ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKERS?

 

Are you wearing Christmas Knickers?

Is that appropriate for vicars?

Just kneel upon this hassock

While I rummage in your cassock

The bishop wouldn’t think it funny

My naughty little Christmas honey

ARE YOU WEARING REINDEER ANTLERS?

 

Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?

Well not the most original twist

You’ve been making rather merry

More Christmas spirit than you could resist

What exactly am I suggesting?

A little too much wine would be the gist

What makes me think that?

Well, I’ll tell you if you insist

Apart from the slurred speech

You are walking with a starboard list

And your antlers sit in disarray

So that’s how I know you’re pissed

ARE YOU WEARING A SPRIG OF MISTLETOE?

 

Are you wearing a sprig of mistletoe?

Are you hoping to meet a beau?

And kiss him passionately in the snow

An embrace to leave you all aglow

Is that why you wear the mistletoe?

ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA HAT?

 

Are you wearing a Santa hat?

A festive little “tit for tat”

Well, it really does suit

In fact, you look very cute

Are you wearing it for fun?

Or do you have it set at anyone?

I think it looks very twee

I wish you were wearing it for me

ARE YOU WEARING PLAITS?

 

Are you wearing plaits?

Seriously though are you

You’re going to wear plaits

To the annual Christmas do

 

And dressed as a milk maid

Perhaps Scandinavian born

You look like you’re dressed

For 1970s porn

ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA SUIT?

 

Are you wearing a Santa Suit?

I have to say you do look cute

I wonder if there might just be

A little room in there for me

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A REASON? # 1

 

Are you wearing it for a reason?

That outfit for the Christmas season

Yes, it does come around very soon

But you do realise that it’s only June