THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE HOLIDAY
If you like schmaltzy sentimentality wrapped up in Christmas paper and packaged as a romantic comedy then this is the film for you.
It is the tale of two beautiful women, Amanda Woods (Cameron Diaz) and Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet),
In London, Iris Simpkins writes a wedding column in a newspaper and nurtures an unrequited love for her colleague Jasper Bloom (Rufus Sewell) who is about to marry another woman.
Across the globe in Los Angeles, Amanda realizes the man that she lives with has been unfaithful with the receptionist.
So both of them find themselves at the end of failed relationships just before Christmas.
Amanda decides to take a two week vacation and surfs the internet where she meets Iris, online through a house exchange website, and Amanda impulsively swaps her L.A. mansion for Iris' country cottage in Surrey for the holidays.
Shortly after arriving at their destinations, both women find the last thing either of them wants or expects: a new romance. Amanda is charmed by Iris' handsome brother Graham (Jude Law) and Iris, with inspiration provided by legendary screenwriter Arthur (Eli Wallach), mends her heart when she meets film score composer Miles (Jack Black).
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – LOVE ACTUALLY
The huge cast of stars (too many to mention by name) pull out all the stops in this uplifting Christmas movie, as characters fall in love, fall out of love, make you laugh, make you cry and thoroughly entertain you.
The multi-threaded storytelling is very engaging and added to it's a lighthearted holiday flavour makes it a film you can watch again and again.
The final scene at Heathrow airport ends the film on a very uplifting note.
I see Love Actually as a new holiday classic.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – HOLIDAY AFFAIR
Holiday Affair is the Christmas season romance of a young widow and a sales clerk who (thanks to her) is unemployed.
I love this film and I am so pleased to have unearthed a previously undiscovered gem.
Robert Mitchum, Janet Leigh and Wendall Corey are the stars of this delightful little film which all centres around an expensive train set.
Janet Leigh has been left a single mum after her husband was killed in the war and works as a comparison shopper when she inadvertently gets Robert Mitchum fired from his job in a department store.
The story then unfolds in a classic love triangle after Mitchum is invited to Christmas dinner with her son and fiancé (Corey).
The eventual outcome is rather predictable but is managed in such an engaging way that you don't feel disappointed.
This movie is a charming example of an un-clichéd Hollywood holiday movie.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – DEAR SANTA
This is certainly cheesy and clichéd yet still manages to be a wonderful movie.
Amy Acker steals your heart as the poor little rich girl, told to do something useful with her life or lose her financial support.
Which she does after inadvertently intercepting a child’s letter to Santa, which brings her into contact with Haydn-Jones and his daughter Olivia Gowan.
She instantly falls in love with him and forms a close bond with her.
Gina Holden is excellent as the evil queen character as Haydn-Jones girlfriend who is at her worst/best when Acker comes between the two of them.
It’s a really sweet Christmas film not to be taken too seriously but is to be enjoyed.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – FOUR CHRISTMASES
Brad (Vince Vaughan) and Kate (Reese Witherspoon) have been together for three years. They are very much in love and spend their time having fun and doing a great deal of things together purely for their own enjoyment.
They have no intention to marry or have children and do their level best not to spend the holidays with their families.
However on Christmas morning, they are on their way to Fiji, having told their two sets of divorced parents that they're off to do charity work.
But the flight is cancelled and when, they are caught on camera by a TV news crew at the airport, they are forced to visit each of their four idiosyncratic parents.
As the day wears on, Brad and Kate remember their respective childhoods and each learns more about the other.
As a result Kate realizes that her life isn’t as good as it could be and finds she wants more from the relationship.
But does she want more than Brad can give?
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – THE FAMILY MAN
The Family man is a Capraesque style film in many ways, in which Jack Campbell (Nicholas Cage) a happy singleton with a successful career as a talented businessman wakes up to find his world turned upside down.
He has everything he could ever want, or so he thinks, then one day he wakes up in a completely different life where he is married to his old college girlfriend Kate (Tea Leoni).
He now lives in Jersey with Kate and their two kids and instead of being president of an Investment House he sells tires for his father in law Big Ed.
He desperately wants his life back, he wants his Ferrari back and not the temperamental family mini-van.
But after a bad start, day by day he become's more comfortable in his new life and starts to see what he's been missing and it turns out in the best Frank Capra tradition that money isn’t everything and love wins out.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – POLAR EXPRESS
The Polar Express is a beautifully animated magical Christmas feast based on the book of the same name by Chris Van Allsburg.
On Christmas Eve, a boy who has come to doubt Christmas boards a magical train that is headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus's home.
The story that unfolds is an engaging adventure aboard the magical train which for the boy and his new friends becomes a journey of self-discovery which shows them that the wonder of life never fades for those who believe.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - TRADING CHRISTMAS
In South Woodbourne, Washington, widowed second grade schoolteacher Emily Spengler (Faith Ford) loves the Christmas holidays, as do all the townsfolk, and she is looking forward to spending the holiday with her grown up daughter, Heather (Emma Lahana), as usual.
However Heather, who is at college in Boston, drops the bombshell a week before Christmas that she is going to be too busy studying to make the long trip home to South Woodbourne.
Emily calls her BFF Faith Kerrigan (Gabrielle Miller) for sympathy after receiving the news and asked her to come for Christmas instead but she is further disappointed when divorcee Faith tells her she is too snowed under with work to make the trip from San Francisco.
Also in Boston lives an unsentimental novelist and English professor Charles Johnson (Tom Cavanagh), who his desperate to break his writer's block and complete his latest novel which is overdue at the publishers.
In addition to his lack of sentimentality, along with his workaholic brother Ray (Gil Bellows), he doesn’t celebrate the season.
Ray, as the owner of his own lucrative business, is trying to decide if he should accept a very generous offer for his company, and advises Charles to do a house swap for the holiday suggesting that a change of scene might well help to unblock him.
And that is where the story really starts.
Emily and Charles meet on a house swapping website and agree to do a one week swap in the lead up to Christmas.
However all does not go well, Emily goes to Boston to surprise daughter Heather only to find on her arrival she has secretly flown to Phoenix with her boyfriend Jason.
Charles meanwhile finds the over decorated house and the over friendly townsfolk of South Woodbourne somewhat over sweet.
But that turns out to be the least of his problems when Emily's best friend, divorced corporate events planner Faith Kerrigan, arrives in South Woodbourne from San Francisco intent on keeping Emily company during the holidays in Heather's absence.
Due to circumstances beyond her control Faith is forced to stay at the house with Charles for the better part of the week.
At the same time Emily sets off the silent burglar alarm in Charles apartment and brother Ray and the Police walk in on her.
Obviously in true Christmas tradition romance blooms in both Boston and South Woodbourne.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - MY SANTA
Jen Robbins (Samaire Armstrong) is a single mother, who works as a writer of human interest stories for the small town newspaper in the town where she has lived all her life.
Alas she lost her Christmas spirit after her ex-husband Paul walked out on her six years earlier when her son Eric (Gabe O'Mara) was only one year old, and to add insult onto injury it was also Christmas Eve.
Despite her disdain for Christmas however, after a number of encounters, Jen finds herself falling under the spell of Chris (Matthew Lawrence), who is the shopping mall Santa Claus.
Eric truly believes that Chris really is Santa although in truth he is Kris Kringle Jr the heir apparent to the magic of Christmas.
He has set his cap at Jen to be the next Mrs. Claus, so that he can continue the Christmas spirit into the next generation.
But that woman has to truly believe in the spirit of Christmas for Chris to be able to take over the reins from his father.
So a cynic like Jen may not be easily persuaded.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER - IT'S CHRISTMAS, CAROL!
An enjoyable and credible reworking of Charles Dickens well spun yarn of redemption.
This retelling of the story is of a driven and heartless publishing executive, Carol Huffman (Emmanuelle Vaugie) who on Christmas Eve is visited by the ghost of her former boss, Eve (Carrie Fisher).
Eve tells Carol that she has lost sight of the things that are truly important in life and that she is there to show her the errors of her ways.
There is a wonderful reference to Dickens in the tale when Eve explains why the normal trinity of ghosts were all represented by her alone, as she was in sole charge of Carol's journey through her past, present and future, and that was because “Chuck” was prone to over embellishments.
It’s very much worth a watch if only for Carrie Fishers mischievous Eve.
Thursday, 15 December 2016
The Girl in the Maternity Dress
Holly walked around the lounge talking to the customers as was her usual habit.
She had a less graceful gait than she used to but Steve still felt a great sense of pride that he was her husband and Holly was pregnant, very pregnant.
It was two years since they had met and she had changed the course of his life entirely.
It was Christmas again and Steve Berry had always had a dislike for it, despite all the jollity.
Unlike many of his Christmas mad friends he’d had no happy Christmas memories to anesthetise him against the season.
His childhood Christmases were memories he would rather have forgotten.
So he never trusted Christmas, he believed that shit lurked beneath the coloured lights and paper chains.
That was until Holly Davis opened his eyes to new possibilities and he realised that Christmas could also magnify joy and Steve had been cured of his Christmas phobia.
Due to Holly, Steve had found himself working behind the bar in her Uncle Phil’s pub, the Pig and Whistle.
He was still, even to that day uncertain quite how she managed to affect that, but affect it she did and during the ten days working for her she had turned his life upside down and it culminated in him wishing her a Merry Christmas and kissing her at closing time.
He had thought the kiss on Christmas Eve might be the start of something.
Judging by the way Holly responded to it but it didn’t lead anywhere immediately.
Holly had responded to his advance and in fact had been hopeful of it but she knew it was far too soon to throw caution to the wind.
The effects of the kiss proved to be a slow burner which didn’t burst into flames until the early hours of New Year’s Day
The two years since had been very eventful, they became partners in January, engaged at Easter and Married in September.
However it wasn’t only Steve and Holly’s fortunes that had changed over the preceding two years since they had met but so had those of the Pig and Whistle.
It had gone from a rundown dive to a thriving pub with a growing reputation as a gastro pub.
The restaurant had always been busy right from the outset but when Steve and Stephanos were in the kitchen it was good pub grub and no more because they didn’t have the repertoire to take it to the next level.
However since Steve and Holly had returned from their New Forest honeymoon the previous year with Chef Simon Clarke the restaurant had really taken off.
Simon had been working at the same country house hotel that the Berry’s were staying at as a sous chef for an arrogant sadistic bully.
Now he was a Chef in his own right and Steve and Stephanos had grown as cooks under him.
So this contributed to the general business that night.
It was Christmas Eve and Holly, despite being told to rest by Steve and everybody else was doing her usual walkabout as hostess and as Steve looked at her he sighed because he was so in love with that girl in the maternity dress.
Just like Christmas Eve two years before it was snowing, not as hard, but enough not to want to make any unnecessary journeys.
She had had a twinge or two which she just laughed it off, she said the baby had been really active all day.
“She’s dancing to the Christmas songs” she said to Steve “she really likes the Puppini Sisters”
But by 9 o’clock in the evening it was obvious the twinges were more than Christmas Dancing and she was having contractions.
Luckily Clare Andrews was dining in the restaurant with friends
“Get Doc Andrews” he said to Petra
“Ok” she replied and ran off while Steve and one of the regulars helped Holly in the private room at the back of the bar.
“Where is she?” The doctor asked
“In here” Steve called
Dr Andrews threw her car keys to Petra
“Can you get my bag from the car please?”
“Yes doc” she replied
“Ooooooh” Holly exclaimed through gritted teeth “that was a big one”
After Dr Andrews examined her she said
“She’s definitely in labour”
“I’ll call an ambulance” Steve suggested
“No she’s too far along” Clare said “the baby is going to be born here, and soon”
“I’d be happier if we got her to hospital” Steve said
“So would I” Dr Andrews replied
“But she’ll never make it to the hospital”
“She’s really too close?” Steve asked
“Yes” Clare replied “so under the circumstance, here is going to have to do”
“Upstairs it is then” Steve said “but the first sign of an angel and three wise men and were calling an ambulance”
This was certainly different to previous Christmases’ he thought to himself as Steve looked out the door as he said goodnight to the last customers it was still snowing but still not hard.
He locked the doors and went back to where the staff were sitting, no one wanted to go to bed until the baby had been born.
So they sat around a table in the bar until half past one when Noelle Clare Berry was born.
Trust Holly Berry to have the baby on Christmas Day.
She had a less graceful gait than she used to but Steve still felt a great sense of pride that he was her husband and Holly was pregnant, very pregnant.
It was two years since they had met and she had changed the course of his life entirely.
It was Christmas again and Steve Berry had always had a dislike for it, despite all the jollity.
Unlike many of his Christmas mad friends he’d had no happy Christmas memories to anesthetise him against the season.
His childhood Christmases were memories he would rather have forgotten.
So he never trusted Christmas, he believed that shit lurked beneath the coloured lights and paper chains.
That was until Holly Davis opened his eyes to new possibilities and he realised that Christmas could also magnify joy and Steve had been cured of his Christmas phobia.
Due to Holly, Steve had found himself working behind the bar in her Uncle Phil’s pub, the Pig and Whistle.
He was still, even to that day uncertain quite how she managed to affect that, but affect it she did and during the ten days working for her she had turned his life upside down and it culminated in him wishing her a Merry Christmas and kissing her at closing time.
He had thought the kiss on Christmas Eve might be the start of something.
Judging by the way Holly responded to it but it didn’t lead anywhere immediately.
Holly had responded to his advance and in fact had been hopeful of it but she knew it was far too soon to throw caution to the wind.
The effects of the kiss proved to be a slow burner which didn’t burst into flames until the early hours of New Year’s Day
The two years since had been very eventful, they became partners in January, engaged at Easter and Married in September.
However it wasn’t only Steve and Holly’s fortunes that had changed over the preceding two years since they had met but so had those of the Pig and Whistle.
It had gone from a rundown dive to a thriving pub with a growing reputation as a gastro pub.
The restaurant had always been busy right from the outset but when Steve and Stephanos were in the kitchen it was good pub grub and no more because they didn’t have the repertoire to take it to the next level.
However since Steve and Holly had returned from their New Forest honeymoon the previous year with Chef Simon Clarke the restaurant had really taken off.
Simon had been working at the same country house hotel that the Berry’s were staying at as a sous chef for an arrogant sadistic bully.
Now he was a Chef in his own right and Steve and Stephanos had grown as cooks under him.
So this contributed to the general business that night.
It was Christmas Eve and Holly, despite being told to rest by Steve and everybody else was doing her usual walkabout as hostess and as Steve looked at her he sighed because he was so in love with that girl in the maternity dress.
Just like Christmas Eve two years before it was snowing, not as hard, but enough not to want to make any unnecessary journeys.
She had had a twinge or two which she just laughed it off, she said the baby had been really active all day.
“She’s dancing to the Christmas songs” she said to Steve “she really likes the Puppini Sisters”
But by 9 o’clock in the evening it was obvious the twinges were more than Christmas Dancing and she was having contractions.
Luckily Clare Andrews was dining in the restaurant with friends
“Get Doc Andrews” he said to Petra
“Ok” she replied and ran off while Steve and one of the regulars helped Holly in the private room at the back of the bar.
“Where is she?” The doctor asked
“In here” Steve called
Dr Andrews threw her car keys to Petra
“Can you get my bag from the car please?”
“Yes doc” she replied
“Ooooooh” Holly exclaimed through gritted teeth “that was a big one”
After Dr Andrews examined her she said
“She’s definitely in labour”
“I’ll call an ambulance” Steve suggested
“No she’s too far along” Clare said “the baby is going to be born here, and soon”
“I’d be happier if we got her to hospital” Steve said
“So would I” Dr Andrews replied
“But she’ll never make it to the hospital”
“She’s really too close?” Steve asked
“Yes” Clare replied “so under the circumstance, here is going to have to do”
“Upstairs it is then” Steve said “but the first sign of an angel and three wise men and were calling an ambulance”
This was certainly different to previous Christmases’ he thought to himself as Steve looked out the door as he said goodnight to the last customers it was still snowing but still not hard.
He locked the doors and went back to where the staff were sitting, no one wanted to go to bed until the baby had been born.
So they sat around a table in the bar until half past one when Noelle Clare Berry was born.
Trust Holly Berry to have the baby on Christmas Day.
Christmas Poem Selection # 3
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS SLIPPERS?
Are you wearing Christmas slippers?
They look very cute it must be said
But I think they’d look much cuter
If I was to see them under my bed
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 2
Cinnamon
Hot Chocolate
Rum Cakes
Icing
Stollen
Turkey
Mulled wine
Apple cider
Stuffing
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 16
Twas the night before Christmas and every abode
Was shrouded in silence all down the road
But no house was empty, they were all in their homes
They were hiding from carollers from St Jerome’s
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 2
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to ballroom dance
Going quick quick slow
Then he dances backwards
And he goes oh oh oh
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 332
Flour of England, fruit of Spain,
Met together in a shower of rain;
Let’s make Christmas pudding again
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN
If you’re a Take That fan
Then Christmas could be shocking
If you’re expecting to find
An Orange in your stocking
RUDOLPH WAS SO OBNOXIOUS
Rudolph was so obnoxious that the
Other reindeer threatened to strike
He was really very unpopular and they
Thought he was RUDE-olph more like
ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful green velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of green and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 2
I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime
I JUST OPENED MY PRESENT
My old aunt just popped round
With a Christmas gift for me
It wasn’t what I was expecting
It was a tweedy dye Mankini
“I hope it’s the one you wanted”
I didn’t know what to say really
I couldn’t understand it
I asked for a CD by Mancini
WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED
When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS AT CHRISTMAS
I am blessed with Friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
But when mixed together
And yuletide is upon us
They become without doubt
The fruit cake of Christmas
A PERFECT GIFT
I just bought my wife a new fridge
I’ve just been online and paid for it
I’m so excited I can’t wait to see
Her face light up when she opens it
CHRISTMAS COMPLIMENT
As I was basting the bird
A thought, to me occurred
It was only at this time of peace
That Turkey and Greece,
As with hot fat you smother,
Compliment each other
Are you wearing Christmas slippers?
They look very cute it must be said
But I think they’d look much cuter
If I was to see them under my bed
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 2
Cinnamon
Hot Chocolate
Rum Cakes
Icing
Stollen
Turkey
Mulled wine
Apple cider
Stuffing
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 16
Twas the night before Christmas and every abode
Was shrouded in silence all down the road
But no house was empty, they were all in their homes
They were hiding from carollers from St Jerome’s
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 2
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to ballroom dance
Going quick quick slow
Then he dances backwards
And he goes oh oh oh
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 332
Flour of England, fruit of Spain,
Met together in a shower of rain;
Let’s make Christmas pudding again
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN
If you’re a Take That fan
Then Christmas could be shocking
If you’re expecting to find
An Orange in your stocking
RUDOLPH WAS SO OBNOXIOUS
Rudolph was so obnoxious that the
Other reindeer threatened to strike
He was really very unpopular and they
Thought he was RUDE-olph more like
ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful green velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of green and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 2
I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime
I JUST OPENED MY PRESENT
My old aunt just popped round
With a Christmas gift for me
It wasn’t what I was expecting
It was a tweedy dye Mankini
“I hope it’s the one you wanted”
I didn’t know what to say really
I couldn’t understand it
I asked for a CD by Mancini
WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED
When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS AT CHRISTMAS
I am blessed with Friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
But when mixed together
And yuletide is upon us
They become without doubt
The fruit cake of Christmas
A PERFECT GIFT
I just bought my wife a new fridge
I’ve just been online and paid for it
I’m so excited I can’t wait to see
Her face light up when she opens it
CHRISTMAS COMPLIMENT
As I was basting the bird
A thought, to me occurred
It was only at this time of peace
That Turkey and Greece,
As with hot fat you smother,
Compliment each other
Wednesday, 14 December 2016
Christmas Poem Selection # 2
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 15
Twas the night before Christmas and thru the bungalow
Not a creature was stirring in the fireside glow
They’d all been evacuated because of the flood
And the living room floor was all covered in mud
ARE YOU WEARING A RED CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a red Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful red velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of red and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 1
I kept the kids home from school
For the big Christmas shop
Because during school time
You rush round without a stop
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS ANKLE SOCKS?
Are you wearing Christmas ankle socks?
I’ve often pictured them on you
And you don’t need anything else
Just wearing the socks will do
FOR STRESS FREE SHOPPING
For stress free shopping
Follow this golden rule
And get all of it done
While the kids are at school
PICKUP # 6
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Can I have your picture?”
You ask to establish a premise
“So I can show Santa Claus
What I want for Christmas?”
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 1
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to tend his garden
With his Hoe Hoe Hoe
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 250
Little Robin Redbreast sat upon a tree
He makes a pretty picture doesn’t he?
Little Robin Redbreast in the winter hard
He makes a pretty picture on a Christmas card
THEY WON’T BE PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS
They won’t be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal homes
Prince Charles prefers to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones
A PRESS RELEASE FROM SANTA CLAUS STATED
A press release from Santa Claus stated
That the Poles reputation had been blighted
So Mobile phones were banned, the number
Of indecent Elfie’s was the reason cited
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 1
Crackers
Holly
Ribbons
Ivy
Stars
Tinsel
Mistletoe
Angels
Stockings
SNOW BLIND
Since the snow began to fall
My wife has done nothing at all
But stare blankly through the window
As the snow lays snow on snow
If it continues in this way
We shall have a white Christmas day
But my wife stares through the glass
As the snow falls thick and fast
Sadly if it gets any worse out side
I'll have to let her come inside
BLESSED DAY
It was the day when Jesus Christ was born
That long, long ago first Christmas Morn,
The child whose coming had been foretold
A child more precious than diamonds or gold
God’s great gift to us on that blessed day
That most glorious first Christmas day
MY GOOSE WAS COOKED
On Christmas morning
Into the kitchen I snook
And as my wife cooked the Goose
I goosed the cook
A TIME OF MIRACLES
The cynics say of miracles
That they are a scarce commodity,
If they happen at all
But to my mind
There is nothing more miraculous
Than the birth of a child
It may be the most common placed
Of miracles
But it is miraculous
Nonetheless
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST
The pipes of Christmas past
Carry with every merry blast
Seasonal joy, when they play
Their tunes of Christmas day
Twas the night before Christmas and thru the bungalow
Not a creature was stirring in the fireside glow
They’d all been evacuated because of the flood
And the living room floor was all covered in mud
ARE YOU WEARING A RED CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a red Christmas outfit?
You look very beautiful in it
In fact you look very cute
In your Santa’s little helper suit
A Christmas hat sits atop your curls
In a way only suited to girls
A beautiful red velvet dress
And white fur trim to impress
Striped woollen legs of red and white
Are they stocking or tights?
Stockings would be in reason
More in keeping with the season
But I would not disparage woolly tights
They too have their own delights
Come and help me trim the tree
And say you dressed this way for me?
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 1
I kept the kids home from school
For the big Christmas shop
Because during school time
You rush round without a stop
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS ANKLE SOCKS?
Are you wearing Christmas ankle socks?
I’ve often pictured them on you
And you don’t need anything else
Just wearing the socks will do
FOR STRESS FREE SHOPPING
For stress free shopping
Follow this golden rule
And get all of it done
While the kids are at school
PICKUP # 6
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Can I have your picture?”
You ask to establish a premise
“So I can show Santa Claus
What I want for Christmas?”
WHEN SANTA ISN’T WORKING # 1
When Santa isn’t working
With a happy ho ho ho
He likes to tend his garden
With his Hoe Hoe Hoe
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 250
Little Robin Redbreast sat upon a tree
He makes a pretty picture doesn’t he?
Little Robin Redbreast in the winter hard
He makes a pretty picture on a Christmas card
THEY WON’T BE PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS
They won’t be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal homes
Prince Charles prefers to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones
A PRESS RELEASE FROM SANTA CLAUS STATED
A press release from Santa Claus stated
That the Poles reputation had been blighted
So Mobile phones were banned, the number
Of indecent Elfie’s was the reason cited
CHRISTMAS (ACROSTIC) # 1
Crackers
Holly
Ribbons
Ivy
Stars
Tinsel
Mistletoe
Angels
Stockings
SNOW BLIND
Since the snow began to fall
My wife has done nothing at all
But stare blankly through the window
As the snow lays snow on snow
If it continues in this way
We shall have a white Christmas day
But my wife stares through the glass
As the snow falls thick and fast
Sadly if it gets any worse out side
I'll have to let her come inside
BLESSED DAY
It was the day when Jesus Christ was born
That long, long ago first Christmas Morn,
The child whose coming had been foretold
A child more precious than diamonds or gold
God’s great gift to us on that blessed day
That most glorious first Christmas day
MY GOOSE WAS COOKED
On Christmas morning
Into the kitchen I snook
And as my wife cooked the Goose
I goosed the cook
A TIME OF MIRACLES
The cynics say of miracles
That they are a scarce commodity,
If they happen at all
But to my mind
There is nothing more miraculous
Than the birth of a child
It may be the most common placed
Of miracles
But it is miraculous
Nonetheless
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST
The pipes of Christmas past
Carry with every merry blast
Seasonal joy, when they play
Their tunes of Christmas day
Tuesday, 13 December 2016
Christmas Poem Selection # 1
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 5
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up and say something shocking
“How about I slip down your chimney,
After midnight and fill your stocking”
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS EARRINGS?
Are you wearing Christmas earrings?
They’re really quite adorable
Would it be inappropriate to say?
That I really like your baubles
CHRISTMAS ROSE
Christmas rose
The Evergreen beauty
Winter-blooming flowers
Of white or purplish hue
In wide display
Decorate the European
Landscape at Christmas
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 3
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Let’s silence those objections
How would he navigate the globe?
And all its many intersections
When a man is totally incapable
Of ever asking for directions
IT WAS CHRISTMAS DAY IN MY MUMS HOUSE
It was Christmas day in Mum’s house
And the table was laden with fare
And the love flowed like the wine
Oh how I wish I was back there
CHRISTMAS ESSENCE
You are my Christmas essence
My yuletide effervescence
You breathe life into me
Oh how you appeal to me
Dressed in your Christmas tights
And the Santa sweater that fits just right
Oh you naughty little Christmas flirt
Wearing your short red Christmas skirt
You are the spirit of my season
You are the rhyme and the reason
But as you spread your Christmas joy
Pleasing every girl and boy
There is something you don’t know
I feel stirrings down below
Because when your sleigh bells jingle
It makes all my senses tingle
Because you so excite me
How I want you to delight me
You are my Christmas dish
You are my every Christmas wish
Every year I make this plea
To let me unwrap you beneath the tree
But again you are not among my presents
But you will remain my Christmas essence
NEW FOR CHRISTMAS
There is to be a new sanitary product
That is set to make cash registers ring
A new tampon in the shops by Christmas
That comes complete with a tinsel string
The retailers are extremely confident
And believe that sales will be myriad
But they have been at pains to stress
They are only meant for the festive period
CHRISTMAS DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
There will be no wreath on the door
Not a single decoration will be seen
Cards will be recycled unopened
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
There will be no gifts beneath the tree
There will be no turkey with all the trimmings
There will be no festive merriment
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
There will be no season’s greetings
There will be no Christmas joy
There will be no festive spirit
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
This Christmas day will be like any other day
A day full of abject loneliness
For since my darling joined the angels
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
IN THE BLEAK MID WINTER
I’m not looking for a white Christmas
For my life is already a cold place
Bleak and forbidding
So I have no need of snow
Carpets of white everywhere
Winter fills my every day
My life is perpetual winter
Because you have taken my warmth
You were the heart of me
You sent the blood coursing through me
You were the sun in my sky
Now my life is tundra
And I am just a frozen husk
To numb to exist
CHRISTMAS SUPERSTITION
Is Christmas day on Friday this year?
I think that it is, that’s what I hear
I’m one of those superstitious men
So let's hope it's not the 13th then
THINKING ABOUT CHRISTMAS
I’m sitting here in dread
Memories of you filling my head
Sitting here so totally alone
Afraid of Christmas on my own
It was always you and me
Doing Christmas so merrily
Then you had to go and die
Leaving me with no goodbye
Losing you was such a blow
I know you didn’t choose to go
But I’m the one that’s left
I’m the one lonely and bereft
And for that simple reason
I close the curtains on the season
I will make my Christmas solitary
And not have to try to be merry
And I will avoid the usual jollity
All our friends and their frivolity
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 14
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the Crescent
Not a creature was stirring not even a peasant
But that in itself is not uncommon to see
When you live in a gated community
ARE YOU WEARING STRIPY STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing stripy stockings?
It must be that time of the year again
I know you think they’re cute, but
Your legs look like candy canes
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST BLOW OUT
The pipes of Christmas past blow out
The melodies of yesteryear
With memories to warm the heart
And bring a sentimental tear
A DOG ISN’T JUST FOR CHRISTMAS
A dog isn’t just for Christmas
That’s what they say
And they are correct
It’s also nice cold on Boxing Day
TRANSVESTITE CHRISTMAS
Do you think that cross dressers
Find Christmas is merry?
I bet you think they are sad
Well on the contrary
I really love Christmas
As I can eat, drink and be Mary
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up and say something shocking
“How about I slip down your chimney,
After midnight and fill your stocking”
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS EARRINGS?
Are you wearing Christmas earrings?
They’re really quite adorable
Would it be inappropriate to say?
That I really like your baubles
CHRISTMAS ROSE
Christmas rose
The Evergreen beauty
Winter-blooming flowers
Of white or purplish hue
In wide display
Decorate the European
Landscape at Christmas
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 3
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Let’s silence those objections
How would he navigate the globe?
And all its many intersections
When a man is totally incapable
Of ever asking for directions
IT WAS CHRISTMAS DAY IN MY MUMS HOUSE
It was Christmas day in Mum’s house
And the table was laden with fare
And the love flowed like the wine
Oh how I wish I was back there
CHRISTMAS ESSENCE
You are my Christmas essence
My yuletide effervescence
You breathe life into me
Oh how you appeal to me
Dressed in your Christmas tights
And the Santa sweater that fits just right
Oh you naughty little Christmas flirt
Wearing your short red Christmas skirt
You are the spirit of my season
You are the rhyme and the reason
But as you spread your Christmas joy
Pleasing every girl and boy
There is something you don’t know
I feel stirrings down below
Because when your sleigh bells jingle
It makes all my senses tingle
Because you so excite me
How I want you to delight me
You are my Christmas dish
You are my every Christmas wish
Every year I make this plea
To let me unwrap you beneath the tree
But again you are not among my presents
But you will remain my Christmas essence
NEW FOR CHRISTMAS
There is to be a new sanitary product
That is set to make cash registers ring
A new tampon in the shops by Christmas
That comes complete with a tinsel string
The retailers are extremely confident
And believe that sales will be myriad
But they have been at pains to stress
They are only meant for the festive period
CHRISTMAS DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
There will be no wreath on the door
Not a single decoration will be seen
Cards will be recycled unopened
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
There will be no gifts beneath the tree
There will be no turkey with all the trimmings
There will be no festive merriment
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
There will be no season’s greetings
There will be no Christmas joy
There will be no festive spirit
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
This Christmas day will be like any other day
A day full of abject loneliness
For since my darling joined the angels
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore
IN THE BLEAK MID WINTER
I’m not looking for a white Christmas
For my life is already a cold place
Bleak and forbidding
So I have no need of snow
Carpets of white everywhere
Winter fills my every day
My life is perpetual winter
Because you have taken my warmth
You were the heart of me
You sent the blood coursing through me
You were the sun in my sky
Now my life is tundra
And I am just a frozen husk
To numb to exist
CHRISTMAS SUPERSTITION
Is Christmas day on Friday this year?
I think that it is, that’s what I hear
I’m one of those superstitious men
So let's hope it's not the 13th then
THINKING ABOUT CHRISTMAS
I’m sitting here in dread
Memories of you filling my head
Sitting here so totally alone
Afraid of Christmas on my own
It was always you and me
Doing Christmas so merrily
Then you had to go and die
Leaving me with no goodbye
Losing you was such a blow
I know you didn’t choose to go
But I’m the one that’s left
I’m the one lonely and bereft
And for that simple reason
I close the curtains on the season
I will make my Christmas solitary
And not have to try to be merry
And I will avoid the usual jollity
All our friends and their frivolity
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 14
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the Crescent
Not a creature was stirring not even a peasant
But that in itself is not uncommon to see
When you live in a gated community
ARE YOU WEARING STRIPY STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing stripy stockings?
It must be that time of the year again
I know you think they’re cute, but
Your legs look like candy canes
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST BLOW OUT
The pipes of Christmas past blow out
The melodies of yesteryear
With memories to warm the heart
And bring a sentimental tear
A DOG ISN’T JUST FOR CHRISTMAS
A dog isn’t just for Christmas
That’s what they say
And they are correct
It’s also nice cold on Boxing Day
TRANSVESTITE CHRISTMAS
Do you think that cross dressers
Find Christmas is merry?
I bet you think they are sad
Well on the contrary
I really love Christmas
As I can eat, drink and be Mary
The Girl in the Green Dress
The Girl in the Green Dress (Part One)
Steve Berry had always had a dislike for Christmas, despite all the jollity and faux fun because unlike many of his Christmas mad friends he had no happy Christmas memories to anesthetise him against the season.
His parents were alcoholics and each year their Christmas came in a bottle and thanks to his father Steve’s came with a slap.
So his childhood Christmases were memories he would rather have forgotten.
But adulthood brought no relief and it always seemed to him that when shit happens Christmas just magnifies the misery.
If someone dies at Christmas the very season makes it more keenly felt.
He could testify to that as his mother died on Christmas Eve when he was 19.
He has no idea where his father is and quite frankly he doesn’t care.
He never showed up for the funeral and he could be dead as well for all he knew.
So as a result he has never trusted Christmas, he knows that shit lurks beneath the coloured lights and paper chains.
That was until Holly Davis opened his eyes to new possibilities and he realised that Christmas could also magnify joy.
But it wasn’t just Christmases that held horrors in his past so did
New Year’s Eve.
Steve wasn’t big on New Year’s Eve, it was not a time that held any deep significance for him
He found the whole idea of it rather pointless, why did people make such a fuss over going from one year to the next.
That would have been reason enough for him to dislike it, far apart from the personal memories it evoked.
It was one New Year’s Eve when he was six years old that his parents locked him in his room while they went off on a three day bender.
But he had decided to try and put that behind him and with Holly’s help he was hopeful that he might.
Since the first day he met her she had helped to tame his demons.
It all began when Holly temporarily took over running her uncles pub, the Pig and Whistle a week and a half before Christmas, Steve had got blind drunk and ended up spending the night in the lounge bar.
When he woke up the next morning she produced a contract he had signed the night before agreeing to work for her until New Year’s Eve.
Despite his initial misgivings he had thoroughly enjoyed it and he was still uncertain as to how she managed it, but during the ten days working for her she had turned his life upside down and it culminated in him wishing her a Merry Christmas and kissing her at closing time on Christmas Eve.
They were then snowed in at the pub for Christmas day and after exchanging presents they kissed again.
In the week that followed there was good deal more kissing as day by day the headed inexorably towards New Year’s Eve.
But he had a sense of foreboding as his normal dislike for the occasion was magnified this year because it marked the final day of his contract at the Pig and Whistle and could also mark the end of Holly’s Tenure at the pub and maybe their budding relationship.
Although he didn’t like it, it was a good earner for the pub and as the takings had not been optimised on Christmas Eve due to the snow added to the fact that the figures had been disappointing in the interim as well so a good New Year’s Eve was vital.
With this in mind Holly and Steve had been at the Cash and Carry all afternoon stocking up on vital supplies.
“Right that’s the lot Hon” she said
“Are you sure that’s enough?” Steve asked facetiously
“That’s enough lip from you” she said and kissed him.
And that simple kiss, a symbol of their familiarity, was a milestone moment for although they had kissed many times in that week since Christmas Eve they had only ever kissed when they were alone and certainly never in public.
“If we sell that lot tonight I’ll be over the moon” she said although there wasn’t any chance that that might actually happen even if they did have an extension until 1.00am.
Steve normally spent New Year’s Eve at home in his flat, watching a DVD and hiding from the world.
But this year was going to be very different.
The Girl in the Green Dress (Part Two)
At least on New Year’s Eve there were none of the annoyingly jolly Christmas songs there was only one annoying New Year’s song and that was usually confined to midnight.
There was a steady trade in the bar, far more than Christmas Eve, but not exactly record breaking numbers, and most of the supplies they had bought earlier would remain unsold.
But just after 9 o’clock the numbers swelled and continued swelling until the place was absolutely banging.
There were seven of them working that night but on six at any one time behind the bar and they were rushed off their feet.
The staff and a hard core of the regulars were in fancy dress. Debbie was a French maid, Stephanos was in a toga, Clare was a witch, Ausra was a Gypsy, Petra was a clown and Steve was a pirate.
While Holly, as was her custom, was dressed immaculately as the Emerald Lady in a wonderful green dress adorned with a garland of holly leaves and around her neck was the holly leaf pendant that Steve gave her for Christmas.
By the end of the night he had to admit that he hadn’t enjoyed a New Year’s Eve more even though his feet were killing him.
When the last of the punters had been ushered out the door and the bolt shot at 1.25 am, Holly said
“Thank God for that, put the kettle on” and then she kicked off her shoes.
Everyone pulled together and gathered up all the glasses and cleared them to the kitchen and then Steph and Clare brought out the drinks on a tray
“Where are the others?” Holly asked
“They’re loading the glasses into the machine” Clare replied “You know what Steve’s like”
“Tell them not to worry” she said “We’ll do it in the morning”
Holly frowned and then corrected herself
“We’ll do it in later this morning”
So they all sat together drinking their tea and coffee and laughing at the exploits of one or two of the more enthusiastic punters.
Very soon there was only Holly and Steve left
“Do you want another tea?” he asked
“I’d rather have a proper drink” she replied “You could join me if you’re staying over”
He nodded and went behind the bar and returned shortly with two glasses of wine.”
As they sat together drinking she said
“My feet are so sore”
“Put them up here” he said tapping his knee “I’ll rub them for you if you want”
“Oh yes please” she said and put both stocking feet on his knee
“Hold up” he said “one at a time”
“Oh that’s really lovely” she said as Steve began massaging he little foot
And that was as all he got out of her for the next twenty minutes until he was halfway through her other foot when she said.
“You’re a free man now”
“What do you mean?” Steve asked
“The contract” she said
“It was only up to and including New Year’s Eve it’s now New Year’s Day so you are free to return to your old life”
“Good” he said sharply and Holly baulked at the force of the word.
“Because now I am here because I want to be”
And Holly’s face broke into a broad smile and she kissed him
They made love for the first time in the early hours of New Year’s Day and as they lay entwined in the semi darkness Holly said.
“We make a good team, we could run this place together”
“What about Phil?” Steve asked
“Ah I may have misled you regarding Uncle Phil” she confessed
“In what way?”
“He’s not coming back” she said
“Why not?” Steve asked
“He’s ill” Holly replied sadly
“How ill?”
“The “won’t see another Christmas kind” of ill”
“Oh” he responded “so he’s not on holiday?”
“No” she admitted “I am in the process of buying the pub from him”
“That’s a big step” he said
“I know” she agreed “but I have years of experience in Hospitality and you’re a good accountant”
“So you only want me for my numeracy” he said
“No I want you for your foot rubs” Holly corrected him
“Ok then it’s a deal” he said and sealed it with a kiss.
Which was a prelude to them making love again.
But Steve paused briefly and said
“You do realize what would happen if we were to marry?”
“What’s that?” she said pleasantly surprised that his thoughts had already strayed to the question of marriage
“You would become Holly Berry”
“I could live with that” she said and brought the discourse to a passionate conclusion.
Steve Berry had always had a dislike for Christmas, despite all the jollity and faux fun because unlike many of his Christmas mad friends he had no happy Christmas memories to anesthetise him against the season.
His parents were alcoholics and each year their Christmas came in a bottle and thanks to his father Steve’s came with a slap.
So his childhood Christmases were memories he would rather have forgotten.
But adulthood brought no relief and it always seemed to him that when shit happens Christmas just magnifies the misery.
If someone dies at Christmas the very season makes it more keenly felt.
He could testify to that as his mother died on Christmas Eve when he was 19.
He has no idea where his father is and quite frankly he doesn’t care.
He never showed up for the funeral and he could be dead as well for all he knew.
So as a result he has never trusted Christmas, he knows that shit lurks beneath the coloured lights and paper chains.
That was until Holly Davis opened his eyes to new possibilities and he realised that Christmas could also magnify joy.
But it wasn’t just Christmases that held horrors in his past so did
New Year’s Eve.
Steve wasn’t big on New Year’s Eve, it was not a time that held any deep significance for him
He found the whole idea of it rather pointless, why did people make such a fuss over going from one year to the next.
That would have been reason enough for him to dislike it, far apart from the personal memories it evoked.
It was one New Year’s Eve when he was six years old that his parents locked him in his room while they went off on a three day bender.
But he had decided to try and put that behind him and with Holly’s help he was hopeful that he might.
Since the first day he met her she had helped to tame his demons.
It all began when Holly temporarily took over running her uncles pub, the Pig and Whistle a week and a half before Christmas, Steve had got blind drunk and ended up spending the night in the lounge bar.
When he woke up the next morning she produced a contract he had signed the night before agreeing to work for her until New Year’s Eve.
Despite his initial misgivings he had thoroughly enjoyed it and he was still uncertain as to how she managed it, but during the ten days working for her she had turned his life upside down and it culminated in him wishing her a Merry Christmas and kissing her at closing time on Christmas Eve.
They were then snowed in at the pub for Christmas day and after exchanging presents they kissed again.
In the week that followed there was good deal more kissing as day by day the headed inexorably towards New Year’s Eve.
But he had a sense of foreboding as his normal dislike for the occasion was magnified this year because it marked the final day of his contract at the Pig and Whistle and could also mark the end of Holly’s Tenure at the pub and maybe their budding relationship.
Although he didn’t like it, it was a good earner for the pub and as the takings had not been optimised on Christmas Eve due to the snow added to the fact that the figures had been disappointing in the interim as well so a good New Year’s Eve was vital.
With this in mind Holly and Steve had been at the Cash and Carry all afternoon stocking up on vital supplies.
“Right that’s the lot Hon” she said
“Are you sure that’s enough?” Steve asked facetiously
“That’s enough lip from you” she said and kissed him.
And that simple kiss, a symbol of their familiarity, was a milestone moment for although they had kissed many times in that week since Christmas Eve they had only ever kissed when they were alone and certainly never in public.
“If we sell that lot tonight I’ll be over the moon” she said although there wasn’t any chance that that might actually happen even if they did have an extension until 1.00am.
Steve normally spent New Year’s Eve at home in his flat, watching a DVD and hiding from the world.
But this year was going to be very different.
The Girl in the Green Dress (Part Two)
At least on New Year’s Eve there were none of the annoyingly jolly Christmas songs there was only one annoying New Year’s song and that was usually confined to midnight.
There was a steady trade in the bar, far more than Christmas Eve, but not exactly record breaking numbers, and most of the supplies they had bought earlier would remain unsold.
But just after 9 o’clock the numbers swelled and continued swelling until the place was absolutely banging.
There were seven of them working that night but on six at any one time behind the bar and they were rushed off their feet.
The staff and a hard core of the regulars were in fancy dress. Debbie was a French maid, Stephanos was in a toga, Clare was a witch, Ausra was a Gypsy, Petra was a clown and Steve was a pirate.
While Holly, as was her custom, was dressed immaculately as the Emerald Lady in a wonderful green dress adorned with a garland of holly leaves and around her neck was the holly leaf pendant that Steve gave her for Christmas.
By the end of the night he had to admit that he hadn’t enjoyed a New Year’s Eve more even though his feet were killing him.
When the last of the punters had been ushered out the door and the bolt shot at 1.25 am, Holly said
“Thank God for that, put the kettle on” and then she kicked off her shoes.
Everyone pulled together and gathered up all the glasses and cleared them to the kitchen and then Steph and Clare brought out the drinks on a tray
“Where are the others?” Holly asked
“They’re loading the glasses into the machine” Clare replied “You know what Steve’s like”
“Tell them not to worry” she said “We’ll do it in the morning”
Holly frowned and then corrected herself
“We’ll do it in later this morning”
So they all sat together drinking their tea and coffee and laughing at the exploits of one or two of the more enthusiastic punters.
Very soon there was only Holly and Steve left
“Do you want another tea?” he asked
“I’d rather have a proper drink” she replied “You could join me if you’re staying over”
He nodded and went behind the bar and returned shortly with two glasses of wine.”
As they sat together drinking she said
“My feet are so sore”
“Put them up here” he said tapping his knee “I’ll rub them for you if you want”
“Oh yes please” she said and put both stocking feet on his knee
“Hold up” he said “one at a time”
“Oh that’s really lovely” she said as Steve began massaging he little foot
And that was as all he got out of her for the next twenty minutes until he was halfway through her other foot when she said.
“You’re a free man now”
“What do you mean?” Steve asked
“The contract” she said
“It was only up to and including New Year’s Eve it’s now New Year’s Day so you are free to return to your old life”
“Good” he said sharply and Holly baulked at the force of the word.
“Because now I am here because I want to be”
And Holly’s face broke into a broad smile and she kissed him
They made love for the first time in the early hours of New Year’s Day and as they lay entwined in the semi darkness Holly said.
“We make a good team, we could run this place together”
“What about Phil?” Steve asked
“Ah I may have misled you regarding Uncle Phil” she confessed
“In what way?”
“He’s not coming back” she said
“Why not?” Steve asked
“He’s ill” Holly replied sadly
“How ill?”
“The “won’t see another Christmas kind” of ill”
“Oh” he responded “so he’s not on holiday?”
“No” she admitted “I am in the process of buying the pub from him”
“That’s a big step” he said
“I know” she agreed “but I have years of experience in Hospitality and you’re a good accountant”
“So you only want me for my numeracy” he said
“No I want you for your foot rubs” Holly corrected him
“Ok then it’s a deal” he said and sealed it with a kiss.
Which was a prelude to them making love again.
But Steve paused briefly and said
“You do realize what would happen if we were to marry?”
“What’s that?” she said pleasantly surprised that his thoughts had already strayed to the question of marriage
“You would become Holly Berry”
“I could live with that” she said and brought the discourse to a passionate conclusion.
Monday, 12 December 2016
Christmas Selection Box # 20
CHRISTMAS BUSH
The Christmas bush
Is Australian obviously
And isn’t really a bush at all
It’s in fact a shrub or tree
With red flowers for selection
As Christmas decoration
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 2
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why has this not come up before?
If it were left to a man everything
Would come from the corner store
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS CONSULTANT
The Christmas Consultant, Owen (David Hasselhoff), is a highly sought-after consultant hired by a workaholic mother Maya Fletcher (Caroline Rhea) to get her and her dysfunctional family through the holidays.
Everybody loves Owen, much to Maya’s annoyance, and he has the perfect solution to each and every problem as it arises but it turns out that his own life isn’t how he paints it.
It isn’t the best example of a Christmas movie but its well worth a watch if for no other reason than to see Maya meltdown at the Christmas Eve party.
IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE IN DAD’S HOUSE
It was Christmas Eve in Dad’s house,
And not a hint of the season in sight
No stockings hang by the fire side
He was such a miserable old shite
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 49 A SPACEMAN CAME TRAVELLING
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty ninth selection.
“A Spaceman Came Travelling”
Written and Performed by Chris de Burgh
A spaceman came travelling on his ship from afar,
'Twas light years of time since his mission did start,
And over a village he halted his craft,
And it hung in the sky like a star, just like a star...
He followed a light and came down to a shed,
Where a mother and child were lying there on a bed,
A bright light of silver shone round his head,
And he had the face of an angel, and they were afraid...
Then the stranger spoke, he said "Do not fear,
I come from a planet a long way from here,
And I bring a message for mankind to hear,"
And suddenly the sweetest music filled the air...
And it went La La...
Peace and goodwill to all men, and love for the child...
This lovely music went trembling through the ground,
And many were wakened on hearing that sound,
And travellers on the road, the village they found,
By the light of that ship in the sky, which shone all round...
And just before dawn at the paling of the sky,
The stranger returned and said "Now I must fly,
When two thousand years of your time has gone by,
This song will begin once again, to a baby's cry..."
And it went La La ... This song will begin once again
To a baby's cry...
And it goes La La... Peace and goodwill to all men, and
Love for the child...
Oh the whole world is waiting, waiting to hear the song again,
There are thousands standing on the edge of the world,
And a star is moving somewhere, the time is nearly here,
This song will begin once again, to a baby's cry...
MORE NUTS THAN CAN BE CRACKED
We buy more drink than can be drunk
We buy more food than can be eaten
We give more gifts than can be appreciated
But for fun Christmas can’t be beaten
KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES’S
It can only be Christmas
When the sane start acting funny
Going nuts for Christmas’s sake
And spending too much money
Even the level-headed slip
And fall at the Christmas season
Swept along with the throng
Losing all sense of reason
Why does it always happen?
Why does madness always descend?
It seems that the less people have
The more they want to spend
So desperate not to miss out
And to have their share of festive cheer
They have a very happy Christmas
And pay the price all the coming year
ARE YOU WEARING RED VELVET?
Are you wearing red velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 39 MARCH OF THE KINGS
March Of The Kings
French traditional Music and lyrics authorship unknown
Three great kings I met at early morn
With all their retinue were slowly marching
Three great kings I met at early morn
Were on their way to meet the newly born
With gifts of gold brought from far away
And valiant warriors to guard the royal treasure
With gifts of gold brought from far away
Their shields all shining in their bright array
Ce matin, j'ai rencontré le train
De trois grands rois qui allaient en voyage
Ce matin, j'ai rencontré le train
De trois grands rois dessus le grand chemin
Tout chargés d'or les suivaient d'abord
De grands guerriers et les gardes du trésor
Tout chargés d'or les suivaient d'abord
De grands guerriers avec leurs boucliers
For Thy mercy and Thy grace
Constant through another year
Hear our song of thankfulness
Father and Redeemer hear
Dark the future; let Thy light
Guide us, bright and morning star
Fierce our foes and hard the fight
Arm us Savior for the war
In our weakness and distress
Rock of strength be Thou our stay
In the pathless wilderness
Be our true and living way
Keep us faithful; keep us pure
Keep us evermore Thine own
Help, O help us to endure
Fit us for the promised crown
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 4
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Just say “I would love
To show you the special toys
My elves make for
The big girls and boys”
The Christmas bush
Is Australian obviously
And isn’t really a bush at all
It’s in fact a shrub or tree
With red flowers for selection
As Christmas decoration
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 2
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why has this not come up before?
If it were left to a man everything
Would come from the corner store
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS CONSULTANT
The Christmas Consultant, Owen (David Hasselhoff), is a highly sought-after consultant hired by a workaholic mother Maya Fletcher (Caroline Rhea) to get her and her dysfunctional family through the holidays.
Everybody loves Owen, much to Maya’s annoyance, and he has the perfect solution to each and every problem as it arises but it turns out that his own life isn’t how he paints it.
It isn’t the best example of a Christmas movie but its well worth a watch if for no other reason than to see Maya meltdown at the Christmas Eve party.
IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE IN DAD’S HOUSE
It was Christmas Eve in Dad’s house,
And not a hint of the season in sight
No stockings hang by the fire side
He was such a miserable old shite
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS SONG # 49 A SPACEMAN CAME TRAVELLING
Despite the general awfulness of the Christmas song there are however always exceptions to the rule and I have a short list of personal favorites.
Without exception all my choices not only include the song but the best performer of that song and so in no particular order here is my forty ninth selection.
“A Spaceman Came Travelling”
Written and Performed by Chris de Burgh
A spaceman came travelling on his ship from afar,
'Twas light years of time since his mission did start,
And over a village he halted his craft,
And it hung in the sky like a star, just like a star...
He followed a light and came down to a shed,
Where a mother and child were lying there on a bed,
A bright light of silver shone round his head,
And he had the face of an angel, and they were afraid...
Then the stranger spoke, he said "Do not fear,
I come from a planet a long way from here,
And I bring a message for mankind to hear,"
And suddenly the sweetest music filled the air...
And it went La La...
Peace and goodwill to all men, and love for the child...
This lovely music went trembling through the ground,
And many were wakened on hearing that sound,
And travellers on the road, the village they found,
By the light of that ship in the sky, which shone all round...
And just before dawn at the paling of the sky,
The stranger returned and said "Now I must fly,
When two thousand years of your time has gone by,
This song will begin once again, to a baby's cry..."
And it went La La ... This song will begin once again
To a baby's cry...
And it goes La La... Peace and goodwill to all men, and
Love for the child...
Oh the whole world is waiting, waiting to hear the song again,
There are thousands standing on the edge of the world,
And a star is moving somewhere, the time is nearly here,
This song will begin once again, to a baby's cry...
MORE NUTS THAN CAN BE CRACKED
We buy more drink than can be drunk
We buy more food than can be eaten
We give more gifts than can be appreciated
But for fun Christmas can’t be beaten
KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES’S
It can only be Christmas
When the sane start acting funny
Going nuts for Christmas’s sake
And spending too much money
Even the level-headed slip
And fall at the Christmas season
Swept along with the throng
Losing all sense of reason
Why does it always happen?
Why does madness always descend?
It seems that the less people have
The more they want to spend
So desperate not to miss out
And to have their share of festive cheer
They have a very happy Christmas
And pay the price all the coming year
ARE YOU WEARING RED VELVET?
Are you wearing red velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy
FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROL # 39 MARCH OF THE KINGS
March Of The Kings
French traditional Music and lyrics authorship unknown
Three great kings I met at early morn
With all their retinue were slowly marching
Three great kings I met at early morn
Were on their way to meet the newly born
With gifts of gold brought from far away
And valiant warriors to guard the royal treasure
With gifts of gold brought from far away
Their shields all shining in their bright array
Ce matin, j'ai rencontré le train
De trois grands rois qui allaient en voyage
Ce matin, j'ai rencontré le train
De trois grands rois dessus le grand chemin
Tout chargés d'or les suivaient d'abord
De grands guerriers et les gardes du trésor
Tout chargés d'or les suivaient d'abord
De grands guerriers avec leurs boucliers
For Thy mercy and Thy grace
Constant through another year
Hear our song of thankfulness
Father and Redeemer hear
Dark the future; let Thy light
Guide us, bright and morning star
Fierce our foes and hard the fight
Arm us Savior for the war
In our weakness and distress
Rock of strength be Thou our stay
In the pathless wilderness
Be our true and living way
Keep us faithful; keep us pure
Keep us evermore Thine own
Help, O help us to endure
Fit us for the promised crown
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 4
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Just say “I would love
To show you the special toys
My elves make for
The big girls and boys”
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