BAD SANTA # 2
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
He reads the naughty and nice list
But prefers the "nice and naughty list”
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing Christmas stockings?
Beneath your long red coat
Are you suitably resplendent?
Will you really float my boat?
Are they risqué and shocking?
Will they easily get my vote?
It could mean a happy Christmas
For a certain horny old goat
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 2
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
Being partial to the "North Pole"
Well, that's what Mrs C calls it
WHERE THE LONELY ELVES GO
The “house of fun” in Santa’s village
Is where lonely elves go to take pause
And the owner proudly boasts that
He has more ho’s than Santa Claus
THERE IS A POPULAR MYTH ABOUT RUDOLPH
There is a popular myth about Rudolph
And his quite legendary shiny nose
But believe me if you ever saw him
You would know that’s not what glows
HE CAME HOME ON CHRISTMAS EVE
He came home on Christmas Eve
On his long awaited Christmas leave
The soldier returned from the war
To find his beloved waiting at the door
It took seconds for passions to ignite
Which made it a Not-so-Silent Night
SO WHEN YOUNG MRS CLAUS ARRIVED IN TOWN
So when young Mrs Claus arrived in town
I looked at her with her pure white hair
She was a pretty woman but to my discredit
I couldn’t help thinking as I looked at her
How I like the collar and cuffs to match
So obviously I was thinking of a little white fur
RUDOLF WAS SUCH AN OBNOXIOUS REINDEER
Rudolf was such an obnoxious reindeer
The song about him was just a farse
The other reindeer all hated him and said
He could stick his red nose up his arse
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SANTA CLAUS
The difference between Santa Claus
And a serial philanderer as it goes
Is in essence a total lack of self-control
Because Santa stopped at three ho’s
THE LATEST GOSSIP IS IN FROM THE NORTH POLE
The latest gossip is in from the North Pole
And the Claus’s have divorced you know
So why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus?
Because he found out she was a ho ho ho
IN THE GREAT NORTH POLE HALLS
When all the work is done
In the great north pole halls
The elves dress up for dancing
For their Christmas Balls!
IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS CHRISTMAS
If only your left leg was Christmas
And your right leg was New Year’s Day
Then I could devote all of my time
To visiting you between the holidays
IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS THANKSGIVING
If only your left leg was Thanksgiving
And your right leg was Christmas day
Then I could devote all of my time
To visiting you between the holidays
YOU ARE A NAUGHTY LITTLE ELF
You are a naughty little Elf
Do you behave yourself?
By the look upon your face
You’re no stranger to disgrace
So it is my Christmas wish
To share a Christmas kiss
So climb upon me knee
And you will quickly see
I have that special touch
That you’ll like very much
When I curl your toes
Inside your ho ho hose
ARE YOU WEARING BLACK TINSEL?
Are you wearing black tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
Well you must either be a Grinch
Or you’re a very wicked girl
Friday, 23 December 2016
Christmas Movie Reviews # 5
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A NANNY FOR CHRISTMAS
Smart young career woman Ally (Emmanuelle Vaugier) needs a new job and she thinks she has found one when Samantha (Cynthia Gibb) a busy Beverly Hills advertising executive/mom offers her a position.
Danny Donner (Dean Cain) is the tough-guy owner of a chocolate company who wants a major ad campaign immediately and Samantha’s firm is given the job and it turned out that what she needed was a Nanny to her two well-mannered kids to give her the time to work on it.
Although Ally was disappointed she takes the job and finds that she needs to put some fun in the children’s lives while working on some ideas for the campaign herself in her spare time.
The events that follow lead to the Christmas that changes everyone's worlds forever.
Sierra McCormick and Jared Gilmore play the children, Sarah Thompson plays Ally’s friend and Richard Ruccolo provides the romantic interest in this delightful comedy of little white lies, holiday wishes, and a young woman who finds love in the most unexpected place by becoming A Nanny for Christmas.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE TOWN CHRISTMAS FORGOT
The Benson family are on their way through a blizzard to a luxury resort for the Christmas holiday when their car breaks down.
They are rescued by mechanic Coleman Burkins (Phillip Jarrett) and taken to Nowhere, a sleepy Colorado town, which was more like a Ghost Town since the local mine closed.
Due to weather and the required spare part for the car being in another town the family end up being stuck in the dying town until the weather clears.
Initially they are appalled, no shopping Mall, no latte’s, cell service or cable TV but they do find things to do.
Banker Charles Benson's son Nolan (Azer Greco) befriends the grumpy old toy shop owner and persistently charms him into becoming the Santa in the Christmas pageant which his mother Annie (Lauren Holly) helped to organize with local diner owner Samantha (Stephanie Belding).
Daughter Trish (Torri Webster) discovered a young band and joins in to perform a set at the pageant.
In between everything else Charles got stuck in the mine with the mechanic, whom he befriended, and in the end Charles turns out to be the towns Christmas benefactor.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ONE MAGIC CHRISTMAS
In this uplifting Christmas offering Gideon (Harry Dean Stanton) is a Christmas angel, sent by Santa, to help wife and mother Ginny Grainger (Mary Steenburgen).
He must show her the true meaning of Christmas, not just presents and materialistic things, but the people she cares most about in the world, however it is no easy task as Ginny is a cynic, and furthermore she hates Christmas.
And in addition She and her family, husband Jack (Gary Basaraba) and two kids, Cal (Robbie Magwood) and Abbie (Elisabeth Harnois) have fallen on hard times, making it even harder for her to believe in anything that can't be seen.
But Gideon thinks he can find a way to make Ginny believe again with help from Abbie, and a trip to the North Pole to see the big man himself.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS SPIRIT 2011
A cynical youth, Riley (Aaron Jaeger), whose mother Sarah (Maureen McCormick) is about to lose her job right before the holidays, is visited by a magical Christmas spirit called Hope (Vanessa Angel).
She gives him a task to help another family regain their Christmas spirit and by so doing get it back for himself.
Alexandra Paul, Jason Brooks and Mariah Buzolin star as the family in crisis but Janet Carroll steals the show as Grandmother Betty.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS MAIL
In this holiday romantic comedy, Kristi North (Ashley Scott) works two months out of the year and always doing the same job, hand writing responses to the children who wrote Santa letters.
Santa Claus, her father, sends her to a different post office depot every year and in the film she’s in Del Vista, California.
However the Del Vista branch is managed by the egotistical Richard Fuller (Lochlyn Munro) who has no Christmas spirit whatsoever and won’t even allow any Christmas adornments.
He also believes Kristi to be a corporate spy so he enlists the unwilling assistance of mail carrier Matt Sanders (A.J. Buckley) as assistant manager, and primarily his job was to spy on Kristi and report back to Fuller.
As a single man taking care of an eight year old child, his orphaned niece Emily (Piper Mackenzie Harris), Matt takes the job solely because he needs the money.
Unbeknown to him Emily writes to Santa about her Christmas wish which is to see her Uncle Matt happy.
Santa's response, via Kristi, who is unaware that Emily's Uncle Matt is the same as the Matt she works with, leads to Emily trying to act as matchmaker which is where the fun begins.
However as a result of reluctantly trying to do his spying job Matt gets closer and closer to Kristi and in the process, Matt and Kristi start to fall for each other.
But all does not go smoothly and Fuller reveals all to Kristi out about Matt's clandestine work which almost drives them apart but everything comes good in the end of a very enjoyable seasonal romantic comedy.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS CANDLE
The enchanting village of Gladbury lies deep in the heart of the English countryside, however it is no ordinary English village for legend has it that every 25 years an angel visits the village candle maker and touches a single candle in the Chandlers.
Furthermore whoever lights the blessed candle receives a miracle on Christmas Eve.
At the dawn of the electric age however in 1890, the centuries old legend might have run its course and come to an end.
Especially when David Richmond (Hans Matheson), a progressive young minister, arrives in Gladbury.
The villagers discover that he preaches about a different kind of miracles, and his formula consists of good deeds and acts of kindness.
However David's quest to modernize Gladbury sets him at odds with the old world Chandler Edward Haddington (Sylvester McCoy) but he finds an unlikely ally in the lovely sceptic, Emily Barstow (Samantha Barks).
David also tries to replace the candles in the church with electric light but things go amiss while the Chandlers wife Bea Haddington (Lesley Manville) is unable to find the Christmas Candle.
So when the candle maker fights to preserve the legacy of the Christmas Candle and David Richmond tries to embrace modernization, the miraculous and human collide in the most astonishing Christmas the village of Gladbury have ever witnessed.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS
A fun Christmas movie in which Luther Krank (Tim Allen) is fed up with the commerciality of Christmas anyway but when only daughter Blair (Julie Gonzalo) leaves and goes to another country he decides to skip the holiday and go on a vacation cruise with his wife Nora (Jamie Lee Curtis) instead.
All they have to do then is resist the pressure from their neighbours to participate in the house decorating contest and survive all the other seasonal nonsense.
But when their daughter calls on Christmas Eve and says she’s coming home for Christmas, it causes an uproar in the Krank household as the family scrambles to create a perfect Christmas from scratch in 12 hours will hilarious effect when the pesky neighbours suddenly become their allies.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
A sweet and amusing holiday romantic comedy in which busy single mom Jennifer Cullen (Brooke Burns) finds that the overwhelming tasks that go along with Christmas have taken the joy out of the holidays for her.
Trying to find the must have gift for her son Brian (Connor Christopher Levins) and trying to provide a traditional Christmas Dinner for her almost fiancé Richard Windom (Woody Jeffreys) and his parents was driving her berserk.
Then her Uncle Ralph (Henry Winkler) arrives at her home with the young, handsome Morgan Derby (Warren Christie).
Morgan's love of Christmas, and life, is contagious and as Jennifer glumly navigates through the holidays, she soon realizes that what she has needed most of all in her life was suddenly right under her nose.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A GOLDEN CHRISTMAS
Jessica (Andrea Roth) is a federal lawyer who returns to her parent's home for Christmas with her son and hopes to surprise her parents by announcing she is going to buy the house.
However she soon discovers that the house where she grew up had already been sold to a stranger, Michael (Nicholas Brendon).
Jessica looked for ways to buy it back again by hook or by crook but he is as determined to keep the house as she is to steal it from under him.
The answer to the conundrum lies in a long ago summer vacation when a boy called “Han” and a girl called “Leah” spent the summer together and even buried a time capsule in the woods.
Alley Mills and Bruce Davison star as Jessica’s parents in the lovely Christmas story with a happy ending.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CALL ME CLAUS
Lucy Cullins Whoopi Goldberg, a very successful, but an even crankier producer at a home shopping network, who hires an actor named Nick (Nigel Hawthorne) to play Santa Claus on the network she gets a lot more than she bargained for because Nick really is Santa Claus.
The twist in the tale of this fun Christmas offering is that he faces mandatory retirement after 200 years in the red suit and he must find his replacement by Christmas Eve and Lucy is his number one choice.
She is however very reluctant and if he fails to convince her then the world will face dire consequences.
A really fun film and inspired casting to have a black woman Santa Claus.
Smart young career woman Ally (Emmanuelle Vaugier) needs a new job and she thinks she has found one when Samantha (Cynthia Gibb) a busy Beverly Hills advertising executive/mom offers her a position.
Danny Donner (Dean Cain) is the tough-guy owner of a chocolate company who wants a major ad campaign immediately and Samantha’s firm is given the job and it turned out that what she needed was a Nanny to her two well-mannered kids to give her the time to work on it.
Although Ally was disappointed she takes the job and finds that she needs to put some fun in the children’s lives while working on some ideas for the campaign herself in her spare time.
The events that follow lead to the Christmas that changes everyone's worlds forever.
Sierra McCormick and Jared Gilmore play the children, Sarah Thompson plays Ally’s friend and Richard Ruccolo provides the romantic interest in this delightful comedy of little white lies, holiday wishes, and a young woman who finds love in the most unexpected place by becoming A Nanny for Christmas.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE TOWN CHRISTMAS FORGOT
The Benson family are on their way through a blizzard to a luxury resort for the Christmas holiday when their car breaks down.
They are rescued by mechanic Coleman Burkins (Phillip Jarrett) and taken to Nowhere, a sleepy Colorado town, which was more like a Ghost Town since the local mine closed.
Due to weather and the required spare part for the car being in another town the family end up being stuck in the dying town until the weather clears.
Initially they are appalled, no shopping Mall, no latte’s, cell service or cable TV but they do find things to do.
Banker Charles Benson's son Nolan (Azer Greco) befriends the grumpy old toy shop owner and persistently charms him into becoming the Santa in the Christmas pageant which his mother Annie (Lauren Holly) helped to organize with local diner owner Samantha (Stephanie Belding).
Daughter Trish (Torri Webster) discovered a young band and joins in to perform a set at the pageant.
In between everything else Charles got stuck in the mine with the mechanic, whom he befriended, and in the end Charles turns out to be the towns Christmas benefactor.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ONE MAGIC CHRISTMAS
In this uplifting Christmas offering Gideon (Harry Dean Stanton) is a Christmas angel, sent by Santa, to help wife and mother Ginny Grainger (Mary Steenburgen).
He must show her the true meaning of Christmas, not just presents and materialistic things, but the people she cares most about in the world, however it is no easy task as Ginny is a cynic, and furthermore she hates Christmas.
And in addition She and her family, husband Jack (Gary Basaraba) and two kids, Cal (Robbie Magwood) and Abbie (Elisabeth Harnois) have fallen on hard times, making it even harder for her to believe in anything that can't be seen.
But Gideon thinks he can find a way to make Ginny believe again with help from Abbie, and a trip to the North Pole to see the big man himself.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS SPIRIT 2011
A cynical youth, Riley (Aaron Jaeger), whose mother Sarah (Maureen McCormick) is about to lose her job right before the holidays, is visited by a magical Christmas spirit called Hope (Vanessa Angel).
She gives him a task to help another family regain their Christmas spirit and by so doing get it back for himself.
Alexandra Paul, Jason Brooks and Mariah Buzolin star as the family in crisis but Janet Carroll steals the show as Grandmother Betty.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS MAIL
In this holiday romantic comedy, Kristi North (Ashley Scott) works two months out of the year and always doing the same job, hand writing responses to the children who wrote Santa letters.
Santa Claus, her father, sends her to a different post office depot every year and in the film she’s in Del Vista, California.
However the Del Vista branch is managed by the egotistical Richard Fuller (Lochlyn Munro) who has no Christmas spirit whatsoever and won’t even allow any Christmas adornments.
He also believes Kristi to be a corporate spy so he enlists the unwilling assistance of mail carrier Matt Sanders (A.J. Buckley) as assistant manager, and primarily his job was to spy on Kristi and report back to Fuller.
As a single man taking care of an eight year old child, his orphaned niece Emily (Piper Mackenzie Harris), Matt takes the job solely because he needs the money.
Unbeknown to him Emily writes to Santa about her Christmas wish which is to see her Uncle Matt happy.
Santa's response, via Kristi, who is unaware that Emily's Uncle Matt is the same as the Matt she works with, leads to Emily trying to act as matchmaker which is where the fun begins.
However as a result of reluctantly trying to do his spying job Matt gets closer and closer to Kristi and in the process, Matt and Kristi start to fall for each other.
But all does not go smoothly and Fuller reveals all to Kristi out about Matt's clandestine work which almost drives them apart but everything comes good in the end of a very enjoyable seasonal romantic comedy.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS CANDLE
The enchanting village of Gladbury lies deep in the heart of the English countryside, however it is no ordinary English village for legend has it that every 25 years an angel visits the village candle maker and touches a single candle in the Chandlers.
Furthermore whoever lights the blessed candle receives a miracle on Christmas Eve.
At the dawn of the electric age however in 1890, the centuries old legend might have run its course and come to an end.
Especially when David Richmond (Hans Matheson), a progressive young minister, arrives in Gladbury.
The villagers discover that he preaches about a different kind of miracles, and his formula consists of good deeds and acts of kindness.
However David's quest to modernize Gladbury sets him at odds with the old world Chandler Edward Haddington (Sylvester McCoy) but he finds an unlikely ally in the lovely sceptic, Emily Barstow (Samantha Barks).
David also tries to replace the candles in the church with electric light but things go amiss while the Chandlers wife Bea Haddington (Lesley Manville) is unable to find the Christmas Candle.
So when the candle maker fights to preserve the legacy of the Christmas Candle and David Richmond tries to embrace modernization, the miraculous and human collide in the most astonishing Christmas the village of Gladbury have ever witnessed.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS
A fun Christmas movie in which Luther Krank (Tim Allen) is fed up with the commerciality of Christmas anyway but when only daughter Blair (Julie Gonzalo) leaves and goes to another country he decides to skip the holiday and go on a vacation cruise with his wife Nora (Jamie Lee Curtis) instead.
All they have to do then is resist the pressure from their neighbours to participate in the house decorating contest and survive all the other seasonal nonsense.
But when their daughter calls on Christmas Eve and says she’s coming home for Christmas, it causes an uproar in the Krank household as the family scrambles to create a perfect Christmas from scratch in 12 hours will hilarious effect when the pesky neighbours suddenly become their allies.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
A sweet and amusing holiday romantic comedy in which busy single mom Jennifer Cullen (Brooke Burns) finds that the overwhelming tasks that go along with Christmas have taken the joy out of the holidays for her.
Trying to find the must have gift for her son Brian (Connor Christopher Levins) and trying to provide a traditional Christmas Dinner for her almost fiancé Richard Windom (Woody Jeffreys) and his parents was driving her berserk.
Then her Uncle Ralph (Henry Winkler) arrives at her home with the young, handsome Morgan Derby (Warren Christie).
Morgan's love of Christmas, and life, is contagious and as Jennifer glumly navigates through the holidays, she soon realizes that what she has needed most of all in her life was suddenly right under her nose.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A GOLDEN CHRISTMAS
Jessica (Andrea Roth) is a federal lawyer who returns to her parent's home for Christmas with her son and hopes to surprise her parents by announcing she is going to buy the house.
However she soon discovers that the house where she grew up had already been sold to a stranger, Michael (Nicholas Brendon).
Jessica looked for ways to buy it back again by hook or by crook but he is as determined to keep the house as she is to steal it from under him.
The answer to the conundrum lies in a long ago summer vacation when a boy called “Han” and a girl called “Leah” spent the summer together and even buried a time capsule in the woods.
Alley Mills and Bruce Davison star as Jessica’s parents in the lovely Christmas story with a happy ending.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CALL ME CLAUS
Lucy Cullins Whoopi Goldberg, a very successful, but an even crankier producer at a home shopping network, who hires an actor named Nick (Nigel Hawthorne) to play Santa Claus on the network she gets a lot more than she bargained for because Nick really is Santa Claus.
The twist in the tale of this fun Christmas offering is that he faces mandatory retirement after 200 years in the red suit and he must find his replacement by Christmas Eve and Lucy is his number one choice.
She is however very reluctant and if he fails to convince her then the world will face dire consequences.
A really fun film and inspired casting to have a black woman Santa Claus.
Christmas Poem Selection # 11
ARE YOU WEARING A SPRIG OF MISTLETOE?
Are you wearing a sprig of mistletoe?
Are you hoping to meet a beau?
And kiss him passionately in the snow
An embrace to leave you all aglow
Is that why you wear the mistletoe?
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 6
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up and simply ask her
“If she would like to meet
Santa's little helper?”
RUDOLF’S LOW SELF ESTEEM
Rudolf suffered
From low self esteem
Due to the red nose
It would seem
It rendered him useless
As a parcel carrier
So Santa made a call
To a reindeer whisperer
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 1
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of sad
To do all the things
I used to do with Dad
But when I feel him beside me
Then I don’t feel so bad
JOY BRINGER, TOY BRINGER
Joy bringer
Toy bringer
He’s the real McCoy
For every girl and boy
NOT A THRIFT GIVER
Not a thrift giver
But a gift giver
Santa will forever
Have love to deliver
THIS IS OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS
This is our first Christmas
As husband and wife
The very first Christmas
Of our married life
This is our first Christmas
Together in our house
The very first Christmas
With my very own spouse
PUT ASIDE YOUR SADNESS
Put aside your sadness
Lose yourself in the madness
That is Christmas,
Come spend it with us
Come and you will see
That with cherished company
The season will be a little brighter
And the weight on your heart a little lighter
SANTA AND HIS LITTLE ELF
Santa and his little Elf
Have been dismissed
For activities undertaken
When they were pissed
That got both of them
Put on the naughty list
HANDLE MUM WITH CARE
Mum gets really stressed out at Christmas
And you upset her if you dare
Because the result could be that you will
Be hung from the chimney with care
CHRISTMAS MANIA
Uncle John has mental health issues
And he doesn’t do well with stress
So normally come Christmas time
He has to board the bi-polar express
ARE YOU WEARING A FESTIVE SWEATER?
Are you wearing a festive sweater?
Well this season just keeps on getting better
And you really don’t need a bigger size
A more perfect fit would be hard to devise
I WENT OUT CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
I went out Christmas shopping
But I didn’t get very far
Before I got caught shoplifting
As I stole an advent calendar
The shopkeeper had me arrested
Because of my larcenous ways
And for stealing an advent calendar
I got twenty five days
CRACKERS, FRUITCAKE AND NUTS
Crackers, fruitcake and nuts
They mean Christmas to me
Although to be honest, they
Could also describe my family
WHEN SANTA RETURNED HOME
When Santa returned home
To have his tea
His wife was there
Waiting apprehensively
“There was a phone call for you”
Said Mrs. C
“It was a little garbled
And made no sense to me
Something about Saville
And Operation Yew tree”
Are you wearing a sprig of mistletoe?
Are you hoping to meet a beau?
And kiss him passionately in the snow
An embrace to leave you all aglow
Is that why you wear the mistletoe?
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 6
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up and simply ask her
“If she would like to meet
Santa's little helper?”
RUDOLF’S LOW SELF ESTEEM
Rudolf suffered
From low self esteem
Due to the red nose
It would seem
It rendered him useless
As a parcel carrier
So Santa made a call
To a reindeer whisperer
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 1
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of sad
To do all the things
I used to do with Dad
But when I feel him beside me
Then I don’t feel so bad
JOY BRINGER, TOY BRINGER
Joy bringer
Toy bringer
He’s the real McCoy
For every girl and boy
NOT A THRIFT GIVER
Not a thrift giver
But a gift giver
Santa will forever
Have love to deliver
THIS IS OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS
This is our first Christmas
As husband and wife
The very first Christmas
Of our married life
This is our first Christmas
Together in our house
The very first Christmas
With my very own spouse
PUT ASIDE YOUR SADNESS
Put aside your sadness
Lose yourself in the madness
That is Christmas,
Come spend it with us
Come and you will see
That with cherished company
The season will be a little brighter
And the weight on your heart a little lighter
SANTA AND HIS LITTLE ELF
Santa and his little Elf
Have been dismissed
For activities undertaken
When they were pissed
That got both of them
Put on the naughty list
HANDLE MUM WITH CARE
Mum gets really stressed out at Christmas
And you upset her if you dare
Because the result could be that you will
Be hung from the chimney with care
CHRISTMAS MANIA
Uncle John has mental health issues
And he doesn’t do well with stress
So normally come Christmas time
He has to board the bi-polar express
ARE YOU WEARING A FESTIVE SWEATER?
Are you wearing a festive sweater?
Well this season just keeps on getting better
And you really don’t need a bigger size
A more perfect fit would be hard to devise
I WENT OUT CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
I went out Christmas shopping
But I didn’t get very far
Before I got caught shoplifting
As I stole an advent calendar
The shopkeeper had me arrested
Because of my larcenous ways
And for stealing an advent calendar
I got twenty five days
CRACKERS, FRUITCAKE AND NUTS
Crackers, fruitcake and nuts
They mean Christmas to me
Although to be honest, they
Could also describe my family
WHEN SANTA RETURNED HOME
When Santa returned home
To have his tea
His wife was there
Waiting apprehensively
“There was a phone call for you”
Said Mrs. C
“It was a little garbled
And made no sense to me
Something about Saville
And Operation Yew tree”
Christmas Carols and Songs # 2
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 40 JINGLE BELLS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my fortieth selection.
“Jingle Bells”
Written by James Pierpont
Performed by Rosemary Clooney
Dashing through the snow
Over the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring'
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight!
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way;
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon, Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side,
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot.
A day or two ago,
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow,
And on my back I fell;
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh,
He laughed as there I sprawling lie,
But quickly drove away.
Now the ground is white
Go it while you're young,
Take the girls tonight
and sing this sleighing song;
Just get a bobtailed bay
Two forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack! You'll take the lead.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 52 THE WEXFORD CAROL (GOOD PEOPLE ALL, THIS CHRISTMASTIDE)
"The Wexford Carol" ("Good People All, This Christmastide")
Irish traditional
Good people all, this Christmas time,
Consider well and bear in mind
What our good God for us has done
In sending his beloved son
With Mary holy we should pray,
To God with love this Christmas Day
In Bethlehem upon that morn,
There was a blessed Messiah born.
The night before that happy tide,
The noble Virgin and her guide
Were long time seeking up and down
To find a lodging in the town.
But mark right well what came to pass
From every door repelled, alas,
As was foretold, their refuge all
Was but a humble ox's stall.
Near Bethlehem did shepherds keep
Their flocks of lambs and feeding sheep
To whom God's angel did appear
Which put the shepherds in great fear
Arise and go, the angels said
To Bethlehem, be not afraid
For there you'll find, this happy morn
A princely babe, sweet Jesus, born.
With thankful heart and joyful mind
The shepherds went the babe to find
And as God's angel had foretold
They did our Saviour Christ behold
Within a manger he was laid
And by his side a virgin maid
Attending on the Lord of Life
Who came on earth to end all strife.
There were three wise men from afar
Directed by a glorious star
And on they wandered night and day
Until they came where Jesus lay
And when they came unto that place
Where our beloved Messiah lay
They humbly cast them at his feet
With gifts of gold and incense sweet.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 41 JOLLY OLD SAINT NICHOLAS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty first selection.
“Jolly Old Saint Nicholas”
Lyrics by Benjamin Hanby
Music composed by Johann Pachelbel
Jolly old St. Nicholas, Lean your ear this way!
Don't you tell a single soul, What I'm going to say;
Christmas Eve is coming soon, Now, you dear old man,
Whisper what you'll bring to me: Tell me if you can.
When the clock is striking twelve, When I'm fast asleep,
Down the chimney broad and black, With your pack you'll creep.
All the stockings you will find Hanging in a row;
Mine will be the shortest one, You'll be sure to know.
Johnny wants a pair of skates, Susie wants a sled
Nellie wants a picture book, yellow,blue and red
Now I think I`ll leave
to you
what to give the rest
Choose for me dear Santa Claus
you will know the best.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 50 TORCHES
"Torches"
Composed by John Joubert
Torches, torches, run with torches
all the way to Bethlehem!
Christ is born and now lies sleeping;
come and sing your song to him.
Ah, Ro-ro, Ro-ro, my baby,
Ah, Ro-ro, my love, Ro-ro;
sleep you well, my heart’s own darling,
while we sing you our Ro-ro.
Sing, my friends, and make you merry,
joy and mirth and joy again;
lo, he lives, the king of heaven,
now and evermore. Amen.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 42 THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty second selection.
“The Twelve Days Of Christmas”
A traditional folk melody by English composer Frederic Austin
Performed by The Spinners
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A partridge in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve Drummers Drumming
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 46 SWEET LITTLE JESUS BOY
Sweet Little Jesus Boy
Music and lyrics written by Robert MacGimsey
Sweet little Jesus Boy
They made You be born in a manguh [manger]
Sweet little Holy chil'
Didn't know who You wus [was]
Didn't know You'd come to save us Lawd
To take our sins away
Our eyes wus bline [was blind]
We couldn't see
We didn't know who You wus [was]
Long time ago You wus bawn [was born]
Bawn in a manguh [manger] low
Sweet little Jesus Boy
De worl' [the world] treat You mean, Lawd
Treat me mean too
But please, Suh, fuhgive [Sir, forgive] us Lawd
We didn't know 'twas You
Sweet little Jesus Boy
Bawn [born] long time ago
Sweet little Holy chil'
An' we didn't know who You wus [was]
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 43 2000 MILES
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty third selection.
“2000 Miles”
Written By Chrissie Hynde
Performed by The Pretenders
He's gone two thousand miles
It's very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you
The children will sing
He'll be back at Christmastime
In these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream you appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow sparkle
Our hearts were singing
It felt like Christmastime
Two thousand miles
Is very far through the snow
I'll think of you
Wherever you go
He's gone two thousand miles
It's very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you
I can hear people singing
It must be Christmastime
I hear people singing
It must be Christmastime
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 47 THIS ENDRIS NIGHT
This Endris Night
English traditional Music and lyrics authorship unknown
This endris1 night I saw a sight,
A star as bright as day,
And ev'r among, a maiden sung,
"Lully, bye bye, lullay."
This lovely lady sat and sang,
And to her child did say,
"My son, my brother, father dear,
Why liest thou thus in hay?"
"My sweetest bird, 'tis thus required,
Though I be king veray,
But nevertheless I will not cease
To sing 'Bye bye, lullay.'"
The child then spake in his talking,
And to his mother did say,
"Yea, I am known as heaven-king
In crib though I be laid.
"For angels bright down on me light;
Thou knowest 'tis no nay.
And for that sight thou may delight
To sing, 'Bye bye, lullay.'"
"Now, sweet son, since thou art a king,
Why art thou laid in stall?
Why dost not order thy bedding
In some great kinges hall?
"Methinks5 'tis right that king or knight
Should lie in good array.
And then among, it were no wrong
To sing 'Bye bye, lullay.'"
"Mary mother, I am thy Child,
Though I be laid in stall;
For lords and dukes shall worship Me,
And so shall kingès all.
"Ye shall well see that kingès three
Shall come on this twelfth day.
For this behest give Me thy breast
And sing, By by, lullay."
"Now tell, sweet Son, I Thee do pray,
Thou art my Love and Dear—
How should I keep Thee to Thy pay6,
And make Thee glad of cheer?
"For all Thy will I would fulfill—
Thou knowest well, in fay7;
And for all this I will Thee kiss,
And sing, By by, lullay."
"My dear mother, when time it be,
Take thou Me up on loft,
And set Me then upon thy knee,
And handle me full soft.
"And in thy arm thou hold Me warm,
And keep Me night and day,
And if I weep, and may not sleep,
Thou sing, By by, lullay."
"Now sweet Son, since it is come so,
That all is at Thy will,
I pray Thee grant to me a boon8,
If it be right and skill9,—
"That child or man, who will or can
Be merry on my day,
To bliss Thou bring—and I shall sing,
Lullay, by by, lullay."
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 44 CHRISTMAS TIME (DON’T LET THE BELLS END)
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty fourth selection.
"Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)"
Written by Al Stillman, Francis Patterson, Justin Hawkins, Victor Young, Edwin Graham, Daniel Hawkins
Performed by The Darkness
Feigning joy and surprise at the gifts we despise over mulled wine with you
On the 25th day of the 12th month
The sleigh bells are in time ringing true
How we cling each Noel to that snowflake's hope in hell
that it won’t end
Don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
Well the weather is cruel,
and the season of Yule warms the heart, but it still hurts.
You’ve got your career, spent the best part of last year apart and it still hurts
So that’s why I pray each and every Christmas day that it won’t end
Don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Dust underneath the mistletoe leaves when you’re not here,
You went away upon boxing day,
Now how the hell am I gonna make it into the New Year.
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my fortieth selection.
“Jingle Bells”
Written by James Pierpont
Performed by Rosemary Clooney
Dashing through the snow
Over the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring'
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight!
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way;
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon, Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side,
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot.
A day or two ago,
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow,
And on my back I fell;
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh,
He laughed as there I sprawling lie,
But quickly drove away.
Now the ground is white
Go it while you're young,
Take the girls tonight
and sing this sleighing song;
Just get a bobtailed bay
Two forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack! You'll take the lead.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 52 THE WEXFORD CAROL (GOOD PEOPLE ALL, THIS CHRISTMASTIDE)
"The Wexford Carol" ("Good People All, This Christmastide")
Irish traditional
Good people all, this Christmas time,
Consider well and bear in mind
What our good God for us has done
In sending his beloved son
With Mary holy we should pray,
To God with love this Christmas Day
In Bethlehem upon that morn,
There was a blessed Messiah born.
The night before that happy tide,
The noble Virgin and her guide
Were long time seeking up and down
To find a lodging in the town.
But mark right well what came to pass
From every door repelled, alas,
As was foretold, their refuge all
Was but a humble ox's stall.
Near Bethlehem did shepherds keep
Their flocks of lambs and feeding sheep
To whom God's angel did appear
Which put the shepherds in great fear
Arise and go, the angels said
To Bethlehem, be not afraid
For there you'll find, this happy morn
A princely babe, sweet Jesus, born.
With thankful heart and joyful mind
The shepherds went the babe to find
And as God's angel had foretold
They did our Saviour Christ behold
Within a manger he was laid
And by his side a virgin maid
Attending on the Lord of Life
Who came on earth to end all strife.
There were three wise men from afar
Directed by a glorious star
And on they wandered night and day
Until they came where Jesus lay
And when they came unto that place
Where our beloved Messiah lay
They humbly cast them at his feet
With gifts of gold and incense sweet.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 41 JOLLY OLD SAINT NICHOLAS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty first selection.
“Jolly Old Saint Nicholas”
Lyrics by Benjamin Hanby
Music composed by Johann Pachelbel
Jolly old St. Nicholas, Lean your ear this way!
Don't you tell a single soul, What I'm going to say;
Christmas Eve is coming soon, Now, you dear old man,
Whisper what you'll bring to me: Tell me if you can.
When the clock is striking twelve, When I'm fast asleep,
Down the chimney broad and black, With your pack you'll creep.
All the stockings you will find Hanging in a row;
Mine will be the shortest one, You'll be sure to know.
Johnny wants a pair of skates, Susie wants a sled
Nellie wants a picture book, yellow,blue and red
Now I think I`ll leave
to you
what to give the rest
Choose for me dear Santa Claus
you will know the best.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 50 TORCHES
"Torches"
Composed by John Joubert
Torches, torches, run with torches
all the way to Bethlehem!
Christ is born and now lies sleeping;
come and sing your song to him.
Ah, Ro-ro, Ro-ro, my baby,
Ah, Ro-ro, my love, Ro-ro;
sleep you well, my heart’s own darling,
while we sing you our Ro-ro.
Sing, my friends, and make you merry,
joy and mirth and joy again;
lo, he lives, the king of heaven,
now and evermore. Amen.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 42 THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty second selection.
“The Twelve Days Of Christmas”
A traditional folk melody by English composer Frederic Austin
Performed by The Spinners
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A partridge in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve Drummers Drumming
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords A-leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids A-milking
Seven Swans A-swimming
Six Geese A-laying
Five Golden Rings
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 46 SWEET LITTLE JESUS BOY
Sweet Little Jesus Boy
Music and lyrics written by Robert MacGimsey
Sweet little Jesus Boy
They made You be born in a manguh [manger]
Sweet little Holy chil'
Didn't know who You wus [was]
Didn't know You'd come to save us Lawd
To take our sins away
Our eyes wus bline [was blind]
We couldn't see
We didn't know who You wus [was]
Long time ago You wus bawn [was born]
Bawn in a manguh [manger] low
Sweet little Jesus Boy
De worl' [the world] treat You mean, Lawd
Treat me mean too
But please, Suh, fuhgive [Sir, forgive] us Lawd
We didn't know 'twas You
Sweet little Jesus Boy
Bawn [born] long time ago
Sweet little Holy chil'
An' we didn't know who You wus [was]
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 43 2000 MILES
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty third selection.
“2000 Miles”
Written By Chrissie Hynde
Performed by The Pretenders
He's gone two thousand miles
It's very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you
The children will sing
He'll be back at Christmastime
In these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream you appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow sparkle
Our hearts were singing
It felt like Christmastime
Two thousand miles
Is very far through the snow
I'll think of you
Wherever you go
He's gone two thousand miles
It's very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you
I can hear people singing
It must be Christmastime
I hear people singing
It must be Christmastime
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 47 THIS ENDRIS NIGHT
This Endris Night
English traditional Music and lyrics authorship unknown
This endris1 night I saw a sight,
A star as bright as day,
And ev'r among, a maiden sung,
"Lully, bye bye, lullay."
This lovely lady sat and sang,
And to her child did say,
"My son, my brother, father dear,
Why liest thou thus in hay?"
"My sweetest bird, 'tis thus required,
Though I be king veray,
But nevertheless I will not cease
To sing 'Bye bye, lullay.'"
The child then spake in his talking,
And to his mother did say,
"Yea, I am known as heaven-king
In crib though I be laid.
"For angels bright down on me light;
Thou knowest 'tis no nay.
And for that sight thou may delight
To sing, 'Bye bye, lullay.'"
"Now, sweet son, since thou art a king,
Why art thou laid in stall?
Why dost not order thy bedding
In some great kinges hall?
"Methinks5 'tis right that king or knight
Should lie in good array.
And then among, it were no wrong
To sing 'Bye bye, lullay.'"
"Mary mother, I am thy Child,
Though I be laid in stall;
For lords and dukes shall worship Me,
And so shall kingès all.
"Ye shall well see that kingès three
Shall come on this twelfth day.
For this behest give Me thy breast
And sing, By by, lullay."
"Now tell, sweet Son, I Thee do pray,
Thou art my Love and Dear—
How should I keep Thee to Thy pay6,
And make Thee glad of cheer?
"For all Thy will I would fulfill—
Thou knowest well, in fay7;
And for all this I will Thee kiss,
And sing, By by, lullay."
"My dear mother, when time it be,
Take thou Me up on loft,
And set Me then upon thy knee,
And handle me full soft.
"And in thy arm thou hold Me warm,
And keep Me night and day,
And if I weep, and may not sleep,
Thou sing, By by, lullay."
"Now sweet Son, since it is come so,
That all is at Thy will,
I pray Thee grant to me a boon8,
If it be right and skill9,—
"That child or man, who will or can
Be merry on my day,
To bliss Thou bring—and I shall sing,
Lullay, by by, lullay."
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 44 CHRISTMAS TIME (DON’T LET THE BELLS END)
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty fourth selection.
"Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)"
Written by Al Stillman, Francis Patterson, Justin Hawkins, Victor Young, Edwin Graham, Daniel Hawkins
Performed by The Darkness
Feigning joy and surprise at the gifts we despise over mulled wine with you
On the 25th day of the 12th month
The sleigh bells are in time ringing true
How we cling each Noel to that snowflake's hope in hell
that it won’t end
Don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
Well the weather is cruel,
and the season of Yule warms the heart, but it still hurts.
You’ve got your career, spent the best part of last year apart and it still hurts
So that’s why I pray each and every Christmas day that it won’t end
Don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Dust underneath the mistletoe leaves when you’re not here,
You went away upon boxing day,
Now how the hell am I gonna make it into the New Year.
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace.
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Christmas time, don’t let the bells end
Thursday, 22 December 2016
Christmas Movie Reviews # 4
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - CHRISTMAS MIRACLE (2012)
In the small town of Summit View there is a snowstorm blowing through on Christmas Eve.
It’s so severe the roads are almost deserted apart from a group of vehicles that become stranded on a remote road on the outskirts of town.
The occupants of the stranded cars take refuge in a nearby abandoned church.
James Mason (Aaron Pearl), is an ex-priest, who following the death of his wife and child is running away from his life and his vocation.
Darryl (George Canyon), is a Dyslexic EMT who dreams of becoming a doctor but believes that dream will never materialize.
Drake (David Nykl) and Madeleine (Lori Triolo) are a wealthy married couple whose marriage and its problems all revolve around money.
Nick (Randal Edwards) and Christy (Siobhan Williams) are newlyweds who have only been married for three days and have done nothing but argue
Joe Wells (Dan Payne) is the only local and is separated from his wife Mary (Allison Hossack), largely because of their differing views on how to manage their autistic son, Matt (Valin Shinyei) who runs away from his babysitter and walks through the storm to the church under his own steam.
Together the group must learn how to manage through the various dilemmas they face by working together.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - THE NIGHT BEFORE THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
The Night Before The Night Before Christmas is a crazy Christmas fantasy for all the family, brimming with festive spirit.
Santa (R.D. Reid) sets off on his Christmas duties a day early, but ends up crashing into the Fox family's house where he not only loses his memory but also his magic sack of presents.
If ever Santa needed help it was now but the modern and broken Fox family are scarcely up to the task.
The parents Angela (Jennifer Beals) and Wayne (Rick Roberts) are preoccupied with work and the kids Toby (Gage Munroe) and Hannah (Rebecca Williams) aren't particularly festive.
But the clock is ticking so it's up to them to help Santa find his magical bag of toys and or Christmas will be ruined so they are forced to set their own petty problems aside and work together and rediscover how much they enjoy being together and realise that maybe they need to reprioritise their lives.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LUCKY CHRISTMAS
Holly Caroni (Elizabeth Berkley) is a terminally unlucky single mother and wonders if her luck will ever change but as Christmas approaches she buys a lottery ticket.
And her luck does appear to change when she wins a million dollars but she is soon brought down to earth when she realises her winning lottery ticket is in the glove compartment of her recently stolen car.
Harmless construction workers Joe (Mike Bell) and Mike (Jason Gray-Stanford) are behind the theft of the Holly’s car at the end of a drunken evening.
So Mike comes up with a master plan to befriend Holly so he can return the ticket discreetly but he unexpectedly falls in love with Holly and learns there are more important things in life than quick money in time for the holidays.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DECK THE HALLS (2006)
Optometrist Steve Finch (Matthew Broderick) loves the all the Christmas family traditions he has developed over the years in the town of Cloverdale, Massachusetts.
In fact he is a bit obsessive about it and has a schedule of activities for his wife Kelly (Kristin Davis) and children Madison (Alia Shawkat) and Carter (Dylan Blue) starting on December 1st.
Steve is proud to be the go to guy for anything Christmas related in the town at Christmas.
Then the Halls move in to the house across the street and they are cut from very different cloth.
Buddy Hall (Danny DeVito) is a salesman who can sell anything and soon becomes the new go to guy in town for all things Christmas.
His wife Tia (Kristin Chenoweth) and twin daughters Ashley and Emily (Kelly and Sabrina Aldridge) quickly become friends with their counterparts in the Finch household but Steve and Buddy are soon butting heads.
Which only gets worse when Buddy becomes obsessed with decorating his house with so many lights that it will be visible from space.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – JINGLE ALL THE WAY
Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a salesman for a mattress company and is very busy with his job and constantly lets down his son, so with Christmas coming he is determined to get him the must have toy for Christmas which is an action figure of his son's television hero, Turbo Man.
Unfortunately for Howard, he leaves it until Christmas Eve and every store is sold out of Turbo Man figures so Howard has to schlepp all over town and compete with every other tardy father including a mail man named Myron Larabee (Sinbad) to find a Turbo Man action figure.
A great slapstick free for all ensues and climaxes at the Wintertainment parade which will feature Turbo Man himself.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – MR MIRACLE
On his first time in human form a trainee Guardian Angel Harry Mills (Rob Morrow) has to pose as an English teacher to help a young woman, Addie Folsom (Britt Irvin) to find the confidence to change her life before Christmas.
If he fails Harry can say goodbye forever to his own Earthly existence.
Along the way he’s got a lot to learn about life as a human with the help of his seasoned heavenly mentor, Celeste (Michelle Harrison).
After her father’s sudden passing, Addie is living with her mom Sharon (Sarah-Jane Redmond), while attempting to finish her degree.
The important story revolves around her childhood nemesis and neighbour, Erich (Andrew Francis).
As Harry bumbles his way along as her teacher he constantly comes up against the principle Mr. Conceito (Malcolm Stewart) with amusing results.
And while helping Addie to see the wonderful things she can’t see in herself while learning a few life lessons of his own along the way.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
I would have to admit that this is not a conventional Christmas tale but it is a rather good one nonetheless.
Samantha Caine (Geena Davis) is mother to 8 year old daughter Caitlin (Yvonne Zima) living in Honesdale, PA.
Samantha has a job teaching school and a boyfriend and is singularly unremarkable but for the fact that she had no memory of her life before she awoke from a coma eight years earlier.
But when she received a bump on her head in a car accident she begins to remember small parts of her previous life.
Along with a bargain basement private investigator, Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson) she digs deeper.
As a result she remembers more and more of her previous life until finally she finds out she is really Charly Baltimore a deadly assassin.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DEFENDING SANTA
Sheriff Scott Hanson (Dean Cain) is responding to the report of a broken down vehicle on Christmas Eve and stumbles upon a sleeping Santa in the snowy woods.
Kris Kringle (Bill Lewis) then spends nearly a year in a coma and when he awakes he is put on trial to defend his identity before he can find his sleigh and get back to the North Pole.
With Christmas in doubt the small ski resort town has to learn to "believe" and Sheriff Hanson, a dad and widower, begins to fall for Santa's court-appointed defence attorney, Sarah (Jud Tylor).
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ARTHUR CHRISTMAS
Arthur Christmas is the animated tale about Santa's clumsy son Arthur.
Contrary to Popular belief it turns out that Santa’s North Pole operation isn’t just a handful of artisan elf’s and a fat guy in a red suit making toys its actually an exhilarating ultra-high-tech operation hidden beneath the North Pole and run by the Christmas family.
And it’s a family business although it’s a family in a constant state of comic dysfunction and clumsy Arthur turns out to be an unlikely hero who gets put on an urgent mission with his father that must be completed before Christmas morning dawns and that mission is to give out a present they misplaced to a young girl in less than 2 hours.
Arthur is voiced by James McAvoy, with Jim Broadbent and Imelda Staunton as his parents, Hugh Laurie as his brother Steve and Bill Nighy as Grand Santa although my favourite was Bryony and the vocal talents of Ashley Jensen.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS
On Christmas Eve, Shannon McManus-Johnson (Andrea Roth) a chauffeur and single mother, has to leave her son Trevor (Jason Spevack) with a babysitter as she is stuck driving around a wealthy and eccentric client Fred Nickells (Howard Hesseman) who is giving away large sums of money, literally throwing dollars in the air wherever he goes.
The rich man’s actions obviously attract the attentions of the media and as the story proceeds, conflict ensues after a reporter Peter Archer (Yannick Bisson) interviews Fred and we learn a secret he has been keeping for a long time.
In the small town of Summit View there is a snowstorm blowing through on Christmas Eve.
It’s so severe the roads are almost deserted apart from a group of vehicles that become stranded on a remote road on the outskirts of town.
The occupants of the stranded cars take refuge in a nearby abandoned church.
James Mason (Aaron Pearl), is an ex-priest, who following the death of his wife and child is running away from his life and his vocation.
Darryl (George Canyon), is a Dyslexic EMT who dreams of becoming a doctor but believes that dream will never materialize.
Drake (David Nykl) and Madeleine (Lori Triolo) are a wealthy married couple whose marriage and its problems all revolve around money.
Nick (Randal Edwards) and Christy (Siobhan Williams) are newlyweds who have only been married for three days and have done nothing but argue
Joe Wells (Dan Payne) is the only local and is separated from his wife Mary (Allison Hossack), largely because of their differing views on how to manage their autistic son, Matt (Valin Shinyei) who runs away from his babysitter and walks through the storm to the church under his own steam.
Together the group must learn how to manage through the various dilemmas they face by working together.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - THE NIGHT BEFORE THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
The Night Before The Night Before Christmas is a crazy Christmas fantasy for all the family, brimming with festive spirit.
Santa (R.D. Reid) sets off on his Christmas duties a day early, but ends up crashing into the Fox family's house where he not only loses his memory but also his magic sack of presents.
If ever Santa needed help it was now but the modern and broken Fox family are scarcely up to the task.
The parents Angela (Jennifer Beals) and Wayne (Rick Roberts) are preoccupied with work and the kids Toby (Gage Munroe) and Hannah (Rebecca Williams) aren't particularly festive.
But the clock is ticking so it's up to them to help Santa find his magical bag of toys and or Christmas will be ruined so they are forced to set their own petty problems aside and work together and rediscover how much they enjoy being together and realise that maybe they need to reprioritise their lives.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LUCKY CHRISTMAS
Holly Caroni (Elizabeth Berkley) is a terminally unlucky single mother and wonders if her luck will ever change but as Christmas approaches she buys a lottery ticket.
And her luck does appear to change when she wins a million dollars but she is soon brought down to earth when she realises her winning lottery ticket is in the glove compartment of her recently stolen car.
Harmless construction workers Joe (Mike Bell) and Mike (Jason Gray-Stanford) are behind the theft of the Holly’s car at the end of a drunken evening.
So Mike comes up with a master plan to befriend Holly so he can return the ticket discreetly but he unexpectedly falls in love with Holly and learns there are more important things in life than quick money in time for the holidays.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DECK THE HALLS (2006)
Optometrist Steve Finch (Matthew Broderick) loves the all the Christmas family traditions he has developed over the years in the town of Cloverdale, Massachusetts.
In fact he is a bit obsessive about it and has a schedule of activities for his wife Kelly (Kristin Davis) and children Madison (Alia Shawkat) and Carter (Dylan Blue) starting on December 1st.
Steve is proud to be the go to guy for anything Christmas related in the town at Christmas.
Then the Halls move in to the house across the street and they are cut from very different cloth.
Buddy Hall (Danny DeVito) is a salesman who can sell anything and soon becomes the new go to guy in town for all things Christmas.
His wife Tia (Kristin Chenoweth) and twin daughters Ashley and Emily (Kelly and Sabrina Aldridge) quickly become friends with their counterparts in the Finch household but Steve and Buddy are soon butting heads.
Which only gets worse when Buddy becomes obsessed with decorating his house with so many lights that it will be visible from space.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – JINGLE ALL THE WAY
Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a salesman for a mattress company and is very busy with his job and constantly lets down his son, so with Christmas coming he is determined to get him the must have toy for Christmas which is an action figure of his son's television hero, Turbo Man.
Unfortunately for Howard, he leaves it until Christmas Eve and every store is sold out of Turbo Man figures so Howard has to schlepp all over town and compete with every other tardy father including a mail man named Myron Larabee (Sinbad) to find a Turbo Man action figure.
A great slapstick free for all ensues and climaxes at the Wintertainment parade which will feature Turbo Man himself.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – MR MIRACLE
On his first time in human form a trainee Guardian Angel Harry Mills (Rob Morrow) has to pose as an English teacher to help a young woman, Addie Folsom (Britt Irvin) to find the confidence to change her life before Christmas.
If he fails Harry can say goodbye forever to his own Earthly existence.
Along the way he’s got a lot to learn about life as a human with the help of his seasoned heavenly mentor, Celeste (Michelle Harrison).
After her father’s sudden passing, Addie is living with her mom Sharon (Sarah-Jane Redmond), while attempting to finish her degree.
The important story revolves around her childhood nemesis and neighbour, Erich (Andrew Francis).
As Harry bumbles his way along as her teacher he constantly comes up against the principle Mr. Conceito (Malcolm Stewart) with amusing results.
And while helping Addie to see the wonderful things she can’t see in herself while learning a few life lessons of his own along the way.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
I would have to admit that this is not a conventional Christmas tale but it is a rather good one nonetheless.
Samantha Caine (Geena Davis) is mother to 8 year old daughter Caitlin (Yvonne Zima) living in Honesdale, PA.
Samantha has a job teaching school and a boyfriend and is singularly unremarkable but for the fact that she had no memory of her life before she awoke from a coma eight years earlier.
But when she received a bump on her head in a car accident she begins to remember small parts of her previous life.
Along with a bargain basement private investigator, Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson) she digs deeper.
As a result she remembers more and more of her previous life until finally she finds out she is really Charly Baltimore a deadly assassin.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DEFENDING SANTA
Sheriff Scott Hanson (Dean Cain) is responding to the report of a broken down vehicle on Christmas Eve and stumbles upon a sleeping Santa in the snowy woods.
Kris Kringle (Bill Lewis) then spends nearly a year in a coma and when he awakes he is put on trial to defend his identity before he can find his sleigh and get back to the North Pole.
With Christmas in doubt the small ski resort town has to learn to "believe" and Sheriff Hanson, a dad and widower, begins to fall for Santa's court-appointed defence attorney, Sarah (Jud Tylor).
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ARTHUR CHRISTMAS
Arthur Christmas is the animated tale about Santa's clumsy son Arthur.
Contrary to Popular belief it turns out that Santa’s North Pole operation isn’t just a handful of artisan elf’s and a fat guy in a red suit making toys its actually an exhilarating ultra-high-tech operation hidden beneath the North Pole and run by the Christmas family.
And it’s a family business although it’s a family in a constant state of comic dysfunction and clumsy Arthur turns out to be an unlikely hero who gets put on an urgent mission with his father that must be completed before Christmas morning dawns and that mission is to give out a present they misplaced to a young girl in less than 2 hours.
Arthur is voiced by James McAvoy, with Jim Broadbent and Imelda Staunton as his parents, Hugh Laurie as his brother Steve and Bill Nighy as Grand Santa although my favourite was Bryony and the vocal talents of Ashley Jensen.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS
On Christmas Eve, Shannon McManus-Johnson (Andrea Roth) a chauffeur and single mother, has to leave her son Trevor (Jason Spevack) with a babysitter as she is stuck driving around a wealthy and eccentric client Fred Nickells (Howard Hesseman) who is giving away large sums of money, literally throwing dollars in the air wherever he goes.
The rich man’s actions obviously attract the attentions of the media and as the story proceeds, conflict ensues after a reporter Peter Archer (Yannick Bisson) interviews Fred and we learn a secret he has been keeping for a long time.
Christmas Poem Selection # 10
ARE YOU WEARING PLAITS?
Are you wearing plaits?
Seriously though are you
You’re going to wear plaits
To the annual Christmas do
And dressed as a milk maid
Perhaps Scandinavian born
You look like you’re dressed
For 1970s porn
BOXING DAY MORNING
If you wake up and feel like hell,
And if you really feel quite unwell
Then that is the best way for you to tell
That you really did Christmas well
CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY
Well I think it has happened
It is my darkest fear
Christmas is getting earlier
Each and every year
When I was at the mall today
I heard Bing Crosby croon
“White Christmas”
And it’s still only June
CHRISTMAS GREETINGS
This is the happy season
Of peace and goodwill
And joy to the world
Let good rule over ill
Merry Christmas world
From here to Brazil
Joy to the entire world
For peace is Gods will
CHRISTMAS OVER INDULGENCE
There isn’t any doubt or question
What caused this awful indigestion?
It wasn’t the five course lunch
Or all the sweets we had to munch
It wasn’t the Lager the Stout or the Shandy
It wasn’t the Wine the Scotch or the Brandy
No the culprit with out any doubts
Was the obligatory spoonful of sprouts
BY CAR, BY PLANE, BY TRAIN
They make the journey each year
By car, by plane, by train,
Travelling across the miles
To spend Christmas at home again
I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS
I can’t wait until Christmas
I just want to let you know
You have all my love
This Christmas tied up with a bow
BLESSED IS THE HOLY SEASON
Blessed is the holy season
Jesus Christ is the reason
Let the garlands be unfurled
For a gift of love unto the world
WHEN THE GIFTS HAVE ALL BEEN OPENED
When the gifts have all been opened
And the season starts to wane
When December days have passed by
And a New Year starts again
Let’s pack away the decorations
But let the love and peace remain
THE CROWDS ARE BUSTLING
The crowds are bustling
On the busy Christmas streets
The throng is blustering
In search of Christmas treats
Tills are ringing out their Christmas song
In the markets and the shopping mall
Everyone gets a piece of the action
Street traders, vendors, buskers and all
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
I hear the bell chimes
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
The best of all times
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
The old and the new
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas to you
ALL ACROSS THIS COUNTRY
All across this country
All across this land
All across the world
His route is carefully planned
To keep ahead of the sun
To miss the no fly zones
Avoid the passenger planes
And steer clear of traffic cones
He must carefully time his mission
To a schedule carefully trialled
To ensure its full success
And not disappoint a single child
ARE YOU WEARING MISTLETOE?
Are you wearing Mistletoe?
I don’t mind kissing you below
Your little sprig of mistletoe
But you’re wearing it quite low
I LOVE THE SMELLS OF CHRISTMAS
I love the smells of Christmas
Like Cinnamon and Ginger
Roasted chestnuts piping hot
Gluhwein and Pine needles
So I feel sorry for the snowmen
As they can only smell carrot
CHRISTMAS
Christ the lord
Holy birth in Bethlehem
Regal child in David’s city
Infant of God
Sent from heaven above
To die for us
Messiah in a manger
Angelic miracle
Saviour of man
WE HAVE THE SAME CHRISTMAS WINE
We have the same Christmas wine
Every year on Christmas day
“I don't want any Brussels sprouts”
The family all shrilly say
Are you wearing plaits?
Seriously though are you
You’re going to wear plaits
To the annual Christmas do
And dressed as a milk maid
Perhaps Scandinavian born
You look like you’re dressed
For 1970s porn
BOXING DAY MORNING
If you wake up and feel like hell,
And if you really feel quite unwell
Then that is the best way for you to tell
That you really did Christmas well
CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY
Well I think it has happened
It is my darkest fear
Christmas is getting earlier
Each and every year
When I was at the mall today
I heard Bing Crosby croon
“White Christmas”
And it’s still only June
CHRISTMAS GREETINGS
This is the happy season
Of peace and goodwill
And joy to the world
Let good rule over ill
Merry Christmas world
From here to Brazil
Joy to the entire world
For peace is Gods will
CHRISTMAS OVER INDULGENCE
There isn’t any doubt or question
What caused this awful indigestion?
It wasn’t the five course lunch
Or all the sweets we had to munch
It wasn’t the Lager the Stout or the Shandy
It wasn’t the Wine the Scotch or the Brandy
No the culprit with out any doubts
Was the obligatory spoonful of sprouts
BY CAR, BY PLANE, BY TRAIN
They make the journey each year
By car, by plane, by train,
Travelling across the miles
To spend Christmas at home again
I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS
I can’t wait until Christmas
I just want to let you know
You have all my love
This Christmas tied up with a bow
BLESSED IS THE HOLY SEASON
Blessed is the holy season
Jesus Christ is the reason
Let the garlands be unfurled
For a gift of love unto the world
WHEN THE GIFTS HAVE ALL BEEN OPENED
When the gifts have all been opened
And the season starts to wane
When December days have passed by
And a New Year starts again
Let’s pack away the decorations
But let the love and peace remain
THE CROWDS ARE BUSTLING
The crowds are bustling
On the busy Christmas streets
The throng is blustering
In search of Christmas treats
Tills are ringing out their Christmas song
In the markets and the shopping mall
Everyone gets a piece of the action
Street traders, vendors, buskers and all
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
I hear the bell chimes
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
The best of all times
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
The old and the new
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas to you
ALL ACROSS THIS COUNTRY
All across this country
All across this land
All across the world
His route is carefully planned
To keep ahead of the sun
To miss the no fly zones
Avoid the passenger planes
And steer clear of traffic cones
He must carefully time his mission
To a schedule carefully trialled
To ensure its full success
And not disappoint a single child
ARE YOU WEARING MISTLETOE?
Are you wearing Mistletoe?
I don’t mind kissing you below
Your little sprig of mistletoe
But you’re wearing it quite low
I LOVE THE SMELLS OF CHRISTMAS
I love the smells of Christmas
Like Cinnamon and Ginger
Roasted chestnuts piping hot
Gluhwein and Pine needles
So I feel sorry for the snowmen
As they can only smell carrot
CHRISTMAS
Christ the lord
Holy birth in Bethlehem
Regal child in David’s city
Infant of God
Sent from heaven above
To die for us
Messiah in a manger
Angelic miracle
Saviour of man
WE HAVE THE SAME CHRISTMAS WINE
We have the same Christmas wine
Every year on Christmas day
“I don't want any Brussels sprouts”
The family all shrilly say
Wednesday, 21 December 2016
Have yourself a very naughty Christmas # 1
BAD SANTA # 1
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
And he think that the naughty list
Is really more like his to-do list
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKS?
Are you wearing Christmas knicks?
Proper novelty underwear
All festively decked down below
In a suitably seasonal pair
It doesn’t matter the decor
It will make an old man stare
Just you in your Christmas knickers
What wonderful Christmas fare
MRS CLAUS WAS COURTED
Mrs Claus was courted
By Santa and a man called Ray
Ray was a flash Harry
Who drove a red Chevrolet
Well it was no contest
At the end of the day
Because although he had a fast car
Santa had a faster sleigh
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 1
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
And more often than not
They’d go and do it in the sleigh
SNOWMAN
What a lovely snowman
Big and round and tall
There isn’t anything I like better
Really nothing at all
It’s the first thing I look for
As soon as the snow falls
It’s definitely a snowman
See it has “Snow balls”
THE BIG FELLA’S R & R
After circumnavigating the globe
Staring at the back end of Prancer
Santa Claus really looks forward
To watching a north pole dancer
SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE
Santa Claus is in trouble
He’s been up to his old tricks again
When the Christmas fairy was found
Licking his candy cane
I EAT EVERYTHING
I love Christmas
The naughty and nice
I eat absolutely everything
Until I pay the price
And I make a Yule log
That I have to flush twice
SANTA’S HELPER
Santa has helpers at Christmas
To get him through the season
Then he rests pretty much until Easter
He claims fatigue is the reason
And he is unable to fulfil his duties
Satisfying his cute little yelper
So he bought Mrs Claus a new toy
To make his neglected wife purr
It came with plenty of batteries
It’s known as Santa Big helper
THE BIG FELLA’S R & R AGAIN
After circumnavigating the globe
The reins of his sleigh in his hand
The only thought on his mind
Is his wife’s winter wonderland
WANTED: SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER
It wasn’t efficiency
Santa wanted from his helper
He preferred them to be
A barker and a yelper
But then the vacancy was for
Santa’s slutty little helper
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 3
I've always loved my Santa
But you might find this shocking
I’ve never loved him more
Than when his hand is on my stocking
I SAW SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT
I saw Santa Claus last night
Messing with a ho ho ho
When he was kissing her
Underneath the camel toe
RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO
Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had a very strawberry nose
And if you ever saw her
You would even say it glows
All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.
Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let me grab your tits tonight
Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
You can now go down on me!
ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL?
Are you wearing tinsel?
Draped about your figure
Like a festive feather boa
Just covering your treasure
How seductive you appear
A little package of pleasure
You dance and prance
So full of vim and vigour
Now let me pull the tinsel
Then you can pull my trigger
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
And he think that the naughty list
Is really more like his to-do list
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKS?
Are you wearing Christmas knicks?
Proper novelty underwear
All festively decked down below
In a suitably seasonal pair
It doesn’t matter the decor
It will make an old man stare
Just you in your Christmas knickers
What wonderful Christmas fare
MRS CLAUS WAS COURTED
Mrs Claus was courted
By Santa and a man called Ray
Ray was a flash Harry
Who drove a red Chevrolet
Well it was no contest
At the end of the day
Because although he had a fast car
Santa had a faster sleigh
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 1
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
And more often than not
They’d go and do it in the sleigh
SNOWMAN
What a lovely snowman
Big and round and tall
There isn’t anything I like better
Really nothing at all
It’s the first thing I look for
As soon as the snow falls
It’s definitely a snowman
See it has “Snow balls”
THE BIG FELLA’S R & R
After circumnavigating the globe
Staring at the back end of Prancer
Santa Claus really looks forward
To watching a north pole dancer
SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE
Santa Claus is in trouble
He’s been up to his old tricks again
When the Christmas fairy was found
Licking his candy cane
I EAT EVERYTHING
I love Christmas
The naughty and nice
I eat absolutely everything
Until I pay the price
And I make a Yule log
That I have to flush twice
SANTA’S HELPER
Santa has helpers at Christmas
To get him through the season
Then he rests pretty much until Easter
He claims fatigue is the reason
And he is unable to fulfil his duties
Satisfying his cute little yelper
So he bought Mrs Claus a new toy
To make his neglected wife purr
It came with plenty of batteries
It’s known as Santa Big helper
THE BIG FELLA’S R & R AGAIN
After circumnavigating the globe
The reins of his sleigh in his hand
The only thought on his mind
Is his wife’s winter wonderland
WANTED: SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER
It wasn’t efficiency
Santa wanted from his helper
He preferred them to be
A barker and a yelper
But then the vacancy was for
Santa’s slutty little helper
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 3
I've always loved my Santa
But you might find this shocking
I’ve never loved him more
Than when his hand is on my stocking
I SAW SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT
I saw Santa Claus last night
Messing with a ho ho ho
When he was kissing her
Underneath the camel toe
RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO
Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had a very strawberry nose
And if you ever saw her
You would even say it glows
All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.
Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let me grab your tits tonight
Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
You can now go down on me!
ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL?
Are you wearing tinsel?
Draped about your figure
Like a festive feather boa
Just covering your treasure
How seductive you appear
A little package of pleasure
You dance and prance
So full of vim and vigour
Now let me pull the tinsel
Then you can pull my trigger
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