BAD SANTA # 4
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
And his special seasonal wish
Is for you to jingle his bells
So you get a White Christmas
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SOCKS?
Are you wearing Christmas socks?
Beneath your skirt it’s hard to see
And gives me pause to think
How high they go above the knee
THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
All year long I fancied Lucy
But she turned out to be fickle
So I thought I’d drown my sorrows
And have a few festive tipples
But I ended up in a cupboard
With a girl with hairy nipples
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
Amidst the preparations
For the up coming festivities
There has been a lot of demand
On the Church amenities
For those of us involved
In pulling the Christmas peel
Found the time to practise
Was far less than ideal
I found it difficult to fit it in
Around work and family needs
And often practised alone
At a very late hour indeed
One night it all got too much
The final straw I can’t remember
But as a result I decided to tie
The bell rope around my member
I don’t know why it was
That I succumbed to the pressure
But I was discovered
And I was tolled off by the vicar
RUDOLPH THE RAMPANT
Rudolph has been grounded
And severely reprimanded
The cause is his nocturnal activity
During the season of the nativity
Donner has been knocked up
And Vixen is a favourite tup
There are many more names
Who’ve played his reindeer games
He is insatiable, even the boys
Have fallen victim of his joys
Now Santa has had enough
Since he mounted Billy Goat Gruff
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 9
Twas the night before Christmas and at the North Pole
Some of the elves will be signing on the dole
There was a bit of a cock up with the naughty and nice list
When the elves in dispatch all got totally pissed
RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer
Laugh and call him awful names
And they leave poor Rudolph
To play his little snorting games
So on every Christmas Eve
Santa’s heard to say:
If you give up the cocaine
You might pull may sleigh again
But all the reindeer knew him
And his love for nose candy
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Santa’s little coke junkie
MY EVERGREENS
Oh Holly and my Ivy
Of all the girls I’ve known
When they dress in the Santa gear
They really ring my bell
CHRISTMAS SPICE
Christmas time is very nice
But if I might offer some advice
You can add a spot of yuletide spice
If you indulge in a little festive vice
TIED UP WITH TINSEL
Have a little yuletide fun
Make it deliciously sinful
With your little Christmas hon
Tied up with tinsel
I SAW A FIGURE ON THE STAIR
I saw a figure
On the stair
Wearing red velvet
Trimmed with fur
It was Santa Claus
In my view
With long white beard
And hat askew
But not a Santa
Of familiar build
And no sack was apparent
Generously filled
I thought the figure
To my surprise
Was rather pleasing
To the eyes
And curiously aroused
At the view
Of Santa
In red stiletto shoes
At that moment
At the top of the stair
The coat fell open
And I do declare
This sight of Santa
Left me aghast
Wearing black stockings
And leather Basque
The white beard
Fell to the floor
And then I understood
What I saw
Santa hadn’t brought me
A gift in a sack
Santa was the present
For me to unwrap
FAIRY ON THE TREE
Fairy, fairy on the tree
Why do you look so glum?
Is it the Christmas Blues?
To which you have succumbed
Is that what makes you sad
Or the needles up your bum
HAVE A CRACKING CHRISTMAS
I must definitely make sure
Her Christmas sack is full
Then if your dear is happy
Your cracker might get a pull
SANTA AND ELFIE
Santa and Elfie
Were caught in the buff
At it in the grotto,
Santa and his bit of stuff
The store manager
Decided to get tough
And sacked them
Saying enough was enough
Now Santa’s not jolly
In fact he’s quite gruff
As Santa’s little helper
Is now up the duff
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS TIGHTS?
Are you wearing Christmas tights?
Adorned with a festive motif
Well if those long festive limbs
Decorated with Christmas motif
Were to entwine about me
Then my resistant would be brief
Sunday, 25 December 2016
Christmas Movie Reviews # 7
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SECRET SANTA 2001
10-year-old, Jackson Mayhew (Rory Culkin) moves in with his Aunt (Sherilyn Fenn) after the death of his parents.
Aunt Patty works the bar at the Coconut Grotto hotel in Florida and it’s at the Hotel where Jackson befriends an elderly man Sam Clausner (Hume Cronyn) and he begins to suspect that the old man is actually Santa Claus,
The wonderful Hume Cronyn's is brilliant and plays his role with panache and it will be remembered as a holiday classic.
His flawless performance was given despite the fact he was almost 90 years old.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE 2009
Ashley Matthews (Kari Hawker-Diaz) has been on her own all her life but she feels even more alone when it gets close to Christmas as she searches fruitlessly for a job and the endless Christmas cheer around her only rubs salt in the wounds as she scrimps and scrapes by to support herself and her dog, Dash.
However help is at hand from her neighbour, Nick Anderson (Bruce Davison), who knows exactly what to do to help and he offers her a job.
He asks her to be his assistant in what turns out to be a philanthropic endeavour, however there’s one catch she can't tell anyone that her new boss is a kind of Secret Santa, and she must help people anonymously.
Through her new job, Ashley meets Will (K.C. Clyde), a writer for a business magazine who uncovers what Ashley is doing, and more importantly, Nick's involvement in the acts of kindness.
As Ashley and Nick help people in need, she tries to protect Nick's secret, and her own heart, while Will must weigh the consequences of what might happen if he exposes them.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE THREE GIFTS
Jack Green (Dean Cain) inherited a southern Californian horse ranch from his father complete with an all-natural toy factory in the barn. Along with his wife Cherie (Jean Louisa Kelly) he is bullied into taking in the three “holy terrors” from orphanage run by his bossy aunt Rita (Mimi Kennedy).
It's only for a few weeks while renovations are done which would be completed before the holidays.
Mike (Dylan Sprayberry) and his buddies, Henry (Alex Zubarev) and Ray (Spencer Bridges), prove to be a handful, but Jack proves that he has father-potential and he and Cherie like having them around.
The trio go on their best behaviour after overhearing the couple are considering adopting just one of them, but that means they have to become rivals in order to be the one that’s chosen, resulting in trouble for everyone and fun for the viewer.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOST AT CHRISTMAS
This film is based on a true story about an estranged couple who find themselves lost in the Idaho wilderness after in impromptu snowmobile outing.
It was just before Christmas and when the weather turns they are trapped in a blizzard and the snowfall is so great all the trails are hidden.
Lost and alone Suzanne and Jim Shemwell (Jami Gertz and Dylan Walsh) are forced to confront the reasons why they separated.
Meanwhile their family, when they are not looking for Suzanne and Jim, are looking inward at themselves and re-evaluate their lives and their relationships.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 2013
After being told by her boss that the company needs to attract more clients, Elizabeth (Melissa Sagemiller), a skilled executive, is also told she is to get unwanted help in the form of Robert (Brad Rowe), to grow the business.
Through the help of one of Santa’s helpers, Calvin the Elf (Martin Klebba), she is blessed with an extraordinary gift when she obtains a piece of jewellery that allows her to hear everyone’s unspoken thoughts.
It was intended to make her become more self-aware in order to find personal and professional fulfilment but she uses it as a tool to gain new clients and get one up on Robert.
However having first used her new-found power to get ahead at work, she soon learns to become a better person, and turns an office rivalry into romance while learning the true meaning of Christmas.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER –
COME DANCE WITH ME
Jack (Andrew McCarthy) is an executive in a financial brokerage firm and seems to have it all.
He is a rising star in line for a big promotion and has already impressed the boss, Drew Clayton (Chris Gillett), He is also dating the boss’s daughter’ the beautiful and elegant Demi Clayton (Stephanie Mills).
Jack plans to propose to Demi at her father's lavish annual Christmas Dance but in order to create the perfect impression on the night he signs up for ballroom dance lessons.
Which is when he meets dance instructor, Christine (Michelle Nolden), and the story really begins.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT IS CHRISTMAS
Ira J. Finkelstein (Elijah Nelson) is a Christmas obsessed Jewish boy.
He's seen every Christmas movie ever made and his dreams are filled with reindeer, sleigh rides and of course, snow.
The problem is, apart from the fact that Ira is Jewish is that at 11 years of age he feels that Christmas is passing him by and When Ira's hopes for a holiday vacation in Aspen are dashed, he hatches a plan to finally get the Christmas of his dreams.
When flying unaccompanied to visit his grandparents in sunny Florida, he swaps tickets with Mikey Amato (Justin Thomas Howell), another 11-year-old also flying unaccompanied on his way to Christmastown, WA.
But they not only trade airline tickets but places as well and Ira gets more than he bargained for when he experiences his first "White Christmas".
Elliott Gould and David DeLuise also star in this pleasant Christmas caper.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HELP FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Although she loves Christmas, Christine (Summer Glau), who is an elf from Santa's village, wonders if there could be more to life than making toys at the North Pole.
So when Santa receives an emergency wish from a little boy in Los Angeles, he puts Christine on a special assignment in the real world and sends her to L.A. to help the VanCamp family.
Sara Vancamp (Eva LaRue) is a busy mom with absolutely no Christmas spirit and her husband Scott (Dan Gauthier), is little better.
So Christine is to look after the two Vancamp kids, Ally (Izabela Vidovic) and Will (Mason Cook) and give the whole family a Christmas wake-up call.
It is not altogether plain sailing and the question of whether Christine will fail her assignment and be sent back to the North Pole for good, or the VanCamps will come to their senses about the meaning of Christmas is unclear, but it’s fun watching the tale unfold.
The romantic interest is provided by Sara’s brother Dave Gabriel (John Brotherton) and Steve Larkin puts in a wonderful portrayal of Santa.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 1991
Ethan (Ethan Embry), is the practical older brother, and adorable Hallie (Thora Birch) knows how to charm her way out any given situation, and they are both intent on spending Christmas with their parents, Catherine (Harley Jane Kozak) and Michael (Jamey Sheridan), and grandmother, Lillian (Lauren Bacall).
Despite the fact that their parents are divorced and Catherine is about to marry Tony Boer (Kevin Nealon)
So when Hallie goes to visit Santa Claus, she asks for the unusual gift of getting her parents back together.
Ethan and Hallie embark on their adventure and almost nothing goes exactly as planned partly because Ethan is preoccupied not only with his parents' romantic dilemma but also his first teenage crush, Stephanie (Amy Oberer).
This Christmas comedy is a hilarious caper to ensure everyone lives happily ever after scheme to get what they most want for Christmas.
So in the end does Catherine decide to reject Tony and remarry Michael or do the children fail.
Watch it and see.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THIS CHRISTMAS
This Christmas, is a holiday drama centred on the Whitfield family's first Christmas together in four years.
In Los Angeles, Shirley Ann Whitfield (Loretta Devine), affectionately known as Ma'Dere, is the matriarch of the Whitfield family.
Her six children are scattered far and wide, wife and mother Lisa (Regina King) lives in San Francisco and feels the need to take on the responsibility to manage her extended family's welfare.
Traveling jazz musician Quentin Jr (Idris Elba), who has been absent from the family for four years, and Claude (Columbus Short) is a marine.
In New York ad exec Kelli and (Sharon Leal) is the self-confessed selfish one, Mel (Lauren London) is a college student and Michael (Chris Brown) still lives at home while figuring out what he wants to do with his life.
Ma'Dere has lived in the family home for a few years now with Joe Black (Delroy Lindo), a church deacon, with Ma'Dere's husband/the children's father, Quentin Whitfield Sr., long having left the family to pursue a life as a jazz musician.
Each person present in Ma'Dere's house at Christmas is dealing with an issue in his/her life, some known by the family and some not but they all have an effect on the family dynamic associated with how “This Christmas” will turn out for them as a collective family.
10-year-old, Jackson Mayhew (Rory Culkin) moves in with his Aunt (Sherilyn Fenn) after the death of his parents.
Aunt Patty works the bar at the Coconut Grotto hotel in Florida and it’s at the Hotel where Jackson befriends an elderly man Sam Clausner (Hume Cronyn) and he begins to suspect that the old man is actually Santa Claus,
The wonderful Hume Cronyn's is brilliant and plays his role with panache and it will be remembered as a holiday classic.
His flawless performance was given despite the fact he was almost 90 years old.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE 2009
Ashley Matthews (Kari Hawker-Diaz) has been on her own all her life but she feels even more alone when it gets close to Christmas as she searches fruitlessly for a job and the endless Christmas cheer around her only rubs salt in the wounds as she scrimps and scrapes by to support herself and her dog, Dash.
However help is at hand from her neighbour, Nick Anderson (Bruce Davison), who knows exactly what to do to help and he offers her a job.
He asks her to be his assistant in what turns out to be a philanthropic endeavour, however there’s one catch she can't tell anyone that her new boss is a kind of Secret Santa, and she must help people anonymously.
Through her new job, Ashley meets Will (K.C. Clyde), a writer for a business magazine who uncovers what Ashley is doing, and more importantly, Nick's involvement in the acts of kindness.
As Ashley and Nick help people in need, she tries to protect Nick's secret, and her own heart, while Will must weigh the consequences of what might happen if he exposes them.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE THREE GIFTS
Jack Green (Dean Cain) inherited a southern Californian horse ranch from his father complete with an all-natural toy factory in the barn. Along with his wife Cherie (Jean Louisa Kelly) he is bullied into taking in the three “holy terrors” from orphanage run by his bossy aunt Rita (Mimi Kennedy).
It's only for a few weeks while renovations are done which would be completed before the holidays.
Mike (Dylan Sprayberry) and his buddies, Henry (Alex Zubarev) and Ray (Spencer Bridges), prove to be a handful, but Jack proves that he has father-potential and he and Cherie like having them around.
The trio go on their best behaviour after overhearing the couple are considering adopting just one of them, but that means they have to become rivals in order to be the one that’s chosen, resulting in trouble for everyone and fun for the viewer.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOST AT CHRISTMAS
This film is based on a true story about an estranged couple who find themselves lost in the Idaho wilderness after in impromptu snowmobile outing.
It was just before Christmas and when the weather turns they are trapped in a blizzard and the snowfall is so great all the trails are hidden.
Lost and alone Suzanne and Jim Shemwell (Jami Gertz and Dylan Walsh) are forced to confront the reasons why they separated.
Meanwhile their family, when they are not looking for Suzanne and Jim, are looking inward at themselves and re-evaluate their lives and their relationships.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 2013
After being told by her boss that the company needs to attract more clients, Elizabeth (Melissa Sagemiller), a skilled executive, is also told she is to get unwanted help in the form of Robert (Brad Rowe), to grow the business.
Through the help of one of Santa’s helpers, Calvin the Elf (Martin Klebba), she is blessed with an extraordinary gift when she obtains a piece of jewellery that allows her to hear everyone’s unspoken thoughts.
It was intended to make her become more self-aware in order to find personal and professional fulfilment but she uses it as a tool to gain new clients and get one up on Robert.
However having first used her new-found power to get ahead at work, she soon learns to become a better person, and turns an office rivalry into romance while learning the true meaning of Christmas.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER –
COME DANCE WITH ME
Jack (Andrew McCarthy) is an executive in a financial brokerage firm and seems to have it all.
He is a rising star in line for a big promotion and has already impressed the boss, Drew Clayton (Chris Gillett), He is also dating the boss’s daughter’ the beautiful and elegant Demi Clayton (Stephanie Mills).
Jack plans to propose to Demi at her father's lavish annual Christmas Dance but in order to create the perfect impression on the night he signs up for ballroom dance lessons.
Which is when he meets dance instructor, Christine (Michelle Nolden), and the story really begins.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT IS CHRISTMAS
Ira J. Finkelstein (Elijah Nelson) is a Christmas obsessed Jewish boy.
He's seen every Christmas movie ever made and his dreams are filled with reindeer, sleigh rides and of course, snow.
The problem is, apart from the fact that Ira is Jewish is that at 11 years of age he feels that Christmas is passing him by and When Ira's hopes for a holiday vacation in Aspen are dashed, he hatches a plan to finally get the Christmas of his dreams.
When flying unaccompanied to visit his grandparents in sunny Florida, he swaps tickets with Mikey Amato (Justin Thomas Howell), another 11-year-old also flying unaccompanied on his way to Christmastown, WA.
But they not only trade airline tickets but places as well and Ira gets more than he bargained for when he experiences his first "White Christmas".
Elliott Gould and David DeLuise also star in this pleasant Christmas caper.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HELP FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Although she loves Christmas, Christine (Summer Glau), who is an elf from Santa's village, wonders if there could be more to life than making toys at the North Pole.
So when Santa receives an emergency wish from a little boy in Los Angeles, he puts Christine on a special assignment in the real world and sends her to L.A. to help the VanCamp family.
Sara Vancamp (Eva LaRue) is a busy mom with absolutely no Christmas spirit and her husband Scott (Dan Gauthier), is little better.
So Christine is to look after the two Vancamp kids, Ally (Izabela Vidovic) and Will (Mason Cook) and give the whole family a Christmas wake-up call.
It is not altogether plain sailing and the question of whether Christine will fail her assignment and be sent back to the North Pole for good, or the VanCamps will come to their senses about the meaning of Christmas is unclear, but it’s fun watching the tale unfold.
The romantic interest is provided by Sara’s brother Dave Gabriel (John Brotherton) and Steve Larkin puts in a wonderful portrayal of Santa.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 1991
Ethan (Ethan Embry), is the practical older brother, and adorable Hallie (Thora Birch) knows how to charm her way out any given situation, and they are both intent on spending Christmas with their parents, Catherine (Harley Jane Kozak) and Michael (Jamey Sheridan), and grandmother, Lillian (Lauren Bacall).
Despite the fact that their parents are divorced and Catherine is about to marry Tony Boer (Kevin Nealon)
So when Hallie goes to visit Santa Claus, she asks for the unusual gift of getting her parents back together.
Ethan and Hallie embark on their adventure and almost nothing goes exactly as planned partly because Ethan is preoccupied not only with his parents' romantic dilemma but also his first teenage crush, Stephanie (Amy Oberer).
This Christmas comedy is a hilarious caper to ensure everyone lives happily ever after scheme to get what they most want for Christmas.
So in the end does Catherine decide to reject Tony and remarry Michael or do the children fail.
Watch it and see.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THIS CHRISTMAS
This Christmas, is a holiday drama centred on the Whitfield family's first Christmas together in four years.
In Los Angeles, Shirley Ann Whitfield (Loretta Devine), affectionately known as Ma'Dere, is the matriarch of the Whitfield family.
Her six children are scattered far and wide, wife and mother Lisa (Regina King) lives in San Francisco and feels the need to take on the responsibility to manage her extended family's welfare.
Traveling jazz musician Quentin Jr (Idris Elba), who has been absent from the family for four years, and Claude (Columbus Short) is a marine.
In New York ad exec Kelli and (Sharon Leal) is the self-confessed selfish one, Mel (Lauren London) is a college student and Michael (Chris Brown) still lives at home while figuring out what he wants to do with his life.
Ma'Dere has lived in the family home for a few years now with Joe Black (Delroy Lindo), a church deacon, with Ma'Dere's husband/the children's father, Quentin Whitfield Sr., long having left the family to pursue a life as a jazz musician.
Each person present in Ma'Dere's house at Christmas is dealing with an issue in his/her life, some known by the family and some not but they all have an effect on the family dynamic associated with how “This Christmas” will turn out for them as a collective family.
Christmas Poem Selection # 13
ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a Santa outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The boots and beard and hat
And padding to make you look fat
I didn’t believe in Santa anymore
Now I see you and I think phwor
I HATE JANUARY
I hate January
January I do not enjoy
It has no pleasure
It has no joy
Christmas is over
All the money has gone
5 weeks till payday
January is wrong
I love December
December has it all
December is the time
To have a ball
In fact December
Has too much fun
And not enough time
To get it all done
The Festivities
Leave us in a daze
There is too much
For 31 days
So the solution
Is a simple one
I can’t believe
It hasn’t been done
Get rid of January
No one likes it
Have two Decembers
Then everything will fit
IT’S THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS DO
It’s the office Christmas do
So let’s have a tipple or two
We can drink the Spanish sherry
We can drink until we’re merry
Then into an office we’ll stumble
And we’ll have a Christmas fumble
AFTER THREE WEEKS OR SO
After three weeks or so
Working in the grotto
It begins to take its toll
On the poor old soul
Sitting on his great chair
Pretending to care
As all the girls and boys
Plead for various toys
Kids of every shape and size
Looking for a prize
Clambering on his knee
Wriggling with glee
Until the poor old chap
Suffers from Santa lap
THE OFFICE PARTY
The office party
Was relief from the slog
When you spent your time
Hitting the nog
And hanging by the mistletoe
Hoping for a snog
I DON’T NEED THE FINEST GIFT
I don’t need the finest gift
I don’t need a Christmas wish
Because I’m already blessed
With a special Christmas dish
AT THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BINGE
Well at the end of the year
Its managements’ biggest fear
That staff should infringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
After spiking the fruit punch
In the canteen after lunch
Their totally off their hinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The amount of alcohol downed
As many a sorrow was drowned
Made the accountant whinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The extent of the revelling
Was quite frankly bedevilling
Enough for his beard to singe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The things that a little party ho
Did beneath the mistletoe
Would make a puritan cringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
Karen from reception bless her
Botox-ed her face with vodka
With a catering syringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The level of fraternization
Was quite a revelation
And caused a few backs to twinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
You may well be forgiven
After the events which had arisen
That it was the lunatic fringe
At their annual Christmas Binge
Next day when the party was over
Everyone suffered from a hangover
And all took on an earthy tinge
The day after the Christmas binge
MY GIFT IS A SPECIAL LOVE
My gift is a special love
That lasts the whole year through
So if I had a Christmas wish
I would still wish for you
A SPRIG OF MISTLETOE
There hangs a sprig of Mistletoe
The first of the season I’ve seen
Its berries glowing like pearls
Amongst the tiny leaves of green
And below stands sweet Emily
Where hangs the Mistletoe above
Tied with red ribbon to the beam
And I claim a kiss from the girl I love
MY COMFORT AND SUCCOUR
Have a lovely Christmas
My companion and confident
My friend of friends,
My comfort and succour
Have a lovely Christmas
Soother of my soul
You are everything to me
Except my lover
Have a lovely Christmas
Occupant of my heart
My comfort and succour
My secret love
A WASTED WISH
Why would I make a Christmas Wish?
And hope that it would come true,
What on earth could I ever wish for?
That would be a tenth as good as you
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS GARTERS?
Are you wearing Christmas garters?
Answer me that one for starters
Beneath your dress up high
Around your black clad thigh
Where the black sheath is stopping
Where they are lacy at the topping
Are there festive garter rings
Sexily placed decorative things
Please answer this one for starters
Are you wearing Christmas garters?
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - FROSTY
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Frosty’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The carrot faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Frosty
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
THE YOUNG ELF EDUCATIONALISTS
The young Elf Educationalists
Have discovered an alarming theme
Those who struggle to learn the Elf-abet
Will in later life suffer low Elf esteem
NOVELTY TREE CHOCOLATES
When we were kids,
Before we went to bed,
My brothers and me
Were allowed a pick
A novelty chocolate
Off the Christmas tree
Are you wearing a Santa outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The boots and beard and hat
And padding to make you look fat
I didn’t believe in Santa anymore
Now I see you and I think phwor
I HATE JANUARY
I hate January
January I do not enjoy
It has no pleasure
It has no joy
Christmas is over
All the money has gone
5 weeks till payday
January is wrong
I love December
December has it all
December is the time
To have a ball
In fact December
Has too much fun
And not enough time
To get it all done
The Festivities
Leave us in a daze
There is too much
For 31 days
So the solution
Is a simple one
I can’t believe
It hasn’t been done
Get rid of January
No one likes it
Have two Decembers
Then everything will fit
IT’S THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS DO
It’s the office Christmas do
So let’s have a tipple or two
We can drink the Spanish sherry
We can drink until we’re merry
Then into an office we’ll stumble
And we’ll have a Christmas fumble
AFTER THREE WEEKS OR SO
After three weeks or so
Working in the grotto
It begins to take its toll
On the poor old soul
Sitting on his great chair
Pretending to care
As all the girls and boys
Plead for various toys
Kids of every shape and size
Looking for a prize
Clambering on his knee
Wriggling with glee
Until the poor old chap
Suffers from Santa lap
THE OFFICE PARTY
The office party
Was relief from the slog
When you spent your time
Hitting the nog
And hanging by the mistletoe
Hoping for a snog
I DON’T NEED THE FINEST GIFT
I don’t need the finest gift
I don’t need a Christmas wish
Because I’m already blessed
With a special Christmas dish
AT THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BINGE
Well at the end of the year
Its managements’ biggest fear
That staff should infringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
After spiking the fruit punch
In the canteen after lunch
Their totally off their hinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The amount of alcohol downed
As many a sorrow was drowned
Made the accountant whinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The extent of the revelling
Was quite frankly bedevilling
Enough for his beard to singe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The things that a little party ho
Did beneath the mistletoe
Would make a puritan cringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
Karen from reception bless her
Botox-ed her face with vodka
With a catering syringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The level of fraternization
Was quite a revelation
And caused a few backs to twinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
You may well be forgiven
After the events which had arisen
That it was the lunatic fringe
At their annual Christmas Binge
Next day when the party was over
Everyone suffered from a hangover
And all took on an earthy tinge
The day after the Christmas binge
MY GIFT IS A SPECIAL LOVE
My gift is a special love
That lasts the whole year through
So if I had a Christmas wish
I would still wish for you
A SPRIG OF MISTLETOE
There hangs a sprig of Mistletoe
The first of the season I’ve seen
Its berries glowing like pearls
Amongst the tiny leaves of green
And below stands sweet Emily
Where hangs the Mistletoe above
Tied with red ribbon to the beam
And I claim a kiss from the girl I love
MY COMFORT AND SUCCOUR
Have a lovely Christmas
My companion and confident
My friend of friends,
My comfort and succour
Have a lovely Christmas
Soother of my soul
You are everything to me
Except my lover
Have a lovely Christmas
Occupant of my heart
My comfort and succour
My secret love
A WASTED WISH
Why would I make a Christmas Wish?
And hope that it would come true,
What on earth could I ever wish for?
That would be a tenth as good as you
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS GARTERS?
Are you wearing Christmas garters?
Answer me that one for starters
Beneath your dress up high
Around your black clad thigh
Where the black sheath is stopping
Where they are lacy at the topping
Are there festive garter rings
Sexily placed decorative things
Please answer this one for starters
Are you wearing Christmas garters?
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - FROSTY
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Frosty’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The carrot faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Frosty
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
THE YOUNG ELF EDUCATIONALISTS
The young Elf Educationalists
Have discovered an alarming theme
Those who struggle to learn the Elf-abet
Will in later life suffer low Elf esteem
NOVELTY TREE CHOCOLATES
When we were kids,
Before we went to bed,
My brothers and me
Were allowed a pick
A novelty chocolate
Off the Christmas tree
Saturday, 24 December 2016
Have yourself a very naughty Christmas # 3
BAD SANTA # 3
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
So naughty girl when he comes into view
It won’t be candy cane in his pocket
He’ll be really pleased to see you!
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS HOSIERY?
Are you wearing Christmas hosiery?
Phwor are you going to let me see
Oh how they cling to the shape of you
I would like to cling to them too
Oh yes I like them very much
Perhaps I might have a touch
Oh you are a proper tease
Would you let me if I said please?
DEAR SWEET CINDERELLA
Dear sweet Cinderella
Does no one love you at all?
Is that the real reason?
You’re not going to the ball
Or is there another reason
Are you just too sweet?
Just simply too demure
To be given such a treat
If your morals were looser
You would gain a reputation
And you would be asked
Without any hesitation
A stain on your character
Will show blacker than cinders
And you will go to the ball
And have a ball dear Sin-ders
THE DAUGHTER OF ONE OF SANTA’S ELVES
The daughter of one of Santa’s Elves
Was out of control and a bit of a prancer
So he sent her to college in Lapland
To stop her from being a pole dancer
But she soon dropped out of college
And now she’s a popular lap dancer
THE CLAUS’S LAY IN THEIR BED
The Claus’s lay in their bed
And Santa was heard to say
My lap isn't the only place
Where wishes come true
THE CLAUS’S SAT BESIDE THE FIRE
The Claus’s sat beside the fire
And Santa was heard to say
When was the last Christmas
That we did it in a sleigh?
IT WAS IN THE BELFRY
It was in the belfry
On Christmas Eve
High in the tower
I tried to retrieve
A poor little kitten
Who was stuck
When suddenly
The bell was struck
I lost my footing
And began to fall
I thought this is
The end of it all
So I had onto grab
Or surely die
My Ding dong
Merrily on high
EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY
Everyone is so happy
Damn them all to hell
But I drank too much last night
And today I feel unwell
The cheerful souls
Can’t abide to see a frown
And want me to turn
My frown upside down
At first I decided
That I would merely scoff
But it didn’t work
So I told them to piss off
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 1
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Lap Dancer
SHE HAD A VERY FRUSTRATING CHRISTMAS
She had a very frustrating Christmas
Such was the impression she exuded
Apparently the gift from Ms Summers
Was labelled “batteries not included”
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 2
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Pole Dancer
ARE YOU A CHRISTMAS FAIRY?
Are you a Christmas Fairy?
It’s just you’re a little bit scary
And you also look a bit weird
I think it’s the long ginger beard
A MAN BOUGHT A CHRISTMAS TREE
A man bought a Christmas tree
He got it off the shelf
But he was rushed to A & E
After putting it up himself
SANTA’S YOUNGEST DAUGHTER MARY
Santa’s youngest daughter Mary
Was promiscuous and out of control
So he sent her to a girl’s boarding school
To keep her off the North Pole
ARE YOU WEARING REINDEER ANTLERS?
Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?
Well not the most original twist
You’ve been making rather merry
More Christmas spirit than you could resist
What exactly am I suggesting?
A little too much wine would be the gist
What makes me think that?
Well I’ll tell you if you insist
Apart from the slurred speech
You are walking with a starboard list
And your antlers sit in disarray
So that’s how I know you’re pissed
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
So naughty girl when he comes into view
It won’t be candy cane in his pocket
He’ll be really pleased to see you!
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS HOSIERY?
Are you wearing Christmas hosiery?
Phwor are you going to let me see
Oh how they cling to the shape of you
I would like to cling to them too
Oh yes I like them very much
Perhaps I might have a touch
Oh you are a proper tease
Would you let me if I said please?
DEAR SWEET CINDERELLA
Dear sweet Cinderella
Does no one love you at all?
Is that the real reason?
You’re not going to the ball
Or is there another reason
Are you just too sweet?
Just simply too demure
To be given such a treat
If your morals were looser
You would gain a reputation
And you would be asked
Without any hesitation
A stain on your character
Will show blacker than cinders
And you will go to the ball
And have a ball dear Sin-ders
THE DAUGHTER OF ONE OF SANTA’S ELVES
The daughter of one of Santa’s Elves
Was out of control and a bit of a prancer
So he sent her to college in Lapland
To stop her from being a pole dancer
But she soon dropped out of college
And now she’s a popular lap dancer
THE CLAUS’S LAY IN THEIR BED
The Claus’s lay in their bed
And Santa was heard to say
My lap isn't the only place
Where wishes come true
THE CLAUS’S SAT BESIDE THE FIRE
The Claus’s sat beside the fire
And Santa was heard to say
When was the last Christmas
That we did it in a sleigh?
IT WAS IN THE BELFRY
It was in the belfry
On Christmas Eve
High in the tower
I tried to retrieve
A poor little kitten
Who was stuck
When suddenly
The bell was struck
I lost my footing
And began to fall
I thought this is
The end of it all
So I had onto grab
Or surely die
My Ding dong
Merrily on high
EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY
Everyone is so happy
Damn them all to hell
But I drank too much last night
And today I feel unwell
The cheerful souls
Can’t abide to see a frown
And want me to turn
My frown upside down
At first I decided
That I would merely scoff
But it didn’t work
So I told them to piss off
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 1
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Lap Dancer
SHE HAD A VERY FRUSTRATING CHRISTMAS
She had a very frustrating Christmas
Such was the impression she exuded
Apparently the gift from Ms Summers
Was labelled “batteries not included”
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 2
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Pole Dancer
ARE YOU A CHRISTMAS FAIRY?
Are you a Christmas Fairy?
It’s just you’re a little bit scary
And you also look a bit weird
I think it’s the long ginger beard
A MAN BOUGHT A CHRISTMAS TREE
A man bought a Christmas tree
He got it off the shelf
But he was rushed to A & E
After putting it up himself
SANTA’S YOUNGEST DAUGHTER MARY
Santa’s youngest daughter Mary
Was promiscuous and out of control
So he sent her to a girl’s boarding school
To keep her off the North Pole
ARE YOU WEARING REINDEER ANTLERS?
Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?
Well not the most original twist
You’ve been making rather merry
More Christmas spirit than you could resist
What exactly am I suggesting?
A little too much wine would be the gist
What makes me think that?
Well I’ll tell you if you insist
Apart from the slurred speech
You are walking with a starboard list
And your antlers sit in disarray
So that’s how I know you’re pissed
Christmas Movie Reviews # 6
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HOLIDAY HELP
A single mom, Nicky Talbot (Alicia Witt) is going from door to door to find a job and boost her finances but without success.
Then a friend tells her that a big store is hiring so she goes along and gets a holiday job at Cartwright’s department store but not as floor staff, she gets the job as Santa Claus in the grotto.
This was achieved when an angel, Harry Osbourne (Wallace Shawn) entered her life and brought about some positive changes, including the spark of a new romance.
She of course was unaware that he was an angel and she thought he was from corporate.
Her head elf in the grotto was Peg (Linda Kash) and she thought Nicky was wonderful in fact everyone loved Santa Nick, except the evil Fiona Aldrich (Gabrielle Miller) who was her boss.
Nicky’s daughter Becky (T.J. McGibbon) is cute without being precocious and the love interest is supplied very ably by department head Bill (Gabriel Hogan) and her landlady Mrs. Rositani is played by the excellent Jayne Eastwood.
This is a great film, believable yet magical and any Christmas film with an Angel in it gets my vote.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A GRANDPA FOR CHRISTMAS
Bert O'Riley (Ernest Borgnine) is an old-time entertainer who is retired from showbiz and estranged not only from his daughter Marie (Tracy Nelson) but also his 9-year-old granddaughter, Becca (Juliette Goglia).
And it would have remained that way had Marie not been badly hurt in a car crash and had to be hospitalized for a prolonged period.
Social services has to find someone for 9 year old Becca to stay with, her father isn’t on the scene her grandmother is dead so they turned to Bert.
He was about to sell his house and move into a retirement home but suddenly finds himself caring for a granddaughter he didn’t know he had.
It’s very awkward at first, Becca is horrified she has to live with her Grandpa because not only has she never met him, but everything she had ever heard about him her whole life is what a bum he was.
But gradually the bond between the two of them grows and she realises that Bert isn’t a bum after all, in fact she gets to meet his old show-biz friends, Roxie Famosa (Katherine Helmond) Adam Johnson (Jamie Farr) and Karl Sugarman (Richard Libertini) and she learns that her Grandpa is a pretty good guy and that her Mom was wrong about her Dad all along.
While Marie was in hospital he showed tender loving care towards Becca and took charge in her life and when she was ready to be discharged she accepted that she and her daughter had been brainwashed into thinking that Bert was an ogre and agreed that they should go and live with him.
It's a wonderful story emphasizing strong family traditions which is most appropriate for the holiday season.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE SANTA CLAUSE
Divorcee Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) is disgusted to learn that his ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her husband Dr Neil Miller (Judge Reinhold) have tried to break it to their 6-year-old son Charlie (Eric Lloyd) that Santa isn't real, thankfully they failed but a huge argument ensued.
But on Christmas Eve, after Scott has read “The Night Before Christmas” to Charlie and put him to bed Charlie is awakened by a bump on the roof so he wakes up his Dad.
They discover a man in a Santa suit on the roof and when he's startled by Scott calling out to him, he falls, leaving only an 8-reindeer sleigh and an empty suit with instructions to put it on if the previous occupant was involved in an accident.
Scott does as the card says and is transported all around the town dropping gifts through chimneys until he's taken to the North Pole and informed by a group who claim they're elves, led by Bernard (David Krumholtz), that he is now Santa Claus.
Charlie is so proud of his dad's new job, though Scott is convinced that it was just a dream, that is until his hair turns white, his beard keeps growing back, and he inexplicably gains a lot of weight.
He finds himself unable to come to any other conclusion other than to accept that he is Santa, however there is just one problem, how is he going to keep it secret from his disbelieving family.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE
Santa Claus (Tim Allen) had problems, it was only a few days before Christmas and production was lagging, Mrs. Claus (Elizabeth Mitchell) was about to give birth to their first child and wanted family time, and the Counsel of Legendary Figures had called an emergency meeting to discuss Jack Frost (Martin Short) and at the end of the meeting he is left with Santa, on probation and under his supervision.
To appease his wife he flew her parents (Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret) up to the North Pole but had to pretend to them that they were in Canada.
He also brings his ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson), her husband Neil (Judge Reinhold), and their daughter Lucy (Liliana Mumy) to surround his wife with family.
But while Santa is busy with the family Jack makes mischief inside the toy factory and hatches a plan to become Santa and with Santa juggling so many things he manages to trick him into invoking the little-known Escape Clause and wish he'd never become Santa.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS BOX
Richard Evans (Richard Thomas) a struggling ski-shop owner reluctantly moves himself, his wife Keri (Annette O'Toole) and his daughter Jenna (Kelsey Mulrooney) in to an old estate as live-in help for an elderly widow, Mary Parkin (Maureen O'Hara).
While he struggles to balance his career and family life, he has recurring dreams about an angel.
The relationship between Keri, Jenna and Mrs Parkin is very revealing and the moment of the tree decorating is particularly heart-warming but it’s her interactions with Richard that exposes the secrets and sadness of her past.
This is a great holiday film with a classy performance from Maureen O'Hara and Richard Thomas puts in a gem of a performance.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANGEL IN THE FAMILY
Sarah Bishop (Tracey Needham) and her estranged sister Beth (Natasha Gregson Wagner) are reunited after their father Buddy (Ronny Cox) suffers a mild stroke.
Buddy, who's never accepted the loss of his wife Lorraine (Meredith Baxter), has only one wish and that is for her to return home for Christmas.
With the sweet memories of Christmas‘s gone by brought to mind, Sarah makes an impossible wish, namely that her mother could be there too and make the family complete.
And by morning, the Christmas prayer had been answered when her mother returned from beyond the grave to spend one final Christmas with her earthbound family.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GIFT OF THE MAGI
Mark Webber and Marla Sokoloff star in this modern take on the classic tale the Gift of the Magi.
Newlyweds Jim and Della Young move into their new apartment, that they can barely afford and despite having to make do with second hand furnishings they are happy.
However after Della’s car is stolen they have to use up all their saving to buy another one.
As a result they agree not to buy Christmas presents that year.
Secretly however they both decide to do so anyway.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS VISITOR
A remarkable Christmas story of loss and renewal in which the Boyajian’s have not celebrated Christmas in 11 years not since they lost their son to the Persian Gulf War and their faith was lost with him.
But that all changed when a stranger joined them, who was around the same age their son would have been.
George (William Devane) struggles with the past and his wife Carol (Meredith Baxter) searches for answers and his daughter Jean (Reagan Pasternak) fights for the future.
They wonder if the stranger, Matthew (Dean McDermott), is a con artist or if he is perhaps the miracle their family has been waiting for.
Slowly his influence reawakens their faith and appreciation of Christmas in a way that will change them forever.
It’s a lovely endearing tale of small town America and learning to appreciate what you have through what you’ve lost.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 2015
Jamie Patterson Mason Douglas is jealous of his rich friend Blake Matthews (Juliocesar Chavez) so when he gets annoyed at his parents (Antonio Sabato Jr and Shannen Doherty) he makes a wish to swap families with his wealthy best friend at Christmas.
To his delight his wish comes true and he finds himself living the extravagant lifestyle he always dreamed of true However despite having everything he ever wanted, his new mother and father have little time for him, and he grandmother has been dumped in a home and so he ends up trying to put things back the way they were.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS LIST
Krissy Kringle (Hilarie Burton) dislikes Christmas intently, mainly because she’s had to go through life with the name Krissy Kringle.
But she also suffered the indignity of having her street renamed “Candy Cane Lane” as a result of her name and the street name she gets regular deliveries of Christmas mail.
This particular year however was worse than normal when she is fired from the Ad Agency where she works instead of getting the promotion she was expecting and is forced to take a job as a present wrapper at the Mall and must dress as an Elf.
When she arrives home and forces open her front door, amidst the mountain of Christmas mail she finds a special delivery intended for Santa Claus, the Naughty or Nice book which he had left behind while visiting a child.
Krissy uses the power of the book to expose the naughty deeds of those around her, but soon finds that her newfound power can have devastating results.
Gabriel Tigerman is excellent as Krissie’s partner in crime at the Mall, Marco Webb and Michael Gross and Meredith Baxter put in a convincing performances as her parents Walter and Carol Kringle.
A single mom, Nicky Talbot (Alicia Witt) is going from door to door to find a job and boost her finances but without success.
Then a friend tells her that a big store is hiring so she goes along and gets a holiday job at Cartwright’s department store but not as floor staff, she gets the job as Santa Claus in the grotto.
This was achieved when an angel, Harry Osbourne (Wallace Shawn) entered her life and brought about some positive changes, including the spark of a new romance.
She of course was unaware that he was an angel and she thought he was from corporate.
Her head elf in the grotto was Peg (Linda Kash) and she thought Nicky was wonderful in fact everyone loved Santa Nick, except the evil Fiona Aldrich (Gabrielle Miller) who was her boss.
Nicky’s daughter Becky (T.J. McGibbon) is cute without being precocious and the love interest is supplied very ably by department head Bill (Gabriel Hogan) and her landlady Mrs. Rositani is played by the excellent Jayne Eastwood.
This is a great film, believable yet magical and any Christmas film with an Angel in it gets my vote.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A GRANDPA FOR CHRISTMAS
Bert O'Riley (Ernest Borgnine) is an old-time entertainer who is retired from showbiz and estranged not only from his daughter Marie (Tracy Nelson) but also his 9-year-old granddaughter, Becca (Juliette Goglia).
And it would have remained that way had Marie not been badly hurt in a car crash and had to be hospitalized for a prolonged period.
Social services has to find someone for 9 year old Becca to stay with, her father isn’t on the scene her grandmother is dead so they turned to Bert.
He was about to sell his house and move into a retirement home but suddenly finds himself caring for a granddaughter he didn’t know he had.
It’s very awkward at first, Becca is horrified she has to live with her Grandpa because not only has she never met him, but everything she had ever heard about him her whole life is what a bum he was.
But gradually the bond between the two of them grows and she realises that Bert isn’t a bum after all, in fact she gets to meet his old show-biz friends, Roxie Famosa (Katherine Helmond) Adam Johnson (Jamie Farr) and Karl Sugarman (Richard Libertini) and she learns that her Grandpa is a pretty good guy and that her Mom was wrong about her Dad all along.
While Marie was in hospital he showed tender loving care towards Becca and took charge in her life and when she was ready to be discharged she accepted that she and her daughter had been brainwashed into thinking that Bert was an ogre and agreed that they should go and live with him.
It's a wonderful story emphasizing strong family traditions which is most appropriate for the holiday season.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE SANTA CLAUSE
Divorcee Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) is disgusted to learn that his ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her husband Dr Neil Miller (Judge Reinhold) have tried to break it to their 6-year-old son Charlie (Eric Lloyd) that Santa isn't real, thankfully they failed but a huge argument ensued.
But on Christmas Eve, after Scott has read “The Night Before Christmas” to Charlie and put him to bed Charlie is awakened by a bump on the roof so he wakes up his Dad.
They discover a man in a Santa suit on the roof and when he's startled by Scott calling out to him, he falls, leaving only an 8-reindeer sleigh and an empty suit with instructions to put it on if the previous occupant was involved in an accident.
Scott does as the card says and is transported all around the town dropping gifts through chimneys until he's taken to the North Pole and informed by a group who claim they're elves, led by Bernard (David Krumholtz), that he is now Santa Claus.
Charlie is so proud of his dad's new job, though Scott is convinced that it was just a dream, that is until his hair turns white, his beard keeps growing back, and he inexplicably gains a lot of weight.
He finds himself unable to come to any other conclusion other than to accept that he is Santa, however there is just one problem, how is he going to keep it secret from his disbelieving family.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE
Santa Claus (Tim Allen) had problems, it was only a few days before Christmas and production was lagging, Mrs. Claus (Elizabeth Mitchell) was about to give birth to their first child and wanted family time, and the Counsel of Legendary Figures had called an emergency meeting to discuss Jack Frost (Martin Short) and at the end of the meeting he is left with Santa, on probation and under his supervision.
To appease his wife he flew her parents (Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret) up to the North Pole but had to pretend to them that they were in Canada.
He also brings his ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson), her husband Neil (Judge Reinhold), and their daughter Lucy (Liliana Mumy) to surround his wife with family.
But while Santa is busy with the family Jack makes mischief inside the toy factory and hatches a plan to become Santa and with Santa juggling so many things he manages to trick him into invoking the little-known Escape Clause and wish he'd never become Santa.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS BOX
Richard Evans (Richard Thomas) a struggling ski-shop owner reluctantly moves himself, his wife Keri (Annette O'Toole) and his daughter Jenna (Kelsey Mulrooney) in to an old estate as live-in help for an elderly widow, Mary Parkin (Maureen O'Hara).
While he struggles to balance his career and family life, he has recurring dreams about an angel.
The relationship between Keri, Jenna and Mrs Parkin is very revealing and the moment of the tree decorating is particularly heart-warming but it’s her interactions with Richard that exposes the secrets and sadness of her past.
This is a great holiday film with a classy performance from Maureen O'Hara and Richard Thomas puts in a gem of a performance.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ANGEL IN THE FAMILY
Sarah Bishop (Tracey Needham) and her estranged sister Beth (Natasha Gregson Wagner) are reunited after their father Buddy (Ronny Cox) suffers a mild stroke.
Buddy, who's never accepted the loss of his wife Lorraine (Meredith Baxter), has only one wish and that is for her to return home for Christmas.
With the sweet memories of Christmas‘s gone by brought to mind, Sarah makes an impossible wish, namely that her mother could be there too and make the family complete.
And by morning, the Christmas prayer had been answered when her mother returned from beyond the grave to spend one final Christmas with her earthbound family.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – GIFT OF THE MAGI
Mark Webber and Marla Sokoloff star in this modern take on the classic tale the Gift of the Magi.
Newlyweds Jim and Della Young move into their new apartment, that they can barely afford and despite having to make do with second hand furnishings they are happy.
However after Della’s car is stolen they have to use up all their saving to buy another one.
As a result they agree not to buy Christmas presents that year.
Secretly however they both decide to do so anyway.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS VISITOR
A remarkable Christmas story of loss and renewal in which the Boyajian’s have not celebrated Christmas in 11 years not since they lost their son to the Persian Gulf War and their faith was lost with him.
But that all changed when a stranger joined them, who was around the same age their son would have been.
George (William Devane) struggles with the past and his wife Carol (Meredith Baxter) searches for answers and his daughter Jean (Reagan Pasternak) fights for the future.
They wonder if the stranger, Matthew (Dean McDermott), is a con artist or if he is perhaps the miracle their family has been waiting for.
Slowly his influence reawakens their faith and appreciation of Christmas in a way that will change them forever.
It’s a lovely endearing tale of small town America and learning to appreciate what you have through what you’ve lost.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 2015
Jamie Patterson Mason Douglas is jealous of his rich friend Blake Matthews (Juliocesar Chavez) so when he gets annoyed at his parents (Antonio Sabato Jr and Shannen Doherty) he makes a wish to swap families with his wealthy best friend at Christmas.
To his delight his wish comes true and he finds himself living the extravagant lifestyle he always dreamed of true However despite having everything he ever wanted, his new mother and father have little time for him, and he grandmother has been dumped in a home and so he ends up trying to put things back the way they were.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE CHRISTMAS LIST
Krissy Kringle (Hilarie Burton) dislikes Christmas intently, mainly because she’s had to go through life with the name Krissy Kringle.
But she also suffered the indignity of having her street renamed “Candy Cane Lane” as a result of her name and the street name she gets regular deliveries of Christmas mail.
This particular year however was worse than normal when she is fired from the Ad Agency where she works instead of getting the promotion she was expecting and is forced to take a job as a present wrapper at the Mall and must dress as an Elf.
When she arrives home and forces open her front door, amidst the mountain of Christmas mail she finds a special delivery intended for Santa Claus, the Naughty or Nice book which he had left behind while visiting a child.
Krissy uses the power of the book to expose the naughty deeds of those around her, but soon finds that her newfound power can have devastating results.
Gabriel Tigerman is excellent as Krissie’s partner in crime at the Mall, Marco Webb and Michael Gross and Meredith Baxter put in a convincing performances as her parents Walter and Carol Kringle.
Christmas Carols and Songs # 3
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 48 THE AGE OLD REASON FOR JOY
The Age Old Reason for Joy
Composed by Robin Mayhew
Some know very well the age old story of the birth and life of Christ.
It's hard to believe all that's been narrated in our modern world of light.
Magic stories, Christ ascending
All give some a cause to doubt
But (Amin) faith is the thing you (Dmin) must (Amin) develop
To give you heart and sing it out.
Chorus
Let us sing our praise
On this special day
Young and old as one
Full of love and fun
It's that time of year
To be so full of cheer
One divine birth
And our Saviour is here.
Verse 2
Before He was born the Ten Commandments were known by almost every man.
God gave them to Moses well before to underline His wondrous plan.
But man had stumbled from the path
So God sent his Son.
To give to the world an understanding
Of what is right and what is wrong.
Chorus
Let us sing our praise
On this Christmas day
Young and old as one
Full of love and fun.
It's that time of year
To be so full of cheer
One divine birth
And Jesus is here.
Verse 3
Gather all of your loved ones close around and sing of the joy this Day does bring.
Make friends and wish them all the best and teach them all the words to sing.
Tell your children
And their children
Everything thing you know that's right
For faith and love is born at Christmas
Through God's son Jesus Christ.
Chorus
Let us sing our praise (There's so much to sing about)
On this Christmas day (Makes you want to shout it out)
Young and old as one.(There's so much to celebrate)
Full of love and fun. .(On this very special date)
It's that time of year (Let us make it very clear)
To be so full of cheer (Only joy and never fear)
One divine birth (Happiness and merriment)
And Jesus is here.
Reprise
So there is the age old reason for
This wondrous joy at
Christmas time.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 45 DRIVING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty fifth selection.
“Driving Home For Christmas”
Written and Performed by Chris Rea
I'm driving home for christmas
Oh, I can't wait to see those faces
I'm driving home for christmas, yea
Well I'm moving down that line
And it's been so long
But I will be there
I sing this song
To pass the time away
Driving in my car
Driving home for christmas
It's gonna take some time
But I'll get there
Top to toe in tailbacks
Oh, I got red lights on the run
But soon there'll be a three-way
Get my feet on holy ground
So I sing for you
Though you can't hear me
When I get trough
And feel you near me
I am driving home for christmas
Driving home for christmas
With a thousand memories
I take look at the driver next to me
He's just the same
Just the same
Top to toe in tailbacks
Oh, I got red lights on the run
I'm driving home for christmas, yea
Get my feet on holy ground
So I sing for you
Though you can't hear me
When I get trough
And feel you near me
Driving in my car
Driving home for christmas
Driving home for christmas
With a thousand memories
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 46 RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty sixth selection.
“Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer”
Written by John Marks
Performed by Bing Crosby
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
But do you recall?
The most famous reindeer of all?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Has a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer's
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then all the reindeer loved him,
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Has a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows,
And all of the other reindeer's
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games,
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Wont you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then all the reindeer loved him,
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You'll go down in history!
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 42 THE SEVEN JOYS OF MARY
The Seven Joys of Mary
English traditional Music and lyrics authorship unknown
The very first joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of one
To see her blessed Jesus
When He was first her Son
When He was first her Son.
Chorus
When He was Her first Son, Good Lord;
And happy may we be,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
To all eternity
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of two
To see her own son Jesus,
To make the lame to go.
To make the lame to go. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of three
To see her own son Jesus,
To make the blind to see.
To make the blind to see. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of four
To see her own son Jesus,
To read the Bible o'er.
To read the Bible o'er. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of five
To see her own son Jesus,
To bring the dead alive.
To bring the dead alive. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of six
To see her own son Jesus,
Upon the Crucifix
Upon the Crucifix. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of seven
To see her own son Jesus,
To wear the crown of Heaven
To wear the crown of Heaven Chorus
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 48 CHRISTMAS LULLABY
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty eighth selection.
“Christmas Lullaby”
Written By Ann Hampton Callaway
Performed by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
This is a Christmas Lullaby
To still you softly into dreaming
A simple Christmas lullaby
I sing to you each passing year
The world is wrapped in joy and wonder in silent mystery
And in this spell that we are under
Blessing surround our hearts completely
This is a Christmas Lullaby
For someone lovely as snow falling
I sing your Christmas Lullaby
To cradle you with all our love
Let peace on earth be yours tonight
Under the star that shines so bright
The world is wrapped in joy and wonder in silent mystery
And in this spell that we are under
Blessing surround our hearts completely
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 43 SIR CHRISTMAS
Sir Christmas
Music and lyrics written by Rev Richard Smart 1435-1477
Sir Christmas appears and sings
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
The Assembly asks
Who is this that singeth so,
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
Sir Christmas replies
I am here, Sir Christemas.
The Assembly
Welcome my Lord, Sir Christmas.
Welcome to us all, both more and less.
Come near. Nowel.
Sir Christmas
Dieu vous garde beaux sieurs, tidings I you bring:
A maid hath y-bore a Child full young,
The which causeth you for to sing Nowel.
The Assembly
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
Sir Christmas
Christ is now born of a pure maid,
In an ox stall He is laid,
Wherefore sing we all at a brayde. Nowel.
The Assembly
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
Sir Christmas
Buvex bien par toute la compagnie.
Make good cheer and be right merry
And sing with us now joyfully. Nowel.
The Assembly
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 47 THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty seventh selection.
“The Little Drummer Boy”
Written by Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone
Performed by Bing Crosby
Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
to lay before the king pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
so to honour him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
when we come
Little baby pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I stood beside him there pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my drum for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my best for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
And he smiled at me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
me and my drum
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 44 STAR OF THE EAST
Star Of The East
Lyrics written by Alfred Hans Zoller
Translation by George Cooper in 1890
Music by Amanda Kennedy in 1883
Star of the East, Oh Bethlehem's star,
Guiding us on to Heaven afar!
Sorrow and grief are lull'd by thy light,
Thou hope of each mortal, in death's lonely night!
Fearless and tranquil, we look up to Thee!
Knowing thou beam'st thro' eternity!
Help us to follow where Thou still dost guide,
Pilgrims of earth so wide.
Star of the East, thou hope of the soul,
While round us here the dark billows roll,
Lead us from sin to glory afar,
Thou star of the East, thou sweet Bethlehem's star.
Star of the East, undimmed by each cloud,
What tho' the storms of grief gather loud?
Faithful and pure thy rays beam to save,
Still bright o'er the cradle, and bright o'er the grave!
Smiles of a Saviour are mirror'd in Thee!
Glimpses of Heaven in thy light we see!
Guide us still onward to that blessed shore,
After earth's toil is o'er!
Star of the East, thou hope of the soul,
While round us here the dark billows roll,
Lead us from sin to glory afar,
Thou star of the East, thou sweet Bethlehem's star.
Oh star that leads to God above!
Whose rays are peace and joy and love!
Watch o'er us still till life hath ceased,
Beam on, bright star, sweet Bethlehem star!
The Age Old Reason for Joy
Composed by Robin Mayhew
Some know very well the age old story of the birth and life of Christ.
It's hard to believe all that's been narrated in our modern world of light.
Magic stories, Christ ascending
All give some a cause to doubt
But (Amin) faith is the thing you (Dmin) must (Amin) develop
To give you heart and sing it out.
Chorus
Let us sing our praise
On this special day
Young and old as one
Full of love and fun
It's that time of year
To be so full of cheer
One divine birth
And our Saviour is here.
Verse 2
Before He was born the Ten Commandments were known by almost every man.
God gave them to Moses well before to underline His wondrous plan.
But man had stumbled from the path
So God sent his Son.
To give to the world an understanding
Of what is right and what is wrong.
Chorus
Let us sing our praise
On this Christmas day
Young and old as one
Full of love and fun.
It's that time of year
To be so full of cheer
One divine birth
And Jesus is here.
Verse 3
Gather all of your loved ones close around and sing of the joy this Day does bring.
Make friends and wish them all the best and teach them all the words to sing.
Tell your children
And their children
Everything thing you know that's right
For faith and love is born at Christmas
Through God's son Jesus Christ.
Chorus
Let us sing our praise (There's so much to sing about)
On this Christmas day (Makes you want to shout it out)
Young and old as one.(There's so much to celebrate)
Full of love and fun. .(On this very special date)
It's that time of year (Let us make it very clear)
To be so full of cheer (Only joy and never fear)
One divine birth (Happiness and merriment)
And Jesus is here.
Reprise
So there is the age old reason for
This wondrous joy at
Christmas time.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 45 DRIVING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty fifth selection.
“Driving Home For Christmas”
Written and Performed by Chris Rea
I'm driving home for christmas
Oh, I can't wait to see those faces
I'm driving home for christmas, yea
Well I'm moving down that line
And it's been so long
But I will be there
I sing this song
To pass the time away
Driving in my car
Driving home for christmas
It's gonna take some time
But I'll get there
Top to toe in tailbacks
Oh, I got red lights on the run
But soon there'll be a three-way
Get my feet on holy ground
So I sing for you
Though you can't hear me
When I get trough
And feel you near me
I am driving home for christmas
Driving home for christmas
With a thousand memories
I take look at the driver next to me
He's just the same
Just the same
Top to toe in tailbacks
Oh, I got red lights on the run
I'm driving home for christmas, yea
Get my feet on holy ground
So I sing for you
Though you can't hear me
When I get trough
And feel you near me
Driving in my car
Driving home for christmas
Driving home for christmas
With a thousand memories
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 46 RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty sixth selection.
“Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer”
Written by John Marks
Performed by Bing Crosby
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
But do you recall?
The most famous reindeer of all?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Has a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer's
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then all the reindeer loved him,
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Has a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows,
And all of the other reindeer's
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games,
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Wont you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then all the reindeer loved him,
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You'll go down in history!
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 42 THE SEVEN JOYS OF MARY
The Seven Joys of Mary
English traditional Music and lyrics authorship unknown
The very first joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of one
To see her blessed Jesus
When He was first her Son
When He was first her Son.
Chorus
When He was Her first Son, Good Lord;
And happy may we be,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
To all eternity
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of two
To see her own son Jesus,
To make the lame to go.
To make the lame to go. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of three
To see her own son Jesus,
To make the blind to see.
To make the blind to see. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of four
To see her own son Jesus,
To read the Bible o'er.
To read the Bible o'er. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of five
To see her own son Jesus,
To bring the dead alive.
To bring the dead alive. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of six
To see her own son Jesus,
Upon the Crucifix
Upon the Crucifix. Chorus
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of seven
To see her own son Jesus,
To wear the crown of Heaven
To wear the crown of Heaven Chorus
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 48 CHRISTMAS LULLABY
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty eighth selection.
“Christmas Lullaby”
Written By Ann Hampton Callaway
Performed by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
This is a Christmas Lullaby
To still you softly into dreaming
A simple Christmas lullaby
I sing to you each passing year
The world is wrapped in joy and wonder in silent mystery
And in this spell that we are under
Blessing surround our hearts completely
This is a Christmas Lullaby
For someone lovely as snow falling
I sing your Christmas Lullaby
To cradle you with all our love
Let peace on earth be yours tonight
Under the star that shines so bright
The world is wrapped in joy and wonder in silent mystery
And in this spell that we are under
Blessing surround our hearts completely
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 43 SIR CHRISTMAS
Sir Christmas
Music and lyrics written by Rev Richard Smart 1435-1477
Sir Christmas appears and sings
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
The Assembly asks
Who is this that singeth so,
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
Sir Christmas replies
I am here, Sir Christemas.
The Assembly
Welcome my Lord, Sir Christmas.
Welcome to us all, both more and less.
Come near. Nowel.
Sir Christmas
Dieu vous garde beaux sieurs, tidings I you bring:
A maid hath y-bore a Child full young,
The which causeth you for to sing Nowel.
The Assembly
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
Sir Christmas
Christ is now born of a pure maid,
In an ox stall He is laid,
Wherefore sing we all at a brayde. Nowel.
The Assembly
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
Sir Christmas
Buvex bien par toute la compagnie.
Make good cheer and be right merry
And sing with us now joyfully. Nowel.
The Assembly
Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel.
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 47 THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty seventh selection.
“The Little Drummer Boy”
Written by Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone
Performed by Bing Crosby
Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
to lay before the king pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
so to honour him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
when we come
Little baby pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I stood beside him there pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my drum for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my best for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
And he smiled at me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
me and my drum
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 44 STAR OF THE EAST
Star Of The East
Lyrics written by Alfred Hans Zoller
Translation by George Cooper in 1890
Music by Amanda Kennedy in 1883
Star of the East, Oh Bethlehem's star,
Guiding us on to Heaven afar!
Sorrow and grief are lull'd by thy light,
Thou hope of each mortal, in death's lonely night!
Fearless and tranquil, we look up to Thee!
Knowing thou beam'st thro' eternity!
Help us to follow where Thou still dost guide,
Pilgrims of earth so wide.
Star of the East, thou hope of the soul,
While round us here the dark billows roll,
Lead us from sin to glory afar,
Thou star of the East, thou sweet Bethlehem's star.
Star of the East, undimmed by each cloud,
What tho' the storms of grief gather loud?
Faithful and pure thy rays beam to save,
Still bright o'er the cradle, and bright o'er the grave!
Smiles of a Saviour are mirror'd in Thee!
Glimpses of Heaven in thy light we see!
Guide us still onward to that blessed shore,
After earth's toil is o'er!
Star of the East, thou hope of the soul,
While round us here the dark billows roll,
Lead us from sin to glory afar,
Thou star of the East, thou sweet Bethlehem's star.
Oh star that leads to God above!
Whose rays are peace and joy and love!
Watch o'er us still till life hath ceased,
Beam on, bright star, sweet Bethlehem star!
Christmas Poem Selection # 12
ARE YOU WEARING ELF EARS?
Are you wearing elf ears?
It’s a very sweet look on you
So take me to your workshop
And do what little elves do
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 2
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of glum
To do all the things
I used to do with mum
But when I feel her beside me
Then I don’t feel so glum
IT ISN’T SUPPED WITH ENDLESS BEERS
The magic of Christmas
Isn’t supped with endless beers
Nor is it to be expressed
Within vociferous cheers
The magic of Christmas
As through all the years
Is to be found in the company
Of your nears and dears
IF I GREW A BEARD OF WHITE
If I grew a beard of white
On the off chance that I might
Have a chance to advance my cause
By appearing to you as Santa Claus
And you would have you tell to me
As you sat upon my knee
What it is that you most desire
And to what hopes you most aspire
And if those secrets you told to me
You might find them beneath your tree
WE WENT TO A FAIRY TALE PARTY
We went to a fairy tale party
Which I thought was crappy
I ended up feeling grumpy
While my wife was feeling happy
THE LAST REINDEER
A reindeer walked into a pub,
And ordered a pint of beer.
The barman pulled a pint
And gave it to the reindeer,
The reindeer took the drink
And handed over a ten
He checked his change
Then he checked it again
The barman then said
"You’re the first reindeer
I think I’m right in saying
That we've had in here."
He delivered to the barman
A look, barely disguised
“To be honest at these prices
I'm really not surprised”
CHRISTMAS TRIMMINGS
Christmas planning is essential
Or else the festive ambience suffers
And you will not easily be forgiven
If you forget the stocking stuffer’s
BELLS AND SMELLS
Bells and smells
Bells and smells
Christmas all the way
Oh what fun it is to sing
Of the holy Christmas day
FAIRY TALE STATISTIC
Here’s a Statistic
That’s really crappy
6 out of 7 dwarves
Really aren’t Happy
LITTLE BOXES
Little parcels by the fireside
Little parcels wrapped in pretty paper
Little parcels by the fireside
Little labels all the same
There's a round one and a square one
And a long one and a squishy one,
And they're all wrapped in pretty paper
Little labels all the same
And the people in their houses
All sit beside the Christmas tree
And one un-wraps a pretty parcel
Then the others do the same
So the round one and the square one
And the long one and the squishy one,
That were all wrapped in pretty paper
Christmas presents is the name
GLIDING IN DESCENT
Gliding in descent
On gossamer wings
The angel of the lord
Rejoicing sings
A child is born
The king of kings
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS TIE?
Are you wearing a Christmas Tie?
Well my next question is why?
Because it really is quite unpleasant
Let me guess it was a present
CHRISTMAS DAY JUST AFTER LUNCH
Christmas day just after Lunch
My family, being a fun loving bunch
Engage enthusiastically one and all
In parlour games to enthral
At first the alcohol fuelled the fun
And a good time was had by everyone
However as the day wore on
With all self-control long gone
The games degenerate into farce
As an opponent is knocked on his arse
And the afternoon ends in tears
As it has done across the years
And dad makes his annual decree
“Games are forthwith banned” said he
MY BROTHER WAS FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR
My brother was five years my senior
So he always led me astray
He took me on a hunt every December
Leading up to Christmas day
To find the presents that mum and dad
Had cunningly stashed away
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - SANTA
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Red crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Santa’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The pink faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Santa
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
Are you wearing elf ears?
It’s a very sweet look on you
So take me to your workshop
And do what little elves do
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 2
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of glum
To do all the things
I used to do with mum
But when I feel her beside me
Then I don’t feel so glum
IT ISN’T SUPPED WITH ENDLESS BEERS
The magic of Christmas
Isn’t supped with endless beers
Nor is it to be expressed
Within vociferous cheers
The magic of Christmas
As through all the years
Is to be found in the company
Of your nears and dears
IF I GREW A BEARD OF WHITE
If I grew a beard of white
On the off chance that I might
Have a chance to advance my cause
By appearing to you as Santa Claus
And you would have you tell to me
As you sat upon my knee
What it is that you most desire
And to what hopes you most aspire
And if those secrets you told to me
You might find them beneath your tree
WE WENT TO A FAIRY TALE PARTY
We went to a fairy tale party
Which I thought was crappy
I ended up feeling grumpy
While my wife was feeling happy
THE LAST REINDEER
A reindeer walked into a pub,
And ordered a pint of beer.
The barman pulled a pint
And gave it to the reindeer,
The reindeer took the drink
And handed over a ten
He checked his change
Then he checked it again
The barman then said
"You’re the first reindeer
I think I’m right in saying
That we've had in here."
He delivered to the barman
A look, barely disguised
“To be honest at these prices
I'm really not surprised”
CHRISTMAS TRIMMINGS
Christmas planning is essential
Or else the festive ambience suffers
And you will not easily be forgiven
If you forget the stocking stuffer’s
BELLS AND SMELLS
Bells and smells
Bells and smells
Christmas all the way
Oh what fun it is to sing
Of the holy Christmas day
FAIRY TALE STATISTIC
Here’s a Statistic
That’s really crappy
6 out of 7 dwarves
Really aren’t Happy
LITTLE BOXES
Little parcels by the fireside
Little parcels wrapped in pretty paper
Little parcels by the fireside
Little labels all the same
There's a round one and a square one
And a long one and a squishy one,
And they're all wrapped in pretty paper
Little labels all the same
And the people in their houses
All sit beside the Christmas tree
And one un-wraps a pretty parcel
Then the others do the same
So the round one and the square one
And the long one and the squishy one,
That were all wrapped in pretty paper
Christmas presents is the name
GLIDING IN DESCENT
Gliding in descent
On gossamer wings
The angel of the lord
Rejoicing sings
A child is born
The king of kings
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS TIE?
Are you wearing a Christmas Tie?
Well my next question is why?
Because it really is quite unpleasant
Let me guess it was a present
CHRISTMAS DAY JUST AFTER LUNCH
Christmas day just after Lunch
My family, being a fun loving bunch
Engage enthusiastically one and all
In parlour games to enthral
At first the alcohol fuelled the fun
And a good time was had by everyone
However as the day wore on
With all self-control long gone
The games degenerate into farce
As an opponent is knocked on his arse
And the afternoon ends in tears
As it has done across the years
And dad makes his annual decree
“Games are forthwith banned” said he
MY BROTHER WAS FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR
My brother was five years my senior
So he always led me astray
He took me on a hunt every December
Leading up to Christmas day
To find the presents that mum and dad
Had cunningly stashed away
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - SANTA
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Red crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Santa’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The pink faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Santa
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
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