
Is a character actor so sublime
And there can only be one winner
And that would be Yule Brynner
JW ADVENT CALENDAR # 2
You can now buy a Jehovah’s Witness
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
I don’t know what message is inside
Because for some reason
You can’t open a single door
CHRISTINGLE MINGLE
It is the season that makes my senses tingle
The time of year when the sleigh bells jingle
And we come together for the Christingle mingle
When the Clauses and the Grinch’s intermingle
And happy clappy’s and traditionalists comingle
As we celebrate the service of Christingle
OH SANTA CLAUS THE BELLS THE BELLS ARE CALLING
Oh Santa Claus the bells the bells are calling
From town to town, where goodwill doth abide
The summers gone, the autumn leaves have fallen
We’re near, we’re near another Christmas tide
So come ye back to us on Christmas Evening
When all the land is hushed and white with snow
And we will leave your milk and cookies
Oh Santa Claus, you know we love you so
HER WASSAIL
She would sing for her supper
And wail for her wassail
To get her turkey dinner
And a pint of Christmas ale
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS TOP?
Are you wearing a Christmas Top?
Well I very much like what I see
Because there isn’t very much of it
And the contents are bursting free
Saturday, 17 December 2016
Friday, 16 December 2016
The Avuncular and the Christmas Stocking
Three months had passed since Hannah Castle and I had made love in my room at the Cleddau Bridge Hotel and two days short of three months since she said she wasn’t sure we could be together.
Not that she didn’t love me or enjoy being with me, and I can say without being boastful that it wasn’t because she didn’t enjoy making love with me.
Nor did she think it was a mistake, a moment of madness or because she had drunk too much.
“I don’t regret it for a second” she said as we lay entwined beneath the duvet “I just have doubts”
Hannah just wasn’t sure if she could or should give over her heart, soul and life to a man 12 years older than herself.
I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed and I wasn’t happy about it but I wasn’t angry with her in fact I agreed with her to a point,
And I wanted her to be sure as well.
After all I had no words to convince a 29 year old woman to give her life to a man the wrong side of 40.
And nor would I have wished to use them if they were in my possession.
“I love you Tom but I just have to be certain sure” she said the moment before she drove away.
It was heart-breaking to watch her drive away because I had no such doubts.
For me that first night together was the blissful culmination of eight years of hope and desire.
Not just the love making but to hear my declaration of love returned in word and delicious deed.
It had been pretty much love at first sight for me, but then she was a beautiful sight to behold.
For her it was a more gradual falling and one that she desperately fought against tooth and claw whereas I simply surrendered to her.
Even before our chance meeting at the hotel Hannah had agreed to take a three month secondment in Milford Haven where she could be close to her sister and the twins so she suggested they take that time to think.
And in that time she would either get over me or know for certain sure I was the one.
While she was away I convinced myself almost on a daily basis that it was over and rightly so I thought at times.
If the worst came to the worst I consoled myself with the thought that I would always have the memory of that wonderful weekend when my love for her was finally validated.
In my darkest moments I did question if it was a moment of madness that brought Hannah to my bed.
I was glad for that madness if that’s what it was.
Though if Hannah did resolve that it was a mistake and it was over he would at least have the memory of that wonderful weekend to sustain him forever.
I prefer to think it was fate that brought us together on that wonderful weekend.
I would have liked to have exchanged the occasional text or email with her but Hannah had asked for total separation.
All I could do was throw myself into my work totally and fill my every waking moment with thoughts of anything and everything that wasn’t her.
Impossible of course but if in the unlikely event that I could exclude her from my thoughts I couldn’t stop her invading my dreams.
When I slept I dared to dream, so in the small hours of the sleepless night I resorted to the only thing that prevented me from being driven insane.
I wrote in a diary, I called it a dream diary, it was where I wrote every detail, every thought that filled my troubled sleep nightly, thoughts of love for the girl of my dreams.
The closer the end of the three months got the more intense the dreams became and evermore vivid with each passing day.
It was the day before Christmas Eve when I got the long awaited phone call, I took a deep breath and hit the button.
“Hello, Tom Flood” I said
“Hey Tom” she said
“Hannah?” I asked “God it’s good to hear your voice”
“Ditto” Hannah replied “Where are you?”
“I’m in London” I replied “Are you still in Milford Haven?”
“No I’m back home” she replied “When are you back?”
“Tonight” I replied
“Can we meet?” Hannah asked
“Yes” I said “Have you made a decision?”
“Yes I have” she replied
“And?” I enquired trying to keep the anxiety out of my voice
“I don’t want to say on the phone” she answered “I want to do it face to face”
“Ok” I said not knowing if that meant it would be good or bad
“Come to the house tonight” I said
“What time?” she asked
“Around seven” I replied “Let yourself in if I’m late, you know where the key is”
“Ok, I’ll see you tonight then Tommy” she said
“Ok, bye”
The journey out of London was an absolute mare and consequently I was late and it was nearly 8 o’clock when I drove onto the drive.
Since her phone call my stomach had been in absolute knots and arriving home late didn’t untangle it in the least.
The lights were on in the house so Hannah had let herself in I only hoped she was still there and hadn’t got tired of waiting.
As I sat in the pre-Christmas traffic I tried to ring her to warn her of my delay but my phone died.
So I sat on the drive trying to summon up the courage to go in, I was so desperate to know her answer but equally terrified of what it might be, yes or no.
“Yes” meaning she was sure and she would give all of herself to me unreservedly
Or “No” and we would never be together.
I reran the earlier conversation in my head and tried to read between the lines to find some hidden meaning or some indication as to her decision.
I slowly opened the door and stepped in.
“Hi Hannah” I called “I’m sorry I’m late, traffic was hell”
No answer, she must have got fed up of waiting after all.
“Shit” I exclaimed and took off my coat but as I hung it on the peg in the hall I noticed an unfamiliar coat already hanging there.
“She is here” I said
But where? Where was she exactly?
I hung my coat and walked into the lounge and that’s when I knew.
I knew because I saw the black stockings hanging from the mantel anchored beneath a Christmas candle so I knew where to find her.
And stood on the mantel next to the candle was a Christmas card
I opened it and read the words
“Happy Christmas Tommy
All my love
Hannah”
Beneath her signature there appeared to be an abundance of the obligatory small x’s but on closer examination each kiss was in fact the word “Yes”
And so I had my answer and my dreams were fulfilled.
Not that she didn’t love me or enjoy being with me, and I can say without being boastful that it wasn’t because she didn’t enjoy making love with me.
Nor did she think it was a mistake, a moment of madness or because she had drunk too much.
“I don’t regret it for a second” she said as we lay entwined beneath the duvet “I just have doubts”
Hannah just wasn’t sure if she could or should give over her heart, soul and life to a man 12 years older than herself.
I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed and I wasn’t happy about it but I wasn’t angry with her in fact I agreed with her to a point,
And I wanted her to be sure as well.
After all I had no words to convince a 29 year old woman to give her life to a man the wrong side of 40.
And nor would I have wished to use them if they were in my possession.
“I love you Tom but I just have to be certain sure” she said the moment before she drove away.
It was heart-breaking to watch her drive away because I had no such doubts.
For me that first night together was the blissful culmination of eight years of hope and desire.
Not just the love making but to hear my declaration of love returned in word and delicious deed.
It had been pretty much love at first sight for me, but then she was a beautiful sight to behold.
For her it was a more gradual falling and one that she desperately fought against tooth and claw whereas I simply surrendered to her.
Even before our chance meeting at the hotel Hannah had agreed to take a three month secondment in Milford Haven where she could be close to her sister and the twins so she suggested they take that time to think.
And in that time she would either get over me or know for certain sure I was the one.
While she was away I convinced myself almost on a daily basis that it was over and rightly so I thought at times.
If the worst came to the worst I consoled myself with the thought that I would always have the memory of that wonderful weekend when my love for her was finally validated.
In my darkest moments I did question if it was a moment of madness that brought Hannah to my bed.
I was glad for that madness if that’s what it was.
Though if Hannah did resolve that it was a mistake and it was over he would at least have the memory of that wonderful weekend to sustain him forever.
I prefer to think it was fate that brought us together on that wonderful weekend.
I would have liked to have exchanged the occasional text or email with her but Hannah had asked for total separation.
All I could do was throw myself into my work totally and fill my every waking moment with thoughts of anything and everything that wasn’t her.
Impossible of course but if in the unlikely event that I could exclude her from my thoughts I couldn’t stop her invading my dreams.
When I slept I dared to dream, so in the small hours of the sleepless night I resorted to the only thing that prevented me from being driven insane.
I wrote in a diary, I called it a dream diary, it was where I wrote every detail, every thought that filled my troubled sleep nightly, thoughts of love for the girl of my dreams.
The closer the end of the three months got the more intense the dreams became and evermore vivid with each passing day.
It was the day before Christmas Eve when I got the long awaited phone call, I took a deep breath and hit the button.
“Hello, Tom Flood” I said
“Hey Tom” she said
“Hannah?” I asked “God it’s good to hear your voice”
“Ditto” Hannah replied “Where are you?”
“I’m in London” I replied “Are you still in Milford Haven?”
“No I’m back home” she replied “When are you back?”
“Tonight” I replied
“Can we meet?” Hannah asked
“Yes” I said “Have you made a decision?”
“Yes I have” she replied
“And?” I enquired trying to keep the anxiety out of my voice
“I don’t want to say on the phone” she answered “I want to do it face to face”
“Ok” I said not knowing if that meant it would be good or bad
“Come to the house tonight” I said
“What time?” she asked
“Around seven” I replied “Let yourself in if I’m late, you know where the key is”
“Ok, I’ll see you tonight then Tommy” she said
“Ok, bye”
The journey out of London was an absolute mare and consequently I was late and it was nearly 8 o’clock when I drove onto the drive.
Since her phone call my stomach had been in absolute knots and arriving home late didn’t untangle it in the least.
The lights were on in the house so Hannah had let herself in I only hoped she was still there and hadn’t got tired of waiting.
As I sat in the pre-Christmas traffic I tried to ring her to warn her of my delay but my phone died.
So I sat on the drive trying to summon up the courage to go in, I was so desperate to know her answer but equally terrified of what it might be, yes or no.
“Yes” meaning she was sure and she would give all of herself to me unreservedly
Or “No” and we would never be together.
I reran the earlier conversation in my head and tried to read between the lines to find some hidden meaning or some indication as to her decision.
I slowly opened the door and stepped in.
“Hi Hannah” I called “I’m sorry I’m late, traffic was hell”
No answer, she must have got fed up of waiting after all.
“Shit” I exclaimed and took off my coat but as I hung it on the peg in the hall I noticed an unfamiliar coat already hanging there.
“She is here” I said
But where? Where was she exactly?
I hung my coat and walked into the lounge and that’s when I knew.
I knew because I saw the black stockings hanging from the mantel anchored beneath a Christmas candle so I knew where to find her.
And stood on the mantel next to the candle was a Christmas card
I opened it and read the words
“Happy Christmas Tommy
All my love
Hannah”
Beneath her signature there appeared to be an abundance of the obligatory small x’s but on closer examination each kiss was in fact the word “Yes”
And so I had my answer and my dreams were fulfilled.
Christmas Poem Selection # 4
ARE YOU WEARING AN ELF OUTFIT?
Are you wearing an elf outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
Pixie boots and a floppy hat
The green tights and all that
If you come to the grotto with me
You can call me Santa and sit on my knee
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 3
I kept Billie home from school
For Christmas shopping
Doing it during school time
When the malls are empty
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 17
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
But there is a reason and here’s the tell
It’s just been fumigated and stank like hell
JW ADVENT CALENDAR # 1
You can now buy a Jehovah’s Witness
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
There are no Christmas messages
It just says Fuck off
Behind every door
WHEN CHRISTMAS WEARS ITS TINSELLED GOWN
When Christmas wears its tinselled gown
Joy fills the streets around the town
We must banish those who wear a frown
As we celebrate the King with the holy crown
CHRISTMAS GATEAU
It is time for me to make
My most special Christmas cake
The only thing you need to start
Is the most joyous open heart
Then add by the pound
All the love that can be found
Humble ingredients like
Thankfulness and Gratitude
Lashings of positive attitude
Laced with Christmas cheer
And a cup of Christmas beer
An abundance of good wishes
With lots of hugs and kisses
Not forgetting laughter and fun
Enough to serve everyone
And to complete my Gateau
I garnish with sprigs of mistletoe
BRANDISHING YOUR MISTLETOE
It’s Christmas Eve so off you go
Start brandishing your mistletoe
March off purposely through the snow
To find yourself a Christmas ho
MISSING EVERYONE
I miss everyone so much, that I fear
I’ll dampen everyone’s Christmas cheer
Then your emailed movie clip appears
And when I’ve wiped away my misty tears
The long miles seem to disappear
And feel more like you are all near
So I put away my lonely fears
Have another glass that cheers
And I’ll see you all on New Years
FILL MY CUP WITH CHEER
Fill my cup with cheer
Dear Lord
But let me be merry
And not drunk
Let me be a companion
And not a burden
Let me be happy
But not foolish
Let me know
When its time to go
And deliver me
Safely to my door
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS DRESS?
Are you wearing a Christmas Dress?
The big red ribbon is particularly pleasant
I’m itching to pull at that bow
So when do I get to open my present
MY SISTER WAS AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS
My sister was afraid of Santa Claus
The thought of him made her sick
The rest of us all loved him to bits
But she was clearly Claus-trophobic
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA BRINGS
Do you know what Santa brings naughty
Boys and girls so they are not excluded?
It’s not coal anymore so don’t think that
It batteries, labelled "toy not included"
WALNUTS IN WINTER
Walnuts in winter
Along with filberts, almonds
And fleshy Brazils
YOUNG LOVERS CUDDLE
Young lovers cuddle
Listening to carols sung
While the Yule log burns
SNOWDROPS IN WINTER
Snowdrops in winter
Mother Nature’s heralds
Of the coming spring
Are you wearing an elf outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
Pixie boots and a floppy hat
The green tights and all that
If you come to the grotto with me
You can call me Santa and sit on my knee
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 3
I kept Billie home from school
For Christmas shopping
Doing it during school time
When the malls are empty
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 17
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
But there is a reason and here’s the tell
It’s just been fumigated and stank like hell
JW ADVENT CALENDAR # 1
You can now buy a Jehovah’s Witness
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
There are no Christmas messages
It just says Fuck off
Behind every door
WHEN CHRISTMAS WEARS ITS TINSELLED GOWN
When Christmas wears its tinselled gown
Joy fills the streets around the town
We must banish those who wear a frown
As we celebrate the King with the holy crown
CHRISTMAS GATEAU
It is time for me to make
My most special Christmas cake
The only thing you need to start
Is the most joyous open heart
Then add by the pound
All the love that can be found
Humble ingredients like
Thankfulness and Gratitude
Lashings of positive attitude
Laced with Christmas cheer
And a cup of Christmas beer
An abundance of good wishes
With lots of hugs and kisses
Not forgetting laughter and fun
Enough to serve everyone
And to complete my Gateau
I garnish with sprigs of mistletoe
BRANDISHING YOUR MISTLETOE
It’s Christmas Eve so off you go
Start brandishing your mistletoe
March off purposely through the snow
To find yourself a Christmas ho
MISSING EVERYONE
I miss everyone so much, that I fear
I’ll dampen everyone’s Christmas cheer
Then your emailed movie clip appears
And when I’ve wiped away my misty tears
The long miles seem to disappear
And feel more like you are all near
So I put away my lonely fears
Have another glass that cheers
And I’ll see you all on New Years
FILL MY CUP WITH CHEER
Fill my cup with cheer
Dear Lord
But let me be merry
And not drunk
Let me be a companion
And not a burden
Let me be happy
But not foolish
Let me know
When its time to go
And deliver me
Safely to my door
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS DRESS?
Are you wearing a Christmas Dress?
The big red ribbon is particularly pleasant
I’m itching to pull at that bow
So when do I get to open my present
MY SISTER WAS AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS
My sister was afraid of Santa Claus
The thought of him made her sick
The rest of us all loved him to bits
But she was clearly Claus-trophobic
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA BRINGS
Do you know what Santa brings naughty
Boys and girls so they are not excluded?
It’s not coal anymore so don’t think that
It batteries, labelled "toy not included"
WALNUTS IN WINTER
Walnuts in winter
Along with filberts, almonds
And fleshy Brazils
YOUNG LOVERS CUDDLE
Young lovers cuddle
Listening to carols sung
While the Yule log burns
SNOWDROPS IN WINTER
Snowdrops in winter
Mother Nature’s heralds
Of the coming spring
Thursday, 15 December 2016
Christmas Movie Reviews # 1
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE HOLIDAY
If you like schmaltzy sentimentality wrapped up in Christmas paper and packaged as a romantic comedy then this is the film for you.
It is the tale of two beautiful women, Amanda Woods (Cameron Diaz) and Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet),
In London, Iris Simpkins writes a wedding column in a newspaper and nurtures an unrequited love for her colleague Jasper Bloom (Rufus Sewell) who is about to marry another woman.
Across the globe in Los Angeles, Amanda realizes the man that she lives with has been unfaithful with the receptionist.
So both of them find themselves at the end of failed relationships just before Christmas.
Amanda decides to take a two week vacation and surfs the internet where she meets Iris, online through a house exchange website, and Amanda impulsively swaps her L.A. mansion for Iris' country cottage in Surrey for the holidays.
Shortly after arriving at their destinations, both women find the last thing either of them wants or expects: a new romance. Amanda is charmed by Iris' handsome brother Graham (Jude Law) and Iris, with inspiration provided by legendary screenwriter Arthur (Eli Wallach), mends her heart when she meets film score composer Miles (Jack Black).
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOVE ACTUALLY
The huge cast of stars (too many to mention by name) pull out all the stops in this uplifting Christmas movie, as characters fall in love, fall out of love, make you laugh, make you cry and thoroughly entertain you.
The multi-threaded storytelling is very engaging and added to it's a lighthearted holiday flavour makes it a film you can watch again and again.
The final scene at Heathrow airport ends the film on a very uplifting note.
I see Love Actually as a new holiday classic.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HOLIDAY AFFAIR
Holiday Affair is the Christmas season romance of a young widow and a sales clerk who (thanks to her) is unemployed.
I love this film and I am so pleased to have unearthed a previously undiscovered gem.
Robert Mitchum, Janet Leigh and Wendall Corey are the stars of this delightful little film which all centres around an expensive train set.
Janet Leigh has been left a single mum after her husband was killed in the war and works as a comparison shopper when she inadvertently gets Robert Mitchum fired from his job in a department store.
The story then unfolds in a classic love triangle after Mitchum is invited to Christmas dinner with her son and fiancé (Corey).
The eventual outcome is rather predictable but is managed in such an engaging way that you don't feel disappointed.
This movie is a charming example of an un-clichéd Hollywood holiday movie.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DEAR SANTA
This is certainly cheesy and clichéd yet still manages to be a wonderful movie.
Amy Acker steals your heart as the poor little rich girl, told to do something useful with her life or lose her financial support.
Which she does after inadvertently intercepting a child’s letter to Santa, which brings her into contact with Haydn-Jones and his daughter Olivia Gowan.
She instantly falls in love with him and forms a close bond with her.
Gina Holden is excellent as the evil queen character as Haydn-Jones girlfriend who is at her worst/best when Acker comes between the two of them.
It’s a really sweet Christmas film not to be taken too seriously but is to be enjoyed.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – FOUR CHRISTMASES
Brad (Vince Vaughan) and Kate (Reese Witherspoon) have been together for three years. They are very much in love and spend their time having fun and doing a great deal of things together purely for their own enjoyment.
They have no intention to marry or have children and do their level best not to spend the holidays with their families.
However on Christmas morning, they are on their way to Fiji, having told their two sets of divorced parents that they're off to do charity work.
But the flight is cancelled and when, they are caught on camera by a TV news crew at the airport, they are forced to visit each of their four idiosyncratic parents.
As the day wears on, Brad and Kate remember their respective childhoods and each learns more about the other.
As a result Kate realizes that her life isn’t as good as it could be and finds she wants more from the relationship.
But does she want more than Brad can give?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE FAMILY MAN
The Family man is a Capraesque style film in many ways, in which Jack Campbell (Nicholas Cage) a happy singleton with a successful career as a talented businessman wakes up to find his world turned upside down.
He has everything he could ever want, or so he thinks, then one day he wakes up in a completely different life where he is married to his old college girlfriend Kate (Tea Leoni).
He now lives in Jersey with Kate and their two kids and instead of being president of an Investment House he sells tires for his father in law Big Ed.
He desperately wants his life back, he wants his Ferrari back and not the temperamental family mini-van.
But after a bad start, day by day he become's more comfortable in his new life and starts to see what he's been missing and it turns out in the best Frank Capra tradition that money isn’t everything and love wins out.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – POLAR EXPRESS
The Polar Express is a beautifully animated magical Christmas feast based on the book of the same name by Chris Van Allsburg.
On Christmas Eve, a boy who has come to doubt Christmas boards a magical train that is headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus's home.
The story that unfolds is an engaging adventure aboard the magical train which for the boy and his new friends becomes a journey of self-discovery which shows them that the wonder of life never fades for those who believe.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - TRADING CHRISTMAS
In South Woodbourne, Washington, widowed second grade schoolteacher Emily Spengler (Faith Ford) loves the Christmas holidays, as do all the townsfolk, and she is looking forward to spending the holiday with her grown up daughter, Heather (Emma Lahana), as usual.
However Heather, who is at college in Boston, drops the bombshell a week before Christmas that she is going to be too busy studying to make the long trip home to South Woodbourne.
Emily calls her BFF Faith Kerrigan (Gabrielle Miller) for sympathy after receiving the news and asked her to come for Christmas instead but she is further disappointed when divorcee Faith tells her she is too snowed under with work to make the trip from San Francisco.
Also in Boston lives an unsentimental novelist and English professor Charles Johnson (Tom Cavanagh), who his desperate to break his writer's block and complete his latest novel which is overdue at the publishers.
In addition to his lack of sentimentality, along with his workaholic brother Ray (Gil Bellows), he doesn’t celebrate the season.
Ray, as the owner of his own lucrative business, is trying to decide if he should accept a very generous offer for his company, and advises Charles to do a house swap for the holiday suggesting that a change of scene might well help to unblock him.
And that is where the story really starts.
Emily and Charles meet on a house swapping website and agree to do a one week swap in the lead up to Christmas.
However all does not go well, Emily goes to Boston to surprise daughter Heather only to find on her arrival she has secretly flown to Phoenix with her boyfriend Jason.
Charles meanwhile finds the over decorated house and the over friendly townsfolk of South Woodbourne somewhat over sweet.
But that turns out to be the least of his problems when Emily's best friend, divorced corporate events planner Faith Kerrigan, arrives in South Woodbourne from San Francisco intent on keeping Emily company during the holidays in Heather's absence.
Due to circumstances beyond her control Faith is forced to stay at the house with Charles for the better part of the week.
At the same time Emily sets off the silent burglar alarm in Charles apartment and brother Ray and the Police walk in on her.
Obviously in true Christmas tradition romance blooms in both Boston and South Woodbourne.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - MY SANTA
Jen Robbins (Samaire Armstrong) is a single mother, who works as a writer of human interest stories for the small town newspaper in the town where she has lived all her life.
Alas she lost her Christmas spirit after her ex-husband Paul walked out on her six years earlier when her son Eric (Gabe O'Mara) was only one year old, and to add insult onto injury it was also Christmas Eve.
Despite her disdain for Christmas however, after a number of encounters, Jen finds herself falling under the spell of Chris (Matthew Lawrence), who is the shopping mall Santa Claus.
Eric truly believes that Chris really is Santa although in truth he is Kris Kringle Jr the heir apparent to the magic of Christmas.
He has set his cap at Jen to be the next Mrs. Claus, so that he can continue the Christmas spirit into the next generation.
But that woman has to truly believe in the spirit of Christmas for Chris to be able to take over the reins from his father.
So a cynic like Jen may not be easily persuaded.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - IT'S CHRISTMAS, CAROL!
An enjoyable and credible reworking of Charles Dickens well spun yarn of redemption.
This retelling of the story is of a driven and heartless publishing executive, Carol Huffman (Emmanuelle Vaugie) who on Christmas Eve is visited by the ghost of her former boss, Eve (Carrie Fisher).
Eve tells Carol that she has lost sight of the things that are truly important in life and that she is there to show her the errors of her ways.
There is a wonderful reference to Dickens in the tale when Eve explains why the normal trinity of ghosts were all represented by her alone, as she was in sole charge of Carol's journey through her past, present and future, and that was because “Chuck” was prone to over embellishments.
It’s very much worth a watch if only for Carrie Fishers mischievous Eve.
If you like schmaltzy sentimentality wrapped up in Christmas paper and packaged as a romantic comedy then this is the film for you.
It is the tale of two beautiful women, Amanda Woods (Cameron Diaz) and Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet),
In London, Iris Simpkins writes a wedding column in a newspaper and nurtures an unrequited love for her colleague Jasper Bloom (Rufus Sewell) who is about to marry another woman.
Across the globe in Los Angeles, Amanda realizes the man that she lives with has been unfaithful with the receptionist.
So both of them find themselves at the end of failed relationships just before Christmas.
Amanda decides to take a two week vacation and surfs the internet where she meets Iris, online through a house exchange website, and Amanda impulsively swaps her L.A. mansion for Iris' country cottage in Surrey for the holidays.
Shortly after arriving at their destinations, both women find the last thing either of them wants or expects: a new romance. Amanda is charmed by Iris' handsome brother Graham (Jude Law) and Iris, with inspiration provided by legendary screenwriter Arthur (Eli Wallach), mends her heart when she meets film score composer Miles (Jack Black).
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOVE ACTUALLY
The huge cast of stars (too many to mention by name) pull out all the stops in this uplifting Christmas movie, as characters fall in love, fall out of love, make you laugh, make you cry and thoroughly entertain you.
The multi-threaded storytelling is very engaging and added to it's a lighthearted holiday flavour makes it a film you can watch again and again.
The final scene at Heathrow airport ends the film on a very uplifting note.
I see Love Actually as a new holiday classic.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HOLIDAY AFFAIR
Holiday Affair is the Christmas season romance of a young widow and a sales clerk who (thanks to her) is unemployed.
I love this film and I am so pleased to have unearthed a previously undiscovered gem.
Robert Mitchum, Janet Leigh and Wendall Corey are the stars of this delightful little film which all centres around an expensive train set.
Janet Leigh has been left a single mum after her husband was killed in the war and works as a comparison shopper when she inadvertently gets Robert Mitchum fired from his job in a department store.
The story then unfolds in a classic love triangle after Mitchum is invited to Christmas dinner with her son and fiancé (Corey).
The eventual outcome is rather predictable but is managed in such an engaging way that you don't feel disappointed.
This movie is a charming example of an un-clichéd Hollywood holiday movie.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DEAR SANTA
This is certainly cheesy and clichéd yet still manages to be a wonderful movie.
Amy Acker steals your heart as the poor little rich girl, told to do something useful with her life or lose her financial support.
Which she does after inadvertently intercepting a child’s letter to Santa, which brings her into contact with Haydn-Jones and his daughter Olivia Gowan.
She instantly falls in love with him and forms a close bond with her.
Gina Holden is excellent as the evil queen character as Haydn-Jones girlfriend who is at her worst/best when Acker comes between the two of them.
It’s a really sweet Christmas film not to be taken too seriously but is to be enjoyed.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – FOUR CHRISTMASES
Brad (Vince Vaughan) and Kate (Reese Witherspoon) have been together for three years. They are very much in love and spend their time having fun and doing a great deal of things together purely for their own enjoyment.
They have no intention to marry or have children and do their level best not to spend the holidays with their families.
However on Christmas morning, they are on their way to Fiji, having told their two sets of divorced parents that they're off to do charity work.
But the flight is cancelled and when, they are caught on camera by a TV news crew at the airport, they are forced to visit each of their four idiosyncratic parents.
As the day wears on, Brad and Kate remember their respective childhoods and each learns more about the other.
As a result Kate realizes that her life isn’t as good as it could be and finds she wants more from the relationship.
But does she want more than Brad can give?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE FAMILY MAN
The Family man is a Capraesque style film in many ways, in which Jack Campbell (Nicholas Cage) a happy singleton with a successful career as a talented businessman wakes up to find his world turned upside down.
He has everything he could ever want, or so he thinks, then one day he wakes up in a completely different life where he is married to his old college girlfriend Kate (Tea Leoni).
He now lives in Jersey with Kate and their two kids and instead of being president of an Investment House he sells tires for his father in law Big Ed.
He desperately wants his life back, he wants his Ferrari back and not the temperamental family mini-van.
But after a bad start, day by day he become's more comfortable in his new life and starts to see what he's been missing and it turns out in the best Frank Capra tradition that money isn’t everything and love wins out.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – POLAR EXPRESS
The Polar Express is a beautifully animated magical Christmas feast based on the book of the same name by Chris Van Allsburg.
On Christmas Eve, a boy who has come to doubt Christmas boards a magical train that is headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus's home.
The story that unfolds is an engaging adventure aboard the magical train which for the boy and his new friends becomes a journey of self-discovery which shows them that the wonder of life never fades for those who believe.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - TRADING CHRISTMAS
In South Woodbourne, Washington, widowed second grade schoolteacher Emily Spengler (Faith Ford) loves the Christmas holidays, as do all the townsfolk, and she is looking forward to spending the holiday with her grown up daughter, Heather (Emma Lahana), as usual.
However Heather, who is at college in Boston, drops the bombshell a week before Christmas that she is going to be too busy studying to make the long trip home to South Woodbourne.
Emily calls her BFF Faith Kerrigan (Gabrielle Miller) for sympathy after receiving the news and asked her to come for Christmas instead but she is further disappointed when divorcee Faith tells her she is too snowed under with work to make the trip from San Francisco.
Also in Boston lives an unsentimental novelist and English professor Charles Johnson (Tom Cavanagh), who his desperate to break his writer's block and complete his latest novel which is overdue at the publishers.
In addition to his lack of sentimentality, along with his workaholic brother Ray (Gil Bellows), he doesn’t celebrate the season.
Ray, as the owner of his own lucrative business, is trying to decide if he should accept a very generous offer for his company, and advises Charles to do a house swap for the holiday suggesting that a change of scene might well help to unblock him.
And that is where the story really starts.
Emily and Charles meet on a house swapping website and agree to do a one week swap in the lead up to Christmas.
However all does not go well, Emily goes to Boston to surprise daughter Heather only to find on her arrival she has secretly flown to Phoenix with her boyfriend Jason.
Charles meanwhile finds the over decorated house and the over friendly townsfolk of South Woodbourne somewhat over sweet.
But that turns out to be the least of his problems when Emily's best friend, divorced corporate events planner Faith Kerrigan, arrives in South Woodbourne from San Francisco intent on keeping Emily company during the holidays in Heather's absence.
Due to circumstances beyond her control Faith is forced to stay at the house with Charles for the better part of the week.
At the same time Emily sets off the silent burglar alarm in Charles apartment and brother Ray and the Police walk in on her.
Obviously in true Christmas tradition romance blooms in both Boston and South Woodbourne.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - MY SANTA
Jen Robbins (Samaire Armstrong) is a single mother, who works as a writer of human interest stories for the small town newspaper in the town where she has lived all her life.
Alas she lost her Christmas spirit after her ex-husband Paul walked out on her six years earlier when her son Eric (Gabe O'Mara) was only one year old, and to add insult onto injury it was also Christmas Eve.
Despite her disdain for Christmas however, after a number of encounters, Jen finds herself falling under the spell of Chris (Matthew Lawrence), who is the shopping mall Santa Claus.
Eric truly believes that Chris really is Santa although in truth he is Kris Kringle Jr the heir apparent to the magic of Christmas.
He has set his cap at Jen to be the next Mrs. Claus, so that he can continue the Christmas spirit into the next generation.
But that woman has to truly believe in the spirit of Christmas for Chris to be able to take over the reins from his father.
So a cynic like Jen may not be easily persuaded.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - IT'S CHRISTMAS, CAROL!
An enjoyable and credible reworking of Charles Dickens well spun yarn of redemption.
This retelling of the story is of a driven and heartless publishing executive, Carol Huffman (Emmanuelle Vaugie) who on Christmas Eve is visited by the ghost of her former boss, Eve (Carrie Fisher).
Eve tells Carol that she has lost sight of the things that are truly important in life and that she is there to show her the errors of her ways.
There is a wonderful reference to Dickens in the tale when Eve explains why the normal trinity of ghosts were all represented by her alone, as she was in sole charge of Carol's journey through her past, present and future, and that was because “Chuck” was prone to over embellishments.
It’s very much worth a watch if only for Carrie Fishers mischievous Eve.
The Girl in the Maternity Dress
Holly walked around the lounge talking to the customers as was her usual habit.
She had a less graceful gait than she used to but Steve still felt a great sense of pride that he was her husband and Holly was pregnant, very pregnant.
It was two years since they had met and she had changed the course of his life entirely.
It was Christmas again and Steve Berry had always had a dislike for it, despite all the jollity.
Unlike many of his Christmas mad friends he’d had no happy Christmas memories to anesthetise him against the season.
His childhood Christmases were memories he would rather have forgotten.
So he never trusted Christmas, he believed that shit lurked beneath the coloured lights and paper chains.
That was until Holly Davis opened his eyes to new possibilities and he realised that Christmas could also magnify joy and Steve had been cured of his Christmas phobia.
Due to Holly, Steve had found himself working behind the bar in her Uncle Phil’s pub, the Pig and Whistle.
He was still, even to that day uncertain quite how she managed to affect that, but affect it she did and during the ten days working for her she had turned his life upside down and it culminated in him wishing her a Merry Christmas and kissing her at closing time.
He had thought the kiss on Christmas Eve might be the start of something.
Judging by the way Holly responded to it but it didn’t lead anywhere immediately.
Holly had responded to his advance and in fact had been hopeful of it but she knew it was far too soon to throw caution to the wind.
The effects of the kiss proved to be a slow burner which didn’t burst into flames until the early hours of New Year’s Day
The two years since had been very eventful, they became partners in January, engaged at Easter and Married in September.
However it wasn’t only Steve and Holly’s fortunes that had changed over the preceding two years since they had met but so had those of the Pig and Whistle.
It had gone from a rundown dive to a thriving pub with a growing reputation as a gastro pub.
The restaurant had always been busy right from the outset but when Steve and Stephanos were in the kitchen it was good pub grub and no more because they didn’t have the repertoire to take it to the next level.
However since Steve and Holly had returned from their New Forest honeymoon the previous year with Chef Simon Clarke the restaurant had really taken off.
Simon had been working at the same country house hotel that the Berry’s were staying at as a sous chef for an arrogant sadistic bully.
Now he was a Chef in his own right and Steve and Stephanos had grown as cooks under him.
So this contributed to the general business that night.
It was Christmas Eve and Holly, despite being told to rest by Steve and everybody else was doing her usual walkabout as hostess and as Steve looked at her he sighed because he was so in love with that girl in the maternity dress.
Just like Christmas Eve two years before it was snowing, not as hard, but enough not to want to make any unnecessary journeys.
She had had a twinge or two which she just laughed it off, she said the baby had been really active all day.
“She’s dancing to the Christmas songs” she said to Steve “she really likes the Puppini Sisters”
But by 9 o’clock in the evening it was obvious the twinges were more than Christmas Dancing and she was having contractions.
Luckily Clare Andrews was dining in the restaurant with friends
“Get Doc Andrews” he said to Petra
“Ok” she replied and ran off while Steve and one of the regulars helped Holly in the private room at the back of the bar.
“Where is she?” The doctor asked
“In here” Steve called
Dr Andrews threw her car keys to Petra
“Can you get my bag from the car please?”
“Yes doc” she replied
“Ooooooh” Holly exclaimed through gritted teeth “that was a big one”
After Dr Andrews examined her she said
“She’s definitely in labour”
“I’ll call an ambulance” Steve suggested
“No she’s too far along” Clare said “the baby is going to be born here, and soon”
“I’d be happier if we got her to hospital” Steve said
“So would I” Dr Andrews replied
“But she’ll never make it to the hospital”
“She’s really too close?” Steve asked
“Yes” Clare replied “so under the circumstance, here is going to have to do”
“Upstairs it is then” Steve said “but the first sign of an angel and three wise men and were calling an ambulance”
This was certainly different to previous Christmases’ he thought to himself as Steve looked out the door as he said goodnight to the last customers it was still snowing but still not hard.
He locked the doors and went back to where the staff were sitting, no one wanted to go to bed until the baby had been born.
So they sat around a table in the bar until half past one when Noelle Clare Berry was born.
Trust Holly Berry to have the baby on Christmas Day.
She had a less graceful gait than she used to but Steve still felt a great sense of pride that he was her husband and Holly was pregnant, very pregnant.
It was two years since they had met and she had changed the course of his life entirely.
It was Christmas again and Steve Berry had always had a dislike for it, despite all the jollity.
Unlike many of his Christmas mad friends he’d had no happy Christmas memories to anesthetise him against the season.
His childhood Christmases were memories he would rather have forgotten.
So he never trusted Christmas, he believed that shit lurked beneath the coloured lights and paper chains.
That was until Holly Davis opened his eyes to new possibilities and he realised that Christmas could also magnify joy and Steve had been cured of his Christmas phobia.
Due to Holly, Steve had found himself working behind the bar in her Uncle Phil’s pub, the Pig and Whistle.
He was still, even to that day uncertain quite how she managed to affect that, but affect it she did and during the ten days working for her she had turned his life upside down and it culminated in him wishing her a Merry Christmas and kissing her at closing time.
He had thought the kiss on Christmas Eve might be the start of something.
Judging by the way Holly responded to it but it didn’t lead anywhere immediately.
Holly had responded to his advance and in fact had been hopeful of it but she knew it was far too soon to throw caution to the wind.
The effects of the kiss proved to be a slow burner which didn’t burst into flames until the early hours of New Year’s Day
The two years since had been very eventful, they became partners in January, engaged at Easter and Married in September.
However it wasn’t only Steve and Holly’s fortunes that had changed over the preceding two years since they had met but so had those of the Pig and Whistle.
It had gone from a rundown dive to a thriving pub with a growing reputation as a gastro pub.
The restaurant had always been busy right from the outset but when Steve and Stephanos were in the kitchen it was good pub grub and no more because they didn’t have the repertoire to take it to the next level.
However since Steve and Holly had returned from their New Forest honeymoon the previous year with Chef Simon Clarke the restaurant had really taken off.
Simon had been working at the same country house hotel that the Berry’s were staying at as a sous chef for an arrogant sadistic bully.
Now he was a Chef in his own right and Steve and Stephanos had grown as cooks under him.
So this contributed to the general business that night.
It was Christmas Eve and Holly, despite being told to rest by Steve and everybody else was doing her usual walkabout as hostess and as Steve looked at her he sighed because he was so in love with that girl in the maternity dress.
Just like Christmas Eve two years before it was snowing, not as hard, but enough not to want to make any unnecessary journeys.
She had had a twinge or two which she just laughed it off, she said the baby had been really active all day.
“She’s dancing to the Christmas songs” she said to Steve “she really likes the Puppini Sisters”
But by 9 o’clock in the evening it was obvious the twinges were more than Christmas Dancing and she was having contractions.
Luckily Clare Andrews was dining in the restaurant with friends
“Get Doc Andrews” he said to Petra
“Ok” she replied and ran off while Steve and one of the regulars helped Holly in the private room at the back of the bar.
“Where is she?” The doctor asked
“In here” Steve called
Dr Andrews threw her car keys to Petra
“Can you get my bag from the car please?”
“Yes doc” she replied
“Ooooooh” Holly exclaimed through gritted teeth “that was a big one”
After Dr Andrews examined her she said
“She’s definitely in labour”
“I’ll call an ambulance” Steve suggested
“No she’s too far along” Clare said “the baby is going to be born here, and soon”
“I’d be happier if we got her to hospital” Steve said
“So would I” Dr Andrews replied
“But she’ll never make it to the hospital”
“She’s really too close?” Steve asked
“Yes” Clare replied “so under the circumstance, here is going to have to do”
“Upstairs it is then” Steve said “but the first sign of an angel and three wise men and were calling an ambulance”
This was certainly different to previous Christmases’ he thought to himself as Steve looked out the door as he said goodnight to the last customers it was still snowing but still not hard.
He locked the doors and went back to where the staff were sitting, no one wanted to go to bed until the baby had been born.
So they sat around a table in the bar until half past one when Noelle Clare Berry was born.
Trust Holly Berry to have the baby on Christmas Day.
Christmas Poem Selection # 3
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SLIPPERS?
Are you wearing Christmas slippers?
They look very cute it must be said
But I think they’d look much cuter
If I was to see them under my bed
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 2
Cinnamon
Hot Chocolate
Rum Cakes
Icing
Stollen
Turkey
Mulled wine
Apple cider
Stuffing
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 16
Twas the night before Christmas and every abode
Was shrouded in silence all down the road
But no house was empty, they were all in their homes
They were hiding from carollers from St Jerome’s
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 2
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to ballroom dance
Going quick quick slow
Then he dances backwards
And he goes oh oh oh
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 332
Flour of England, fruit of Spain,
Met together in a shower of rain;
Let’s make Christmas pudding again
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN
If you’re a Take That fan
Then Christmas could be shocking
If you’re expecting to find
An Orange in your stocking
RUDOLPH WAS SO OBNOXIOUS
Rudolph was so obnoxious that the
Other reindeer threatened to strike
He was really very unpopular and they
Thought he was RUDE-olph more like
ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful green velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of green and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 2
I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime
I JUST OPENED MY PRESENT
My old aunt just popped round
With a Christmas gift for me
It wasn’t what I was expecting
It was a tweedy dye Mankini
“I hope it’s the one you wanted”
I didn’t know what to say really
I couldn’t understand it
I asked for a CD by Mancini
WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED
When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS AT CHRISTMAS
I am blessed with Friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
But when mixed together
And yuletide is upon us
They become without doubt
The fruit cake of Christmas
A PERFECT GIFT
I just bought my wife a new fridge
I’ve just been online and paid for it
I’m so excited I can’t wait to see
Her face light up when she opens it
CHRISTMAS COMPLIMENT
As I was basting the bird
A thought, to me occurred
It was only at this time of peace
That Turkey and Greece,
As with hot fat you smother,
Compliment each other
Are you wearing Christmas slippers?
They look very cute it must be said
But I think they’d look much cuter
If I was to see them under my bed
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 2
Cinnamon
Hot Chocolate
Rum Cakes
Icing
Stollen
Turkey
Mulled wine
Apple cider
Stuffing
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 16
Twas the night before Christmas and every abode
Was shrouded in silence all down the road
But no house was empty, they were all in their homes
They were hiding from carollers from St Jerome’s
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 2
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to ballroom dance
Going quick quick slow
Then he dances backwards
And he goes oh oh oh
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 332
Flour of England, fruit of Spain,
Met together in a shower of rain;
Let’s make Christmas pudding again
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN
If you’re a Take That fan
Then Christmas could be shocking
If you’re expecting to find
An Orange in your stocking
RUDOLPH WAS SO OBNOXIOUS
Rudolph was so obnoxious that the
Other reindeer threatened to strike
He was really very unpopular and they
Thought he was RUDE-olph more like
ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful green velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of green and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 2
I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime
I JUST OPENED MY PRESENT
My old aunt just popped round
With a Christmas gift for me
It wasn’t what I was expecting
It was a tweedy dye Mankini
“I hope it’s the one you wanted”
I didn’t know what to say really
I couldn’t understand it
I asked for a CD by Mancini
WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED
When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS AT CHRISTMAS
I am blessed with Friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
But when mixed together
And yuletide is upon us
They become without doubt
The fruit cake of Christmas
A PERFECT GIFT
I just bought my wife a new fridge
I’ve just been online and paid for it
I’m so excited I can’t wait to see
Her face light up when she opens it
CHRISTMAS COMPLIMENT
As I was basting the bird
A thought, to me occurred
It was only at this time of peace
That Turkey and Greece,
As with hot fat you smother,
Compliment each other
Wednesday, 14 December 2016
Christmas Poem Selection # 2
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 15
Twas the night before Christmas and thru the bungalow
Not a creature was stirring in the fireside glow
They’d all been evacuated because of the flood
And the living room floor was all covered in mud
ARE YOU WEARING A RED CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a red Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful red velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of red and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 1
I kept the kids home from school
For the big Christmas shop
Because during school time
You rush round without a stop
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS ANKLE SOCKS?
Are you wearing Christmas ankle socks?
I’ve often pictured them on you
And you don’t need anything else
Just wearing the socks will do
FOR STRESS FREE SHOPPING
For stress free shopping
Follow this golden rule
And get all of it done
While the kids are at school
PICKUP # 6
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Can I have your picture?”
You ask to establish a premise
“So I can show Santa Claus
What I want for Christmas?”
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 1
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to tend his garden
With his Hoe Hoe Hoe
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 250
Little Robin Redbreast sat upon a tree
He makes a pretty picture doesn’t he?
Little Robin Redbreast in the winter hard
He makes a pretty picture on a Christmas card
THEY WON’T BE PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS
They won’t be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal homes
Prince Charles prefers to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones
A PRESS RELEASE FROM SANTA CLAUS STATED
A press release from Santa Claus stated
That the Poles reputation had been blighted
So Mobile phones were banned, the number
Of indecent Elfie’s was the reason cited
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 1
Crackers
Holly
Ribbons
Ivy
Stars
Tinsel
Mistletoe
Angels
Stockings
SNOW BLIND
Since the snow began to fall
My wife has done nothing at all
But stare blankly through the window
As the snow lays snow on snow
If it continues in this way
We shall have a white Christmas day
But my wife stares through the glass
As the snow falls thick and fast
Sadly if it gets any worse out side
I'll have to let her come inside
BLESSED DAY
It was the day when Jesus Christ was born
That long, long ago first Christmas Morn,
The child whose coming had been foretold
A child more precious than diamonds or gold
God’s great gift to us on that blessed day
That most glorious first Christmas day
MY GOOSE WAS COOKED
On Christmas morning
Into the kitchen I snook
And as my wife cooked the Goose
I goosed the cook
A TIME OF MIRACLES
The cynics say of miracles
That they are a scarce commodity,
If they happen at all
But to my mind
There is nothing more miraculous
Than the birth of a child
It may be the most common placed
Of miracles
But it is miraculous
Nonetheless
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST
The pipes of Christmas past
Carry with every merry blast
Seasonal joy, when they play
Their tunes of Christmas day
Twas the night before Christmas and thru the bungalow
Not a creature was stirring in the fireside glow
They’d all been evacuated because of the flood
And the living room floor was all covered in mud
ARE YOU WEARING A RED CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a red Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful red velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of red and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 1
I kept the kids home from school
For the big Christmas shop
Because during school time
You rush round without a stop
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS ANKLE SOCKS?
Are you wearing Christmas ankle socks?
I’ve often pictured them on you
And you don’t need anything else
Just wearing the socks will do
FOR STRESS FREE SHOPPING
For stress free shopping
Follow this golden rule
And get all of it done
While the kids are at school
PICKUP # 6
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Can I have your picture?”
You ask to establish a premise
“So I can show Santa Claus
What I want for Christmas?”
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 1
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to tend his garden
With his Hoe Hoe Hoe
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 250
Little Robin Redbreast sat upon a tree
He makes a pretty picture doesn’t he?
Little Robin Redbreast in the winter hard
He makes a pretty picture on a Christmas card
THEY WON’T BE PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS
They won’t be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal homes
Prince Charles prefers to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones
A PRESS RELEASE FROM SANTA CLAUS STATED
A press release from Santa Claus stated
That the Poles reputation had been blighted
So Mobile phones were banned, the number
Of indecent Elfie’s was the reason cited
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 1
Crackers
Holly
Ribbons
Ivy
Stars
Tinsel
Mistletoe
Angels
Stockings
SNOW BLIND
Since the snow began to fall
My wife has done nothing at all
But stare blankly through the window
As the snow lays snow on snow
If it continues in this way
We shall have a white Christmas day
But my wife stares through the glass
As the snow falls thick and fast
Sadly if it gets any worse out side
I'll have to let her come inside
BLESSED DAY
It was the day when Jesus Christ was born
That long, long ago first Christmas Morn,
The child whose coming had been foretold
A child more precious than diamonds or gold
God’s great gift to us on that blessed day
That most glorious first Christmas day
MY GOOSE WAS COOKED
On Christmas morning
Into the kitchen I snook
And as my wife cooked the Goose
I goosed the cook
A TIME OF MIRACLES
The cynics say of miracles
That they are a scarce commodity,
If they happen at all
But to my mind
There is nothing more miraculous
Than the birth of a child
It may be the most common placed
Of miracles
But it is miraculous
Nonetheless
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST
The pipes of Christmas past
Carry with every merry blast
Seasonal joy, when they play
Their tunes of Christmas day
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